Why is it I'm a nag when I have to remind my little ones (LOs) to clean up, or get ready for bed, or eat like a lady, but he's just tells them to do something repeatedly (like making our daughter eat something that he knows she doesn't like) and that's not being a nag?
Why do I get accused of pms-ing when I'm having a bad day and not feeling well but if he's being moody - well, he's not moody because men don't get moody or crazy like us women. I'm so tired of the double standards. And if I were to point out to him when he's behaving like me the way he does - then that's me disrespecting him. However, when he does that to me - he's just trying to be helpful so I know how I am coming off. Ugh.
Edit: I forgot to add that I don't call him a nag or pms-ing or moody etc because I learned long ago that doing so only makes the person feel worse and degrades the situation.
Yes, I am the victim of many double standards.
I no longer am allowed to:
Cut the grass
Shovel the driveway
Pay the mortgage
Take out the garbage
Sniff, poor me!
;)
My husband had told me three times in the last three months that I must be getting ready to get my period back (i'm breastfeeding). He also told me that I'm suffering from the middle-age slump with my body. I almost kicked him on that one. yes, my stomach isnt' in shape. I had a baby 9 months ago! At least I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight, which isn't overweight, btw! I just have an old man's butt for a stomach due to pregnancy. As soon as I stop having to get up in the middle of the night, I will go back to working out and then I will kick his butt!
Men are weird. I stopped trying to understand years ago.
I used to pop off a my husband for stuff like that say stuff like 'oh, it must be so nice to be so perfect!' etc. but that was counter productive, now I try to just say how I feel. Like in your case 'babe, when you say I am a nag, or say it's my hormones causing me to act a certain way, I feel upset, and angry, I don't like that.' I would do this when you are calm and then give him a chance to respond. I get really surprised at my husband's responses. Sometimes what is coming across to me as him being snotty is really masking his concern about something. Anyway, it's worth a shot, since both my husband and I work to say how we feel and what we really think, we fight so much less. Good luck!!
Because he's a butt.
Sorry.
Because some people think they they have a REASON to be in a bad mood or angry, and your problems must be due to a personality flaw or hormones. It's a way to say "I don't feel like being sympathetic, empathetic, or self-reflective." Up to you how long you put up with it or when you demand some counseling so he develops some communication skills and some ability to deal with other people's motivations as well as his own faults.
Lol, it can be annoying, but I like to benefit from some double standards, so I work around them. My husband tries the opposite with me, and I have to explain to him that "yes, it's a double standard--duh." I tell him that it's about perception and communication.
Maybe you can get away with telling your husband that a rose by any other name stinks just as much.
My husband doesn't call me names or label my actions. He's actually really helpful: "Honey, do you need a break?" Or I'll tell him "I can hear myself and need to walk away from this for a minute, okay?"
Sometimes I hear him getting on our son about something and then I try to either take a step back and strategize with him ("hey, I notice you sound frustrated... why don't we try...") or sometimes I think "yep, that kid can make me feel crazy too and he's giving his dad a hard time. I am staying out of this one!" We both have long days, we both have days when we feel pretty frustrated with Kiddo... so unless he or I have something helpful to add, we generally keep our mouths shut.
Well who is the double standard coming from. Your husband? If so he needs a reality check in how to speak to you. 3sugarbabies gave some good ways in how to handle it properly
Well, right. The world revolves around HIM, or did you forget that part? If you are focusing on anything but his wants, needs, and whims, then clearly you're doing it wrong. ;)
Oh yes. I could have written this post. Hubby and I had the same situation just last Sunday. I am not supposed to get mad or frustrated and if I do, he jumps down my throat cause I'm being a nag or bitchy. But when he voices his anger or frustration, well that's okay because whatever he's nagging about is important (to him). LOL!
It took me two days to get over it this last time. Like you, I am getting really tired of this double standard. Hubby left Sunday to visit a friend in the hospital, leaving me at home without a car. He decided to go out to dinner with a couple of the boys, and didn't bother calling. I made a four course dinner which I then fed to the dog! Last night I didn't cook and I told him I'm not cooking again tonight. I just can't get over throwing all that food down the drain!
Next time he gets "pissy" tell him he needs a man-pon.
Seriously, men sometimes get moody & cranky for no good reason too.
And why would pointing out a fact be degrading? You don't need to call him names, but there's nothing wrong with saying, dear, I can see that your irritable right now, why don't you go chill out in the other room for a while?
It would be nice if he did the same for you, but maybe he's a jerk (?)
I'm not allowed to go near his grill, but GOD FORBID I need help with cooking in the *kitchen*, he becomes a helpless infant. Dude, the meat's done when it hits the correct temp, regardless of whether it's inside or outside.
Thanks for the laugh-My answers are simple-men suck. Not all the time but we are under appreciated until we stop doing for them. My favorite was my DH complaining about his work clothes coming out of the dryer and not being hung up right or even a little wrinkled. I started to separate his clothes from everyone else’s and leave them behind for him to do. He doesn’t complain anymore.
Next time he acts that way, ask him if his vagina hurts. The first time I asked my husband that, he shut right up.
