Do You Answer If You Have No Real Advice?

support is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?
sometimes a splash of cold water is the most supporting thing you can do for someone.
khairete
S.

Hmmm, I actually kinda LIKE short and abrupt answers. And the 'offer no real support' part is pretty much in the eye of the poster, don't you think?

There's not a mom in the world we can't all learn something from, even when her input is not really in the form of Official Advice.

I think you're all awesome. Short and abrupt or long winded and preachy though you may be!

:)

I have answered without an answer but usually it is to tell a story that I feel the OP may find funny. Okay I may have sniped a few times. This morning I had the perfect snipe but I took the high road and walked on. :)

Why does it double post sometimes?! GRRRRRRR

do you mean like this......

This is an open forum. So IMO if you have something to share, then go ahead.

Heck yes I do!!! If I can help someone great, if you don't like my 2 cents, skip right on over it!!!

There are times when I say "I've not had this experience...however...if I did - this is what I would do..."

There have been times I will just say "I"m sorry this is happening or going on"....other times - i just skip it.

I do see what you mean though. There have been answers to questions like "ooohhh okay" or some snide remarks...that I won't repeat because then it would be considered flaming...but you get my point. Things like that? It just shows lack of maturity and so much more...

To answer your headline - No I often don't even bother reading the questions in those instances.

As for the substance of your post - sometimes I find those responses to be spot on without the sugar coating/fluff. Just because the are contrary does not make them wrong.

is this a trick question? ;-)

I agree that sometimes the response isn't necessarily what is asked for, but I don't share unless I feel it is some sort of help to someone. Completely unhelpful answers, like, "This is a stupid question," are infuriating. There is no way that is helpful to anyone.

***** After reading your SWH, I'll come out and say it.... The people who do what you are referring to are know-it-alls who want to hedge their bets. If the original poster is a troll, then can grin smugly and say "I knew it and called them on it, subtly." If the question is genuine, they can claim they just didn't have anything to share on the subject, but wanted a first-time poster to feel like people are, in fact, reading their question. I am not saying this justification would ever actually be articulated, but in my experience, it is the way these types of know-it-alls operate. I am never a fan of anyone who practices self-aggrandizement at the expense of someone else.

I would like to think this discussion would encourage people to think about their posts a couple times through before posting, but I think that any kind of public forum will attract all types. Even if there were any way to be certain that all the member of this board are indeed parents, being a parent doesn't mean you can't be a douche. (As has been evident on these boards more than once.) :-)

Hmmmm...well we probably ALL could agree that we think we have something valid to add if we do add something by way of a response (probably including you, right?).

Someone asked for a pediatric opthamologist recommendation, in TX. I'm in PA, so obviously I don't personally know of any children's eye docs in TX, but I got my recommendation from our pediatrician, so I suggested that. Hope that's OK.

I, too, find it weird, that people feel the need to "suspect" new posters. For all we know it could be a regular unwilling to reveal personal information, so they post under a new "handle."

Last time I checked, there were rules & regulations that we all agree too. Let's let them do their jobs.

Like so often said here, take the advice you find helpful, and ignore the rest!

Must it be advice or can it be an opinion contributing to the board?? I am not an expert on many subjects but feel I can contribute honestly to questions asked.

I was thinking today that many people on here want their hand held and to be told they are absolutely right. I don't think that is always appropriate. I think it *is* respectful to give an honest opinion which is something they may not get from friends or loved ones.

Sometimes I respond with information I think will be helpful to the person's situation; other times, I might respond with just a note of support.

Short, to-the-point, even challenging responses are fine, IF they are constructive and have the person's best interest in mind. Snarky, "I know better than you" comments are rarely for the OP's best interest.

Offering advice in a way that a person is most likely to "hear" it DOES NOT mean "sugar-coating" it. It means if I have taken my time to respond, I want that person to actually read it, think about it, digest it, and hopefully, get someting from it and NOT just dismiss and disregard it because I came off like a maniac.

We can be truthful and say what we honestly believe the person needs to hear without being obnoxious.

The MP community is like any group of people--- your neighborhood, your co-workers, your extended family. You'll have the people on one end who approach things with tact and reason and others who just say whatever just because they can. You'll also find everything in between.

Despite some of the negatives, I still think there is great value in this site, in the potential to see things from all different sides and learn something new, and in the tremendous support, information, and resources provided.

I answer all the time and forget to get to the actual advice part ;)
usually I tell a story about how I totally relate to what the person is saying.

Theresa in Sarasota Springs and I are twins of the mind. I actually prefer reading short questions and answering in short blurps. I don't have time to sift to the meat of the issue, nor do I want to beat around the bush to give you an answer.

When I see a question and the mama admits that it is long, I usually skip reading it.

I honestly try to answer the question and keep the snark to myself. I think we can all get testy about certain questions, especially when they hit a nerve in our personal life. I think people should *try* to remove themselves from the situation and try to answer objectively. I know if I can't manage to do that, I don't answer the question because I'm not helping the asker in any way. I'm just being self-righteous and sassy.

I also find that once a person begins to harp on one point, everyone else starts to harp on the same point, too. Once that begins, the answers get meaner and meaner, and I don't think that's right. I stopped asking questions about my own personal situations because of that reason. It's like questions about one's personal life are sensational, and I don't like for my personal situations to be a source of entertainment for others.

Interesting question you have raised because I myself have posted questions on this site and received responses that had nothing to do with what I asked. I've gone so far to personal message people, kindly of course, asking them what the point of their response was and they really have no idea why they responded as such only that they felt the need to say something. I agree, if someone doesn't have much to say, then just move on to something which they do. I have responded to posts to offer support or encouragement or what I would consider words of wisdom but sometimes I really cannot offer much more and I'm not sure if it address the issue for the poster or if it helps or not...but then I get a flower for my contribution and I guess it helped someone but not necessarily the person asking the question. I hope that makes sense. I think we all have something to contribute based on our experience and background but I also see a lot of personal attacks here as well. Not a lot of respect for differing ideas/opinions, and such. Of course this doesn't apply to everyone here but some people are in auto-attack mode and those folks should just move on if they have nothing nice to say.

That is EXACTLY why I hesitated to post a serious question that is worrying me.

Also, sometimes I want to ENCOURAGE a M. that someone is listening and hoping for the best.

It depends... I've left responses showing support for the poster but don't have any actual advice to offer. In that situation I think that it's okay.

However if some one were to just respond with 'you're an idiot' or something to the likes of that... Then it might be best to not respond at all.

Sometimes I answer even if I don't have too much to contribute because much of my socialization at this time in my life is through the computer.

Sometimes something someone says strikes me as funny so I'll respond a little less seriously. For instance, a while back a lady had posted in saying that the woman next door was flirting with her husband and pulling him away from helping in the yard every time they were all out in the front together. I've never personally experienced this so I had no real advice to give. Instead I tried to make her feel better by jokingly saying, "The next time you see her sniffing about your yard just spray her with the hose! ;)"

It was well received and gave the OP a laugh but someone had an issue with it and it got reported and removed, possibly for being cheeky but who knows. Sometimes people post here just to be heard... by anyone.

If I think I can help I respond but if I have no idea then I won't. I welcome any advice anyone can give me even if its something i wasn't looking to hear because sometimes I learn things that I didn't know from the post. If someone wants to be a hard core momma then I am prepared for that. Sometimes I think the question means one thing and after I give my humble opinion and read the responses, I wonder if I understood the question. I will say that I am probably guilty of asking the same question more than once because I don't go back and check what I posted already.

I try to really pay attention to the specific question the poster has requested be answered. If it is a simple question, I answer simply. Some questions I don't think requires a huge explanation on why, how, & where. If it's a question that needs a more meaningful answer, then I will be more specific & thorough. I tend to be a very indecisive person, so it's hard for me to answer a question that I would have to really stand my ground or that's complex.

I'm happy to see someone else expressing this. I don't understand why people don't just move on when they don't have anything constructive to say. It's fine if your opinion differs or if you are going to say something that the poster will not like but you can be polite and constructive - not nasty and degrading. The only time I post when I don't have what I feel is solid advice is when I just want to offer support - "hey, know what you are going through, you are not alone, hang in there..." Otherwise, I move on.

It's an open forum so the poster should be aware that the responses may or may not be what they want to hear or relavent to their original post. I personally try to encourage or offer my help if asked or if anything, prayers if needed if I can't offer anything more.

I read your SWH, and I wholeheartedly agree that those responses are unnecessary, and could be a little inflammatory, since first questions shouldn't have to fit a certain criteria. Odd questions don't automatically mean troll!

I think it depends on the weight of the question. If it's something serious, then I'll respond thoughtfully if I have something to add. Or sometimes even just write a sincere "I have no advice but wish you well (or will keep you in my thoughts, etc.)" If it's a lighter question, I might respond with less weight.

I can honestly say that I've asked some pretty lengthy, serious questions on here and have had wonderful, appropriate, helpful responses. MusicMakingMama...ask away!

I answer if I feel I have something to share. MANY times I move on because it has been 17 yrs since I had a baby and I know many things have changed. Sometimes the situations described are things I've never been a part of so I move on.

Also, when I do answer, it is something that I would say to your face. I don't believe in hiding behind the computer screen to demean moms who are on here for honest reasons.

I am sure the trolls have gotten the best of me at times when I have responded to them and maybe I haven't been the most gracious but still... I don't believe in typing an answer if I would not be willing to say it face to face.

The beauty of the site is all the different opinions, ideas, etc and we can't expect everyone to always agree with what we have to say.

Only when I've had a couple of drinks. Respect the forum? I have enough of an issue with Authority without worrying about respecting non-living entities.

I'm glad you posted this. I was thinking about the same response regarding "interesting question from a first time user" , I feel that response is very condescending and unhelpful, which I believe this site's main purpose is to help each other out, it's like the person responding with my previous quote is the all knowing expert of what qualifies as a valid question. When people are struggling they are more likely to post something that is upsetting them, why not try giving them the benefit of the doubt....

oh no. I just joined on reccomendation of a friend...now I'm afraid to answer a question....or ask one

what are the rules here?

I have answered without an answer but usually it is to tell a story that I feel the OP may find funny. Okay I may have sniped a few times. This morning I had the perfect snipe but I took the high road and walked on. :)

i dont answer if i dont think i can help them in anyway.

Don't you think it's a little judgemental to tell other people how they can or cannot answer? It is a free forum and people should feel free to answer in as many words as they please. if someone did not like the answers of peers that were not even addressed to them..... Well .... Skip to anoter line.
We still have to be nice , of course.

I agree with you. Don't reply if you aren't going to answer. And I don't even mean don't reply if you aren't going to answer NICE. I like hearing people with opinions different than mine! I just hate seeing people run their mouths because they can...

But then again I talk nonstop IRL :)