Does My Son Hate Me???

I have a 5 year old daughter who absolutely loves her grammy! From the time she was 2yrs old she would go up by herself for a couple of days and cry like there was no tomorrow when it was time to leave. It always made me feel badly but I realize she just loves her grammy time because there are really no rules! Now that we have a 10 month old baby she likes to go up for her alone time before her sister and I go up. It could be a lot of things like the new house etc. Or maybe he just simply loves his grammy!

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, just giving my personal opinion.

My first thought when reading your post was that I think its a little strange to send your child to his grandparents EVERY weekend (no judgement, just my opinion). Does he spend all weekend there? Why? If grandma & grandpa are doing lots of cool fun stuff with him on the weekends then there is your answer. Of course he is going to prefer the funner people. And since he is not spending his weekends with you, do you try to do lots of fun activities during the week to make up for not being together on the weekends?

You mention that you are a very strict mother. I read your profile and you mention the word "strict" a lot. Nothing wrong with that, but maybe your son thinks you are too strict and grandma & grandpa are more fun and less strict. Just a thought.

I have never heard a mother refer to her infant as a "pest". I was a little surprised when I read that. Did you mean you think she is a pest, or your son thinks she's a pest? I hope you don't think of your baby as a pest.

Are you sure his granparents are as strict with him as you are? Maybe they are more lax, and that is why he prefers them right now. Don't take it too personally. Kids go through a lot of phases and it doesn't mean that he hates you. You are his mother and I am sure he loves you very much. Just try to give him some extra cuddles and kisses and I am sure you will start to feel the love from him! Good luck!

Your post says that your son is now afraid of lightning and now has a pest of a baby sister -- how does that translate into hating you?

I would let your son talk a lot about his feelings about the thunder storm. I would try to think of questions he might be thinking but can't put into words. I would encourage play with his toys where there are thunderstorms in what he is playing and the toys can react all kinds of ways. Any and all ways that he can work THROUGH his feelings and get them out, over and done with. Sometimes telling him what to think (they can happen anywhere) helps you, the adult, but isn't helping from a child's viewpoint.

If your son (and you) are having trouble adjusting to the new little one, a great book is "Siblings without Rivalries". Also, you can have him help you attend to little sister, if he's not resentful of that. You can also talk to him about him when he was a baby. He probably would like to hear "when you were this little, you would..." stories.

Grandparents houses are magical just because they're not your own. :) I know with my son, I am a given and everything else is neater or funner. But when all is said and done, I am the cornerstone. Be there for him, focus on keeping your relationship strong and you will always be love in human form.

Just because you have he same basic ideas about discipline, doesn't mean that the positive stuff is the same. He is getting a lot more one on one attention over at grandma's house. Add to that the fact that he's got a lot of anxiety about storms right now and doesn't quite understand them and you've got a double whammy.

If you can arrange to, it sounds like your son could use hearing from your mother about what the storm was like at her house so he's more likely to believe it.

And he could use more of the other side of parenting. The nurturing and time spent on his emotions and such. A little soothing and back rubbing and special time between you two that isn't eaten up with being second priority to the baby. It's not that he really loves them more, but he is feeling like his needs are met better over there. While you can't really compete with grandparents having undivided attention to give him, you can bring it a little closer to balanced if you focus on it, probably. He needs and wants to feel special and have support.

He goes to his grandparents every weekend? For the whole weekend? Why? That seems odd to me.

Added after some more info received: maybe what he really wants is more time with you and his sister and your fiance? I know why he's w/his paternal grandparents and it's important, but your time with him is important too! Not just the daily grind/daycare/dinner/bath/bed....do some fun stuff on the weekends as well! Even dads with shared custody often get every OTHER weekend! have some fun with him. Maybe he's feeling too much like "home" equals "work week"?

k

You don't say how old your son is, which could make a difference in the answer.

Comfort him about the lightning. Focus on being more loving, and less on "discipline." Be happy you have grandparents to give you a break. If you are loving and a good mother to your son (I'm not saying you're not -- I don't know) you will never have to worry about him loving someone else more, you will just be happy that he has more people to love.

I had measles when my twin sisters were born so my parents shipped me off to my grandparents and I stayed there because my mom had to care for my twin sisters. So I was very close to my grandparents and preferred to stay there. I didn't like my parents' house at all. We lived in an apartment and there was a bright light outside my bedroom window. I couldn't sleep at night but we couldn't do anything about it.

When I was a teenager, I liked staying with my uncle and aunt because they had no children and I got all the attention I wanted.

But I didn't hate my parents. In fact, I'm now closer to them then my sisters are.

My friend had a second child with a lot of health problems and her first child acted up so much after she was born. But now that they are older, they are happier.

Looks like you have a lot on your plate. Sounds like you are doing the best you can.

See if if you arrange a "date night" with your son and bring him out so that you can have one on one time with him and let his grandparents take care of his sister instead. And even though the baby may be a "pest" try not to encourage him to think that way because it will just encourage him to act out more towards her presence in your life.

Hope this helps. Take care.

I think it is just that kids love there grandparents which is great! My kids sleep over about 1 night a week at my parents but almost every day my 3.5 yr old asks if we can invite grampy to dinner. I stay home with my kids and we do fun stuff but grampy is still funner. Your son does not hate you he just really into grammy right now. Maybe if you have a weekend that he doesnt stay with them and you do different fun things or maybe send the baby one weekend and you have special time with your son. There will be tears but you just explain that it it his special time just the 2 of you and baby sister has her time with grammy. We do that once in a while so each kids gets there time with mom and dad and gramma and grampy. Good luck just remember he doesnt hate you.

My son LOVES my moms. He goes there a lot. She is at a different stage in her life where the house doesn't matter any more, and is an educator. She deals with him in a different demeanor than I do because she is granny. We have the same rules but if you ask my son Granny has no rules. He doesn't act out there as much because he doesn't see her as much. He wouldn't want to move away from me but he sure does ask about his Granny every day. I think because of all the change at your house he is struggling a little. One on one time with you would help. Grammy talking about the storm at her house would help and how it woke her up. (Even if it really didn't!) and getting him to help with the baby so he takes pride in her would be very helpful.
Best of luck!

My kids love spending the night at grandma's too. Does he spend much weekends with you at all? If not, show him how much fun a weekend at home can be. It most likely is due to the new baby, he needs undivided attention and to learn to share his sister as well.

How about your 8 month old spend the weekend with grandma while he spend it at home for once. He was 4 months old when he started with grandma, so maybe it's her turn.

Try taking him out on mommy son dates, I do this with my kids so they get alone time with mom, and they need it.

If you work during the week and send your son to his grandparents every single weekend, when do you spend quality time with him?? Do you send your daughter as well every weekend? If not, then he may be wondering why he is the only one sent away every week. He may feel that he doesn't have a place in your home. Sounds a little crazy to me not to spend the weekend with your kids. Also make sure you are not being too strict with him. If you are all discipline and no fun, he may not want to be around you. I hope the two of you work this out. Best of luck to you.