Do I Force My Daughter to Read Every Night for Her “Own Good”?

I would limit unhealthy things like excessive screen time, but I wouldn't force reading. She can find her own non-screen things to do in her down time - reading or other.

One of mine never read novels. Just like his dad, wasn't into them as a kid. However, my husband discovered them later (adult) in his twenties - and I assume this son might also.

We never forced it. What I loved about his teachers were they 'got' him and let him pick books like Guiness Book of World Records, or hockey fact books, or even magazines on hockey. He's had many interests over the years - if he just reads the odd bit here and there over the course of the day (or not every single day) it adds up.

He gets good grades and does well in English (one of best subjects). He does well with book reports etc. So he can do well - it's just not something he would lovingly do.

I would not force it - no. He did what he had to for school and that was it.

I think, at her age, she just needs to choose one (at least one) "healthy activity".

Some examples of choices: volunteering, musical instrument, sports, theater acting.

Reading is another example, but, someone who spends a large amount of her non-homework time practicing violin might not do so much reading either.

Guide her towards choosing something to do that interests her.

Forcing her to read isn't going to make her enjoy it. Do you enjoy what you are forced to do?

No. Find something that she IS interested in - a hobby - a game - anything and encourage her to do RESEARCH on it - does she want a dog, car, rabbit, mouse, rat?? Anything like that? Have her RESEARCH what she needs in order to care for the animal/pet. She's READING and LEARNING.

Find games that have cards to read.

Don't force it. Make reading fun - if it's for research or whatever - make it fun. Make a game of leaving notes for her to find, that lead her to something else to READ. BE WITH HER - LOVE HER!! Don't force her!

I'll admit that once my kids got past fifth grade and the reading logs stopped I stopped making sure they were reading everyday. They both seem to like reading well enough and I take them to the library every weekend to swap out books. But I don't track if they actually read them.

We have one day a week that is electronics free and my sixth grader has taken to sewing more than reading but to sew she does have to read and follow the patterns. My eighth grader will read any book he can find on the current favorite video game of the month or year.

From this point on I am planning to keep taking them to the library and let them have time to read. But allow them to develop on their own. I would only be concerned if I never saw them reading or they stopping doing it altogether. Good luck!!

By 7th grade if she hasn't fallen in love with reading it's not likely to get better from here on out.
It helps if the books are about things she likes.
Mysteries, biographies, sci-fi, fantasy and many others - there are so many different types of books to try.

While I wouldn't force her - I would limit the alternatives - screens, tv, phones, tablets, or any other devices - if it's not needed for school then she only gets an hour or two per day and maybe slightly more on weekends.
That's assuming she's earned her perks by staying on top of her homework and chores.

If she's not reading and doesn't have a lot of screen time - then she needs to be busy with activities/sports.
A teen needs to be run ragged - it keeps them out of trouble and provides socializing opportunities.
Eventually she'll learn that a great way to relax and get some down time is to curl up with a good book - but you've got to exhaust her on a regular basis.

I've always read for fun - and I read what interests me.
Some books I love so much I re-read them every so often and get something new out of them every time.
Fortunately our son likes many of the same things that I like and now that he's in college he will recommend authors, series and other books to me.
If a new book is coming out that we are looking forward to we usually have to figure out who will get to read it first!

She's in 7th grade. She knows how to read. If it's not something she chooses to do, let it go.

No, I do not think you should force your daughter to read every night. What we do is we encourage it but we don't force it. Both our kids love of reading is there, but with our oldest (9th grade now) it comes and goes. If he is reading a really interesting book he can't put it down. Then there are times he's not interested in reading at all. I don't force it. I suggest it. I just say, hey, time to go up and read before bed. Or if he's bored...why don't you go read a book. I take him to pick out books he likes or even order a book now and then. The kids see us reading regularly. We read TONS of books to them when they were little. That's really all we can do...encourage it. Don't force it. PS - Has she found any books that she LOVES? Has she read Hunger Games? Has she read Divergent? What about The Alchemist? What about Matched? My oldest loved all these. There are books that are not boring at all. Go to the library and pick up Divergent. It's so good. There are so many other books that are amazing...ask the librarian to suggest books teens love.

Has she tried graphic novels or audio books? I work with struggling readers and graphic novels are often the “hook” that gets kids into reading. My son and daughter are both excellent readers and enjoy reading a lot, but they do t always like to sit and read a book. Audio books are often their choice. I “require” them to read 30 minutes a day, but I let them choose what and how they read.

Other than gifts, I stopped picking out books for my son in 2nd grade.

If your daughter just wants to be on the computer or playing video games, that's a problem. But I think, at this point, forcing her to read books is a mistake. It's a power battle you cannot win.

It would be interesting to figure out why she turned off to it and when. Was she forced too much? Were others picking out too many of her books for her (parents, teachers)? Is there (or was there) anything else going on, such as vision problems, migraines, difficulties with attention or focus, etc.?

Finding school "boring" is not unusual at this age, as long as it's not a symptom of hating life in general and being clinically depressed. Are you positive there is nothing else going on, such as drug use (and yes, it starts well before 7th grade), social issues, etc.? (Are you checking her social media and phone/texts, if she has these things? If not, why not?)

There are a lot of things she can do that involve reading that don't "feel" like assigned reading time. If she joins the drama club, they're reading scenes and scripts. If she cooks, she could be reading cookbooks and articles in cooking magazines. If she's into environmental issues, a good magazine or series of blogs would involve reading without her physically turning pages in a hardcover book. If she's upset about a political issue, writing to her Senators/Congressional rep or her state reps or the news editors involves literacy and coherence. The school newspaper or yearbook are good places for writing or proofreading or both.

Be creative. Make her more responsible for her own choices and her own schoolwork, including talking to her teachers and remembering her assignments. Let natural consequences start to take over, in place of you monitoring everything. If she loses privileges, it's her choice.

At that age, we required 30 minutes of reading as part of "homework" every weekday. They could pick what they read - it could even be the newspaper - but no one was done with their homework until that was completed.

I guess I look at it this way, reading is an integral part of our lives and should be practiced on a regular basis, just like practicing an instrument or a sport makes you better at it, so does "practicing" reading.

No one got screen time if their homework wasn't done, and this was homework. Most of my kids are avid readers now as adults, but even the two who aren't, and are now adults, do not reflect back on this as a punishment.

Too much of what happens at school seems designed to turn kids off of reading. Too often, I see our job as parents to preserve a natural love of reading by protecting our children from what happens at school.

So, some things to do include always reading yourself, talking about what you’re reading, providing opportunities for your child’s reading, giving books as gifts, as long as possible. It sounds like you’ve already done that. If she’s bored in school or finding some of the activities stupid, validate her feelings, but see if you can help her find anything that she is interested in. Help her think about what she might want to do someday, which of course will change over time, but help her see how school might be helpful with whatever her current interest is. Help her see school gets better, high school hopefully offers more opportunities for at least some choice, and college offers lots of choice. Make sure she isn't haven't unaddressed difficulties with her classes. Middle school, in my experience, is the worst!

School can be boring, and I wish it wasn’t, but sometimes it helps to have conversations with our children about why schools do what they do, and help them think about how to survive with a love of learning intact. Always talk about learning and reading in positive terms. For example, we always signed off on reading logs, even if our kids hadn’t read each night as expected. We explained to our kids that teachers did those sorts of things for the kids who didn’t already know how wonderful reading was, and we didn’t want to allow the school to turn reading into a chore. Each of our kids’ interest in reading ebbed and flowed throughout middle and high school, depending on how much was expected at school, but they all ended up voracious readers.

Use this time set down for reading to be your time with your daughter. Do things with her. Whatever is around your community, make appointments to do something with her. Use this time to have a conversation about her experiences at school. Get to know your daughter personally. She is going to need your support and love now that she is getting into her teen years. Let her guide the conversations and see what she will need to know about to protect herself from this new society we have in today's world. Good luck. You are all she has. Protect her.