DUI And Deportation

Marrying him now will not do you any good. If they suspect you married him simply to keep him here, they can accuse you of fraudulent activity.

You don't want to marry him. DON'T. Nothing good will come from it. HE didn't renew his visa, HE drove drunk. Time for him to put on his big boy britches and deal with it. It's not up to YOU to save him.

If he wants help, he needs to get an immigration attorney and act like an adult.

I have no idea what Semolina is talking about. Marriage does not change deportation proceedings. Perhaps her outcome was different because she was not in process of being deported, maybe she was, maybe she was lucky.

I know the hoops my friends had to jump through and they came from England. I also know a few people that has to wait over a year for their husbands to get a new visa to come back. Then go through the proper process and eventually became citizens.

He is going to be deported and there is nothing you can do. He needs to stop nagging you and hire an attorney who specializes in deportation.

Welcome to mamapedia!! this is your first question - it's a doozy!

If you marry him. It will NOT change the deportation.
1. They will be skeptical of the marriage.
2. Marrying does NOT instantly make your boyfriend a citizen. It is a YEARS long process...something he should have started YEARS ago....

That answers your question. Now, here's my stance - he is here illegally. he needs to leave and go back to his "home country" and get here legally.

Sorry you two have a child together and that she will miss out on her dad for the time being. However, you know that your relationship is doomed - so why prolong the inevitable? You don't want to marry him. DO NOT MARRY HIM.

It's that simple. Do NOT marry him. Let him suffer the consequences of his actions...let him get deported...he needs help with his alcohol troubles - it must've been a DOOZY of ticket and alcohol test/intoxication in order to get the breathalizer on the car....so it must not have been his first DUI and he must have been WAAAAAAYYYY over the limit to get the breathalizer.

Let him go. You and your daughter are better off without him.

Believe me when I say that it does not matter if you get married or not...it will be VERY difficult for him to get his VISA or become legal ESPECIALLY because he got a DUI. What a dumb dumb.
Do NOT marry him if you are not happy with him. You want to be in love and cherished and admired and respected. You don't want to marry a friend...and not even a good one right now!!
L.

Hmmm. He overstayed his visa.
I'm assuming that means that he's been here illegally.
He has had years to extend his visa or apply for citizenship and has done neither.
I understand that you have a 10 year old child together, but I wouldn't do something as serious as marrying him just so he can figure out a way to stay here when that should have been a priority for him a long time ago.
If he wants to be here legally, let him figure it out for himself. If he gets deported, he gets deported.
I understand that could possibly hurt your daughter, but continuing to stay with someone and then even considering marrying him for the sake of convenience could hurt her even more.
It sounds like he's blaming all his own mistakes on you.
What's to say he would even stay with you after you married him?
It might sound harsh, but I would let whatever happens, happen.
You and your daughter can stay here and make a life for yourselves and you might even find that you'll be happier.
I know it's a hard decision and I'm not in your shoes.
Forget what the institution of marriage is "supposed" to stand for...it's also a legally binding contract and I don't think I would enter into such a contract under the circumstances.

That's just my opinion.

I didnt think they had that law anymore - if you are married you can stay...

I wouldnt marry him if I didnt want to.

Don't marry him just so he can stay.
That's no reason to get married and you will be miserable. Not sure why you stayed with him this long , kids aren't a good reason for that either.

Don't make his problems your problems. You clearly don't love him, and he sounds completely useless. Don't sell yourself short. Let him get deported and move on with your life.

He'll be fine-for the love of God-don't marry him!

He's blaming you?

How far away can he possibly be deported?

If you love him and want to be with him, marry him, otherwise, don't. Only you know his heart. Maybe the 2 of you should think about couples therapy.

I would not marry him so he can stay. He will still need to go through all the hoops anyway.

I assume his daughter is genetically his so the "family" rule is already in effect. His daughter has the same clout as a marriage that is why they call the babies born here with an illegal immigrant an "anchor baby". If married couple from Mexico came here and had a child on US soil both the parents can use that as an in to become legal members here in the USA.

He seems lazy for not taking advantage of this US born daughter to get here legally.... I mean he has had 10 years to do this and NOW it is a
problem?

Martymomma:
I had no clue. I have 3 or 4 family friends that have sworn in, and it remember having them always taking pictures and such but I guess it never clicked that it M. be required. I remember the wife was really into scrapbooking too so I always assumed that was it.

Regardless seems like a bad reason to marry.

My mom married a man from mexico that was here illegally. She new him 2 months. He promised to put a roof over her head & food on the table. My mom never worked a day in her life, she was always on welfare. She stayed married to him for 2 years then he up and left. She never had to pay any money to the investigator. It was quite easy to get *approved*. My mom didn't even speak spanish & he didn't speak english yet they pulled it off.

My mom has been deceased for 13 yrs but they never got a divorce. I have no clue where this guy is or if he even knows she has passed.

Just for the fact that he is an alcoholic would make the decision for me, Hell NO.

I wish everyone would read your post and answer your specific question. You asked whether marrying him would help him keep him here or if he's just using that to play you. Unless someone was in your specific shoes or an immigration attorney, then all answers are useless. There are ton of immigration lawyers, if anything I would have asked for referrals to an attorney because what ended up happening was you got a bunch of editorials regarding your relationship. Go ask a professional unless you do want people's advice on whether you should marry him or not.

I really don't understand why this is a question. First, get an immigration attorney - a good one - to tell you what the legal process is as of today. Marriage probably is not the exact answer or you might need to do it in a specific way.

Second, keep in mind that not all marriages are like in fairy tales. You might be married so that you have the legal rights (and responsibilities) of marriage and that it makes things easier for you to be a family. There is no such thing as a "normal couple". If you had a good relationship prior to the DUI problems, then probably the stress of all of the uncertainty is what is causing your significant other's problems. By a good relationship, that might be a roommate or "best friend" relationship rather than a sexual relationship.

Men don't do well under stress and even less well when they think we are causing the stress. You chose to have a child with this man and now it is your responsibility to do what is in her best interest. If you consult with an immigration attorney and you are advised to get married, then if this man is a good father who supports and loves his daughter, I think you obligated yourself 10 years ago to marry him. This is why marriage is supposed to come before the baby carriage. Stop being a baby playing games yourself and fix the legal situation if it is at all possible. If not, and he is deported, then get your daughter the counseling she will need to help her deal with the fact that her parents acted like children and didn't plan for her needs.

If you have been together for 12 years, why is getting married now a problem? You are common law wife and husband. You have a kid together. If he was so hard to live with you should have left a LOOOONG time ago. Some reason your still together, but cant commit to anything. Maybe some of his issues could be related and he drinks because if it. IF he over stay a visa and has been in the country for 12 years, he is here on a work visa, so his work didnt renew this correct?
If he needs it renewed he has to go to them now. I take it he has and they say no. He had 12 years to get this right, and if he really wanted to stay he should have filed for a green card 10 years ago.
Kids with Americans are not a free ticket, neither is marriage any more.
with that said,
I am married to an Indian National. He came on an L1, upgraded to a H1. Then work pulled his H1. He HAD to go home or face deportation. He had to leave when my daughter was 2 weeks old, it took 9 months of red tape and hard work to get his H1 renewed. Its not easy. Its a lot of work and money. That alone cost over 5 grand.
When he decided he could not live with out us, he came back and we got married. We then started the process of a greencard through me as his wife.
I can tell you this. It took 3 years total to finish the process, it took 9 thousand dollars total, and 4 of that was legal fees. Each application costs about a 1,000 bucks, you have to have several Biometrics done, doctors, interviews, applications, court costs, court visits, more interviews and they will need EVERYTHING for 5 years. where you lived, where you worked, pictures, bills, credit cards, bank accounts, mortgages. Not just him, but also you. If you have ANYTHING out of the ordinary, or illegal in your past, be sure they will uncover it. They found I had a parking ticket issue that I paid late and questioned me on it. Something like 1 DUI can be the cause of denial. You can also have a major set back if anything you gave them was shady, if an address number wasnt right and if you fail to give them proper account #'s. We faced a penalty and a re-file fee of a 100 bucks because my husband put the wrong colony # on the last place he lived while in India. When it came time for the interviews. I had lived with him over 2 years. I thought I knew it all. They separate you, they ask very personal questions about your sex life, they ask what some of his favorite foods and things like clothing preference. I got so nervous I made a mistake on what DAY our wedding was. I gave the correct date but said Friday instead of Saturday. It didnt matter one BIT that we had a baby on our laps, and one in my stomach. Just because of that error we were brought in again for second and third interviews. They also required 5 more proofs of evidence that we lived together. IE pictures, bank notes, and Affidavit's from family members on both of our sides. Grant you his family had no clue about me yet, or of our daughter. Once that was cleared, then he only had a conditional 2 year green card because we had been married LESS than 2 years from the date we put on the original green card. When that 2 years was up, we had to refile again, biometrics again, and interviews again.
If you guys are that fragile now, the process will surely split you apart for good.

MAMAMAY: having a genetic child with an American is NOT a free pass, it only helps SOME. Believe me I had one baby in my arms and pregnant with the second. IT didnt help much, other than softened the nasty interviewer when she saw some cute pictures. These people are TOUGH, they have absolutely NO sympathy. They are paid not to.

If he is CURRENTLY in the US legally (either with a valid visa or as a legal resident) the chances that he will be deported because of a DUI are pretty slim. It depends on the laws in your state but most DUI's are misdemeanors and don't have bearing on immigration status.

If he is currently in the US illegally he should consult an immigration attorney ASAP. If he has been here without a valid visa for a long time getting married will not help him either. He needs legal help in this case.
In any case spending a few $$ on an attorney consult may help him better understand his situation and his options.

I don't believe that you should marry him if you don't think you would have a normal marriage, but you do have some sort of relationship... you live together and raise your child together. Honestly from what you write your living situation sounds pretty bleak and it sounds like you are both bitter towards each other. I would suggest that you get counseling together... even if you
don't believe that your relationship is salvageable, it may help you to separate amicably and move on with your lives.
If you are living with him for your DD, you have an obligation to make her home a happy and safe place, not one in which her parents despise each other. That is not healthy for anyone, especially not your child.

Good luck.

S., I hope that you don't marry this man. With him being bitter and treating you badly, he isn't good marriage material. By driving drunk, he showed that he is not dependable or responsible. By blaming you for everything, he is showing that he is not even taking responsibility for HIS behavior. You didn't make him drive drunk. You didn't make him stay here with an expired visa. He is responsible for his problems.

Life is too short to give your all to someone you don't love and who doesn't love you, and someone who is bad to you. Your daughter deserves to see a man treat her mother well. This is something that he has to deal with. Let him go.

Good luck,
Dawn

S. K.
Unless you are 100% sure you want to stay with him, even if you married him today his residence paperwork will take time and its unlike his case will be resolved by his court date, so it will be a wasted effort anyway.I suggest against y'all getting married, I encourage him to get an immigration attorney fast.
In order for him to be deported for that reason he needs to have a prior on DUI or DWI. Its unlikely he'll be deported. but still possible...

I skimmed through some posts, and I read something about anchor babies, which is a common misconception. In order for him to stay, that baby has to petition him, baby can't do that until she is 21 so that's a NO go.

The other is he can apply for a residency based on the time he has been living here but he most be living here over 10 years to apply for that, that's going to be difficult, because he needs to prove that he is an outstanding citizen that will bring a lot more to you, who are US Citizens, and his community. Like I said, that's gonna be hard because of his DUI and near to impossible if he has any other records.

Also, even though y'all are not married a good immigration attorney will try to prove that at least your daughter will suffer greatly is he is deported, and that's something the court takes into consideration a lot, because it is a case where the a US citizen suffers because of the law, specially a minor

Summary: He needs an immigration attorney, he'll be fine, don't jump into marrying him. Good Luck

First of all, no matter what, it wouldn't be a fraudulent marriage. You live together, you have for what...12 years? And have a 10 year old child. It may be an unhappy marriage...but you aren't two strangers getting together to keep him here. WAY different.

You probably should have married him 10 years ago. This is the kind of mess that comes out of living together without being married...what's there to work on? I am a full believer in marriage. If you are staying with him for your daughter, what in the world is stopping you from marrying him? Sure, with the DUI, doesn't sound like a great man...I really have a thing about drunk drivers...but you know what? You don't know what will change, what will happen, etc.

What other alternative do you have? Is he a good father? A good friend? Do you want him, or need him, in your life? Does your child? Does he need his child and you?

You need to research "Common Law Marriage" in your state. Most states consider a couple living together longer than 5 already legally married.

Never marry for the sake of the child. If he works on it he can figure out a way to stay legally even if he is temporarily deported. Be the best parent you can be and be there for your child many people have babies together and he should have taken care of his visa issues years ago obviously and his ability to make good sound adult choices such as the Dui. You can help him do the research of what he needs to do. But marriage is not your answer or his. If he is abusive due to this answer then deport him from your home as your child doesn't need an abusive home to grow up in. Show him this thread and everyones opinions then go foward. He has cleanup to do in his life.

Well, you have been together for 12 years, that is a long time, and you have a child together. What happens if he is deported, will he not be able to see his child? How would you feel about that, is he a good Dad? would he care if he didn't see his daughter, would she care?
If he has overstayed his visa, he is likely to get deported, I am a permanent resident because I married an American, we had been together about 2 years and we had a child together, they did not question the marriage, so the person below me is incorrect, as long as you have proof you have a child together, there will be no problem with you getting married. Of course he is playing you, but he probably feels he has no other choice. You have to think down the road a bit, and what would happen in each scenario, because if he gets deported, then he is NEVER going to be able to come back, unless he is an illegal. In other words, you won't get to see him again unless you make the trip, your daughter won't get to see him again unless she makes the trip.

I would contact an attorney regarding your situation. I think some of the rules have changed regarding applying for citizenship and because he overstayed his visa he may be deported just for that. I have a friend who was married whose wife was deported back to the Philippians and she cannot return for 10 years because she overstayed her visa and never applied for her green card. Have him go to the website: http://www.uscis.gov and download the forms. For yourself, I would speak to an attorney though because the situation is complicated by the fact you both have a child together and you obviously want to maintain the relationship between your daughter and her father. Best of luck!