Disapointment, Neighbors & Food

Hi A.,

I feel for you having a child with an allergy. I have two allergy free children (knock on wood, that could change as they get older). But I have two dear neighbor friends who's children have allergies. One has a milk/gluten allergy the other nuts. Now when they come to my house they send snacks for them. At birthday parties they send food and a treat.
My son just had his 6th birthday and both children where at his party, one is 3 years old the other is 5. Both mothers stayed at the party, period. I had way to much going on to monitor their child and what they are eating. You can not put the responsibility on another parent who is throwing a party and has a ton of other obligations. I feel for you big time, don't get me wrong. But seriously, I would not have noticed at the party this past Saturday if either of these kids had put something in their mouth that they were not suppose to have. I asked both parents to stay for this purpose, as if something would have gone wrong, I'd feel horrible. So I take it off of my shoulders and put it back on theirs where it belongs.
Next time bring the pizza to the party, heat it up in their oven. So you won't be leaving the party. When you child is old enough to really know what she can and can't have, then you can start doing the drop off parties, until then, you need to stick with your kid for safety reasons.
All I would say to the neighbor is thank you so much for inviting _______ (your child's name) and leave it at that. Next time you know that you need to stay for the party. JMHOP.
Good Luck!
J. in Macomb

Do you have a braclet or a necklace with her food allergy on it? That could help. At 5, even if she remembers what she can and cannot eat, she is still at the age where she will test her limits whether they are safe or not... especially a different authority.

Hi A.,
I feel for you and your daughter. I understand how difficult food allergies can be. Although me and my family are blessed to be able to eat what we want, I have many friends and other family members who are severly allergic to many different food items including peanut butter, shellfish, mushrooms, etc., as well as a dear, close friend who has Celiac's like your daughter. Since your daughter is so young and doesn't understand the full effect of her disease and since I'm sure you don't want her to miss out on all the fun times to be had with friends, perhaps when she goes to these types of outings where you aren't able to watch everything that goes into her mouth, how about making up some stickers (or a pin) for her to attach to her shirt that states "FOOD ALLERGY - please see my approved food list" or something to that effect? Then you can provide the adult(s) in charge a print-out from the computer on Celiac's disease, outlining which foods your daughter CANNOT have, and the devastating reactions she'll get if she does eat them? You could review the print-out quickly with the adult(s) in charge before the party starts, and ask that they help be a "watch-dog" to whomever else may try to give your daughter something not on the "approved list." It would be a shame for your daughter to not be able to attend these parties during her younger years before she's able to 100% make her own decisions, due to adult ignorance. I believe information and education is the best route and how proud would you be if your daughter's disease could raise awareness to just a few people ignorant to Celiac's and the effect of gluten in their systems? I know Mickey Redmond of Red Wing's fame has been on the forefront of public awareness of Celiac's for many, many, many years due to his own battle with it, but there are still so many people out there who've never even heard of it. Anyway, this is just a thought and my 2-cents worth! Good luck and best wishes to both of you. Keep us posted!

Wow unbelievable... honestly though I think people are just clueless about food allergies. A good friend of mine's son has allergies to dairy and wheat and she took him to her MIL's house and took some goat cheese for him to eat... her husband went to pick him up and she fed him regular dairy cheese.. luckily hubby got it before he ate a lot, but again.. I think people are just clueless...

I'd explain to the neighbor the severity of the allergies and not perhaps go with her next time if she eats there.

Hope it gets better...

A.,

I do believe people chose not to know what is in their food...however, with the peanut and other restrictions b/c of allergies, most people with children are aware of allergies and that they can be serious. Further, regardless of the allergy, if you told her your daughter could not have certain foods...she should not have given them to her.

I guess what i would say to the neighbor depends on whether you wish to continue any sort of relationship. If you want to work through it...you need to be clear and explain the problem. If you don't care if your daughter doesn't go over there again, you can just say she was very sick b/c of the food she was given and leave it at that. You still have to live by this family.

I would tell her that she is doing better, and the next time your daughter is invited to a birthday party, take the mom aside and give her a list of what your daughter can and cannot have. Tell her that you don't expect her to make something that only your daughter can eat but you'll bring her lunch. Next time, make the pizza ahead of time and walk it over early and keep it warming in the oven, same with the gluten free cupcakes. Good luck!

I would be honest with her she could have just not understood what was in the food she was serving. With life threatening allergies I think she needs to be educated if she is going to have someone at a party with those allergies.

I am with Jennifer whole heartedly. Imagine how your daughter will feel when she is not invited to future parties either for her own safety or for the party mom's sanity. Hosting a party for kids is pretty overwhelming for most - your particular instructions may have gotten lost in the shuffle. Assume goodness in intentions.