Does Your Husband Care What You Spend Money On?

Actually, he recently gently informed me I wasn't spending enough money on myself for lingerie and underwear o_0

I could spend a thousand dollars and my husband wouldn't even know. He trusts that I would never foolishly spend what we don't have. Out of respect, is something is over $75 or so, I let him know. He doesn't really ever spend, but he would do the same for me.

Oh boy we are both guilty of this!
He doesn't understand why I like to spend money on all my silly crafty projects and odds and ends for the house, and it drives ME crazy when he spends money on yet another electronic or other techy gadget.
Luckily we agree on the big things (savings, cars, education, vacations, etc.) so it's not really an issue :-)

BWAHAHA - so the higher brain kicked in about money with your personal care products. BUT the "lower" brain forgot how to add when the lingerie appeared? Serious LOL!

He should talk to my husband to see just how good he has it! Seriously- tell him there are a lot of women who spend $125 on eye cream and $150 on hair color. IMO upkeep is extremely important for my own well being. I feel better if I look good and I am getting to that age where I need to start fighting the wrinkles a little harder. My husband would never say anything to me about this. I do discuss any procedures or whatnot b/c that can get pretty expensive.

I have had friends in your situation who have made a deal that each will get an "allowance" each month that they can spend on whatever they want with no questions asked. Sp set an amount for yourself AND him. Don't let him get away with buying whatever he wants just because he is the one that earns the money. You BOTH earn the money.

My hubby is quite the opposite and would prefer I purchase more premium products and nice things for myself.

I married later in life so I do make my own money. In our house, we have His money, My money and Our money. There is full disclosure on all the money and it truly is all our money.

My suggestion for you is next time pick out the lingerie first and then get the creams and things you want. If he doesn't fuss about the one he doesn't get to fuss about the other. LOL.

Hubby never asks me about costs. He teases me about spending all of his money, but I am the financial planner, and he trusts me to make wise decisions with our money. He is happy as long as there is money to spend when he wants to spend it.

We both have a $100 threshold. If either of us wants to spend $100 or more, we have to check with the other person and talk it through. This isn't perfect -- we have the option of random $80 purchases every day -- but it keeps us honest and un-bankrupt, and because the policy applies to us both, it keeps the fights in check.

No, he generally doesn't care if it's in our bugeted guidelines. My DH, too, grew up very very poor. Sometimes its like he's making up for lost time the way he wants to spend!

We've been married 22 years now and have had a joined checking account since day 1. The way we look at it, we are a team. We support each other - what gains he may make wouldn't have happened without my help, and visa versa. There is no "Mine" or "His" in our relationship. I haven't thought in those terms from the day we got engaged. When people ask me what our secret is to a good marriage, I tell them "Respect and a joint checking account."

I mean, do people really keep their finances seperate? I can't fathom the kind of resentment that would foster. Even if you pay for your fair share of things. What happens when 'your car' has an expensive repair needed and you just don't make enough to fix it? What happens when 'he' loses his job or has to take a new job and the money for his share of the bills isn't there? "Oh, I cover for him or he covers for me!" some of my friends will tell me. Yah, they cover. And there is resentment that the other person didn't so their fair share. I see this happen all the time. "Well, I could have gone shopping with you today but since Larry couldn't make his car payment, I guess I have to suffer."

Ok. I'm done ranting. Back to the original question. We keep each other in check. We don't let resentments for the other's spending habits build up before flipping out they are spending too much. So yes, there are comments. But we know its for the best for both of us.

When I say I'm going to get my hair done (which is one of my very FEW splurges) he will usually joke "great, how much is that going to cost me".

The joke comes more from the fact that his haircut is less than $20 and mine (with dye) is usually over $100 (yikes!). We both bring in income (altho he alot more) but I do the budgeting and he knows I'm a realist.

If I want my $100 haircut...then I have to cut out new clothes for myself, or something to that effect. I probably scrutinize his spending way more since I see every purchase made.

I think in every relationship, at least one of the two have to be budget concsious (unless you're rich of course). He could be genuinely concerned about the budget if things are tight. Or, he could just be a guy and really has no idea what hair/facial treatments cost!

No he doesn't ask. He says he trusts my judgement and since the bills are paid he has no problem with what I buy. Sometimes when I see something that I like he tells me to get it even if the budget is a bit tight. It is usually something I don't really need.

So it could be something he grew up hearing "how much is that going to cost?" from father or mother.

Don't take it personally.

the other S.

This morning I mentioned to my husband that I was stopping at Costco on the way home from work and he said "remember we're on an austerity budget for the next 2 months - unless it has to do with spending money on me". He chuckled when he said it but he kind of means it. I am the primary shopped in the family so he's constantly scrutinizing my expenditures. $150 at Target? What did you buy? (You know, packaged socks & underwear, shampoo, toothpaste - all those extravagent things....) So while he's saying we're on an "autsterity budget" he knows we're going out to dinner tonight (mostly using giftcards), my son is going on a youth group retreat in a few weeks, I'm going on a women's retreat in a month, he's going to Atlantic city with his friends another day, etc. So while my son's & my retreat are all positive things he doesn't want to bail on his Atlantic City trip which, trust me, is NOT part of an austerity budget...

hahaha. They are funny guys. But yes - my husband would drill me on a new pair of shoes, but a flimsy negligee that would only be on my body for about 5 minutes would be approved in a nano-second.

I am the CEO he is the CFO. I tell him what I want and he pays for it!! =) We both make a very good living. I spent $200 at Target last week. Our daughter is moving out of the house and into her new apartment tomorrow. I bought stuff for her new place. I called him to let him know what I was doing and he was like "no problem, get what she needs". I will probably buy her a couple of in tables as well. Haven't mentioned that to him yet!!!

Had my hair done (color and cut). I generally color my own hair but I had surgery on my finger monday so finger can't get wet and tghe skunk look was just not attactive! He did ask how much that was and I told him $45. He was like "that's it"???

We are very responsible with our money. Now, If I can just get him to take me to London this year !!!

We talked about money before we married 30 years ago, and found out we were already on the same page. We're relaxed about ourselves a few bucks each month for spontaneous purchases. We live on a tiny income and are both into living simply, so anything that costs more than 20 bucks or so gets discussed first. "How much is that going to cost?" is a simply information-gathering at our house, not the start of an argument.

When I was married, we had separate bank accounts. We each paid a portion of the monthly bills, and what was left in our respective accounts, we were not accountable to each other for.

Nope. Even if I try to tell him about things I've purchased, he has zero interest. It's just not on his radar. He grew up in a very affluent family, so I guess it's just not something he thinks much about. He assumes I'm fiscally responsible, and won't put us in the poorhouse buying shoes or makeup or whatever. ;)

We agree that a certain percentage of our income goes toward savings, and I make sure all the bills are paid, so whatever is left over can be spent however we like. He's not a shopper (AT ALL); I even have to buy his clothes, so there's not much need for me to consult him about daily purchases. If I were going to buy something big, like a car or a large appliance, then of course I would get him involved, but otherwise, he would rather that I just buy whatever it is that needs to be bought and not involve him.

we go over most things before purchasing. It's not a like or dislike thing, I think it's important that we go over things before they are purchased, especially high dollar items, and to us high dollar is over 50$.

My husband doesn't even know what I buy half of the time. We both have "fun" money each month that is part of our monthly budget. Whatever we choose to spend that on is completely up to us, but we are limited to that budget. I can't recall when he has looked at something that I bought for myself and said anything about it.

Haha, that's cute that your husband didn't think to ask how much the lingerie cost. He was obviously thinking about something else ;o)

I don't have a husband to scrutinize my purchases anymore. But now I'm the one who has trouble buying nice things for myself. It's not bad to be frugal, especially in this economy. But I've learned to splurge once in a while and not skimp on everything. Sometimes the higher quality item is worth the extra$. Other times, a little luxury is worth the way it makes you feel. Like nice lingerie...

No, he very rarely asks about the cost of anything I purchase (except groceries...he is a bargain shopper and thinks I should go to multiple stores to find the sale price).
I do get my hair done every couple of months and get an occasional mani/pedi ~ he has never questioned it. I'd be pissed if he made me feel as though I can't spend some $ on myself once in a while.

Nope. Not at all.
He doesn't scrutinize cost of what he does like--OR what he doesn't.

I can't stand a skinflint man!

I handle the budget so he would often not have any clue how much something costs. However, we each have 'splurge' money (I call is our SLUSH that we get each month. It's for eating out, going out with friends, toys, hobbies, etc. If it's clothing or shoes or something for the house, it comes out of a regular budget. So if hubby wants to spend $500 on his computer (he he often does!) I don't say a word because it's his money that he saved for a few months!

My husband complains that I am the spender and he is the saver. I told him that he should try buying all of the food, all of the clothes, all of the gifts, all of the activities, all of the lessons and EVERYTHING ELSE I SHOP FOR and then see who becomes the spender and who is the saver. Ugh, the nerve!!

In general, I don't make any major purchases without consulting him - even if I make 1/2 the money!

My hubby couldn't care less. We only discuss large purchases like kitchen appliances, home renovations, furniture. We both work so I would not expect him to be concerned with these minor purchases.

Nope. He knows that I would NEVER frivilously spend money. In fact, I get on HIM for bad purchases.

Not if it's my money and all our bills are paid. If my DH asked me how much x cost, I would say, "I have done research and feel this is a reasonable cost for this product. This is a product that will help me feel better about myself and therefore benefit you by having a happier wife." I tend to shop wisely and not overspend so he doesn't really worry, and neither do I vice versa.

My husband and I tend to be on the same page when it comes to purchases. He doesn't scrutinze what I purchase. We have a budget with money allocated for each of us to spend as we choose, along with "date night" money for the both of us.

When you have a budget that is agreed to beforehand, arguing about money goes out the window. It's when one person spends frivilously outside of the budget that animosity can occur.

Not for that kind of spending. I prefer to let him be in charge of money because he is better at it, so If I want to spend more I just ask him if there is room in the budget. If its over $250 or so and its a splurge not groceries or diapers I run it buy him first.
I've also taken to keeping a cash stash (its not a secret cash stash, but its money I can spend how I want) so if I find something on sale or craiglsit I can just get it without effecting our bottom line.
I'm frugal and try only to buy what we need when in comes to clothes and household items. But I have my weakness- furniture! He is horrified at what I want to spend, but I would never do it without his consent.

Nope, because I work my butt off all week to buy the things I want to buy for myself every once in a while. I don't get my nails, or hair done, I don't go to a gym. I don't tan, or get my teeth whitened. I am very low maintenance and not a big shopper, anyway. I don't think he'd care unless I was overspending or putting us in the poor house.

Nope. We are both very conservative in our expenditures but discuss big money purchases. I am home full time and take care of all the finances and household shopping. I would be so annoyed if he was constantly looking over my shoulder,making comments or second guessing my purchases. If that were to happen then I would let him take over the finances and household shopping for awhile.

We make sure our one and only credit card is paid in full at the end of the month and we put money into our retirement and investments monthly. If we can't keep up with that then we scale back and discuss the budget.

Just talk to your hubby about wanting to feel beautiful. Feeling beautiful and sexy will more than likely make that lingerie get lots of usage!

Good luck and best wishes!!

Usually no he does not.

If it is completely not needed (aka something I would shop for) for me, DS, or the house. Say 100 candles... Yeah then he would question my thinking but otherwise I do what I want with the money he does what he wants. It helps that we usually talk about any purchase before hand or are with each other. (exclude xmas and birthday shopping for eachother.)

If I want a foot massager then I get it lol

Unless you throw money away or don't handle your finances well, ignore him and take care of your hair and your eye circles. Just because HE doesn't notice your hair and your face doesn't mean that you don't want to look good for you. How nice though, that he notices the REST of you with the lingerie...

If I were you, I'd go shopping by myself and not point out my purchases...

Dawn

Somewhat but I'm the more frugal one in many ways plus make way more money than he does and we can afford my little treats so if he does start to say something, he's mostly kidding and/or I cut him off pretty quickly. He's really the one who gets questioned more as he's more of a shopper than I am.

I'm with Laura-- I rarely spend money on myself, and then it's usually purposeful, like good wool socks or some art supplies for Kiddo and I. I usually check in with him before buying anything more than $30 or so, just so we're on the same page about expenses.

HIM, on the other hand-- I just have to remember that he makes the money and we are comfortable, so I just chuckle and roll my eyes. He's always wanting to get little 'somethings' for us (eBay kitch usually). Definitely far more frivolous than I am.

No, we are free to purchase as we wish, unless its over $100, then we run it by each other first. HOWEVER, we pay cash only for everything and NEVER pay full price, so its pretty safe to say we don't really waste our money so it isn't an issue with us. =)

Nope...I kind of do it to him. He eats out ALL the time and it kills our budget. I work 10 minutes from home, so it's no problem for me to come home for lunch, he works 2 hours away so he can't. But as far as other things, not at all. We buy what we need and rarely what we want. We decide together when it's time for a major undertaking in the house and do that together.

Not really...we have our money, he has his money and I have my money...all separate accounts too. What is in our personal accounts, and spent from there is of "no questions asked" kind of mentality. If i buy a pair of shoes, he just assumes it came out of my money, vice versa.

Usually our individual money is spent on the family anyway. And when family money is low...extra comes from both or one of us. We talk about money, we know exactly where the money goes to, that is in our account. We have created a system that works for us.

He handles (and I can to if I need to) the bills and household bills, if I want to use the joint account I simply ask..."is there enough for me to buy xxxx?"...he says "yes" then great he says "no" and I don't have in my account it waits.

he doesn't ask or complain about what i buy. he is the only breadwinner. i quit working a couple of years ago. i cook and clean. he thinks i do everything and mostly appreciates that i am here for the kids at all times.
just today, before reading your post, i told him how lost i feel not working. he looked at me and said: if you stop 'not working' i will be screwed and kids will be also as well. then he said please do not stop not working :)

Not really, we both live a pretty frugal lifestyle though. My husband works full time and I stay at home with the kids. It's still our money. I manage all the bills, groceries and things the kids need. I try to always shop around for the best deals on things. I do get my hair done every 3 months, and he doesn't question it which I'm glad about. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think it was in the budget. I think I would have a hard time if my husband harped on me every time I made an extra purchase.

My husband doesn't even know how much his paychecks are. He doesn't even know how much the mortgage is. He doesn't care how much I spend or what I spend it on, as long as all the bills are paid.

The past couple years I have been spending more on myself, just clothes, winter coat, warm gloves, warm boots. Thank goodness he doesn't care, he knows he can trust me.

i, like you basically never buy anything for myself thats not a necessity. He doesnt care when i buy stuff i "need".. even if its something like hair dye when my roots are showing horribly, eventhough techincally thats not a necessity. I wouldnt say he scrutinizes but he'll make a comment here and there. Althought if im at a store and see something totally random and think, ya know what i never buy myself anything im goign to get that.. then he will say o0oh i see you got yourself a present today. Example: we both desperatly needed new socks, so i went n got them.. i saw a pair of giants pj pants so i bought them for him.. i also needed a new bra horribly so i bought that for myself.. but when i got his pjs they had green bay packers fleece blankets so i got myself one... he mentioned nothing about the new bra i bought, even though i was only going shopping for socks, but he did notice the blanket, he didnt care after i told him it was on sale and only 9$, but he still asked about it. Also i could go out and spend 100$ on stuff for my daughter that she doesnt even need and he wouldnt mention a word about it
I have to sort of blame myself for this one though.. im always up his butt about him spending money on stupid things he doesnt need.. which he does often and he knows he does... so he made me totally in control of the money, he no longer has any access to our accounts other than the money i give him everyday for work