Our 6 year old started a new Summer Camp this week and LOVES it. The camp is on a FARM…we live in the city and this place is 2 mins from us, so kind of crazy. They have tons of animals, huge play grounds, arts & crafts, field trips and so on. When I pick her up at the end of each day, there are kids roaming ALL over the place and it takes me a good 10-15 mins to track her down. Tuesday-Thursday I have asked her if she has made any friends and her response each time is basically no one wants to be friends with her and at times, kids up and move locations if she asks a small group if they want to "play". This breaks my heart. She is there 7 hrs a day, so she has put in 28 hrs so far this week, I would think SOMEONE would have taking a liking to her. The kids range from 6-12 there. Our daughter attends a Montessori school during the school year, so she is not with the Public school kids. Assuming some of these kids know one another from school, but I don't know that for a fact. I of course am NOT making a big deal about this with her and I told her she will find a friend, it's only been 4 days. She does have friends at school, plays well with the kids in the neighborhood and if we go somewhere like a park, she will start talking to a group of kids and off they go playing tag. Of course I think she is a cute girl with a GREAT personality :) I guess my question is, are girls just mean? I sort of think the answer is yes because I know how we operate! Do you feel bad if no one befriends your child? Again, our daughter LOVES this place, so this positive out weighs everything, but I just feel bad when I hear her saying how she tries to talk to some one and they look to another child and say "come on, let's go" REALLY? Of course, kids that did not bring money to the field trip yesterday were begging her for her money and she gave 2 different kids a dollar (which I told her after the fact NO WAY will that happen again!). Sure now they want to talk to her for a minute.
Like Mindy said, it's time to talk to the camp leaders.
Teens don't necessarily know or see that one child is being excluded. So talk to the head couselor.
Yes, girls are mean. Also, it is a rare child who can see another child's needs and try to meet them. I'd talk to the adults there about this dilemma. It sounds very normal but painful. She may not be all that unhappy with the situation but it's awful for you. If she is unhappy, all the more reason to see if an adult can hook her up with another lone girl. It's unlikely she can break into a clique no matter how cute and charming she is. Finding another lone girl is her best bet. If she could try to reach out to another girl who seems lonely or sad, that might work out very well. Hang in there, Mom.
I think you need to talk to her counselors, and if they are teenagers,to the camp director. It's one thing if she does not have any good friends there, but if kids are excluding her, walking away, etc. then I think that the adults in charge need to get involved. Such young kids reallly need more structure and supervision, someone should notice if she is by herself all the time. Staff should be doing more to make sure that all the kids are included and doing group activities, sounds like maybe too much free play time at this camp. They should be aware that other kids suckered her out of money. Definitely talk to her about not buying friendship, that it won't make kids like her and I'd give any money to her counselor to hold, so that it doesn't go to someone else.
Sounds like she's having fun whether she's enjoying with another person or not. Some kids do well alone. If you are making her feel like something is wrong by emphasizing that she should be making friends that could make her think that something IS wrong even when it isnt. Rather than asking her if she's made any friends today, try asking her what some of the names are of other kids at camp. You might be surprised at how many people she may know but doesnt really care to hang out with.
Definitely school her on not handing out her money tho... We've all been through that stage of development.
Of course it hurts when our children don't make new friends - especially when we know how nice, friendly and sweet our children can be.
Not all children are raised to respect others, to be nice unless given a reason not to - and that makes it harder for those who ARE taught manners and respect.
Yes of course. I think my son is awesome, but he's had moments of being unsure and excluded, and I hurt for him. The most memorable was when he was 18 months old and wanted SO BADLY to have "friends". I did EVERYTHING I could but realized I just wasn't "enough" and he needed peers. He'd stick his little chest out, put on his winning smile, and approach some kids and they'd sneer and say "your wittle" (they were bigger, but little too). I went that week and put him in part time daycare (half days), so he could have friends. So yeah I know what you mean.
I agree with having a little word with someone in charge. I had a friend's son at church one time, and the next week he said he didn't want to go. I said "Ok, that's cool....why?" and he said noone talked to him. So I got him to go a couple weeks later and after checking him in spoke to the lady in charge and just said "He was hesitant to come back because noone talked to him. Think you could help integrate him?" and he LOVED it after that.
Yes, girls are weird at that age. I'm so glad I don't have little girls! I remember liking boys better when I was growing up but didn't really know why. Then I got a job with the little kids at a daycare center and was shocked at how EARLY the playground politics start! Freakishly early. I don't get it now, I didn't get it as a child either. But I'm fine now. ;)
Sorry :( That hurts. I think kids that are in groups tend to do this. She is the new kid and sadly most parents don't teach their children to try and get to know the new child. My boys are home schooled and I find that most children their age are very clickish and not very social at all but for children they know or that are their age. Mine on the other hand are exposed to all different ages, genders and see new children and adults all the time. So they have trouble understanding the whole social networks that are laid out in public schools. I hurt for them, but they are very friendly and are learning to pick their friends wisely instead of working hard to be excepted by others. I understand that everyone wants friends and that it's hard but I think it's more important for a child to learn to like themselves even when others don't seem to ;) It's a life skill that will go far in life.
Try and not feel sorry for her and just give her some reassurance that she is normal and ok as she is. A little validation goes far for a young child struggling :)
Best Regards,
C.
It sounds like it is not bothering her, she is having fun.. Maybe she is more of a loner and there is nothing wrong with that.
As for girls, oh yes they are mean, clique'ish and rude. I substitute teach and I see it in 1st grade. It has nothing to do with Public school and Montessori school... girls from both backgrounds get mean, not just public school kids, lol.
Don't assume the girls are being mean. Your daughter probably knows a lot of names, etc and just hasn't found the right fit for her yet.
There is a good chance that some of the girls are there with friends from their own school and that is ok.
She does not need to spread the wealth with the money because they will figure out that they can use her that way.
Let her enjoy herself and don't get overly worried unless you see her withdrawing. Keep you lines of communication wide open so she will talk to you.
Well, in your post, you make it a point to say he much she LOVES this new camp. So, I wouldn't worry too much about this. Especially given the fact that she has friends at school and plays well with others elsewhere.
I say give it a little more time, and stop stressing. Only if she comes home miserable and not wanting to go back to camp should you worry. Being a temporary "loner" is not a bad thing! I used to play alone quite a bit as a child. It really builds imagination.
It does break my heart when my kids go through this, but I also know it is a life lesson that I can give them guidance to get through, but ultimately they have to deal with it on their own. They will, using the tools we give them.
Good luck to you and yours!
My daughter started a new daycare when she was 4 1/2. It took weeks for her to make any friends. When I would ask her, she said no one wants to be her friend. When I would pick her up and talk to the teachers, they did say she didn't have any "friends" yet, but that she was playing w/ other kids during the day.
Your daughter has been put in a new situation where she doesn't know anyone. She can't expect others will come flocking to her. Kids are in their own world when they are with other kids. They just want to have fun and play - if someone joins them and can add fun, then that person is in. Other kids could care less if someone is trying to be nice to them and asking politely to play with them.
You can't assume all little girls your daughter comes into contact with are being mean b/c they won't play w/her.
Yes, I have felt bad when my kid tried to make friends by asking other kids if he could play with them and they just left him in their dust. When this started happening I told him to just get in there and play! Don't ask and don't wait for an answer.
You can have a group of kids that age who are all BFFs and see each other all the time, but if one of them sees an outsider having fun, most likely that one BFF will want to play with outsider. Kids that age aren't attracted to other kids b/c those other kids are polite. Kids are attracted to other kids who are loud, noisy, laughing, having a good time b/c of their fun and entertainment quality.
hope it gets better foryou guys!
I normally would feel bad but since your daughter has plenty of friends otherwise, I wouldn't worry. I also say that because I think sometimes kids exaggerate this type of stuff. My daughter will say that and then I find out that she's playing with other kids plenty. Maybe she means she doesn't have a "best friend" there yet. And it still hasn't been long. If she's happy, I wouldn't worry.
While I see your point about not letting her be taken advantage of I'm not sure the lesson of telling her not to share a dollar was such a good lesson. At 6 years old their understanding of "taking advantage of" is minimal. Your daughter may not be the problem there might be issues with the other kids. If every one who had an extra dollar gave one to two people who didn't imagine how much better this world would be. We could all learn something from your little girl. The world may be full of trickery but not at her age. Don't make yours and my reality of how things really are become hers yet.
A.
SAHD of four little loves
Kids are mean. Girls especially. They form little groups and exclude where they can. I totally agree talk to the camp director to see if they can help her find a friend. Maybe there is another girl being excluded. My daughter use to have that issue at a public school. She was the same had friends in the neighbor hood and outside of school but her classroom situation was filled with spoiled pta kids who ran the school and use to make her cry. But once we changed school she started to do a lot better. One thing I talked to my daughter about is learning to say no and enjoy her own company so she can look like she is confident and having fun on her own. It will draw other kids to her. Sadly I made the same mistake of teaching my daughter to share, be sweet not talk back etc and when she was put in with nasty spoiled kids she didn't know how to deal with them or understand why they were mean. Make sure you explain to your kid thats its not her but that they are mean and excluding her because kids are mean and some get threatened.
If she is having fun, then that's all that matters. She will make friends - just give it some time. If you're really concerned, talk to a counselor of the camp director. I'm sure they will tell you she is fine!
No, I do not feel sad/bad for my son when/if he has a difficult time making friends, it is something kids have to work thru. Show again how to make friends and allow her to keep workin on it. She may even be pushing these kids away and telling you the oposite, yes even at this age kids lie about friends b/c they think they are supposed to have friends but may not want friends. If you show her that you are upset that she has no friends at this place she may feel added pressure to please you and not please herself so be mindful of this.
If she really enjoys the camp, and it sounds like she does, and she doesn't seem to have problems making friends in other settings - I think it's great experience for her to learn how to do something interesting without a gaggle of friends.
My younger homeschooler went to Cartoon Camp for several years and had a similar experience a couple of times (though he did have a friend there with him a session or two). He liked it so much that it didn't matter.
Now if she didn't really enjoy the camp I would feel differently . . . I also would not send her if the other children were a bad influence (sounds like they're all just caught up in their own worlds).
I think she's doing fine.
Try not to worry.
There are acquaintances, friends and best friends, and even best friends will have days when they fall out and then make up again.
I think it's important to learn to interact with peers but at the same time they are not responsible for your happiness (or lack thereof).
Some kids intensely 'need' friends around them constantly - they are not happy unless they are pack/herd members.
Other kids can take it or leave it and are just as happy doing things on their own.
They seem less likely to cave in to peer pressure - which can be a good thing.
Sometimes these kids are loners, but sometimes they are leaders too - and others eventually seek them out and want to follow them.
Since your daughter is happy at camp, don't worry about the friends aspect - by the end of the summer she'll have a few who she will miss when school starts up.
