Do My Kids Really Hate Me?

Well I know this is no help but I have never been the same person since my thyroidectomy or cancer. It just changed me permanently. There are lots of days where my DD hates me and there are lots when she doesn't. Sadly she never knew the other mommy. I just want you to know you are not alone in your struggles and kids are resilient. When my thyroid was really low for treatment my family made a set of traffic lights. Red stay away, orange approach with caution and green go. It was great!
The American Cancer society had loads of resources like help with baby sitters and house cleaning. We never used them because I had so many other people willing to help. Do you have a church? Often people are willing to pitch in.
Good luck
I hope it all works out for you. Hopefully it will only get better form here.

Ya know... what I would do is:
Sit down with the kids, and your Husband. Have a family "meeting." Not to scold them or anything... but to merely e.x.p.l.a.i.n to them... that Mommy, per her Doctor... had a surgery and so she will not always be "able" to be perfect. She is healing.... and trying her best. Explain to them... just like when they have a cold... it can make people feel lousy and grumpy. Same for Mommy. So... give her time. She is OUR Mommy... and we should try our best to "help" her and understand, even Grown-ups are not always perfect. Either.
But that we are a FAMILY... and that means... HELPING each other, loving each other... giving hugs when someone is not feeling well... or just giving them space etc.

For you... as the Mommy... when you are not feeling real great... just excuse yourself if you can... and say "Mommy needs a time-out... I'm going over there... to rest... " or something like that. Then the kids AND your Husband.. will be 'cued' that you are not feeling at your best... at that moment....
When I am PMS'ing for example.... that is what I do. I don't tell my kids I am PMS'ing... I just say, I am feeling "stressed" or need time to breathe and relax. They get it.

The thing is... kids as a FAMILY... can understand... if explained to them in simple terms... that is age appropriate. So that they also realize.... that Mommy is "recovering" and her body is healing, for example.

When I had a c-section with my 2nd child... I explained to my eldest child... (who was almost 4 at the time)... that "Mommy's body has to heal... I am sore... I cannot yet do what I usually do... I need to rest sometimes, I need help... but Mommy is fine. I just have to listen to the Doctor too..." She understood.

Sometimes... kids just NEED to "know"... what is going on... so that they understand.... the bigger scheme of things... and that Mommy is not just being crazy/bitchy.... just to be crazy/bitchy. She cares a ton... but is just per her body... has to take care of herself. You can explain to them, in age-appropriate ways.... and so they don't worry about you....

That is what I would do.

Your kids do not 'hate' you... they just do not understand.... thus my suggestion for a "Family meeting" and talk with the kids.... both you and your Husband. In a loving way... but so that they understand....

And, though your Husband works a lot... when he is home... he can help... in any way. Given your situation/condition... I would think, that is not asking too much of him. It is just about caring.... for each other....
Basic caring and helping out.
A Husband's responsibility... is to take care of his Wife too and help. NO MATTER how much he works. Its life.... he is a Husband...

AND... sometimes when you need help... can you just ask someone... family/friends to come over??? To give you a respite???? That is what I would also do....

all the best,
Susan

When my thyroid went, my oldest would take the other 3 upstair and say
"lets stay away from Mommy, she is mean.." It was horrible. Then
went thru many years of being critically ill. Fast forward 20 years and I
have four very independent close kids. They are amazing. Had I not
gone thru what I did , I believe they would not be who they are today.
My husband was a NYC Police Officer at the time, so his hours changed
weekly, so I was pretty much on my own. Hang in.

Hi,

Wow, you have been through a really rough year~ I am so sorry you are going through this. First, your kids don't hate you. They love you and just don't know how to express their frustration so they blame you. Do you have support? Is your husband supportive? Friends? Family? Etc I would suggest making a really good support system for yourself and your family. You can't do this all alone. Ask for help-- even if it is just for a friend to watch your kids while you go out and get some me time or take a walk. Go to church or a place where you can meditate and relax...that will help calm your emotions and help you balance out. As far as your kids go- explain to them that you are going through some changes but you are trying your best to be the happy, calm mommy that you are-and sometimes you can't. But you try your best and you expect them to treat you with respect even if they don't like what you say or do. Good luck.

M

The doctor(s) who are taking care of you can probably prescribe something to help you keep your mood more positive, to help you not get lost in your current emotional overwhelmedness. I wonder if you can manage to have some quality time with each of the children alone, to bond, to remind each of you about the love between you (with each of them) that maybe has been not so much in evidence lately while you've been going through your physical problems. They're too young to understand the stress you are under. But you can explain a little bit about how we aren't able to be as wonderful as we usually are when we are feeling sick. That kind of thing.
Can you get away a little bit every so often?
With DH? With a girl friend? With your mom?
Good luck.

Well I know it has been rough but hang in there. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. The advice from the others is all good but one thing I would add is about your husband working 80 hrs a week. You need him and working 80 hours I am sure he needs some down time. I would suggest the two of you finding some ADULT time. I am a stay at home mom and when I get that grey cloud over me he is the best thing to blow it away! I always appreciate how hard he works but we both realize that with 3 boys here that we must make time for ourselves. Heard of the saying "if mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" I truely believe this. Pamper yourself : a nice relaxing bath, pedicure, get fixed up and grab your hubby and enjoy yourselves (without the kiddos!) Something as simple as cuddling on the couch watching a movie or out for dinner and a comdey club. YOU TIME it always helps me. Good luck and remember God gave you those precious babies, your their mother and the only one they have they don't hate you they love you and kids can be pretty cruel at times and not realize it.

its a phase they wont remeber my 21 yr old doesnt remeber the i hate you phase and we are real close. anyparent who amkes them mind is mean. and they dont like having to mind they want thier way what kid doesnt???? they will outgrow this. and they will adjust to your personality quirks just like my son did and my step son did with his mom and he is slowly adjusting to mine. but its not going to happen overnight. why are you feeling guilty for bieng a good mom that makes your kids mind?????????? sometimes we cant keep from being a turd and they just have to adjust to that there will be other turds in thier life. feel better physically and you wont be so cranky until then they have to learn to deal. thier spouses will be cranky when they dont feel good too so its a training session for them. :) they do love you trust me I have been through this and am real close with my son.

From what you say it sounds like you're having problems with depression, most likely as a result of your thyroid surgery. Keep in mind that depression can cause you to perceive things as far more negative than they really are. So if you were feeling better, you might not take it as personally when your kids say they hate you, but because you're depressed, it hurts and feels real. You feel defective, like you're a different person. Well, the good news is, you can feel better. Medications can help you to feel better, and so can learning to question your overly negative thoughts. I recommend a book called Feeling Good, by David Burns. I think it has a workbook, too. Good luck! And remember - don't believe everything you feel!

Oh, H., I'm so sorry you are going through so much. It must be so hard to cope with everything, and having your husband working such long hours on top of that just multiplies it, I'm sure. Please know that tomorrow is a new day. As much as you are able, remember that you can start fresh in the morning. Kids are very forgiving. Tell them that you are sorry, that you have treated them wrongly. You can explain in simple terms that you haven't been feeling well, but it is no excuse to get angry with them. Ask for their forgiveness. This goes such a long way in restoring relationships. If you can think of anything that they can do or say to help you when you start to feel overwhelmed, share that with them. If you start to get grumpy, would it help you if they just gave you a hug? Would it help you to remember that they are not the enemy but your precious children who might be in need of correction, but yet, still are your precious children? If you can think of something that will help you diffuse the situation and give them a little aid in getting through these rough times, that could help them. But, use them as a trigger to yourself to see their needs over your own. You can also ask them to pray for you if you are a Christian family. Is there anyone in your life who can step in and help you a bit? It sounds like you can use some help of some sort. Blessings to you. I hope you are able to get through this quickly.

I am so sorry you are going through this. You have so much on your plate. I agree with some of the other moms, be open and truthful, let them know that you are human and apologize. Kids will say stuff like that, but its good that they are trying to express their feelings. Ultimately kids are very forgiving and they will love us in spite of our moods. Its hard as a mom to be sick and we feel bad for our families hurts, it just shows how wonderful of a mom you are. My daughter was about 3/4 when I lost my mind ( went off meds and never realized I needed them for a chemical imbalance) I really was a different person. It was a rough couple of years until I realized that it was ok to need the meds and started taking them again. I still blame myself for issues I think she has due to the stress I put in her life at the time. She is now 7 and we are very close and I still have hard days and I tell her I am sorry that I should not lose my temper and that I need some time to get control of my feelings. Try to focus on the good times, they are what will get you through the bad days. Spend time reading, even watching a movie with them, those will be the days they remember. Try to eek out time with your hubby too, I think it is reassuring to the kids when they see the family together. I wish I could offer any good advice, other than be kind to yourself. Hang in there and best of wishes.