Discipline Without Spanking - Monroe,MI

I have a 8 year old and a 4 year old. They have both started talking back. What I do is when they start acting up, I give them one warning. And if the behavior continues I say "o no so sad, (then their name) needs some alone time. They then go to their room and sit on the bed. When they are ready to behave, they may come out, aplogize, and go on about the day. I have a 2 year old, and when I start with O no, he runs to his room and gets on his bed. I hope this helps.

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K.

Love and Logic is an awesome program. Call your local RESD or school district and see if they have any upcoming classes. If not you can find them at www.loveandlogic.com
Good luck!
C.

Hi A.,

Before I even had my son I went and bought the Love and Logic series, and they are great! It gives you the basic skills to discipline your kids by them taking resposability for their own actions. Giving them choices, even if it's disciplinary choices.

A.,

I have a 9 year old and 3 year old boy. Things had recenlty gotten out of control, sounding very similar to your situation. My husband and I put the hammer down.

For the three year old, we give him one warning (unless it's a continues reminder for us) then we say "oh how sad" and take him to his room. We tell him he can join us when he's ready to be sweet, follow rules, etc. (Simple is the best, and the only emotion you show is the one you have from them having to spend some alone time.) Very similar to what Rebecca said.

Our 9 year old, we do the same thing. When it becomes a repetitive thing or a little larget we take privilages away.(ones closely retated to the problem/favorite) We'll even ask him to come up with some ideas. Amazingly, he comes up with some fair ideas (doesn't mean you have to use them). I also have to run into having to remind him to finish/do his chores properly or to even do them. After a couple of reminders (when I'm ready to burst) I'll either do one of two things. One, suggest that he restore my engergy by doing one of my chores. The second, is to just do it for hime and he needs to store my energy.

When he restores my energy...I find myself less stressed and frustrated. It's like it never happend. Now when he chooses not to restore my engery, I wait until there's something he wants me to do for him, like take him to his friends, make his lunch, etc. Then I tell him (in the somes sincer voice), I don't have any energy left. Whould you like to restore it?

I cann't begin to tell you how great things have been in the house since we've started this. These are both methods from "Love and Logic". You may want to check out there web site. They offer great tips and sell books, audios,ect. Some counuities even offer courses.

Good luck!

I am an anti-spanker too. Discipline comes from the word disciple, like Jesus' disciples. He was the teacher, the disciples were taught. Discipline means to teach. Discipline is not equal with punishment.

I agree, there are other means to discipline or even punish children. I too have a 9yo girl and a 6yo girl and the backtalk is crazy from the older. I took a class at church called Parenting is Heart Work, from a book with the same name, author Dr. Scott Turansky & Joann something. It talks about getting to the heart of a child for change in behavior, not just changing the behavior, which is not long-lasting or from the heart.

I can't get into all the details about it right now, but you could email me and I'll try to tell you more later. ____@____.com

Hi A.,

It's hard when your sweet child starts thinking for themselves and having thoughts we don't want to hear--6-7 is a typical developmental age for this :) As adults, we all have those thoughts, we just don't say them and let them go. Unfortunately, their executive functioning part of the brain isn't working well enough to figure that out yet. One of the best books I found with my kids is "Without Spanking and Spoiling" by Elizabeth Crary. It helped me to look at my kids behavior more objectively. Sometimes "talking back" is very unsophisticated attempts at negotiating (e.g. kid doesn't want to brush teeth, stop watching TV to do something we asked them to do). It helped me head off some of the little battles and figure out which ones were really important. She explained that independent thinking and obedience were at opposite ends of the continuum. Sice, we wanted out kids to grow up to be independent thinkers and learn to negotiate, whenever possible, we helped them reframe their back talk into a more appropriate requests. She has lots of great strategies for keeping your cool and getting cooperation. My most outspoken child is now 21 and I hear her use some of Elizabeth's strategies when she is doing child care :)) Hope this helps some!
M.

Go to the library or bookstore and get the book or video 123 Magic by Thomas W Phelen. It is a simple method and it really works! I was a teacher for 5 years and used it in my classroom, now I use it with my child and you will be amazed at how fast you will get your kids to behave. Good Luck!

I have found the best way to make your kids listen, is to take away their stuff. All toys, video games, tv, anything they play with and enjoy. This is how i got my son to listen to me better. I started doing it when he was 4, and after a few months he realized he needed to be good or he was going to lose his "privledges". He is now going on 8 and is the best listener, and very well behaved. My brother and his wife recently tried this approach with thier VERY spoiled little girl, and it is working for her (nothing else worked). Just be patient and dont give in and give them any toys. Tell them when they can listen to you, without fighting with you, and behave correctly, then they can have their stuff back. Good luck!!

When our 7 year olds start acting up like that we follow what was recommended in some of the parenting classes that we and/or some friends of ours took and have a few options for discipline. One option that works for the twins but not the baby is hot sauce on the tounge. The almost four year old likes spicy stuff so that doesn't work for her...lol. Another one that works well is to hand him a magic eraser and point out a place on a wall that needs scrubbing. Its perfectly legal, completely safe, teaches responsibility, and they hate it... works wonders. Other than that takeing away favorite toys and makeing them earn them back or early bedtimes or the removal of snack time work well also. Hope this helps.

I have tried so many different types of discipline. The one that works best with my children are taking away priveleges. Like taking away their favorite toys or not allowing them to watch The Simpsons (that one is the worst punishment according to them). And make sure you tell them how it makes you feel when they don't listen or if they talk back.

I would think about what kind of television programs he might be watching that contributes to the problem. My son started acting up around the time he started watching a certain televsion show. I stopped letting him watch it, and saw some improvement. Also, I flat out REFUSE to let him have anything he wants unless he phrases in in a polite manner. If he tells me to move, I remind him to say excuse me instead. And I won't move until he does. If he tells me no, when I tell him to do something, I'll turn off the TV, or take away the toy he's using, and ask him again. If he wants a snack, I don't get it until he says please. It's been working okay for us.