Difficult Question

If it was at school, you need to report it to the principal or teacher. This is bullying and is terrible. It's making it difficult for her to go to school and that is not cool.

The school definitely needs to be told about this because they should be teaching about prejudice (if you know what I mean). They might also be the best ones to talk to the boy's parents about his words, as I'm hoping they would be horrified to hear them.
Put it this way, if he had made a disparaging sexual comment to her, the school would have been all over it, and they should with this.

That is terrible! I am white, but have raised my daughter to love all nationalities. She came home one day (1st grade) from a friends house and told me her friend's mom and dad were telling them to stay away from the Mexicans and that they hate them. First, I was very angry. Then I used it as a teaching moment. I asked Veronica how she would feel if people hated her because she has blue eyes. She said, "Mommy, that's mean!" I said yes, and it's not fair. "What if we moved somewhere where they don't speak English, and so the people there thought you were stupid?" Again, she says that's not nice! I said exactly! I asked her how many of her friends have brown skin? She named a bunch. "Do you love them?" "Yes, she answered. I then said, "What about Adrian's parents? They don't speak English. Do you like them?"
"Yes! they are very nice to me, even though I don't know what they are saying."
I then told her there are good people in all colors of skin. Bad people come in all colors too. We don't look at a person as good or bad by what they look like or how they talk, but how they act and treat people. It was wrong of Rebecca's parents to say that, and it was very mean.
I don't let her play at Rebecca's house anymore because her parents are hateful and I don't want her around that. Rebecca can play at our house and see people who are loving and accepting.
God made us all different and beautiful in our own way. How boring it would be if we all looked the same!
Please tell your niece she is precious, and she shouold be proud of who she is and where she came from. She is beautiful, smart, and that boy will grow up bitter and unhappy. I feel sorry for people who have nothing better to do than to be mean and put others down. He must need a reason to feel good about his empty, unhappy self.
God Bless!

If this happened at school, call the school and report the incident. Almost every school has an anti bullying-anti harrassment policy in place, and this will be among the most serious kinds of harrassment situations, when race is involved. Ask what the follow up will be, ask to be informed of the outcome of your complaint, and tell them that you will be watching.

Don't let this go, it is serious and the boy needs intervention, and every child who heard it was a bystander who needs intervention, and all the children of Mexican decent who were the targets need intervention.

M.

Hi, my family is Asian and a kid said something derogatory to him at school. First, you need to talk to her about being proud of her heritage, the positive aspects, etc. Second, I don't know if it is feasible, but I would let someone at school know, the teacher or someone. The principal at our school has made it clear to me that he wants to know of any incidents involving racial comments, etc. I don't care if this is Texas, it is 2010 and I believe racism is unacceptable. Our kids don't deserve this.

Racist remarks are not tolerated in schools. I suggest that you go in to the school and ask to see the principal. (don't call). Explain what has happened and ask that the boys be spoken to.

Then I would have a good talk with your niece. Tell her she needs to be proud of who she is and where her ancestors are from.

Unfortunately this world is full of ignorant people who raise their children to be ignorant too.

Once your niece is confident in who she is, stupid comments like this won't bother her.

Let the teacher know this hurt your niece's feelings. Even better, convince your niece to approach the teacher in an effort to teach her to advocate for herself. Her parents can call first to prepare the teacher.

Unfortunately the boy is probably just repeating what he hears at home, but maybe not. Also unfortunate, there will always be people like this.

The best thing you can do is talk to your niece about it. Make sure that she understands that for starters cutting someones grass is a responsible job so this boy had no right to put it down. Make sure she is proud of who she is. Have the talk about how no one wants to be stereotyped. Although it is hurtful it is also a lesson in empathy. Then help her to blow it off. There will always be people like that, but we can choose how we react to them. You may want to give her a way to respond, like: "Why does it make you feel good to put down a group of people?"

Document that incident.
Put it in WRITING.. and give it to her Teacher and the Principal.
Putting it in writing exemplifies the 'importance' of it.
This is racism.
MOST schools have a "zero-tolerance" policy of NO bullying by students or faculty.

I would not put up with it... what if it goes further, and they start to physically harass her or intimidate her or worse????

DOCUMENT everything.

My daughter had a similar 'race' thing told to her in Preschool by another kid.
The school/Director/Teacher did NOT put up with it, the child had displayed this sort of behavior to other kids and bullying.

Also use the incident as a way to discuss things like this, what she should do/say if it happens, not to get in an altercation for it but to deal with the matter properly by telling the adults in charge etc., if she is "bullied" that she must tell you but don't instigate it etc.
Some teens, can be quiet 'dangerous' verbally or online or physically... intimidating as well. So teach her how to gauge situations and how to best protect herself or with her friends... that real "friends" don't do that and can ALL help each other too, to stand up for oneself etc.

all the best,
Susan

This is racist bullying. And it makes me very sad. I had a similar experience as a child. I was on the bus, and a boy targeted me and asked me why all Chinese people had slanty eyes. Then he made the slanty-eyed gesture with his hands, and got the whole bus to laugh at me. I never forgot that, and it is the worst feeling when you are a child and do not know how to stand up for yourself. I felt ashamed of my heritage, and just wanted to disappear. I would definitely bring this up to the teacher, and maybe the principal, too. So sorry to hear this happened. Big hug for your niece. XO.

He obviously heard that from his parents. What a disgusting thing to teach your kids to be racist. I am so sorry your neice had to endure that. I would absolutely call the principal, not the teacher. You need to call the principal to be sure that they understand how serious it is and that it is addressed. Don't let it go or it will only get worse.

Hi,
This thing apparently happens too much. I work in a middle school and we do not tolerate anything like that. One of the principals should be made aware of the situation so that they can make certainly that this boy understands that it isn't appropriate. They should also make the whole student body aware that it will not be tolerated. Cultural diversity has been a big part of American history and isn't likely to change. It will be difficult for her to ignore him, but she needs to know that he is likely very insecure about himself or this type of stuff is what he hears at home. Have her go to a school counselor...they deal with this sort of thing all of the time. I hope she understands, in time, that there are always going to be people with ugly comments and they aren't worth worrying about. Good luck!

you cant change ignorant people and im sure he didnt pick that type of stuff up on the play ground....it comes from home and thats something you can do anything about...so all you can do is assure your nice that word are meaningless and she needs to learn that as long as she is proud of where she comes from no one should be able to break that ......as kids its hard to explain to them the approach they should take because you dont want to engage this type of behavior...that is what that other child wants...to know that they got under your skin....just help her to be stronger and the bigger person to walk away and say "i dont have time for nonsense".....because thats what it is.....and she shouldnt waist her time....OMG i could go on for ever because this is an issue that so many people go through and i hear stupid comments all over but to hear it from children is just sad........as a parent i think i would bring it up to the parent but depending on what type of person they are it wont be pretty........hope this all make some sense..........
ive learned to not take things to heart.....but as kids they take everything very literal and so then they get hurt....

Can you talk to the teacher and principal at school? Don't most schools have a no tolerance policy for this sort of thing? I have a daycare and would not allow that kind of talk with my children. But I can time them out. Sadly, by age 11, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree probably. Their parents may or may not care.

What else is there besides telling her to hold her head up high?

With all the focus on Illegals right now I can just imagine it's only going to get worse. I think talking to the school and having some greivence paperwork done might start the ball rolling but in these times I am not very sure it will do much good. Kids are always the ones who suffer the most, so sorry for her pain.

Some kids are not told to be kind towards others. His parents are probably bullies. I will say a pray for your niece.
Dont have any good advice.

Unfortunately, bullies are out there. He would probably be surprised to see how many wealthy, intelligent, successful and wonderful people there are out there who aren't white. If the school won't do anything, punishing or sensitivity training, then talk to your daughter that not everyone shares this boys sentiments. Obviously this kid has something wrong in his house to pick on others. Too bad that his anger spilled out onto your daughter. Build up your daughter and let her know how wonderful Mexicans are and how important they have been in history. As sad as it sounds, there are mean people out there who take delight in hurting others and often times there is nothing you can do but be strong, have faith in God and ignore the meanies.

Someone needs to talk to the school! That is not acceptable behavior. I am sure his parents are the same way and they may not really care. Which is very sad. But the school can put a stop to it!!!

Good luck to you all and God Bless!!

I just feel so bad for her. Unfortunatly theres a force on this beutiful planet that causes people to be ignorant & all we can do is pray for our enemies. God created us all equal & the Devil wants is hatred and he seems to get to us even through inocient children. Yes he probably heard it at home & I'm sure his family would be upset. As someone said I would take it to the school & maybe the will get to the bottom of this. If not then I would go to the parents. Sounds like the school should work on the issues of equallity. Good luck & God Bless you all.

I don't think it is the school's fault. Probably the kids parents say things like that at home.

I think you need to teach your niece to stick up for herself. There are always mean people everywhere (sorry, but it's true)! She can't change them or make them be nice, but if she reacts by crying and running to the teacher, then next time someone bullies her, I think she will react the same way. And the next time . . . My brother used to get bullied and I can tell you it is because he would be so emotional about it that the bullies just fed on that and kept it up. He did fight back after awhile.

I am just saying, there are some schools in my area where no bullying is tolerated - NOTHING. They keep a tight rein on the kids by basically, not allowing them to socialize at lunch, in the halls, at recess, in PE, etc. Everything they say has to be school related or they have to be quiet. These same kids don't know how to deal with other kids from the outside world.

All the moms here that are upset with the school, come on! Honestly, what teacher would tolerate that if she heard it? Most would never. Kids know when to say things when the teachers are not listening. She's got to learn to act and be confidant and come back with a positive, but snarky comment that makes the racist kids look bad, or learn to ignore them or roll her eyes, like "you are a bunch of losers but it doesn't affect me" type of look.

Unfortunately there really isn't much you can do. In the United States we have these things called the 1st and 14th Amendments that guarantee American Citizens the " Liberty to express opinions and ideas without hindrance, and especially without fear of punishment." Granted these statements were cruel on the part of the young man, never the less he has the right to express his opinions. I would highly suggest you tell you niece that there are people in the world that are not always nice and sometimes we just have to develop a thick skin, walk away, and turn the other cheek to their ignorance.

I imagine we will soon have to hear the same types of things from our children-I married a very dark Hispanic man and our last name is Martinez, so it's not like our kids can sneak under the radar! How about clever comebacks like, "yes, and you'd have to pick your own vegetables, cook your own food in restaurants, clean your own houses." Or the Godly route, "and what would it be like if we were all the same? Pretty boring."
Sweet girl-it won't be the last time she hears ignorant comments like this.
Assuming the offending child is white, you might see about talking with the teacher (you said it was during class?) about making it into a lesson. Not pointing out the offending child, but incorporating some kind of diversity lesson into the day's work. I'm sure the teacher would not be tolerant of this type of behavior.