Disipline for a Strong Willed Child

My redheaded daughter was like this. Immediately taking away any thrown object works well, and the tantrums being relocated to the crib works well, although she would cry so hard she would throw up, so you have to be ready to be ok with that. I have also done holding time outs where I sit her in my lap and cross her arms and hold her very still. She -hates- it, but it gets the point across. Don't worry about him not eating, if he throws the food take it away and don't give him any snacks in between and he'll eat when he's hungry. No child has ever starved that had food available to them. My daughter is three now and so I have her clean up any mess she makes. Pick your fights and if you start to get really mad, just put him in his crib and walk away until you feel like you can handle it calmly. Good luck.

HI, good luck right? I read Jennifer's post and I do the same thing. In terms of the tantrums, if they get to a meltdown point, their brain basically is firing all over the place with crossed signals so nothing will get thru to them. They need to unwind that emotional energy until their brain can focus again. The best advice I read was to simply let the child that you are still there for even tho they are temporarily frazzled, and when they get out of it, let them know it's ok to have emotions and be mad and confused.

Also, having structured activities, even going to paid activity, helps kids manage their energy and devlope cooperation and concetration skills.

Not really discipline advice, but management, hope it helps!

C.,

I feel your pain. I am reading "The Strong-Willed Child" by Dr. Dobson, also a book called "YOu Can't Make Me But You Can Persuade Me".

They have both shed a light on my 3 year old boy's revelation of independence.

There is also a book called "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" that is awesome.

hope that helps.

My son went through something similar at that age, maybe a few months older - it seems like they're experimenting to see what your reaction is going to be! NO becomes just another word without any consequences.
Here's what worked for us - For the throwing things, once they know it's not acceptable, and it's become a game - that's it: Game Over. Take the object and away it goes - in the sink, out of the room, whatever. My son gets no reaction from me: no big scene, no bargaining, etc. It's just GONE (for the immediate time being). Throwing will stop being fun and hopefully the behavior will change.
Depending on the behavior, the other thing that worked was when he point-blank disobeyed, or especially when he was having a screaming tantrum - I made the decision not to tolerate that behavior (it's so easy to get caught up in the moment and try & bargain or work out whatever the little crisis is). I would calmly pick him up and put him in his crib. I would quietly say that when he was done screaming and crying he could come out of his crib, and then walk out of the room. This was HARD!! We stuck to our plan and the first couple of times he was probably in there carrying on close to an hour - testing to see if we meant it or not - he couldn't see me but I was right outside the door. The second he calmed down, I went & got him. This has worked for us -
Good luck!!
J.

My sister told me about a book and I beleive it's called How to Behave so Your Toddler Will Too (or something very similar to it). My son's not 9 months yet so I can't say from experience but my sister had very good luck with it and a friend of her's who had very similar issues as you saw a remarkable difference in her child. There are a lot of books out there although coming up with the energy to read them when dealing with a stubborn child can be an effort but hang in there. Don't forget that this doesn't mean he's a deviant, he's a toddler and they like to test our limits. It's normal and some children are just take more effort than others (a lot more in some cases). The moral of the story is that you will be dealing with much larger, harder problems in the future if you don't set very clear limitations now though. He has to know you mean business and mommies are not always their best friend even in it kills us. Just go at this like "this is a temporary problem that has a solution that I need to find and stick to" rather than "this is my son's personality and he's going to be like this forever." I wish you the best with this. I'm sure everything will be fine, you just have to work at it a little with him.

I went through the same thing with my now 3 year old daughter. She was 2 at the time. She all of a sudden decided that she was going to test me with everything. I also did the "sit in my lap" time out. That really made her mad. That seemed to hit home a little more than crib time outs. It was crazy, I think she was in a time out at least 10 times a day. But when I stuck to that she would only be disobedient for a couple days. But I hate to say this...he'll test you time and time again for years to come. Once you get a handle of one area, he will throw you for a loop in another. The key is having a plan and sticking to it. Find what works best for you and your son. And from then on out that is what you do when he does something he is not supposed to do. You'll find that the little guy will not disobey you for long periods of time. It might only last a day or so.
The key is to stay strong & don't throw your arms up because you are so frustrated. I believe that these disobedient stages only last for short periods of time as long as you don't let them walk all over you, and then they move onto something new.
Good Luck!