Do You Make a Big Deal About Your Anniversary?

We don't do gifts or cards either, I feel pretty much like you do about cards. Often we don't even go out to eat. I'd rather have my husband grill steak at home, he makes better than we could buy out. I'd rather have a good dinner at home and a good hug and I love you honey from him than all that other stuff. He'd rather have a juicy steak and some nookie once the kids are in bed. It works for us.

I am once again probably in the minority with this answer...but here goes. When I married my husband...that was the big prize I didn't marry him assuming it would be all flowers and cards (I am not alluding to you being that way...I am just saying). Also, I didn't need the whole "princess for a day" scenario.
He isn't a romantic...he wasn't one when we married, and funny...the ring didn't change that. :) I am o.k, with that because I married an amazing person...and I revel in just being a part of his life with or without all the hoopla.
I feel like people put way too much stock in a DAY...After all...what is it but 365 days after you last celebrated the same idea. Mother's Day, birthdays, Father's Day...why do we put so much stock into people acknowledging you survived another year? I celebrate my kids birthdays and general holidays...but the rest is just fluff. I would much rather have a genuine relationship with a person who means the world to me, than some expected attention and acknowledgement one day out of the year.
I think it is more important to have a solid relationship where you can take stock in little things like how he always kisses you goodbye before he leaves for work...or he did the dishes without being asked. It's the little things that mean the most!

The traditional gift for the 13th is lace. So, go buy a cute lacy nighty and enjoy your 13th. You'll be the only package he'll want to unwrap.

We don't do much, honestly. Sometimes we go out to dinner. But this is something we agreed on pretty much as soon as we got married. It seemed silly to buy each other gifts on a day that's only about "us." Sometimes we'll buy something that we both can use and is a splurge (like a new picture for a wall) but sometimes not.

IMO, instead of sitting steaming mad at your husband, talk about what you want your anniversary to be. If you'd like him to get you a gift, tell him that. If you don't really care for cards, tell him that. Maybe he thinks he's being really thoughtful and you don't respond. Whatever it is, just talk about it, because he's not going to figure it out on his own.

Well......to be honest......no. There are just too many holidays and special occassions throughout the year for me to make a big to-do for all of them. So I am very happy with dinner out (with or without the kid) and a card. We usually discuss it before hand if we want to exchange gifts or not, and if we agree to it, it's usually something small, like under 20 bucks. We actually do that for all holidays/special occassions.
Sorry you're feeling bad about your anniversary, I hope you at least have a good dinner out. =)

I don't even know when my anniversary is. It's Feb. something.

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We love going out for a really good dinner for our anniversaries.. We talk about all of the years and how we have changed, stayed the same, about how lucky we are..

WE really do not need another thing, so we do not tend to give each other anniversary gifts.. My husband always finds the perfect card, maybe a bottle of champagne.. This next year will be our 30th..

Not sure what we will do, but I am going to remind everyone, not to give us any stuff.. I would rather have time with the people we love..

I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but some years my husband and I really go all out and some years it's just an afterthought.

For example, for our 8 year anniversary, my mom came to visit and watched our kids for a weekend and we did a weekend get-away to a hot springs resort. For 10 years, I worked for a vacation timeshare organization and we got a free weekend at the local resort. For 20 years (this year), we managed to go out to a nicer-than-usual dinner four days late...and even that was inconvenient for everyone involved.

One thing we NEVER do on our anniversary is go out to dinner with our kids. We'll share just about everything else with the kids, but I feel our anniversary is special for just us. There was married life before kids and there will be married life after kids. Our anniversary is (sometimes) the one time during the year where we reconnect with our non-kid selves. But, that's just me.

Other than the years listed above, we usually limit gift-giving. My husband is a master at choosing cards that make me cry with joy, so I look forward to those. I save them and put my favorites on my "personal" bulletin board in my classroom to give me a boost when I need one. I'm not so good with cards, so I usually just write him a letter or take an extra special moment to tell him how I feel. Some years I think this is the smartest way to go; other years I feel like jipped, just like you.

So, I don't know. I think each couple handles it differently. If you have issues, I think you need to express them to your husband. But, be careful what you say. Sometimes even our best words can come back to haunt us in ways we can't imagine.

Good luck.

Sometimes. Today is actually our anniversary....and here I am on Mammapedia....lol! :) It depends on the year, and how much we spent on Christmas for the kids. I personally, like to celebrate without the kids,I find it more romantic that way, and really it's OUR day. I LOVE to get gifts for our anniverary, even a card...but my hubby doesn't give cards! But sometime there is no gift, or night out. Like today, we just played Wii and Xbox all day, and now we are goign to paint our bedroom, to turn it into a sexier place (Red/Black and White as opposed to Moss Green and Brown!).
Perhaps, just flat out tell him, hun, thanks for being thoughtful and getting me a card, however, I prefer you get me soemthing I can wear and show off, and say look what MY husband got for me! heehee. Guys are NOT mind readers! They need SO MUCH HELP in picking stuff out, you really gotta just tell them up front what you want and expect. Of course do so kindly, or in a fun way, NEVER demand or critisize them or their efforts, you'll just hurt theit ego,and NO man feels like a man after that, let alone feel like getting you anything!
Good Luck and Happy Anniersary!!!

We don't have a great marriage, but we have great anniversaries. Go figure.

But we have great anniversaries because I use them as an excuse, and H is WAY more into anniversaries than I am. He just can't plan. I'm the one who gets on hotel websites and looks for deals, sets up a weekend adventure, babysitting, etc. I do what makes me happy... and H is always *thrilled* because he *wants* to do stuff like I plan, but his brain is just never in the right gear.

Ex) "Hey honey.. what do you think about going to the OR beach with kiddo and some friends for a week for our anniversary?" (3 months in advance). "That would be AMAZING!"... and then I set it up. Or "What do you say to getting babysitting for the weekend and going to the Salish Lodge... they have a "Do not disturb" or a "Kyaking" deal set up. They each cost about the same." him "Let's do 'do not disturb', if we want to hike we can but if we want to sleep we can." or, or, or, or....

I'm currently "planning" our anniversary for 2 years from now (may or may not be married by then, but there's always hope). Looking at taking Kiddo and the 3 of us heading to Beaches All Inclusive for a week. Which means saving for it now. H has *always* wanted to go to the caribbean, but again, long term planning just *isn't* anything he's good at. I am. So I do. ((We travel quite a bit for our jobs, but this would be an actual vacation / not working / so it's something we'd have to pay for 100% ourselves)).

The thing is... I would trade a happy marriage over 'wow' anniversaries ANY day of the week. Especially since all I'd need to do to have a 'wow' anniversary is what I do NOW... I plan them. Like I said, all I need is the excuse. I have NO idea if we'll even be married in 2 more years. But that's no reason not to put the money aside, bit by bit, now.

The thing is... the first few years when we WERE madly in love (before the temper problems, the affairs, the blah blah blah)... I sat by and "waited". I wanted HIM to do something amazing for me. One year he stopped by the gas station on the way home and picked up a plastic frog. Seriously. When we'd talked about making anniversaries a "big deal" THAT is what he came up with. Another year it was a chocolate bar while I sat at home alone because he was hanging with the boys. (("Kiss, happy anniversary, I'm going to go play music with Scott for awhile.. be back around 10." WHAT??? Don't get me wrong... he was SERIOUSLY trying... he was just absolutely clueless. He figured "I'd be busy with the baby until 10, so why should he be here?")) It wasn't till we started having problems that I "manned up" and took on what *I* viewed as HIS role.

BOTH of us have been much happier.

We don't give gifts as part of celebrating our anniversary anymore. We find something to do together, just the two of us, whatever it is, however small or well-planned for, and enjoy each other's company. I am never disappointed anymore.

It seems, from reading all the other replies, that men a clueless and marriage sucks b/c it's full of expectations. So, let's lose the expectations and treat ourselves the way we would like to be treated and give the clueless bastardz a pat on the head.

LOL I'm beginning to think romance is just a myth. I dont know any wife who gets this sweet romantic thoughtful evening for their anniversary. Most get the last minute card and the "where do you want to go for dinner?" Nothing planned or thought out. We mothers obviously need to teach OUR boys better :)

I may not be of much help, but we only do dinner and cards for our anniversary. We both enjoy buying the perfect card, with the perfect picture and words. If we can't find one, we make one. The cards stay taped to a wall in the kitchen for a month, then go in a hat box. We go thru the box periodically and pull cards to make crafts with our son.

Except for my first mother's day, when I said I wanted a gift (we'd had several miscarriages and almost lost our son before birth), we do the same for birthdays (just dinner/card) and mother's/father's days. Maybe its all of the years we spent scrimping to become debt free, but we just don't do gifts. It takes pressure off and we get what we need/want any other time of the year.

If ever one of us wants something more, its up to the person to say something. By all means, going forward, make your wishes known. Tell him to hold 1 gift aside - or purposely don't open all of them at Christmas. Ask for a brief message (like "love you") as icing on a cake instead of a card. Try starting a new tradition, like a specific pose with the 2 of you in a picture, or making dinner reservations under a silly name (Mr. & Mrs. Peeahlott (pee-a-lot)).

I hope its better for you next year and good luck!

My husband and I agreed a long time ago that we would only exchange cards for our anniversary unless it happens to be a milestone anniversary. Sure, most of the cards out on the market are pretty lame but my husband always includes a heartfelt personal message in each one so that is really his gift to me.

But how you celebrate your anniversary, what you expect to receive, and what is meaningful and right is really a personal personal preference for each one of us. If you are really don't care for receiving cards, then it is good that you told him about it. Some people want to celebrate anniversaries with a bit more oomph than others. I really think this is something that you should discuss with your husband, about how best to celebrate your anniversary, so that you are able to enjoy it as much as he does. It just appears to me that he may have been clueless about what your expectations may have been up until now and being honest (in a kind and compassionate sort of way) with him may help the two of you to get over this hurdle in your relationship.

Wishing you all the best on your anniversary!

There is nothing wrong with wanting romance for your anniversary cause heck girl sometimes that is the only day that you get it! Lol. I swear any girl that has her man bring her flowers randomly for "just cause I love you" and not a "hey I did something dumb thing" should consider herself lucky!

What girl doesnt want flowers or a little gift for being a good wife for 13 years?

You should get flowers, at the very least a dinner without your children. It's supposed to be special, and there aint nothing special about having to tell your kids to keep it down or stop flinging the peas at the waiter. That seems like any other day to me.

Make it something a bit nicer, and out of your day to day routine.
Tell him what it means to you, and that you dont want a card, but you would at least like some alone time, and you have earned it.
So tell that man of yours to go get you some flowers and wisk you away and do something nice!

Happy Anniversary! Go have fun!

I agree with SammyJo 150%!!!

My husband is an amazing man. He makes me laugh every day! I really can't tell you how wonderful of a dad, son, brother, uncle he is not to mention he is a saint of a son in law!

We look at things a little differently. I really don't know too many women who would be as excited as I was to get 40 acres of land for their 20th anniversary! I was and still am thrilled. We talked about it together. My feeling is I did not want a new ring. *I've never understood that, upgrading your ring after a while. This is the ring I married my best friend with, this is the ring I want to keep!
I have other pieces of jewelry I don't wear. *Pieces bought out of guilt because he felt the NEED to give an ITEM instead of just love.
We already travel, a lot, and when you come home all you have are the memories.
Our 40 acres is an investment in our future and our family. It will be some place our kids and grandkids can come.

I just think there are way too many expectations. I hope we are not setting our kids (20 year old son and 16 year old daughter) up for unhappy relationships because their future significant others will expect a constant showering of attention.
Oh, and we've been together almost 25 years and married 22.

I'm sorry your anniversary is not what you hoped for.

I'm lucky and my hubby spoils me horrendously. I am fairly sure that it will be dinner at a high end restaurant, hopefully flowers at work. I wouldn't dream of asking for a thing since he bought me front row tickets to the John Mellancamp concert in April, but I'm sure he'll get something. Our anniversary is Jan 10, so not that long after Christmas.

I bought us both massages at one of the swanky hotels downtown and I'm hoping to get a room there for the night. We choose to do for each other, not only on holidays and anniversaries, but year round.

This doesn't sound like an Anniversary issue. There is no formula for anniversary/birthday/xmas, etc.. It's what makes sense between the two of you. It sounds like there are some underlying expectations that are not being met nor communicated. He buys you a card because it's meaningful for him but it's not to you. He likes your gesture of gift, but doesn't reciprocate. Is this only about your anniversary or are there different versions of this through the year? Just a thought....

HA! Nope, our anniversary is just another day around here. We don't even exchange cards. We don't have a babysitter so our kids would be in tow just like always even if we did go anywhere. Since we're trying to get out of debt instead of dig our way back into it, we feel "romantic expensive dinners" are a total waste of hard-earned and very-difficult-to-come-by money even if it is just for one night.

Our anniversary isn't usually anything special. Maybe dinner (usually with the kids) sometime that week. On a good year I get a card. Have you ever read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman? Sounds like his love language may be words of affirmation while yours may be gifts. The book helped my husband and me understand the other better, though my husband still is not good at implementing my love language. Like others have said, you may just have to plan what you want, or tell him directly (save one gift for our anniversary!). I know my husband loves me everyday, which helps some with not having a "special" time for our anniversary. I wanted our 20th anniversary to be special so I planned our trip. When he suggested we take the kids I just said NO!

I do empathize-my husband usually takes me to dinner-and sometimes a card. I keep them in a drawer-or somewhere-not sure. You should pick out something you love-and tell him where to get it. Some men just aren't romantic-and if they are-I seem to ruin it for them within 2 yrs of knowing me. Seriously-should have stayed single. If you want big romantic nights-get a boyfriend.

Our wedding anniversary falls during or extremely close to the San Diego Comic Book Convention. The only year we missed going in nearly 20 years is the year we got married. Choice was ComicCon or an all expense paid honeymoon to England where we got to see some of my husband's family. Think you can guess what we chose ;) LOL
We jokingly consider the con our anniversary party.
We don't do the whole special going out and all that. We don't get gifts for each other, we are already going to be spending money on things at the convention.
I don't honestly get it. The whole make a big spectacle of one day. We do little things all the time no matter what day it is. We wish each other a Happy Anniversary and go about the day..usually off to con with the kids to wear ourselves out and over load our senses.

I'm sorry you are so disappointed, and I hope your anniversary turns out better than you expect.

We've been married almost 17 years, and do something different each year to celebrate. We don't do gifts or cards, just spend time together. Sometimes we get a room at a nice hotel, sometimes go to a movie and dinner, one of my favorite years my parents kept the kids and we stayed in our pajamas all day at home, ordered food to be delivered, and watched all of the Alien movies. :-) The big thing is that we've both worked really hard at maintaining our relationship throughout the years, appreciating each other and being sure we talk about things other than just the kids. Then on our anniversary we take some extra time to enjoy each other's company, whatever we decide to do. We have fun together and laugh. I hope you and your husband can enjoy each other, too. Happy Anniversary!

We get the "traditional" gift for each other on our anniversary. I felt that it took some of the stress of the day and it makes us have to get creative. I know that gift list does end somewhere and then jump to only 25th and 50th I think, so I'm not sure if there even is a 13th gift, but maybe you could decide on a routine that you do each year so you won't be disappointed (and he won't get snarky about cologne!) but can look forward to something fun.

For our 20th, my husband made a big toodoo about it, but I honestly do not remember most of the others, we took a little trip on our 5th, and usually go out to dinner, or get each other small stuff, sometimes just a card. He has been gone on deployment or at Navy duty several times, so we have not even celebrated some of them. What counts is all the days in between. Nothing is perfect, but if he treats you well, and you enjoy his company, count yourself lucky. Make the most of the marriage, which is more than a wedding, and more than an anaversary. If it matters to you, tell him what you want. Men don't always know what we are thinking, and he may not be insensitive to what you would like if you tell him what matters to you. They are dense that way.

M.

We do not really do anything since we have had kids. Most of the time we plan to make a nice dinner for the whole family so everyone knows it is important and special but we don't do gifts or anything. My husband and I do not do gifts for any holidays, events, or birthdays. It was a conscious decision we made long ago. We also do not do cards for the same reason you don't like them. It is like taking $3 to $5 and throwing it in the trash. Seems silly. I think this year we actually went all out and went to a restaurant for our 15th Anniversary and my mom took the kids.

Ultimately you and your husband just need to decide what you do for anniversaries. If you want a bit more out of it, you both should just talk about it and stick to it. That way you don't feel cheated. As far as the cards, it sounds like it means a lot to your husband. He is probably one of those that really takes time and pride in the card selection. Maybe you can get a little memory box and save the cards he picks out for you so he know you cherish his thought - remember "It's the thought that counts." In short, it is important to you to get a gift and it is important to him to give a card. My guess is, neither one of you gets it about the other, so you just go with it.

Good luck and Happy Anniversary.

I read your question just to see what the responses would be. I'm on the fence about this and leaning toward not making a big deal out of it. And not just about anniversaries, but about V-day, birthdays, etc. I wouldn't mind the whole she-bang...romance, expensive dinner, yadda yadda...but my DH is more practical than that. Before we were married, I twice took him to a really nice restaurant for dinner and all he did was complain about the prices and in general make it un-fun. About V-Day, he says, "It's a Hallmark holiday. I don't need a special day just to tell you I love you." The same could be said about anniversaries. I understand that and appreciate his viewpoint, and even though I wouldn't mind him making a fuss about it, it's not important enough to me to get upset over it when he doesn't. Incidentally, though, as far as anniversaries go, we are taking a trip for ours next year. However, it's just my practical hubby combining anniversary and annual vacation. Can you do something like that?

That being said, seems like your husband wants you to do more for him than he's willing to do for you. I'd probably have to address that part of it. Maybe you should take the cologne back and just give him a nice card. And cards are 2/$1 at Dollar Tree...maybe you can go together!

My anniversary is tomorrow (the 28th) - 14 years! Having it so close to Christmas is somewhat of a drag, but it is what it is. We joke about it now. Last night we got in bed and I said "I didn't get you a card yet" and he said "Good, me neither!" So that's that. I'm not a card person anyway. We do have a sitter coming tomorrow so we can go to dinner. And then we'll probably wander around some stores to look at stuff for our newly renovated kitchen. We just like to spend time together on our anniversary - it's never fancy, and rarely do we exchange gifts. I mean, we just did that a couple days ago. I'm not saying I don't like a romantic night out or whatever, but that can happen at any time during the year. This past October my in-laws watched the kids and we went to a bed and breakfast for the weekend. It was fabulous! Maybe you should do something like that, so you still get your special time?

We talk about it and see where each other's heads are at. Last year we just went to this theater where you can eat while you watch a movie, we are movie buffs so we had a great time. The year before we ate at a really fancy restaurant, stayed in a hotel, went to a comedy club...all that jazz. So it has really varied year to year. I mean we have only been married 4.5 yrs. so it's not like we are experts or something!! This year for number 5 I want to do something special. But we don't do gifts and all that stuff we just decide what we want to spend and do whatever we can afford on our budget. I do think going out together more would be good. We have young kids so a weekly date night isn't happening, but we do shoot for a monthly date night. I personally don't care how we get it either, last week his boss took us out to dinner. It was us and other adults, we hung out talked, had great personal talks on the car ride to and from, cha-ching, date night! We keep our date nights down to about once a month and send each other off to do something fun on our own about once a month as well. It makes us much more recharged to deal with regular life. I don't think your children's grandparents, or whoever, would mind watching your kids occasionally so you two can go out. It sounds like it's time for a rekindle!! Good luck :D

Well we've only been married a year and a half, and we totally both forgot our first anniversary. One day my husband went "oh hey, yesterday was our anniversary. Happy anniversary!"

Although I was about 8 months pregnant at the time and we were freaking out trying to get the nursery ready, so that's our excuse. :)

We usually don't do anything special. We might go out to dinner but we do not exchange cards or gifts. For our sixth anniversary I received a beautiful diamond necklace but until and since then we do not do much.

Normally for birthdays, Christmas, etc we do not exchange gifts. We are just not into it. We used to but then we were never happy with each other's gifts so we just decided to buy the things we want ourselves if we need them. I would probably enjoy a nice bouquet from the grocery store but I just get it myself. I like the thought of being romantic but it just isn't something we do.

If I don't plan it...it doesn't happen.

If we go out to dinner, I plan it and find a sitter, and buy him a gift/card.

My DH does not do anything...IF I get a card it is a really BIG deal. I did get a ring guard for my wedding ring for our tenth anniversary, but I went and found it and took him back to buy it. It was very very inexpensive.

Last year (our 14th) I wanted to plan a weekend away. After trying for 2 months to try and find anyone who could watch our kids...I gave up. I think we went out to dinner...maybe.

He is a great husband in every other way...but he does not do cards/gifts for any occasion...anniversary, birthday, valentines day, christmas...I have learned to live with it. I love him and just go with it.

But I would absolutely LOVE it if he every changed his ways...it means so much when they do something special.

Aw it doesn't sound like your husband meant to hurt your feelings. My guess is that he's yet another clueless male who thought you were treating the anniversary the way he was (not a big thing). Its annoying but all too common. My anniversary was a couple of weeks ago and we didn't do anything big. I took the day off work and we just saw a movie and ate at this crab restaurant that we LOVE but can't ever go to b/c of child logistics. (The reason we did it in the daytime is we don't have a babysitter so me taking off of work allowed us to be together without our son who was in daycare) Anyway, as far as anniversaries go, I thought it was pretty laidback and I started the day a little upset b/c I thought I'm taking the day off and all we're doing is going to a movie and eating at a restaurant (not even a fancy restaurant!) but by the end of the day, I had had a lot of fun b/c we hadn't seen a movie in FOREVER b/c of our son and the restaurant, while not fancy IS one of our faves that we never get to go to. No gifts, no cards but a good anniversary. I'm thinking next year, it'd be nice to do something a little more romantic though..we'll see!

We're in a minority.

We don't celebrate it at all. In fact, we don't wish each other a happy anniversary.
It's not because we're not happy but it's because that day was a miserable day & I'd just rather forget it.

You'll be happy and I think he went to inclusive if you like him, he will know that you care about him, he agreed to will love you more, relax, nothing is can not be resolved, you will get what you want, Good luck, I wish you happy forever. Laughter is the best way to solve anything. You have to laugh .

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We always do dinner, cards, and a movie or something to that effect on our accual wedding day. We have not really done gifts. Our anniversary is 3 days after Valentines. This coming will be our 4th anniversary. But every year he has also suprised me with flowers, a day to a week before so I am not expecting them. Then the past 3 years he has suprised me with some kind of trip on a random weekend in Feb. He calls my boss, gets me off work, gets my mom to keep our son, has my bags packed, and takes me to a night away somewhere. Were still newly married tho, you al have afew years on us. Ask me 10 years from now, and we may very well be doing nothing. Happy Anniversary, and congrats on 13 years!!!

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so unspecial about your special day. It sometimes feels that way when you have been married that long. We just had our 14th anniversary 9 days before Christmas... so I sortof know the feeling. Life just gets bogged down with everything else and we start taking for granted the situation and relationship we have. How many completely original special gifts can you come up with after 14 years??? Really. I am with you... I don't hate getting cards so much as I hate BUYING one. They all seem so fake and insincere. And even if I truly feel everything in them, I feel like it comes off LOOKING like it's all fake and insincere.
My husband is far more romantic than I am about that sort of thing. He used to write poems in the cards. :) Like song lyrics or something (his own-- not borrowed, lol).

But the last few years... well... we've been busy. The kids get older and we are way more involved with them. And I am usually pretty bogged down in Christmas preparation when it is time to start thinking about our anniversary. We usually try to have someone watch the kids and go out to dinner. We exchange small gifts sometimes (he usually does more than me and it usually involves some small token of chocolate). I think if you really wish you were getting more made of it, then you should talk to your husband. He probably doesn't know that. And doesn't know what to do about it either-- so be prepared to have some suggestions lined up....

Sounds like maybe you two could use some counseling. Yes, some things change with the years, but you no longer kiss good bye or good night? I have been with my hubby for 12 years, we have survived 2 affairs, and we never go to bed or leave without a kiss. He even kisses me on the forehead and whispers goodbye when he has to leave for work at 4am. He thinks I am sleeping, but I am always awake ;). There was a time we were drifting apart, I almost left him, but counseling saved our marriage, and our family.

We don't make a big deal out of anniversaries, but I would be really hurt that he expected a gift and then didn't get you anything. This year, my husband and I decided not to exchange gifts because money is tight, but it was a mutual decision and we had a conversation about it. Most years, we go out to dinner together and he gets me a single rose - and I like that. I rarely need more stuff, and the expensive of a gift might be wasted. But I think you know it's all about the thought that counts - and your husband didn't put any thought into it. I would tell him you're a bit hurt. Hopefully, he didn't mean it and will put in more effort next time.