Discipline Ideas for a 2-Year Old

Dr Sears book THE BABY BOOK has lots of helpful tools for this age. You can probably get at the library. He suggests things like time out, redirect and modeling.

Hope other moms answer I'd like to hear real like stories.
Lynelle

As I read the responses, I wonder if there's some confusion about two words: "discipline" and "punishment". In our society, we often think of discipline and punishment as being intrinsically connected to each other. They are very separate things, and time out is a punishment.

You were asking about discipline, and reading your question, I can see that you are trying to explain to your daughter why some of her actions aren't socially acceptable or considerate to the dog. That in itself is a big part of discipline. My suggestion would be that when she continues to engage in whacking the dog, you let her play in an area where the dog isn't, and just explain it in as few words as possible. Or give her something else to whack that is "okay". When she isn't listening, gently physically assist her to help her follow directions. Young children become very focused and their brains have yet to develop the skill of multi-tasking. Sometimes we need to get right in there and help move things along. To avoid feeling like I'm nagging, I do it after a second attempt at getting their attention. At this age we are still doing a lot of guiding and instruction in regard to what is appropriate, and children have little self-regulation and self-restraint as toddlers. I'm not excusing the behavior; it's just a fact.

I've worked with very young children for a long time, and taken care of toddlers very specifically for a good part of that. With children of all ages, I've found that adding a punishment, such as time out, to this learning process, turns it into something different. The child and parent both become more focused on the whole dynamics of the time-out (this was what I saw in your request and a lot of responses) and not the original actions and how to learn from them.

The main idea, from my perspective, is not to get caught up in assigning arbitrary punishments or "consequences". Make your choices about how to respond based on what you and your child are needing in that moment.

Here's an example: With my 18 month old son, who has taken to climbing on the furniture, I may try to distract and redirect a couple of times, and then will likely pop him into his high chair and let him play at the table if I'm busy making dinner and not able to stop what I'm doing to continuously redirect. Doing this is good for both of us: I know he's safe and can continue to work and he knows that it's time to move on to crayons or cheerios or whatever he ends up doing. The desire to climb is an important part of his development, and having boundaries on where it is safe to climb is an important part of his learning. I don't want to punish, but put reasonable limits on it, and also respect that his desire to climb whatever is available isn't "bad", but certainly unsafe and inconvenient for me. Or perhaps he plays in the kitchen with the door closed. But we don't have a lot of tears from this action and he learns that when he isn't being safe, he will have to go and do something else in a different area. I have faith (because I've done this so many times) that he will eventually learn not to climb, either because he doesn't want to leave the area or because a natural consequence, such as falling, occurs.

I hope this helps.:) Sounds like you have a perfectly normal toddler and loving heart. She will learn, it just takes time. Add to that the fact that toddlers are becoming their own little people. Persistence, patience and a little empathy for their development go a long way in this. Good luck!

I think that if disconnecting with your daughter when she is yelling and angry works in creating a space where you can both hear yourselves and each other think, then it's working.

Check out the Discipline book by Dr. William Sears. It really helped me understand how and what to discipline and what is appropriate for what age.

I think you are expecting a little too much of your daughter. She's only two and two year olds don't have the ability to sit still and listen all the time. Their brains are developed yet. Plus, being pregnant you probably don't have the patience you used to. I know because I did they same thing. I have a now almost 4 year old and a almost 2 year old (birthday in November). When I was pregnant with my second I felt like all I did was yell and get upset with my first child. I say if your daughter is willing to sit on a stool or face the wall then be happy about it. Who cares if she plays with the wall or the stool. She is having some quiet time. I personally think that time outs are more for us then for them. It gives you a break to calm down. Try to enjoy this surge of independence from your daughter. It is a good thing even if it drives you crazy. You want your kids to grow up being self confident and independent. Try to just enjoy your daughter. you will be amazed at how much you enjoy this age when your son gets there. It's a lot different the second time around. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

I highly recommend "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood" by Jim and Charles Fay. I read it often, and have to say that it really works (my daughter just turned 3). Here's a bit from my book: "With Love and Logic, your children will learn how to live with the consequences of their actions, avoid blaming others for their problems, and make wise decisions."

Basically, you give your child lots of age- and situation-appropriate choices, so she feels like she has some control, and when she makes a mistake or acts out, you provide an appropriate consequence in a gentle, loving manner. Then the child learns to see consequences as a natural result of behavior, not a "punishment" by a "mean parent."

I hope you find this helpful!

First you let her know what you expect from her. You then let her know what she has done wrong, and ask her to stop. You need to be at her level when you talk to her.
Example
Please stop poking at the dog. (wait)
(walk over to her, get down to her level) If you do not stop poking the dog you will be put in time out. (wait)
If she still does not stop then you say "You need to go into time out because you did not stop picking on the dog."

Time out should be a place with nothing around. I can be a bench, or chair. It can be in a corner or in a room. Just as long as she is separated away from you, and what is going on.

With my kids (5 of them) I would let them know why that behavior was not acceptable. "Poking the dog can hurt him, and how would you feel if I poked you?"
I also used distraction for the kids. If they started down that high energy no good path, I would sit to read a book with them, or find a different toy for them to play with. It does not always work, but it is worth a try.

Sometimes we need to chose our battles. And remember 2 year olds are learning that they can be independent, and yet they still need you around. They are learning to be their own person, and sometimes the only way to learn this is to test our boundaries.

Good luck
B.
Triple P (Power of Positive Parenting)

I don't know if your little one is a climber, but you could put her in time out in an empty pack-n-play in a room by herself. Then set the timer. You could even set the timer in her room so she realizes that when the timer goes off mommy comes back to get her. She will not like this, but isn't that the point! The important thing is that she is safe, and you can take action immediately and also get a break while she deals with her consequences. Good luck! I know this stage is hard....even harder when you are expecting. Remember that even if she doesn't understand right now, she will learn. She doesn't have to understand it, to learn about it. You are doing the right thing to take care of this now. Way to go good mama!

I highly recommend the book "Beyond Discipline" I think the author's name is Christophersen

I, too, have a 2-yr-old....its definitely a tough age! Trust me, I'm no expert and learning as I go, but something I always ask myself is "what am I trying to achieve?" If my goal is to get the behavior to stop, then perhaps playing with the wall isn't such a bad thing. However, personally, time outs just don't work for us either. I spend much more time just getting her to stay in the "time out" spot. Depending on what she's doing, I may try distraction (oh honey, you can't have that permanent marker, but here's a crayon; now lets find some paper to draw on) or physically moving her if she's doing something dangerous. Sometimes she'll throw a tantrum and I always try to communicate with her: "honey, I can see that you are upset right now, but its just not safe to stand on the kitchen counter." If she's completely into the tantrum I'll add "now I can see that your really upset and maybe need some alone time so I'm going to go change the laundry around (or go change the baby's diaper, etc.) and then I'll come back and maybe we can have a hug." I find that if I give her a little bit of space, when I return (which is usually within about 5 minutes) she's calmed down a bit and then we have some cuddle time.

Of course, I lose my cool from time to time and I try to always apologize to her later if I react in a way I'm not proud of. I hope that by this she learns that Mommy's not perfect either and that I love her. She still gets into everything and it drives me crazy, but I keep telling myself this stage won't last forever!

Your doing fine. As the temper tantrums get bigger the time outs will be more frustrating for her. Relax. Let life happen.

Time outs do work fine for a child that age. You just have to be consistant and don't let her play around while in time out. And time out should not start until she is sitting there quietly. You should be using a firm tone so she knows you mean business and you should not be talking to her durring time out. If she gets out, put her back without a word. etc. I think the "Supper Nanny" way is the best way and it worked fine for my son and I started it before he was 2. The more you use it the more she will get it.

when my children (now 19 and 16) were little and naughty, i too put them in time out. only i sat there with them. I would sit criss cross with them on my lap and i physically held their arms/legs to 'restrain' them ( my arms over their arms and a leg held their legs down) for their age appropriate time ( i also used the 1 min per year, but the time started when they settled down) . the whole time i would talk to them about how i wanted them to act, the appropriate behavior i wanted to see and how much i loved them but would not allow their continue behavior.I tried to keep my messages on the positive note as opposed to telling them what i did not want them to do. I believe this reinforces the good and not the bad. warning children do not like being restrained, she will struggle but that is ok. I always told them , your time out starts when we are sitting still and i have your attention. It worked for my kids. They were mostly well behaved and always knew what was expected of them. what ever you decide, be consistent. Good luck!

I was told by an employee at Morrison Child center that having the time-out equivalent to their age (2 minutes if they are 2, 4 minutes if they are 4) does not work. Give them a time out for no more than 10 seconds and then discuss what the unfavorable behavior is and why they should not do that. You may think they don't understand, but they understand even less after sitting for 2-4 minutes and then being repremanded for it. Removing them from the situation and stopping the behavior and then discussing it is a good idea. I also took a course where the professor always repeated "smoke and mirrors, not hitting".