Not only did I have to live through my 17 years old daughter's bad decisions this summer, which was sneaking out of the house late at night, dating the WRONG GUY, smoking pot, etc..Which I dealt with it, had her to talk to a professional, talked to her and then talked to her again and again... let her know I am here for her no matter what... And she did another thing wrong she posted pics of her doing these things on social media.. I found these pictures in the summer and made sure she deleted all of them. I also said NEVER Put anything out there that You Dont want Me and Dad to see OR your Grandparents.... Well its been over 8 months and things are better for my daughter, she found a nice guy and she is happy and doing better (but she did lose some of her friends because of bad choices she made this summer) My daughter has learned a bitter lesson about Actions and Consequences and is paying the price.... BUT it seems that someone from my family "photoshot" the pictures and saved them... and last night those pictures were sent to my PARENT'S Consumer Cellular Phone, and let's just say there are VERY UPSET, they think this is happening now and I had to tell them these are old pictures and my husband and I are dealing with the situation, but I didn't want to tell them because I didn't want to UPSET them.. but it seems someone felt the need to let my Parents know and that person DID NOT COME TO ME "the mother" to tell me or show me these pictures. Now my daughter is so upset because she is doing better and is embarrassed to face her grandparents. "Again a Bitter Lesson for my daughter that there are consequences to your actions." I am beyond upset more at the person who felt the need to send these pics to my elderly parents" Im not saying my daughter is perfect but no one really is.. I just hope the person who saved these pictures can look at themselves in the mirror and I hope my parents dont become sick over this..... But again I warned my daugther back in the summer DO NOT POST ANYTHING.. she has shut down her instagram.. She feels betrayed and so do I.
Sounds like you need to have a talk with the person who saved and sent the photos, they really crossed a line.
The family member had NO RIGHT to do this. I get consequences but this seems to me to be intentional infliction of pain by this family member. This is beyond natural consequences.
Have a conversation with the grands. Explain what needs to be explained. Honestly, you don't have to tell them everything. Its not any of their business what is going on with your daughter and honestly you want them to see their granddaughter in a certain light. They are the grandparents. I didn't tell my parents everything about my kids because honestly, it wasn't their business. However, you might have to go into more detail than should be necessary because of the photos. Again, I would blast the family member who did this. No their monkey, not their circus
Honestly, I would be LIVID with this family member.
Why do people assume that the "elderly" or grandparents a) cannot handle or understand this kind of thing and 2) never did anything stupid themselves.
As a grandparent myself, I find myself so much more "forgiving" of my grandbaby's behaviors than I was of my own kids (partly because I think age mellows us and partly because it is easier when you don't have to deal with the fallout directly).
Personally, I'd hope that if I acted the way your parents are acting, my kids would tell me to straighten up - they certainly weren't perfect when they were teens, nor was I when I was one. Getting "sick" over some bad pictures is somewhat delusional.
I am way "sicker" over how your parents are acting than your daughter's stupid mistake. My God, she is just a kid - your parents are ADULTS!
P.S. how can you not know who sent them? My cell phone shows the number every picture I received is from. Even the bill should show it.
I'm so sorry this happened to your parents. That family member needs to look at his/her motivation to upset your elderly folks this way. Try to get your parents to focus on that and not on your daughter's poor choices, which you feel are behind you.
Your daughter has actually learned a second valuable lesson here, so try to accept it and calm down as much as you can, as your agitation will aggravate things with your daughter (who needs far less drama in her life after her past choices), and your outrage will also upset your parents and make their pain even greater.
It's up to you whether to confront the family member, but I hope you don't do it until you can calm down enough to show you are taking the high road here. Make it about your parents, not your daughter. And say you hope that no one ever does to this person what they have done. Otherwise, I would let it go and focus on your daughter.
This is a great message to give to other parents who think it's okay to give their kids internet access (phone, computer, social media accounts) and then not have the time or the tech skills to police it. Most kids are not mature enough for the access they are given.
Your daughter can also be a great mentor to other young people in this regard. Remember that Vanessa Williams recovered from naked photos, and even though she lost her Miss America crown, she has gone on to be a well-respected actress. She focused on her skills, studied her craft, and rose above her youthful mistakes. Make sure you daughter has plenty of role models like this. If you harp on the small and petty people (like this family member) who just can't feel good until they make someone else feel bad, you'll have too much negativity in your life.
I'm not sure what you are asking. Do you want to know if you should confront the person who sent them to your parents?
I would.
If it was a family member, I'd just want to let them know I knew and I wasn't very happy about it. I don't know why they shared them - if they had concerns, that's one thing but if they just wanted to cause drama, that's another.
I have to wonder, why did that family member do this? Was it to intentionally cause hurt and embarrassment for you and/or your daughter? So much so that they didn't care about hurting the grandparents subjected to seeing the photos? Did the person think your daughter's only hope to change her ways was to be shamed? I think your daughter can decide how to move on now. I would support her in confronting the person who sent the old pictures. And also support her in having a little sit down chat with her grandparents, apologizing that they had to see that, but also reassuring them that it is solidly in the past. I think shutting down social media is good on so many levels, so yes, I would support her in taking down any social accounts
Yeah, sometimes no matter what you delete, that stuff can float around on the internet forever.
It would be good for your daughter to talk with your parents - AND the family members that sent the pics.
She needs to face the music.
And it's entirely possible these pics will come back again and again - she's going to have to live this down.
Your parents are already upset - so talking with them shouldn't make things any worse.
Hopefully better decisions will be made going forward.
Wow. I cannot blame you if you decide to never again talk to the backstabbing relatives that did this. What purpose did they have in trying to shame your daughter with pictures from her past, a past she has learned from and has moved on from? They sound like jealous people who want to try to paint her in a bad light so that her grandparents see her, and you, in an unfavorable light. I wonder what their motivations are. Perhaps they are jealous of her, of you, or your relationship, and they want to show your parents that you and your daughter aren't as perfect as they think, nor is your relationship as strong as they think. I don't know. While I agree that reiterating the "don't post stuff" message to your daughter is good, it seems she's "gotten it" since she shut down her Instagram. At this point, there is nothing else she can do. She should not be afraid to face her grandparents and be honest about her errors in judgment, how she has learned from her errors, and is now on a straight path.
As to you, I would definitely talk to the grandparents about her mistakes, the fact you caught on to these mistakes and have moved on from this, but some petty relative cannot move on and refuses to, causing further harm. Tell them you're sorry they ran into these pictures and that things are under control. I'm pretty sure the grandparents will understand that kids make mistakes, and I am sure they made some themselves. I would talk sternly to the relative that did this, confronting their need to hurt your daughter and your parents, and tell them to stop this immediately. Their behavior was immature, inappropriate, and worthy of a lot more than an apology. I'd want to witness them deleting the photos, but I guess there is no guarantee that they don't have these pictures saved elsewhere, on a computer, thumb drive, etc., and will keep them handy whenever they want to shame your daughter for whatever reason...I definitely would stop associating with them, contacting them, and would remove them from social media. I just hope they don't have a friend or relative in their circle that still has access to your social media and may feed them pictures or information, at their request!
The person who did this are worse than your daughter. They are adults, and your daughter is a teenager.
You should cut ties with whoever these people are and never have a thing to do with them, ever again, no matter how they are related to you. ANY facebook account you or anyone in the household has should not only defriend them, but also block them. Same on any other social media site.
As far as your elderly parents are concerned, don't let them freak you out. Tell them that your daughter isn't perfect, and neither is anyone else. Tell them that if they want their granddaughter in their lives, that they had better not treat her badly over this. You've already given her consequences enough, and she understands these consequences.
If they act badly to her after you've had this talk, then they will just have to see her a lot less. And that will be their cross to bear. You cannot and should not make her see them a lot if they are awful to her.
And AGAIN, no more letting this other selfish person into your lives.
Wow, we could have traded posts! I just posted about my 17 year old daughter, I'm sure you could lend some perspective there!! As for your post, I would be super upset at the family member who did this, that was way over the line. It must be difficult to talk about this with your daughter. You hate to rehash it since you had already dealt with it, and the resurfacing is not her fault. But it is a good reminder that nothing is really gone. If things are good with you and her now, I would do more consoling than criticizing- and it sounds like you are. You can now talk about life lessons on her side, not the opposite side, right? "I'm so proud that you got through that time, and I'm sorry that it came up again. We knew that could happen, but it is certainly not fair. We got through things before, we'll get through this as well." And if your parents are really upset and keep talking about it, try to shield her from that as much as possible. She already feels embarrassed by this, no need to keep dragging her through it. They, too, will eventually settle down about it.
"This too shall pass". Wait it out. You may visit your parents to test the waters. If all gets more calm, then your daughter can go over.
