Does Your 3Rd Grader Clean Room by Self? Without Needing Help?

My five year old will clean her room without needing help but does often take some stern words to get it done in a timely manner. My child is very logical and I must be lucky but all I have to do is ask her if she made the mess and if she answers yes then I tell just tell her that she has to be the one to clean it up. She will lose priveleges if she does not clean up in a timely manner but overall she does a great job,

You know what kind of child she is. My child works better if I help her (she's an only child and loves to have company when doing things). However, I do know she can do it by herself. But we try hard to put dirty clothes in hamper as soon as they come off and as soon as clothes come out of dryer they are put away. That helps a lot with not a huge mess at the end of the week. Clean as you go and it won't be such a huge chore, and you won't get so frustrated with her. I know when things are going on at school (such as bullying) we tend to not be so hard on them at home. But they still have to learn to function and be proud of what they have at home. Sometimes we delay things that could be a lot better if they just get done first!

A lot of kids and adults struggle with seeing where to start and how to do it.

Make a chart to help her understand where to start.

Step 1: Pick up dirty laundry.
Step 2: Put away books.

Only make about 5 steps if possible. If you have to, add pictures of your child doing it.

Allow ONE thing to stay out for an extra day IF she actually plays with them. If the rest of the room is clean, and the activity that is out is organized, then who cares?

Add an incentive chart with stickers. For the first 3 days she does it in a row, she will get something extra she really likes (extra computer time, extra books at bedtime, or something small from the store). Then after 7 days, she will get something more. The goal is to go 21 days or more with consistent behavior....that makes it a habit.

Good luck!!! :) Remember, positive reinforcement gives the best results. :)

I allow toys that took time to construct or arrange to stay up because they did take so long to build or set up and they'll probably be played with again.

I'd suggest adjusting your standards of what "clean" is to her age and to her personality. As long as there is a clear path from door to bed to closet, for instance. As long as no food is allowed in the room. As long as dirty and clean clothes are put away.

A desire for neatness is a trait we have, or don't have, just like any other personality trait that we were born with. You may have cleaned the entire house at her age because you were driven to do that, not forced. I seem to have been born with a "level of acceptance of clutter" trait, that I know my mother didn't have. I do clean, just am OK with a certain level of disorder.

I do believe that taking everything away from children of any age is an extreme measure, and I've never seen or heard of it working. I find that disrespectful and bordering on abusive. I also think that if you and your daughter don't find a middle ground about room cleaning in 3rd grade, her teenage years are going to be very difficult for you both.

My mother, who as I said was very into clean and neat, had a "bedroom doors are closed when company comes over" rule. This worked for all of us :-)

There are a lot of variables here. And room for adjustment based upon those variables.
At 8 years old (3rd grade, right?), she should be able to put her clean clothes away, either in drawers or on hangers, and to know which is most appropriate for whatever article of clothing it is. She should be able to put her dirty clothes in a hamper and empty the hamper (weekly? or however often it is full) in the laundry room. She should be able to put her books on a shelf. She should be able to put her shoes in the closet, or line them up at the foot of the bed, or whatever you deem "adequate". She should be able to put the "clutter" in a drawer, or a bin, and put the "games" in their boxes and the "toys" (legos, barbies, lincoln logs, whatever) in their storage bin/container. She should be able to pick up misc electronics items and put them where they go (in a bin, in it's case, on the shelf, whatever).
Now, the problem can be that there is just plain TOO MUCH STUFF. When it gets to that point, then she has no idea what to do or how to start. So yes, you need to help her get going by laying out an order and helping her get things sorted out to a manageable level. Once it is all finally cleaned/organized/eliminated (some things just have to GO), then she ought to be able to keep it in relatively picked up/put away condition on a regular basis. Allowing that, probably every few weeks, you're going to need to pop in there for an hour and help her re-sort and re-get it into tip top shape. Eventually it will get easier for her. But in the beginning it can just be overwhelming.
My son, after YEARS of fighting over this problem of his room, finally, FINALLY (at almost 13 years old!) realized that he was just holding onto too much STUFF. I have always had a battle removing any old toys or even literal garbage (the packaging from toys that have pictures or instructions on them type stuff) from his room. But I kept on going through it a few times a year. I'd go in and clean it all out and put away, and organize anew. It would sometimes take ME 2 full days! He just had too much stuff with little parts/pieces. It all had containers for it... but things always got mixed up. And having all those containers made it an overwhelming task to clean it up.
NOW, he is starting to do it on his own. He cleans one AREA of his room at a time. Today the desk. Tomorrow the computer station. The next day the closet. Next day the dresser/bookshelf (ipod dock, CDs, stereo, watch, school papers, etc). But HE is doing it.

Some kids are more easily overwhelmed than others...so just stick with it and guide her.

I truly believe that one of the reasons it is such a common issue today (and WASN'T when we were kids) is the sheer volume of STUFF that kids have today. I mean--we didn't get a kids meal toy EVER. And "goody bags" from birthday parties? Unheard of. Teachers giving out toys at school parties or for prizes for doing well on standardized tests??? Didn't happen. And our grandparents NEVER spoiled us with junk like today's generation does. I couldn't tell you one thing my grandparents bought me. They didn't have $ for wasting on plastic junk.
Teaching her to throw out, donate or otherwise get rid of things she REALLY doesn't know what to do with is hard, but it is a wonderful skill that a lot of ADULTS are sorely lacking.
Hang in there.

You might like this book Positive Discipline A-Z (and others by the same author). it seems like she goes along with how you view it. We have similar struggles...but I"m still reading the book! I did just pack up a ton of their toys so that it simply can't get as messy as it was. But my 8 year old is really good at cleaning. It's my 4 yr old that gets lazy about it. I agree with the suggestions of making it as positive and encouraging as you can (and reading this book because I think it'll have some answers...hehe!).

http://www.amazon.com/Positive-Discipline--Z-Solutions-Pa...

My daughter has ADD and has great difficulty organizing. Every now and then we work together to tidy up. I also limit the stuff in her room and we keep all other things in bins in the basement. So she wants to play with Barbies, well then the Lego needs to be put away. I used to have to give her very specific instructions, almost like a toddler, like "put all the blocks in the blue bin and then all the stuffed animals in this bag" and I will take them to the basement. Occasionally it just gets too messy and I will go in her room and tidy up and she is very grateful because she finds it extremely difficult to tidy. Cleaning she does all the time for me: dusting with the Swiffer hand duster and the floor duster, loading and emptying washer and dryer, doing dishes, getting the mail, sweeping the garage, etc. but those are very specific, single decision, tasks. Tidying requires executive skills and having places where stuff belongs. Perhaps it is a case of not being ABLE to instead of not WANTING to. My kids also like these large arrangements with blocks and little figurines and they like to keep them set up to play with for weeks, and that is fine with me as long as I can still move around the room. It is her room after all.

My 7 yo grandson just recently started cleaning up his room by himself. But he doesn't clean to the standards that sounds like you have. Yes, he does leave up his lego creations for a while. The criteria for him is to have toys that he's not actually playing with put away. Where he puts them is up to him. They just have to be off the floor. Some toys go under the bed, some on a bookshelf and some in a bin. Stuffed animals on the bed.

I suggest that your daughter wants you there because she is worried about doing it in the way you want it done. Try being less specific about how she does it. And accept some clutter.

My 5 and 7 year olds clean their room themselves, and have been doing so for forever. Now, it's not PERFECT, I get in there and do it about 4-5 times per year just to show them how it SHOULD look, but they do a pretty good job. They quickly learned that half @ssing it won't cut it. I had to lighten up a LOT though, and take their cleaning job for what it was... cleaned by a 5 and 7 year old ;) Considering they're in K and 1st, yes, your daughter should be cleaning her own room. It will help lighten YOUR load ;)

I don't have a 3rd grader but ,my 3 kids ages 7,4,2 are expected to help pick up their toys it is all organized things have a place & all they need to do is put it back up off the floor & out of all the rooms they drag them into.They will argue that so & so brought it out but all I tell them is you are to work as a team & help or you don't get to play with your toys.Sometimes I do have to raise my voice when they don't have their ears tuned in to what i'm saying then they know to either do what was asked of them or get a time out.When times do get hard & the fights are big they aren't to leave their room till they calm down then we will regroup focus on what needs to be done.I have my way of what every room needs to look like but i'll let their rooms go a few days before I go in their & do it myself becasue I want them to be proud of what they accomplished & try to keep it tidy.I'll guide them if they simply don't know where the toys go.
I do toss things out just a few months ago the things we don't need that have become collected from happy meals,dentist visits etc. have been tossed out,broken toys,toys they don't play with anymore all gone.
School & home are 2 different places you have to continue to do what needs to be done at home.I can understand she is getting bullied at school & you wnated to lay off her for a while,give her time to tell you about her day a snack homework then while your cooking making dinner ask her to please pick up her room.

One did not need help and the other needed lots of encouragement and quite some checking on and even help. One time her father built her a shelf to help her organize and still books were on the floor.
Not every child is the same. If your child needs help or to have a corner where toys are out do that.
Do not allow food in the room. I had to have an absolute rule about that or it would have been cockroach city. Also not outdoor toys inside.

My 3rd grader does much better with specific instructions. Make your bed. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper. Hang up your clean clothes, Blah Blah Blah... If I tell him to go clean your room, I will find that he just throws everything in one corner or his closet, If I give him clear instructions he does them with out a problem.

We were expected to keep our areas neat. Not neccesarily clean... but toys in their box before leaving the room, clothes in the hamper. Of course, if we had set up a project we could leave it out until we vaccumed, as long as everything else was put away... and we could only have one project out at a time. Once a week we would have to vaccum and wash our own bedding. This was already well established by the time I was in 3rd grade.

Maybe you could take it to a medium extreme. If she can't keep her room clean, then fill up a bag (garbage, grocery, whatever size you find appropriate) with some of her stuff (I'm sure that even taking the stuff she doesn't play with too often will show her that if she doesn't take care of it she will lose it) and donate it to a shelter. That way it's not so much work for you, and she will learn her lesson by losing the toys permanantly... with the added bonus of less toys to have to pick up. Or, if that's too extreme, you could just take her very favorite toys and bag them up for a week or so instead of donating.

My kids are 8 and 5 1/2 year old twins. They clean their own rooms. I set the timer and tell them that whatever is left out when it goes off will go in my trash bag to be donated. Our son keeps his room picked up. Sometimes I will tell the twins to clean their room and won't set the timer. If I go in later and find they have made another mess and left it, I put all of it in a plastic container and all of the toys stay in timeout until I want to give them back which is usually a couple days. The best thing you can do to help her is make sure you have good storage bins, tubs, plastic shoe
boxes etc that are labeled if you don't already. My sons is the same way with his legos so I let him put them in the tub without pulling it apart. Also, they MUST have a clean room before they go to bed EVERY night.

Short answer: Nope. my 8yo does still need both help and reminders about cleaning his room.

That said... he IS 100% responsible for his room. (Any help he gets is bonus)

Here's what we do:

His room has to be picked up every day (bed made and all toys put away EXCEPT 2) and then a deep clean once a week (sheets washed and dried, vacuuming, dusting, windex, etc.) Picking up his room every day keeps it from being too overwhelming a task... allowing him to leave 2 toys out let him have projects he can work on/ devote serious time to without fear of them just having to be tossed aside the next morning (we homeschool... and kiddo has about 3 hours in the morning between wakeup and school start, so he cleans his room before he has 'free time' in the morning. AKA breakfast + half an hour of silly time (so he can watch a show or read a book while eating), shower/ dress/ teeth, chores (takes him about 20 minutes and includes cleaning his room), and then he has the remaining time to spend as he likes before school begins. He can mess up his room to his heart's content over the rest of the day, but it starts off every morning clean.

make a check list together of what needs to be cleaned up -

legos
books
clothes
bed made

then let your 3rd grader complete the list on their own. i think it helps to be clear with and both on the same page of what "clean" really is.

My first grader and 7th grader both keep their rooms clean by themselves. One thing that helps is having the rooms organized in a way that makes cleaning easy, for example, some shelves are for books, there are specific bins for legos, cars, and other small toys. The toy box is for larger toys. It's really easy for my youngest son to keep things neat. He knows that we expect him to keep his room neat, so there isn't really a time that we have to say, "Go clean your room." He is expected to put away toys whenever he is finished playing with them, so he does. Our oldest is naturally super organized, so it has never been an issue at all. Good luck! :)

No my third grader can't clean by himself. I tell him (and my 5yo) get all the clothes off the floor. Next I tell them other specific things that are laying around. I dust and vacum. They make their own beds. Some kids get overwhelmed and don't know where to start and need guidance and directions. There is nothing wrong with that and your daughter is not you. Do you want her to "grow up fast"? I hope I don't sound harsh because I am not trying to. Don't remove anything from her room that is ridiculous. I realize you don't want her to be a slob. Is she otherwise a good little girl? Are the legos and barbies in the living room? Why can't she leave them up for a couple days then take them down? Just help her out. You don't have to sit in her room just make an assesment and tell her put this away then come tell me and I will tell you what to do next and so on...Make sure you tell her what a good job she is doing and did when it's done and I think it will get done even faster each time

I am someone who tries to go by the "pick your battles carefully" when going through the day. I tend to be a neat freak and my daughter and I joke about her room being my idea of her idea of clean. She is 6th grade and I still help her from time to time just to get it done much quicker. I'll tell her to get started and then I'll go in. Most kids do need a lot of guidance - not just a "clean your room" order because they really don't see that it's messy. Be specific and assist when you can. Sure, you're the adult and you set the examples. In addition to teaching about the responsibility of cleaning up, I hope to not be teaching that you fuss with your children about the small things.

Yes my 7 years old, clean up her room since she was 5 of course adding more things as time pass by...like right know she wakes me up on week days when she's already dress and bed all made...(maybe 10 min. after her alarm went on). when she's back from school and done with homework she can play outside but she need to have her room clean: this mean no clothes or toys on the floor, and on saturday she vacuum her room and do a more deep clean on her closet, also she folds her clothes and put them on their right place....let me tell you is not easy to make them clean their own stuff but keep trying ,at that age she can do it you say it yourself, I remember I just to clean the family bathroom when I was 9 , ( and now we don't let our kids touch the chemicals right?) with my girls is easy because she has 2 neighbors her age so if she wants to go out to play she has to do it..good luck and keep with the "training" .