Do You Agree with My Toddler's Teacher?

I agree with the teacher.
The blanket is in the classroom... that's as good as it's going to get.
Personally, I'd let her bring the blanket in the car and leave it there. It will be there at pickup.
LBC

I, too, think the teacher was right. Being able to bring her blankie to school is lovely... but whether it's a blankie/bear/lovey from home OR a school book/ game/ toy... when the teachers say objects need to stay inside (to protect from loss/ damage/ distraction) it needs to stay safe inside. ((Ditto 'nos' about bringing outside toys/rocks/stcks/etc INSIDE)).

Inside things in, & outside things out is a battle MANY toddlers have fought. And hopefully lost / learned that boundary.

It's THE trial of toddler years; wanting what they cannot have / is disallowed.

I've seen kids drag all kinds of things with them every where they go.
And if it's the all important lovey and the thing gets lost/stolen/broken the heart break goes on for weeks.
From an early age I put limits on where/when my son could take stuff with him.
At first, he could take one thing in the car - and it stayed in the car where it would be safe and waiting for him when we got back.
Then we'd leave it at home in his bed.
And he's never lost a single thing that was important to him whereas MANY of his friends lost something and parents had to scramble to find another one or give up and say "sorry but it's gone".
The teacher was right.
When the lovey becomes a focal point for a battle of wills, it's time it gets left safe and sound at home.

she is 26 months???? in my preschool.. daycare.. the kids under 3 years were in the toddler room.. they had unlimited access to their comfort objects. once they moved up to the 3 year old room. blankies stayed in their cubbies until rest time. This child is too young for this class. Preschool for 3 year olds is 2 hours 2 days a week.

keep the blanket at home. It's time for her to learn there are boundaries & that she has to listen to the adults in her life. Blankie time is for bedtime.

I know this sounds harsh, but for your daughter to throw a tantrum to the point of vomiting....is not acceptable. What also concerns me is that it seems "wrong" that her clothes were not changed....& the shoes not cleaned (to some extent). Does she have extra clothes at the daycare or in her backpack? & why didn't the teacher wipe off those shoes?

I totally applaud the teacher for sticking to her guns. While it seems easy to cater to your child's demands, when you have a whole group demanding various privileges...then it becomes somewhat of a nightmare each & every day. This is not laziness on the teacher's part....this is simply "life".

First -- developmental experts usually say that 2 years 9 months is the appropriate age for preschool. So from a developmental standpoint -- your daughter is young to be separated = and it's understandable why she would need some extra security. Given that your teacher is dealing with children this age who are just making the transition -- I think it's harsh to not be more flexible (especially the part about having her keep the blanket in a plastic bag when she holds it -- what's that about? Seems needlessly cruel)

From a practical standpoint -- I can understand that a child taking a blanket outside the classroom could be problematic, as it could easily get lost -- particularly if lots of children take their "lovey's" outside -- it might just be too hard to keep track of them all for the teacher.

But given that this teacher's job is to take care of children of this age -- and given your daughter reaction of being so upset that she vomited (which shows just how traumatic this is for her) I think your teacher is being inflexible -- and confusing in that she did let her take it that once.

Since your teacher is making this so difficult (even kindergarten teachers allow lovey's to come into school and stay in the kids lockers, but get snuggled and hugged when needed) -- I think you may not have much room for discussion (again -- I can't believe she makes you keep it in plastic!)

You might try putting your daughter's blanket in her car seat, and showing her how it will be waiting for her buckled up , when she gets back. But I think that separating from you should be the goal -- to compound this by making her separate from her blanket == before she's ready -- just seems wrong. Perhaps talk to the director at the school about the schools policy on lovey's and see if this is across the boards or just with this teacher. If its just with this teacher, then maybe there is room for discussion

Can you (with your daughter's agreement) cut a small square off the blanket (like a handkerchief) and give your daughter her own mini-blanket to keep in her pocket? A tiny bit of security for her? If you did it right you could just cut one entire end off the blanket and then sew a hem back on. Then cut a small piece off of that piece and hem it. Poor little thing. Also for the poster who thought it was nuts your daughter made herself throw up...I just wanted to say our almost 2 year old daughter throws up very easily any time she gets upset. The Dr says she has a sensitive gag reflex and one day will hopefully grow out of it. Some kids just cannot help throwing up when they get upset.

I agree to keep the blanket at home or take it, but have it stay in the car. I also agree with other moms who said that the teacher didn't do anything wrong. Consistency is the key with kiddos and she is in charge during that time. For arguments sake if you came in and made a stink about it that would be similar to when Dad says no and Mom turns around and said yes. It can be hard, but caregivers have to be on the same page. I think if the blanket ends up sitting in the corner, then she could learn to be satisfied that it's waiting for her in the car after school. My son was never a blankie lover though, so Good Luck!!!

I can't believe ALL the parents who have said the teacher/school is right!!! One Mom even says that it's not the teacher's laziness, "it's life." She's barely 2 -- seriously!? Based on what? Setting consistent boundaries? Consistency is important, but boundaries have to be developmentally appropriate before being set in the first place.

She is a toddler NOT a preschooler. Toddlers need extra security, particularly when going through a transition or adjusting to a new environment. It is entirely age-appropriate that she has access to her lovey when she needs it-- that is her security right now when she is away from Mommy and Daddy! The intense tantrum, to the point of vomiting, is demonstrates how deeply this lack of security impacted her that day. Eventually, on her own time and as she adjusts to being away from home, she is likely to need it less and less. It sounds like that is already the case.

Remember, she is NOT in school, as so many parents keep referring to it as. At that age it is daycare. A child-centered environment (not convenience-centered for the case of the teachers who don't want to spend "extra" time keeping track of loveys) is so important to maximize kids healthy development.

A classroom's policies and procedures should take into account what is developmentally-appropriate for that specific age-group. We wouldn't expect all 1-year olds in daycare to be potty-trained because it's more convenient for the teacher and her plans for the kids that day. Of course we wouldn't... and teacher's or school environments that don't want to be bothered with those types of developmental issues should not be in the business of providing child care for that age-group. Same goes for your daughter's toddler "classroom;" they should find away to WORK WITH NOT AGAINST your daughter's age-appropriate needs.

Even if the teacher's objective was to remain consistent with your daughter, that was boggled as well by her allowing her to take it outside in the first place in a plastic bag (what's that about?--poor thing) -- a 2-year doesn't comprehend that there is any distinction between taking it outside in a bag or not, she just knows she could take it outside before, and now she can't. That's confusing to her and understandably so.

Finally, another red-flag here, as a lot of other mom's already noted, is that she wasn't changed out of her soiled clothing. If you had provided an outfit to be kept at school (I'm assuming you did), then there is no excuse for not changing her clothes, not only for her comfort (gross!), but for the other children's health-- vomit is germy.

Going forward, I would just keep an eye out to make sure they are enhancing her development and are sensitive to the needs of her age-group. I would also address the issue of her not being changed out of her soiled clothes. Good luck, Mom and daughter!!

My daughter's blankie is her very best friend so I made SURE when we put her in her first preschool that they were going to allow her to have it when she wanted it. I understand the teacher's reasoning to some degree, but the second that I might have seen that she was so upset that she vomited herself because it was taken away, that would have ended our time at that preschool.
She's almost 4 now and I teach in-home preschool, and I allow the children to have their blankies when they want/need them. They are only toddlers/preschoolers, so to tell them that a special part of their security can't be used is rediculus to me.

Your daughter is 2 years old in preschool? Why? Poor little thing! 2 year olds need Moms not preschool. I wouldn't have her there. I would have her home and she could then have her blanket any time she wanted.

You may not know the whole story; it's very possible that other children have seen that your child gets to bring her comfort object to preschool, and they don't, and they've begun asking or even begging the teacher to let them have their "lovies" there. If other kids already bring lovies, it may be that after the one time your child took her blanket in its bag outside, other kids began clamoring to also do the same thing with the lovies they had brought. Parents may have spoken to the teacher along the lines of, "I've told my child he can't bring his lovie to preschool, but some kids do and that upsets him."

At some point the teacher has to be consistent with all the kids or she will end up with every kid begging or crying for his or her lovie to be everywhere, all the time. You might ask the teacher if there has been an issue with other kids seeing your daughter's blanket and getting upset or at least asking if they can have their comfort objects as well.

I agree with the folks who posted that it's time to help your daughter transition away from having her blanket at preschool. At first let her have it in the car and leave it there so it's waiting when she gets back in the car. Talk to the teacher about the best way to make it a positive transition at home.

I am concerned, though, that your child had vomit on her when she was picked up. Doesn't your preschool require you to keep a change of clothing and shoes at the preschool at all times, for exactly this kind of circumstance? She should have had a change of clothes at the school and should have been changed immediately, so she was not walking around in her vomit-stained clothes. Many preschools require keeping a full set of clothes there. If yours does not, send in some for her and see if the preschool director or at least your one teacher will make this a policy. If a kid vomits or has a bathroom accident they should always have clothes available. If your daughter were much older she would be very embarrassed and upset just at having to keep on her soiled clothing.

Your daughter is just 2 years and 2 months old. If she needed her security blanket for whatever reason she should be allowed to do so. She is very young to have a teacher who sticks to her guns in such bad situation. The teacher should've handled it differently and not let it become so much worse incident. Your daughter threw up. She was not changed or cleaned up and no one call you about it. I can't see how the teacher was right?

What a 2 year old can comprehend that blankie/lovey is not allowed. What was she taught by all of these? I think a conversation with the teacher is required.

Imagine what it's like to be a teacher with several 2 year olds that ALL want to take a personal item outside. I'm sure you can imagine how hectic it would be. Rules are rules, and they're there for a reason. You can't very well break them to avoid a 2 year old tantrum. The teacher actually taught a very good lesson to your DD, a lesson that will be repeated many times while she is in school. At one point do you draw the line, and for how long will the age be an excuse?

I don't see why they would've called you in this situation. The vomit was tantrum induced, not illness induced. I do have one question, though - had the incident happened right before your DH got there? I would be unhappy to know that they let my kid sit in dirty clothes. You didn't really explain that part, so I was just curious. I would be most upset by that, if that is the case.

Would you have been upset if your DD had not tantrumed & vomited everywhere? I'm guessing not. I'd be working on that at home, if I were you.

Don't they have a shorter program? 16 hours a week, for 4 hours a day, seems like a LONG time for such a young child, especially if it's her first experience being away.

I'd take my toddler out of any school/daycare if they left her covered in vomit.

I would consider bringing her to a daycare that has a toddler room.

How terribly sad...Why the big rush to put her in school anyway?

After that difficult time, it may be a good thing to stop allowing blankie to go to preschool altogether. I agree with her teacher. How would you and your DD feel if blankie were to get lost outside? I do think it is too much for the teacher to worry about keeping track of special items outside. My kids have always accepted we do not take very special things to school we do not want to risk getting lost, damaged, or stolen. (my youngest has a little stuffed monkey, Harry, that has always been WAY too special to take to school). I would gently explain to your DD you are going to start leaving blankie at home now that she is used to going to preschool, like her teacher, you don't want to risk anything happening to it. Assure her she can trust you to keep it safe and sound for her to have as soon as she gets home. You can tell her you don't want worries about blankie to be in the way of her having fun at school. I'll bet your DD will understand.

How big is the blanket? how crafty are you? Can you cut a pc off the end of the blanket for her to put in her pocket to carry? I get the whole lovie thing but by her age she should understand that at school the blanket is for nap time only. or she stays in the room with the little kids while the big kids go out. I like that teacher would not have allowed it to go on the walk. that is just one more thing for the teacher to have to watch and keep track of. your daughter will adjust just like kids learn at kindergarten that toys have to stay home. let her bring it to school and put it into her cubby her self. I am assuming this is a daycare? as 26 months is young for actual preschool. So she may need to be in a less structured place and into a home daycare type place.

I agree with your teacher too. I know it's hard but I'm sure after that lil episode your daughter won't have too many other temper tantrums like this one. Maybe try graduating her to a special pillow that only stays at home. Explain to her that because she's such a big girl now, she has graduated to a special pillow and slowly make the blanket disappear. Also, as attached that you might also be to that blankie try not to remind her of where it is or pick it up to take to her at bed time or when it's time to leave. If she's potty training or has recently become completely potty trained, try buying her a new special comforter for her bed with a favorite character and tell her this is her special reward for growing so big. This is what I had to do with my older daughter when her "baby bear" (a stuffed animal she used to suck on! eww) became just too gross looking to be seen outside of the house. She transitioned well and simply forgot about baby bear until recently (4 years later) I gave the bear back and now it just sits in her room.

If you disagree with the teacher and don't support her attempt at boundaries, this tantrum thing will happen more and your teacher won't be able to deal with her.

I completely agree with Abby D. - as much as you don't want to see your child upset, the teacher was doing the right thing. I would try to leave the blankie at home and not have the teacher dealing with the feelings at school. I know that is easier said than done, but it's necessary. I would maybe make an agreement with her that she can keep it in the car, so that before school and after school she can snuggle with it. Maybe it can be a reward for having a good day.

Best of Luck!!!

I wouldn't let her take blanky to school, maybe just let her leave it in the car. I would tell her that blanky could get lost or ruined if he goes to school. She'll more than likely throw a fuss, but stick to your guns. I have two boys, one 6, the other 2, who love their blankies. My oldest will not let blanky out of the house because he's at the age where he is getting embarassed if one of his buddies sees his blanky. I'm still waiting for the day that he says he's too old for blanky!

The teacher was wrong.

The child should be allowed to work the separation issues. The teacher should not have forced this into a confrontation (because she did). If carrying the blanket in a bag was the problem, then another solution (maybe pinned like cape to her shirt, tied around her waste, whatever) should have been worked out.

If this happened to my child I'd be very angry. That confrontation was unnecessary. And yes, the teacher should've had the child change. If for no other reason than for the comfort of the child (but also, health concerns, too).

I agree with the teacher. IMO the blanket should not go outside. If she was carrying this blanket with her she would not be able to fully participate in outdoor activities since she would be lugging it around with her. A blanket is just too big of a crutch to carry imo. I would try reasoning with her. I would tell her the blanket is for home only and that you are always with her right in her heart. She can use her mind to think of you even when you are not there. Have her close her eyes and picture you.

Teacher should have changed her--vomit = bodily fluid which is a health issue. Just like if your child had bloody or urinated clothes on....If changing her would have provoked another tantrum --too bad.

As for the blankie--as a daycare provider I have to draw the line when it comes to personal items. I allow toys from home--but they need to share them or they get put up. Security toys/blankies don't need to be shared but they certainly aren't going outside or in the bathroom--period. My DD is very attached to her bunny and I don't let her take it in the out of doors even when it meant dealing with rip roaring tantrums at your daughter age about the issue. She stopped throwing the tantrums over that issue when I stuck to my guns.

It's hard for you to see your baby upset like that, but her teacher was right. I doubt any of the other kids were allowed to bring "extras" outside with them and the bottom line is the teacher said No. You are right that the teacher needs to create some boundaries because she is the one in charge for those 16 hours a week. I'm sorry your girl got so upset but she will be okay and I promise she will not remember this. I would just keep the blanket at home from now on

As a former pre-k (and toddler teacher) I can say that I would not let the child take the blanket. The reason for me, would be that if one can, they all will want to and the teachers would spend more time watching out for security items and picking them up then walking and talking with the kids. It could get very distracting for everyone and possibly unsafe. Now what IS a red flag is that she was cleaned up after her tantrum. Why was she not put in other clothes? We all have security items (ring, necklace, smart phone...) so the bringing of the blanket at 2 is not a problem, though I might encourage it to "watch" from a cubby. Keep the blanket and ask why she was not changed.

B. Davis
www.childandfamilycoaching.com

I see your teachers point of view... but there is also a time you give in. That time should have been before she vomited! I would be livid that you weren't called once she was covered in vomit and had been there the rest of the day like that!

IMO at 26 months that's too long for a child to be in school. I was feeling guilty putting my 3 yr old in one day for 3hours! But that is your decision and I respect that.

Maybe you can compromise.... would she be willing to go and get another blanket just like the one she has and cut a small square out of it... like 6in x 6 in that could stuff into her pocket? That way her blanket is not with her but she would still have security in her over stuffed pocket if she needs it. If she lost it, then you could cut off another square out of the rest of the blanket.

Then I would let the teacher know that she is allowed to use that small piece anytime she needs, it wont be big and a nuisance and if this happens again or even similar, pull your daughter, give her lots of hugs and kisses and try again next year.

Blanky should not be at school, ever.

If your daughter wants to carry it in the car, she needs to leave it there when she gets out unless you are home. If Blanky gets lost, she will want to blame it on everyone else, when in reality, it is going to be because it left the house, where blanky should live most of the time.

The teacher was being generous to even allow it to be at school. Taking it outside was pushing boundries.

I am going to assume the vomit had at least been wiped off? The clothing was stained? I would wonder why the clothing had not been changed. That seems odd.

I don't think the teacher was wrong, at all.

My first thought was that she's only 26 months old! Why expect the child to be so compromising at that age? She's away from mom and that blanket fills the void. Maybe get her a lightweight backpack that the teacher can fold the blanket up and put into and save her little wrists?

.

I think it would be easier to leave the blanket at home. That way if there is a meltdown, it's with you guys and not without you around to help her. However I think it is absolutely unacceptable that her shoes and shirt were not changed. NO excuse for that. Daycares and preschools always have extra clothes and shoes lying around, and if they don't, you should have received a phone call to give you the option of having it just "wiped off" or for you to come pick her up or bring clothes. That is inexcusable the part of the teacher.

Sounds like your question has been pretty much answered in & out. I would probably agree that I would want my toddler to be able to have access to his blankie but on the other hand, if I was a teacher taking little ducklings outside for a walk, I too might be afraid that he would trip on a blanket.

What has me a little surprised (ok, I admit annoyed) is that in this whole thread, not one person seems aware of the fact that SOME moms need daycare, preschool, or whatever you wanna call it so that they can work. It is not always a choice. Personally I am very lucky that my husband and I work different schedules and I work part time, so my son is just about to start daycare for a few days a week at 2 yrs, 9 mo old. However, many many people I know, either working couples or singe parents have their children in full time daycare, sometimes starting as young as tiny infants. I am not saying I think this is an ideal situation, but when people do that it is almost always out of economic need.

You did not indicate your own reason for wanting your child to start daycare but whether it is for the social experience or so you can work, I just wanted to point out to some obviously privileged women on here that 16 hours a week is NOTHING for a child your daughters age, for most working mothers in a hard economy. In the city where I live, the public Pre-K program starts at 3 yrs old and is full time, M-F.

As for the semantics of pre-school vs. daycare, I don't understand why everyone is alarmed by your choice of words. Technically they don't call it pre-school at that age, but if your daycare is anything like mine, they have they infants, waddlers, toddlers and pre-schoolers all under the same roof in different programs, but we still call it "A Preschool."

Maybe you could discussthe incident with the teacher and mutually decide what the best way to proceed is in terms of the blankie issue. Good luck!

The Teacher did the thing, that MOST ALL TEACHERS and Preschools, would do.
She was right.

Your daughter, seems to NOT need the blankie at school.
Just at home.
Just in the class.
Just in a bag.
Just in the cubby.
Not taken out.

You said your daughter HAS adjusted. So WHY is she still taking her blankie, with her?
Because, she was told, it was okay. That she needed it, just in case. Now your daughter, thinks it is okay to bring to school and thinks that, she needs it.
Explain to her, it is special and ONLY for home.
Not school.

My son is 2.5 and is going through some seperation anxiety at daycare right now as well. he wants to carry his stuffed puppy with him all day and wants his paci, which he usually only uses for naps.
I don't neccessarily disagree with the teacher, but I would be furious that her clothes were not changed. I think we also need to remind ourselves, that she is 2! It is NOT preschool. You can call it whatever you like, but preschool is PRE school. She is not going to school until she is 5. They are still babies and need some comforting.

#1: I don't put kids THAT young in "school" anyways!

#2: There's NO way that the teacher could have expected your daughter to vomit from a tantrum. I have never heard of such a response (and I have 4 VERY dramatic, expressive girls)! Your little one really knows how to pull out all the stops!

#3: I would not allowed her to bring "blankie" in the first place. I'd explain to her that she can have "blankie" at home. My girls are/have been very attached to some stuffed animals... but we don't allow them to bring them around everywhere.

In our toddler rooms we usually transition the child away from the blanket and blankets don't usually go outside. We might take the blanket outside and once the child gets busy sneak it away. Some children it works to tell them it will be inside when we get back. If we had a child that got so upset they cried we would probably have them go to another teacher inside while we took the rest of our group (but your center may not have that option). 4th week the reality of this is her new routine has set in so she may have that tough time for awhile. This summer I had a girl start at 23 months that literally cried (w/o tears most of the time) all day including nap for the first 3 weeks with her blanket. We have a no blanket rule in the bathroom and would leave it right outside the door. When we went outside I left it in the doorway. After 3 weeks when it became apparent the blanket didn't make a difference in her crying or not, we gradually put it in her cubby at different times until we could put it in her cubby right after breakfast. Dad quit bringing it a couple months after she started. Some of the kids bring a smaller security blanket which is easy to tuck into the back of a jacket when outside - if the teachers would be willing. Also if she had adjusted pretty well and yesterday was a little odd she just may have been tired (it was a monday!) or a little under the weather. Good luck!

I think not taking a blanket on a walk in purely a safety issue. What if she tripped over it, or some other child tripped over it? It's just the same as I don't let my six year old walk up and down the stairs dragging her blanket in the morning, because she could trip.

If the blanket is for transitions, going outside to play is not a transition. I don't think this blanket should be dragged around school. Either your 2 year old is ready for school or she is not. 4 days, 4 hours is a little much for a two year old program that isn't daycare. I would stop allowing the blanket at school. The teacher does not need to give in to tantrums, that's a mistake, just like parents should not. You know why the teacher didn't allow it in the first place - your daughter got hurt last time, and honestly, kids shouldn't need to take a blanket outside. There was no transition going on, your daughter was about to go outside, something they probably do every day at school, she shouldn't need comforting for that. You are right, you need to let go. At school, the teacher is in charge and needs to set the rules. Teachers should not be expected to keep track of the security items of a room full of toddlers - if it's allowed for your daughter, it would have to be for everyone. However, your toddler should not have had vomit all over her clothes. She should have a change of clothes in school and the teacher should have changed her.

I have worked in the 3 year old classroom at a private preschool/daycare, and I have provided home childcare for a few years (before moving here). My older son has also been in preschool/daycare before. NO PROPER DAYCARE would allow a child to hang out in vomit stained clothes and shoes, but then NO PARENT should send a 2 year old out for a day without a change of clothes in her bag. That has always been required by the centers I've worked for, where I've taken my own children, and by myself when I was providing home childcare. Accidents could happen: a potty accident, falling into a mud puddle, or um, yeah---vomit. If they didn't have any change of clothes for her, that would be what happened there....but I'd expect a phone call for one of us to come get her. But when you take your child anywhere for a day (especially daycare) you need a seasonally appropriate change of clothes (shorts/pants, shirt, underwear, and socks) for their cubby at school (or at least in their little backpack). My son will be 5 next month and he's been potty trained for almost 3 years, but he STILL has a full change of clothes folded tightly in a little plastic shopping bag at the bottom of his backpack (and include the bag so it keeps the clean clothes together and can store the dirty clothes if changing is required). Now as for her being so upset she vomited: WOW. They didn't handle it as well as they should have, BUT that's also one heck of a tantrum. Both of my sons have favorite blankies. We actually dressed my oldest up as Linus when he was 2 for a church Halloween fest because he loved the blankey so much. BUT they could have them at home, in the car, and at my bff's house, but were never allowed to take them along if we were going elsewhere (school, stores, playgrounds, the library, etc). They leave their beloved blankey the way they'd leave behind their beloved pet or whatever. The teacher was probably saying she didn't want your daughter burying her face into a blankey later that was being dragged around on the ground outside. But it could have been handled better, I would think....and if you didn't pack clean clothes for her, the school should have called someone to come bring clean clothes. That's kinda gross. B has it totally right: if the blankey is a focal point for a battle of wills to that level, it's time to leave it behind. 2 years old is not an infant. She'll be ok. (I do think it's a sweet idea to have a little piece of something in her pocket if she needs it though....never thought of that before).

Is this daycare or school. I hope daycare. Too young for school. Leave the
blanket at home. Saves a lot of grief all the way around. If teacher let her
take blanket other kids would want to take their stuff.