Does My Friend Have a Disorder or Is He Just Plain Rude?

At this point I wouldn't question it. I would just end the friendship. There is to much of an age difference for you to be friends with him. I am 38 and i wouldn't in anyway hang out with anyone who is 21! At that age all they want to do is party and have fun. I am married and have children. Good luck!

If he's hitting and punching people, why haven't those people called the police and pressed charges? He's being allowed to treat people the way he does. He needs to be taught this isn't ok.

I would have cut ties a long time ago.

so, why do you tolerate it?
at 43 you should have learned by now to say 'dude! do NOT hit me again.'
and mean it.
and when you offer to treat someone to lunch, especially someone you know is impulsive and discourteous, to set the boundaries in advance. 'let me take you to lunch. anything below $12 is on me!'
how can anyone here tell if this person cares, or will ever change, or has a disorder?
pick better friends.
khairete
S.

If this is a real question - cause I am feeling troll on this one -

But, let me just say -

My God, you are 43 years old - what the hell.

You are hanging around with a kid - I am not sure if you are a man or a woman, or what exactly your relationship is with this kid - but I can say -

I think maybe you need to grow up also and realize that you are being used.
Also, it sounds more like you are interested in this kid as more than a friend - I infer this from your "just move on" comment. So then MOVE ON.

I'm confused. Why exactly are you friends with this person?? Are you obligated for some reason to keep this person in your life?? Seems strange...

He's a 20 "frat boy" acting like an idiot to get attention or approval. That's his disorder.

Now, my question is, what's YOUR disorder? Why are you hanging out with a 20 year old idiot? I think you'd have to be pretty emotionally & mentally stunted to do so.

And you are friends...why?

I think you know the answer to this one. It doesn't really matter whether he has a disorder or not. You can't change him or rescue him. He is not for you - in any sense of the word; he is not your friend, he is not on your side, he is not your kind of person, he is not the sort of person you want to be serious about. You are much better off alone than with this sort of man.

He's not a friend. He's someone you know. Start distancing yourself, really. He doesn't sound safe and he's not being a friend back. Move on.

Updated

He's not a friend. He's someone you know. Start distancing yourself, really. He doesn't sound safe and he's not being a friend back. Move on.

Wow... Has he always been this way? If not, he should see a professional, well even if he always has been he should see a professional. My question to you is why do you subject yourself to this? Loving someone in any kind of relationship entitles respect and boundaries, when these are compromised, you can keep loving but from a distance, be honest and open and share your concerns and offer help but, you cannot help someone that doesn't want it

Sounds like my idiot brother-in-law! I would drop this "friend" like a hot potato!!! And fast!!!

My brother-in-law does stupid stuff just like this and worse; is totally oblivious to anyone's feelings, etc., and just doesn't get it when someone calls him out on it. My husband talks to him on the phone maybe two or three times a year and that's it. I will not allow this idiot around me or my children! He's totally alienated himself from his parents and other family members because of his actions and he STILL thinks the problem is everyone else!!

Yeah, it's a disorder alright!! It's called self-absorbed and selfish, among many other things!!!

Good luck!!

I agree with Momof4, why would a 43 year old WANT to hang out with a very immature 20 year old?

Maybe he does care, but he can't help himself. Either way, I'd try to have a serious talk with him about his behavior in public and if it doesn't change or if he says he doesn't care, then move on.

I'm not really sure why you are a "friend" with him.... I wouldn't want to be around someone so rude!

Some of it sounds like he is just very immature.... at 20, a lot of guys just haven't grown up.

Much of this also looks like attention seeking behavior, even if it IS negative attention.

He is a bully....... he has no feelings for other people. If that is a "disorder", then so be it.......

Um Yea move on and far away!!! I would think anyone who puts up with this may have something wrong with them also. Find an actual "FRIEND" and it would probably help if they were closer to your age.

1) He needs help
2) You are not qualified to help him - you can't fix him
3) By hanging around him you are enabling him to continue his antisocial behavior and avoid seeking professional help
4) Who cares if there's a label for this or not?

You deserve SO much more out of a relationship/friendship than this.
This isn't a friendship - he's a project - you hope to change him.
Well - cut that out!
If you want to nurture something / be needed by something - get a plant or a dog or have/adopt a child.
Examine why you are attracted to broken people - then get over it.

Really? Is this for real? You are friends with him and he acts that way? My husband is 17 years older than I am, so I don't see the age difference as much of a problem, but the behaviors are not acceptable.

My husband and I are equal partners and act as responsible adults. I can't imagine, even at 20, that either of us acted the way he does.

I'd cut my losses and move on...find more mature friends.

Ummm...don't be friends with someone who is not really your friend. He's not your friend, move on. Why would you even desire to be "friends" with someone plenty young enough, to be your child. I find that pretty strange.

He is a stupid kid, kids are stupid. Why on earth are you friends with someone young enough to be your child?

Actually, this sounds a lot like people I know with both developmental disorders and "mental" disorders! So yes - he very well could have one, the other, or BOTH! For the developmental part, most kids now-a-days get social types of therapy (think autistic spectrum). In fact, I think if he gets diagnosed before age 21 he can qualify for treatments and accommodations. Since he cannot hold a job, it would really be in his best interest to get evaluated as soon as possible!!! After a certain age, sadly, they would probably just say "mental" rather than "developmental" and then there are few if any programs, housing, supports, he would be eligible for.

He is 20! He is imatrue. This sounds like he falls into the most annoying rare personalities that I really dont care for at all. I refer to it as "frat boy". The college aged, super pumped, loud and ridiculiouse young man.

At twenty they just set out on there"own". They have escaped from mom and dads rules and are setting the limits for themselves. Usually the "frat boy" type goes wild. Not that all actual frat boys are crazy and loud not that all 20 somethings actually are completely annoying.

To me it sounds, truly immatrue, not so much a disorder but the need to grow up. And by all means when he is stepping out of line set a boundary for him. Say to him "come on 40 bucks for lunch dont take extream advantiage or your going to be doing dishes in the back to pay for your meal". When he is hitting himself in the face call him out on it. Tell him "go take some meds". In a very calm voice tell him its time to "stop". If he continues walk away. I doubt he would hit himself if he did not have an audience. I truly never knew a grown adult over the age of 30 who was a "frat boy" type personality. I believe they grow out of it.

Sounds like an immature 20 yr old.
You do know that males mature slower than females right?
Well at 20 you may be looking at 13 or 14 yr old behavior.
I'd drop him.Tell him he needs to shape up or you will not be hanging out with him anymore.