Dress Rehearsal Emergency

Here is the #1 thing you can do for them. ASK THEM WHAT THEY WANT. If MIL has basically done everything her way (not theirs) the best way to make the rehearsal dinner special for them is to ask them if there is anything in particular they would like.

okay, late response: a Wishing Tree is a very popular & "from the heart" addition to any wedding. :)

you can google it, but basically you just use an arrangement of bare branches decorated with the colors of the wedding....using simple ribbon &/or white lights.

have each guest write a "wish" on a simple tag & hang the tag on the tree. This presents beautifully...& there are many great examples online. Hope this helps!

Make sure each of the grooms men toast your son that evening, with something nice.

Great guy
Can always depend on him
He is totally in love with the Bride
He is not only going to be a great husband, but also great dad..

Make sure these are their own words..explain that you are concerned, that his new mil may not know all of the great things about him, this is a great time to share.

Have your husband explain, or tell a story about how son has expressed hs love of the bride.

Build your son and his bride up, and stay out of the drama.

Always be as sweet and honest as possible and let that woman look like the lunatic she is.

People know the difference. Just hold the curtains back so they can get a good look at it.

If I were her I would elope, nothing says screw you mom like eloping after she spent that much money! :p

Hum, you could make the rehearsal special by making it the actual wedding. :)

I am sorry I know I am not being helpful but this is giving me flashbacks to my first wedding.

Have you tried shaming her into inviting your family. Ya know, "I know you can't afford any more people so how about I pay for our family?" Trust me, I have family like her, they always grumble and fold.

Eloping sounds good to me!
Your son and his wife are going to have to learn how to handle her Mom.
She sounds out of control and a bit round the bend.
Don't think even for a minute that her antics will stop after the wedding.
I'm sure she'll want to orchestrate/dictate everything around any grandchildren, too.
This is your son's wedding too.
I don't know what you can do to make it special.
A pinata that looks like his future mother in law would probably not be a good idea but it's fun to think about.

Here's a start:

http://weddings.about.com/od/theweddingparty/a/momofthegr...

Also-you are welcome to have a shower for you DIL to be-and invite whomever you want-like your side of the family. It can take place after the wedding-and you can do whatever you want. All the best to everyone-someday I hope this will be a distant memory-also, the best is yet to come...Grandchildren!

I agree. And I personally think that a small nod to the fact that the bride is joining your family and you receive her with open arms might be a nice touch for her - even if her mom will go batcrazy about it.

Here's the thing about women like that - they aren't respected, they are feared. People give in to shut them up. My DH's ex is a nasty woman and yet she's the sks' mom so heaven help the future spouses.

Remind FDIL and son that this dinner is about them and ask them their input. Something as simple as what dessert is served or a nice wine of the couple's choice can be a nice touch. And don't let that woman run your dinner.

For my brother's rehearsal, in the centerpieces my mom incorporated photos of them as children (cut out and matted and sticking out with bamboo skewers).
Be over sweet about how honored you are to have her in your family and how this is about bringing your two families together.
Have a special cake for him (since I'm guessing he's not getting a groom's cake or anything like that at the wedding).
Talk about their love story and try to have as many things that they would have wanted had it all been up to them. During your speech or your husbands, reference all the things that are important to them and how you really wanted to make this special.

Good luck!

There have been some very nice suggestions...

I would suggest you host a reception after the couple returns, so that YOUR side of the family can celebrate their wedding!

I hope your son and his wife learn how to stand up to her mother... or learn to ignore her attitude.

Ask your son and his fiancee what they want! They've been left out of the process so far; why not do what THEY want? They must have a lot of ideas. Above all, I'd try hard to be inclusive.

I'm sure the fiancee knows exactly how her mother is, and is probably excited to start her new life with your son, away from her mom. I hope they have a long, happy marriage and that your contact with the Monster In Law is limited! :(

You could do framed pictures of him and her as children and throughout their relationship on the tables. I also went to a wedding where each table was decorated with family wedding photos. It was wonderful! You could email or call those who will be at the rehearsal dinner and ask them to bring a wedding picture with them and put them around.

Make CERTAIN that you and/or your husband make a toast. Acknowledge both of them, but it is absolutely OK to make the toast about your son and how much happiness you wish them as a couple.

I would also strongly suggest that you have a "meet the newlyweds" party when they return from their honeymoon. This will give your friends and family the opportunity to wish them well in person and in a more relaxed setting. My parents had a cocktail party for us after we were married (got married in a different state so some of their friends were not able to attend). They had wedding pictures out, a little wedding cake, appetizers, cocktails and a guest book. Lots of fun!

I agree with the others in just be over the top nice, and talk the couple and their union up. Ask your son and his bride if there is anything they would like incorporated at the dinner (or wish would have been in the wedding plans) and try to accommodate. Ask if you can host a girls or meet the newlyweds once they return (I say girls since the females didn't get to attend the shower) and if they agree...ask for input as to if they have a preference on anything for it.

I hope they learn to deal w/ her mother soon or this will be a thorn in all of your sides for a long time to come.

So... just to make sure I understand... the wedding is this weekend and you are just now planning the rehersal dinner? or are you saying it is planned and you are looking for something "extra" you can add as a nice touch?

I, too, am the mother of the groom but have nice relations even though my wedding list was very short! But I planned my rehearsal dinner at El Torito, one with a private room. I picked the colors that the bride is using and they have a lovely menu! I would invite anyone YOU want as you are paying!!! They are very accommodating so I would give that a try. Also, I would have a LONG talk with your son and make sure he doesn't allow this woman to interfere with THEIR lives

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

Plan something that you know she will really hate. Something like a hayride and a picnic, maybe add a country band with dancing . Invite some close family members from your side of the family. Have everyone dress in 'cowboy fashion' jeans, western shirts, boots, hats. Okay that's probably really over the top. But you could find a caterer and plan a picnic in a park with someone doing DJ services with music your son and future DIL and other family members really like.
If this woman has any class at all she will attend and keep her negative comments to herself.

I would plan a party for your family members after the wedding. Some type of after the wedding shower. This way you can tell them which gifts from the registry they did not receive or what they really need.

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Welcome to my world my DIL only has her family in their lives. We are not ever included. If we are, it is because she would be embarrassed if she did not invite us (Christmas etc.). She will use nothing we give them. An upright freezer that I asked if they wanted one and they said yes, three years later still sits in box. Kids clothes never worn. Anything you do for your son, will be shunned by her family, but do something. Your son will appreciate it. I truly understand how you feel.