Help- I am looking for ideas on teaching a 17 month old how to share and not take toys from other children. She is into the stage where she wants what someone else has and tries to take it away. She is nice about it and redirects easily but I am always running after her when we are playing with other kids telling her not to do that. This weekend when I picked her up for the nursery at church they informed me that she was doing this in there as well. I don't want to be the mom with the mean kid. Any ideas on how to handle this situation would be great!
I think that redirecting her is the way to go...dont make it a big battle...just tell her that she needs to be nice...or be gentle...or whatever the situation calls for...and be no nonsense about it...not upset or scolding....dont make it a battle of wills. This is pretty typical behavior for this age...and all you need to do is be consistent in correcting it with kindness and love.
Good luck!!
You can always sit down and play with her with her toys and when she puts a toy down you can pick it up and start playing with it, if she gets mad and pulls it away, say you need to take turns, when someone has a toy and they are playing with it, you need to let them play for abit until they put it down then you can pick it up. Not really sure how much a 17mth old understands, but I would do that with my son from day one, he would have a toy and be playing with it, I said can mommy play he would hand it to me then get mad and want it back, and grab it from me, I would tell him you need to share and take turns and say please and thank you.
I agree with Gale. I can't think of a better way to teach your child to share than to be your child's playmate. BUT, don't expect it to happen all that fast. I had some parents that told me they did this at home and I know they did it a lot. Yet in my daycare she was a bully from the time she was old enough to crawl even. Her mean streak started with pulling other babies hair then went on to hitting and she took toys from other kids for 2 years no matter how hard I tried. It's really tough not to see so much competitiveness in children. You could sit 2 or 3 children in the middle of 500 or more blocks of various sizes and shapes and even though there is more than enough of all types, they will still take them out of each others hands and knock down other peoples creations in order to take their blocks. You just have to stay consistent and wait it out.
It sounds like you're doing the right thing. Toddlers take a lot of parenting. Some things that seemed to get through to my daughter were that if she wanted a toy that someone else had (for example the blue ball) I'd suggest she offer to find a toy to trade with them (like the red ball). I often found myself on the floor with her guiding her away from snatching toys and working on asking to play and taking turns. I also worked with her on sharing with me. If she brought me a toy I would thank her for sharing and tell her that it made me happy and I liked playing with her so much when she was nice like that. It really does work eventually. You have to put time into it, but they do get it. She now does great with sharing (at 2) and will even take the toy she's been playing with and offer it to her friends when she is done.
I wouldn't stress out too much about it, as every kid goes through this phase. One way to help her get through it is reinforcing positive behavior. When she does share make a big deal and clap and praise her. Overexaggerate your feelings so that she gets excited to share.
I would also try giving her two of something and asking her "which ____ is yours," and then asking "which ____ is Jacksons?" Then she feels like sharing is somthing she has control over rather something unpleasant she is forced to do.
Good luck!
I have a 20 month old and she still does this it does get better,your not the only mom out there who will think her child is the mean kid.Squat down look at her eye to eye and tell her not to take toys away from so and and we need to share repeatdly all the time when she does this.If she throws a fit (tantrum) remove her from the situation and find something else to do for a few minutes then let her return.Sahm of 2 and 1 motr
Discipline means to teach, and this is something you will be doing with your daughter for a long, long time. It's just like teaching them anything else. It needs to be consisent and repeated. What punishments and rewards you choose depend on age and the child. It isn't a punishment to take away the TV if the kid reads all the time. So, you'll have to decide. Also, at this age, the lessons will be hard to learn because they just don't remember that much. You will have to repeat, repeat, repeat. If she is playing with something and wants what someone else has, she should lose both.
Your daughter has figured out that she is an individual, and in her mind the only important one. You will have to work on this for a long time. Keep in mind though, do you want a 16-year old who thinks the world revolves around her? a 21 year old? When you have to tell her for the 50th time that she can't take someone's else stuff, think about what kind of 16 year old girl you would like.
Hang in there!
I suggest signing up for Parents as Teachers, www.parentsasteachers.org and they have a Love and Logic class that I think is free or very reasonable or the cost of the materials only. I know the one here in Raytown is coming up quick, and I just can't say enough things about Parents as Teachers, my Daughter is 4 now and has been in the program since she was born. I honestly don't know what I would have done with out her home educator, she helped me through things like is she getting enough sleep, how much is she supposed to be eating. Little things new Moms don't know.
Good Luck!
M.
Practic sharing. You being the parent ask, give a chance for them to say no and be okay with it if they do. When you have something to eat, play, do... ask your child if they would like to share. Make it fun and sometimes you just might have to say no to share or give a time when it can be there turn.
D., the first thing you need to do is realize that she is doing what toddlers do best. She is exploring her world and learning the rules of life. She is not being a bad child.
There is no one way to teach this valuable skill, I know some adults who still have not learned it. When our kids were little we started asking for some of everything they had. if they had dry cherios, I would ask for one and let them hand it to me. I always said "thank you for sharing". It taught the meaning of the word. I asked them to share toys, food, anything and everything. Even if it was gross and slimy i would take it and act as though I had taken a bite, when it was given to me.
On the other hand, when I had something or someone else had something and one of our children asked for it, sometimes I would let them have it, sometimes I would say no. I taught them that at times you can have something someone else has and soem times you can not. I never let them take something out of my hand without asking first, even if asking was in a very toddler body language way. Taking without asking was always met with, ask me nicely if you can have it. When they did I would then "share" what I had, if it was appropriate.
The point is, your daughter will learn, it takes time and patience. When she is with other children and she does take something away, you should meet that with a simple statement. You need to share and give that back. If she doesnt do it on her own, it will be up to you to take it from her and hand it back. Yes, there may be tears, but she will learn and that is what teaching is all about.
How I love being a mom, even though my babies are all grown now, I never tire of being their mom.
You've gotten a lot of good advice, so I won't reiterate. Just keep in mind that she's following the "Toddler Rules": 1) What's Mine is Mine, and 2) What's Yours in Mine. This will pass, but it will take much patience and teaching on your and your husband's part.
I think it's really... silly ... that your daycare thinks that she should be doing something other than what she is at her age!
http://www.askmoxie.org/2006/01/qa_when_do_babi.html
Great article regarding this with lots of input from other moms too...
she's only 17 months old, i would think the nursery ladies would understand that. it's a phase. and she's not old enough for any kind of discipline other than redirection and correction. that's all you can do. don't let other people make you feel like you're a bad mom - you're not. if it gets brought up again just tell them nicely that you're working on it, and even show them how to redirect her. i don't know about your church but i have been in churches where they had older kids watching the younger ones, and even though it's only an hour or so, they are responsible for your child so they need to know how to deal with her. at any rate you're doing what you need to. just keep it up. at 17 months she isn't doing it out of meanness, she just doesn't understand "they had it first honey". she'll get it.
one thing that worked really well with my son (the point that i think he finally started to get it) was my husband and i sat down with him on the floor across from each other, and he sat in daddy's lap, and we tossed a small ball back and forth. we would say "adan's turn!" and i would throw it to him. then we'd say "mommy's turn!" and get him to throw it to me (or daddy would help), then we'd say "daddy's turn!" and i'd throw it to daddy, above his head. after awhile he got the pattern down and while he still watched the ball like a hawk until it was his turn, he waited patiently. it worked really well for him. now anytime i need him to wait for something (for example letting me brush his teeth before he eats all the toothpaste!) i just tell him, "it's mommy's turn now, your turn is next ok?" and he's pretty ok with it.
