Someone asked me if i was getting something for my ex to give him from our daughter...she is only 19 months old! I figured when she was older of course I would help her get something to give him but I don't think I need to run out and get something for him from her...do I? (can you tell he isn't my favorite person?) Please tell me your thoughts? Thank you!
Thank you all for your thoughts...i truly appreciate them! I have decided that we are going to decorate a frame for him and put a picture in it. It is easy, cheap, good for her to do crafts and good for me to show her that the holidays are about giving. I did some soul searching and this is the best idea for the situation. Again, I can't thank all of you enough for helping me make this decision!
I always have! My daughter was too young to organize it (and didn't have a job then). He took her shopping to chose gifts for me as well.
I think at this age a bought gift isn't necessary, but Nikki M's idea is a great and perfect one for the reasons given by SC.
Nope! And my daughter doesn't get anything for her Step mom either! I will only allow her to get something for her half brother.
S.
Favourite person or not, he is our daughter's father. Perhaps a "father daughter" toy would be appropriate. Something they would do together. Or she can draw him a picture or make him a card. Whether you like him or not you need to teach her to recognize her father.
My dad left when I was 2. Every year my mother had me make something for him or buy him soemthing (it was easier to make something-even at 16!) I am glad she did. When he died of cancer when I was 28 i did not feel any remorse for not trying to have a relationship with him. I did my part.
Don't let your past interject on your daughter's future, beginning now.
Give him something meaningful, sentimental. Make a card from one of the Kodak kiosks (CVS, Walgreens, WalMart, etc) with her picture and "Merry Christmas Daddy" on it.
Maybe make a 'drawing' or some little craft. There are LOTS of craft ideas here: http://bit.ly/gPNsR4 I love the handprint art - tree, wreath, and reindeer are all too cute!! Don't "run out and get" anything if you don't want to! Have her make one of the crafts or a simple Christmas ornament with her picture and call it a job well done.
Here's another idea: Cut out a 'gingerbread girl' out of a paper grocery bag. Let her decorate it with glitter, buttons, sequens (or whatever) and put a cutout picture of her face on the head and put a pipe cleaner or trash/bread tie at the top. Instant ornament - and practically free!
Doing this is healthy for your relationship with your ex. And will be very helpful in raising your child together. He will respect you more for your effort because, obviously, your child didn't buy that gift herself. In the long-run, it's a good thing when exes get along. You won't have problems with one parent turning the child against the other. Which I have a hard time understanding why many adults still find this sort of childish antics acceptable. I say be the bigger person and in the end you and your child will benefit from her having a healthy relationship with both parents.
I agree that you are not obligated to give your Ex a present from your daughter...however, the ideas other Moms had about a piece of artwork or a photo of your daughter is nice.
I did not buy my son's father Christmas presents, but I would give him photos or artwork. As my son got older, he was able to pick out presents to give his Dad..in fact, we just did that last weekend. Yep, I paid for it, even though he is now 14 and has his own money.
It is just the "adult" thing to do. I think I always included something under the tree for my Ex as a way to prove I was the bigger person...LOL. Funny though, he almost always give me a Christmas present.
Maybe just put her in a cute outfit, set her down by the tree, and take some pics. Frame it and give it to him. Nothing big, but he would appreciate it, I am sure.
I think its a good idea. I have always gotten a gift for my ex, from my daughter. Even at 19 months old make sure you talk to her and tell her, this gift is for daddy, do you like this for daddy.. ect. Then allow her to help you wrap it and give it to her to give to him. I think this is the perfect time to start doing this. She will remember this, and will help cement their relationship and the respect she will have for him... Just my opinion. My daughter gets a kick out of picking a gift for her dad ( even though HE doesnt buy her anything for xmas, we still do, when she gets older she will form her own opinions)
I personally would wait until she is older and could pick it out on her own.
I actually made a photo album for dad and put baby pictures in it. I gave pictures each year and did things like make handprints, etc for the album. When the kids get older, they understand more about the sharing of gifts but I just felt it was the right thing to do in my case.
I didn't buy things from the baby either. I never regretted the simple gesture on my behalf though.
Best wishes.
Just give him a card and let your daughter draw on it. Or put her hand print on it. That way the sentament is strictly from her and not you spending time shopping for him. :)
I am not crazy about my ex either. My daughter is 8 - we split when she was 2. The first year I did do a collage picture frame for him (all pics of her and her & him together). Throughout the years yes - most Chistmas's I have and even most birthdays (I might have missed 1 or 2). This year she has a new sister and a new step-mom :-l soooo, I always try to be the bigger person. I am taking my daughter shopping to pick something for her sister and I suggested that maybe we pick 1 gift that both her daddy and step mom would like (I suggested a nice box of chocolate). I never spend alot. So yes I think it would be a nice gesture - but please don't feel obligated. To each her own!
Prehaps a picture frame with a piece of her "artwork" in it or her picture...
(Of course my kids love to scribble with crayons... not all do...)
I would give him a photo of her, "from" her. It's inexpensive, but it speaks volumes about you putting aside your feelings for the sake of your daughter.
And, if you're lucky, he'll realize that he'll be responsible for helping her pick out something for mommy in the future!
When I divorced, I always bought a gift from our daughter to my ex. But, when he remarried, I stopped. I though it was better if my ex's new wife did the honors...and she gladly obliged.
M.
It would not hurt any one for you to give him some sort of keepsake of his daughter.
Maybe like others have said a framed photo of her helping make cookies, playing on a play ground, riding on one of her scooting toys.. Maybe even a lock of her hair tied in a ribbon with her name and age in a small frame..
A mug with her photo on it..
Be sure to give from the heart of your daughter, she will appreciate it as she gets older.
Hello, I am sure you don't want to give him anything, but it would be a very nice gesture for you to buy something for her to give him. I just bought something for my two year old granddaughter to give her mother since the dad has just disappeared out of her life. There is nobody to make sure that she has a gift to give mommy. I did the same thing when my oldest grandson was little and my other daughter was divorced.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.
NO! Like you said when she gets older, you will assist her in making or purchasing a gift.
If your going to do anything, have her make him a card or something. My little one loves to color-maybe yours does too?: I would make a home made card and leave the gift buying until she is older.
GL
Molly
Updated
If your going to do anything, have her make him a card or something. My little one loves to color-maybe yours does too?: I would make a home made card and leave the gift buying until she is older.
GL
Molly
He may not be your favorite person, but if he's a good dad, I think a card at this age is enough. When she's old enough to make a card or present, go the hand-made route. When she has an allowance, she can have a "present fund" for daddy. That way, it'll come from her.
No. Like you said, maybe when shes older. I think it would be awkward now.
um, no. i didn't read your prior responses but i don't think you should start this 'habit' now. i don't buy stuff 'from' my kids for their dad, not for his bday or the holidays or anything else. they can make him something if they want to. or if they want something bought, they can ask his wife to take them and she can buy it for him from them. that is NOT your responsibility and don't start it now. good luck.
when she is older, yes, now is too early.
I agree with you. she is too young so wait until she asks you to do it when she is older, until then, I wouldnt. You have enough going on raising your daughter than to worry about your ex's feelings. Unless you still have feelings for him.
No, I don't get anything for my daughter father , maybe when she's older and she ask for it.
on the other side my sister always give presents for her ex on birthdays and christmas but the kids were 4 and 6 (now 13 and 10)and they ended in god terms so.
I think christmas is not about presents but to be thankful and been kind to each other , the best give we can give is respect and friendship..
I would say why bother, if you're not crazy about him. it would just be for him, not her. My daughter's the same age and doesn't "get" xmas yet.
I never got the gift for their father for my children. He didn't give me any from them either.
We remained friends and sometimes spent holidays together (Thanksgiving) so the children could have us both. We went to dinner with our children too after the divorce but no gifts.
