One of our mutual friends, female, is having a birthday party this weekend sans kids. We don't have a sitter, and my BFF's husband asked if I wouldn't mind if we watched their daughter so he could go, just to hang with the birthday girls husband. I said that's fine (my BFF will be out of state)... Well now this guy asked my fiance if he would be his 'date'... meaning, leave me with ALL the kids, and the GUYS go to this girls birthday party.
That doesn't seem quite right to me, considering she's MY friend first, and they just want to go hang out with her husband.
I haven't asked my guy if he's going or not yet (this just came to my attention), and I know he wanted to get the lift put on our Jeep this weekend... BUT the guy who offered to help him do it... is going to the party as well!!
I'm really not bummed that I can't go, I'm used to not going to things because it's not kid-friendly and it really doesn't bother me... Something just isn't sitting right about everyone using me as a babysitter while they go play. I mean, being as it's my friends birthday, shouldn't they be babysitting for me? Does this seem a bit backwards to anyone else?
I have to wait until my man gets home to talk to him about it, so I don't know if there's any kind of compromise on the table yet. It's too far for us to go in shifts, and we REALLY don't have a sitter that night.
To clarify, he specifically asked US, 'hey, would you guys mind watching [daughter] so I can chill with [husband] at [girls] party?'
As mentioned, my guys planning on putting the lift on the jeep.... but apparently his guy friend helper is ditching him for this party.
Maybe I'm just not seeing the point of the guys going, since it's a girls party. I like JB's suggestion at having the guys over here to work on the jeep, and us ladies partying!!... but then the birthday girls husband wouldn't be at her party :(
Oh, and the BFF that wants my fiance to go... is my boss ;) Not trying to step on THOSE toes. I'm not terribly worried about it, I mean, I did say WE'D babysit so I'm fine staying home... as long as my guy sees it this way as well. If they want a guys night so badly, maybe I can go Saturday and they can all get together Sunday... if they last that long with the kids ;)
Well, if he asked both of you and you accepted, then I guess you'll both be watching the kids.
I think you shouldn't have said yes so quickly before you thought about it.
I like JB's suggestion. You could mention to the guys that you don't mind babysitting, but you'd realy like to go. Maybe they wouldn't mind getting together and having a movie night with the kids. Just talk to them. Guys just don't always think about these things the was girls do. Try not to take it personally and see what other plans might work.
Yeah, I think it's a little strange. I wouldn't necessarily want to be the babysitter for everyone's kids so they could go to a party that I was also invited to. Seems like maybe this guy is taking advantage of your good nature and helpfulness. I hope your fiance tells your friends' husband "no thanks, I'm going to hang with R. and the kids, have fun at the party."
How about the guys all get together at your place, hang out and watch the kids and you and the girls go celebrate the birthday girl's birthday?
It's easy. SAY NO! You are not obligated to say "yes" all the time.
For the record, no, I don't think it sounds very fair. However, how did you really expect to be able to go if you don't have a sitter at all? It sounds like maybe you're more upset about not being able to go than being used as a babysitter, maybe I'm wrong. If it bugs you that much, tell your guy that you want to go the party, and ask him if he'll stay home with the kids.
Just a tip for the future, if you are not sure whether or not you can do something for/with someone, tell them you need to check & that you'll let them know. Don't just automatically say "yes".
.
R.:
It is OKAY TO SAY NO!!!!
Why not tell the guys to come to YOUR house and watch the kids so YOU can go to YOUR friend's party?! That sounds like the 'cure' to me!!
Also - only YOU can allow yourself to be taken advantage of or a door mat!! It's OKAY to say NO!!!
Have fuN!!!
Just because they asked you to babysit doesn't mean you had to say "yes." Just saying. :-)
If you were already planning on not going, then you may as well babysit. If you want to go that bad, find a sitter.
If you and hubby already knew you were both not attending he probably should stay home with you, surely he would find it totally not fair for him to attend YOUR friends party and he will make the right decision to stay home with you and work on the jeep instead. My hubby wouldnt go to a party without me, he would feel weird being there without me.
I think you should stand your ground and tell your bff's husband that you and your hubby were planning on staying home and you really don't feel like babysitting for him either. "If I cant go to the party, no one can." I suppose that's what I would say to get my point across :)
Hmmm...I don't know. It could all be very innocent. I'm thinking that it's more like the BFFs husband is thinking that his wife is out of town, he has a sitter for their kid and he wants a guys night. He's thinking that since HE is sans wife and kid that your fiance would also want to go out for a guys night. It doesn't sound like he's wanting to go to this woman's birthday party to hang out with her, or to even celebrate her birthday. He just wants some guy time. I can actually see my husband doing the same thing. Guys are just selfish sometimes. Since you had already planned on staying home, he probably isn't thinking that you would like to go to the party as well.
I'm afraid that since you already said you'd watch the kids, you're going to have to stay home. Unless your man steps up and says he'll stay home with all the kids so you can go have some adult time. Going in shifts sounds like a pretty good compromise though.
Totally agree with you. Sounds unfair. Although, your still not sure if your husband was going with you BFF's husbands plan. So you should probably wait to see what he says first.
I guess if he did indeed plan on going, then you say, wouldn't it be more fair if I went with BFF's husband and you stayed with the kids being that it is my friend.
No, but you agreed to watch the kids so you kind of put yourself into this situation. Also, don't assume that Rob is going to go to the party. If he asks you how you feel about him going, be honest about it. If you really are okay with him going (he's not the one who agreed to babysit), then ask him to come home at a reasonable time and make sure that your friend's children have a way to get home safely- or plan on having them spend the night.
I would also call your BFF in a week or two and ask if "they" can return the favor and take your kiddos for a few hours so you and Rob can go out and either get some wedding things done or just have a quiet dinner!
Your husband should stay with you and watch the kids. he is trying to squeeze a guys night out out of the blue, I don't think it's fair. Why are you waiting for him to decide if he is going or not if you haven't shared with him how you feel? son't let it sulk, tell him you don't feel it's fair.
Here is what I assume happened:
- female birthday girl has a husband who is friends with your BFF's husband.
- BFF's fiance said, "hey dude, come over while my girl has her party"
- Guy then asks you to watch his kids (asks YOU, not your fiance).
- You say yes
- He thinks you can handle all kids on your own (and you prob can, superwoman).
- He thinks nothing of asking your fiance to come along because he is thinking in guy mind, ie having fun and R. can handle it. After all, he asked you to watch the kids, not your fiance....so fiance wasn't even factored in to this before.
This about right?
I don't think this guy is trying to be unfair in the slightest. Unfortunately, you already told him you'd watch the kids. Your options now are 1) ask your fiance to stay home, or 2) allow him to go have a fun guys time at this party and he REALLY owes you later. =)
ETA: Just read your "what happened" - Now that I know he asked both of you, kinda makes me lean towards not fair....but I also know how men think. My husband's friends would totally do this and they are some of the sweetest men I know. They are just not the most considerate sometimes.
Good luck!
Has this happened before, meaning everyone has you to babysit? I wonder if it's just something that everyone has done in the past and because you seem ok to stay home previously? maybe they just assume it would be ok this time as well. I don't know? I would feel a little odd about it if it was my friend too. Talk to your guy and see how he feels about it all. Hope you have a great time either way!
Well you said yes you would babysit, are you having second thoughts? There is nothing wrong with changing your mind, but be sure you are not taking it out on your husband being able to make his own choices. You made your choice.
Is there anyway for all of you to find a babysitter? We used to go out with some friends and we hired a teacher from daycare to watch them. It was worth the money to know they were well cared for and gosh knows we deserved a night out every once in a while.
If you feel put upon, in the future, just learn to say no. It does not make you a bad person.
Hell no completely unfair...Do your best to find a sitter so you can go. If you can't your fiance is staying with you and watching the kids with you period...I'd be angry if I got stuck at home.
