Difficult 5 Yr Old

could you involve him in sports:
running for him every morning would be perfect
but someone needs to run with him, right?
this would require organizing a bike for you
if you personally do not feel like joining...
so you could ride beside him running,
also all games with a ball...
I am very reluctant about doctors' advices
to treat with medication, at a very early age especially
as any good whatever gained,
has still side effects also, which are hard to treat later.
Be strong, seek for joy in physical activites,
and good luck in the new year to you!

Hi, I have a couple of friends that have had to deal with ADD. They both did not want to take the route of meds. The one lady took her son in to have his tested with different foods. Some things I learned from them are: stay away from red dyes in food, corn made the one ladys' son bounce off the walls, and watch the sugar content, (buy the "lite" stuff. These are just a few things but I do know that diet really, really makes a differance. I have seen it first hand and the changes in the child were amazing.
Good luck and I hope these few things help you.

I have one of those! I am a mother of five and my five year old is my second to oldest. I was always comparing my 5 year old to the way my oldest acted at that age. I began to wonder if he was ADD or ADHD. However, I did not rush to any conclusions and I would encourage you to avoid doing that as well. This is an extremely overdiagnosed condition. And your son may just be a typical boy. I began instead to look at other kids and see how they were acting. Looking at a broad range of kids, there's every type of personality. And frankly some are just high energy. It does'nt mean that somthing is "wrong" with them. Kids have different strengths and weaknesses. However, if it is inhibiting his progress in school or causing behavioral problems then you may want to take it a bit more seriously. That doesn't necessarily mean that you need to rush in to meds. Simply talking with my son and working with him and his teachers has improved his performance dramatically. He is also very smart and just needs a bit of a reminder to focus. I have no idea whether my son would be considered ADHD because I have not checked into it. But I know that my little bit of extra effort has paid off so that even if he was I don't think that I would put him on meds. I have heard diet helps. There are certain things that he may be lacking or need more of in his diet such as omega 3 fatty acids. I give my son a teaspoon of flax seed oil everyday and this has amazingly seemed to help. Good luck!

Yep, changing the diet could help a lot. The chemicals & additives in foods can make a big diff. in how a child acts. Not just the chemicals in meats, everything, dairy (I've been buying organic milk for years - even switched one rice milk). Check w/your local health food store (if you haven't already) & ask a zillion questions. there is a book called "Prescription for Nutritional Healing Third Edition". It's an A-Z reference guide to drug-free remedies using vits., minerals, and herbs & food supplements. I bought mine for $16 (retails for $24) It's worth every penny. Even eliminating red dye #40 can make a huge diff. in how a child acts. Have him evaluated by a child Psychologist this will help a lot. If you have any questions let me know. Good luck!

I have a couple of kids like that. One thing that helped was a post it note on my fridge. I started doing it with my daughter when she was that age. It said:

Has she had enough...
Exercise?
Protein?
Vitamins?
Water?
Attention?
Love?

I have found that most times I can remember at least one that is lacking for the day and it helps get the behavior back on track. A deficiency of any of those will lead to hyperactivity, acting out, etc.

I have love and attention separate because they are two different needs. Kids need attention-- someone actually spending time with them, listening, playing with them, etc. and love-- which can be a quick hug, a joke in a lunch box, telling them we love them, even a wink and a smile across the room. The more my kids get of all of the above, the better they act. Exercise can be a biggie in winter too, when kids don't get very much time outside.

You might also want to get some DHA/Omega 3 supplements. Most kids are deficient these days and they are needed for proper brain function. Some recent studies have suggested that most kids with ADHD-like behavior are deficient in Omega 3 oils. You can also use flax oil. My kids love Nordic Naturals DHA supplements though (strawberry).

Some kids with hyperactivity also benefit from epsom salt baths. Put a couple of cups in a warm bath and let them soak. That also works well for a lot of kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders and other behavior issues. You can google it for more info.

You could also check out the book _Is This Your Child?_ by Doris Rapp if you suspect food sensitivities. Some kids (about 5%) get hyper from food coloring and others react to preservatives, artificial flavors and so on. My daughter reacts to pesticides on non-organic fruits and veggies, some dyes, and dark chocolate. The book can help you figure out if anything like that could be the case.

Good luck!

N.,
I completely understand where you are coming from. I have a 9 year old son that from a very young age has been defiant and hyper. I did in fact put him on medication per his request to "be like everyone else". Yet I have found no significant improvement. He is highly intelligant and at the top of his 4th grade class with academics, yet we struggle with social skills and appropriate behavior. My only suggestion to you and your husband is to make sure that you address his behaviors immediately and follow through with all disiplines that you set fourth. This is the best way to handle it. If I could do it over again from a young age we would not have the same amount of troubles today. I know it is frustrating and over-whelming to say the least at times.

C.

Read the book, The ADD/HD Parent Handbook by Colleen Alexander-Roberts. It has taught me that children with ADHD need specific discipline and organization methods to help them cope with self-control issues. It really opened my eyes. Also, don't throw out the option of medication. Yes, try lots of things like diet and behavior changing methods, but sometimes medication does really help. The most important thing is to do your research. Don't rely on only the doctor's view or a friend.

Maybe if he does not take discipline seriously, then the discipline needs to be more serious. I have a 5yr old boy who is also very loud and hyper and have wondered myself if he needs to be checked out, but other people I know with boys say that it's normal behavior for a 5yr old boy. I noticed that alittle bit after he turned 5yrs old, he pushed the limits alittle more, was alittle more silly, alittle more hyper and needed alittle more discipline. Luckily, at age 5, they can understand different punishments better- they have a "currency" or maybe a few. I have changed from just timeout to things like running laps, writing sentences, cleaning chores, taking away very special toys, etc. Find his lever and use it against him. Alls fair in Love and Parenting!!!!!

Diet (as in getting fruits and veggies)is always a good way to make sure your child to developing and growing but your child being able to be at his best to be able to learn and develop socially is also just as important. I am a single mother of three boys and all three are on medication, the last one I didn't recognize as a need but has helped him also. They are unable to learn in school if their mind can't focus and stay attentive on one thing for very long. one day I forgot to give meds to one, and after practicing and knowing all his spelling words the day the before he only got one right on his test at school, he was devastated, that effected him. At least have him evaluated, it doesn't cost anything and it will give you peace of mind that your doing everything you can. Listening to advice is always good, but keeping an open mind is better, every child is different.

Hi!
My son is now a difficult 7 year old. Dr Domet in Omaha is not quick to medicate-he suggested we use melatonin to help get good sleep at night. We have been tested for ADD and all is negative- he's naturally full of energy and always has been. Bed time is always a struggle. My son doesnt' eat normal "kid food" never liked hot dogs or mac n cheese, fries or any of the easy stuff, so I know that is not our issue. What I do find works is outside activity.
Iknow it's zero degrees today- so will probably take activity time indoors. But, when we can, we do- at least walk around the block or ride the bike up the street- SOMETHING to help him get his energy out. It really does make lots of difference in his demeanor.As for discipline- well neither negative or positive consequences seem to be working at home or at school right now-

I Have diet issues that really cause me grief. I reduced myself down to fish, fresh fruit and veggies. Slowly have intoduced foods back into my diet. I now realize that if I want to focus I can't have sugar, glutin, or artificial sweeteners. Oh and milk is rough also. I would give it a shot. Can't hurt.

Hi N.,

My little boy turned 5 last week & he's quite a handful too. I don't know if it will help but I just started a book called "Parenting Your Out-Of-Control Child". My child is also very smart and gets bored so easily that I often wonder if that is what makes him so difficult. There's also a book called "The Difficult Child" that I'm planning to re-read to see if it has more suggestions. My child's diet is pretty good so I don't know if that has much to do with it. Just know you aren't alone!!! There are plenty of us out here with "high-maintenance" children!

T.

Get rid of "convenience" foods such as hot dogs, summer sausage, processed lunch meats and anything else with Sodium Nitrate. It's a preservative that affects the brain. My little cousin had horrible migraines as a child and her sister was hyper-active. When they spoke to a neurologist, he said to get rid of those foods. I've since then done the same thing and I noticed a HUGE improvement in my son's behavior as well.

There is no proven theory about improving the diet of hyperactivity children to improve their temperment. I have a nephew that is ADHD and my sister has cut out foods containing red dye #40 as well as sodas loaded with caffenine and sugar, but sucrose is worse. He may be hyperactive and need some medication, but I would NOT under any circumstances consider Ritalin, it is a dangerous drug. Ask about Concerta instead. I have a step son, that takes this for ADHD, but still you have to cut out anything with caffenine in it, as caffenine is a stimulant. Perhaps you can find out if he needs someone to help him refocuse his attention and be patient. If he has some social issues and is defiant, then a clinic, perferably one that deals with children, can assign a PSR worker to help him with his social skills. All you have to do is find a psychiarist to order it for you. Don't think that there is something wrong with him or with you, everyones brain is wired differently and perhaps you just need someone that can help you understand how to better discipline him as well as providing you support.
Hope this helps,
L. Manning

Contrary to popular belief, not all peds are quick to diagnose ADD & ADHD anymore. I had the same issues with my oldest son at that age. For years, I asked the pediatrician and his teacher if I should get him tested and was told not to worry about it. It wasn't until he was 9 yrs. old and I took him to a psychiatrist that he was finally diagnosed with ADD. My son is now in 4th grade, and this is the first year since he's started school that I have not had any reports from his teacher (or principal)about disruptive and unacceptable behavior at school. I wish I would have followed my instincts earlier; I could have saved both of us a lot of heartaches and headaches. If you are still uncomfortable having your ped diagnose you son, take him to a psychiatrist (I would recommend doing so anyway). They are least likely to diagnose without reason.

I raised a stepson and now my daughter with the same sort of personality. What I found was that you need to use the overactivity in the dicipline. First find chores that are more physical and have more movement than the ones where they have to sit in one spot. For example going from room to room and gathering laundry and lugging it to the laundry room instead of standing & washing dishes. Raking and Sweeping were always a hit too. And you need to give them chores because it helps them use up some of the extra energy and focus their minds so that other activities can go smoothly especially in the winter. If you need to use a punishment for bad behavior I found good results with what my friends called "boot camp" punishment. I basically have them do push-ups or other physical activities but 10 push-ups is the one I find works the best. The older kids find it a joke the first time they do them but after repeating bad behavior and doing 20 to 30 in a short amount of time they change their mind and their behavior. The younger kids have a little trouble doing them so don't expect perfect form at first but require it more and more as time goes on. So instead of sending them away to a room or yelling I just firmly say "down and give me 10" and my daughters face will stop smiling and after she is done she will apologize for what she did wrong and have a better attitude almost immediately. The other thing I do with the older kids when we are out in public at stores and they start getting out of hand is they have to stand next to me and answer 10 questions correctly before they can walk away. Depends on the kid but it could be math, history, geography, spelling, or whatever they are learning or interested in. It focuses their brains a little more and is a good exercise. Before they walk away I usually say something like "see I know you are intelligent you can't fool me so please make better choices with your behavior" and they usually do. This one is great all around because it gets the studying done, encourages you to learn more of what the kids are currently working on in school so you can use related things for questions, and I have refreshed my memory on lot too. Hope these ideas help!

There are a few herbal treatments for ADHD that you could try before having him put on a stimulant. You can ask at a health food store. I have tried chamomile and it does help calm him down some. Also Valerian Root but it smells pretty bad. But worked fairly good.

Diet can for sure help. There is a book out there called How to Disease proof your child. It's about eating healthy and cutting out sugars and white flour and processed foods... It takes some time to change habits, but really isn't that worth it for all of us? The book is a little extreme, but I got some great ideas from it. We snack on nuts and dried fruit now instead of chips and pretzals. Also a discipline technique called Love and Logic. It's about giving them choices and letting them live with the consequences of their decisions. Having them take responsibility. If he doesn't listen to you, you don't he loses his bedtime story. If he yells crazy, it drains your energy right out and you can't help him get dessert. If he's disrespectful, uh oh, so sad, time for him to go to his room until he's fun to be with again. It works if you are consistent like everything else. I'm pleased with it, because my kids know it and can expect if I say so sad for you they go to their room until they are happy. If I say I have an energy drain, they know they have to make it up to me - pick up the toys so that I can help them out again.

Hi N.,

I can identify completely with you. I have 4 children, the three oldest who are all 18 mos. apart - both genders. I am not an expert, but have been on a long journey with my three youngest - my 10 year old especially. Actually it was because of his extreme behavior that we began searching in the first place. To make a very long story short, his 'abnormal' behavior began at the age of 2. I will not bore you with all the details, but through a lot of reading, assessments, prayer and having him tested and then consequently my daughters. It was discovered that my two youngest are severely ADHD (95th percentile or higher)and my older daughter and i are both ADD. After a lot of denial, shame and blame to myself (because it is genetically passed)i finally accepted it and started reading. Both my husband and i were extremely resistant to medication, especially since we were pretty involved with Naturopathy. However, in the final outcome, we are all medicated. We currently use Concerta which has worked very well for all of us. It is a substance that is in and out of the system in8 hours. One of our reasons and probably the most important is that God gave us these children and our job is to raise them to be successful people who can add to society. What we were doing wasn't working and the stress level in our home was unbelievable, as you can imagine! My two youngest were severely depressed which added to the misbehavior - which is a symptom, the problem is in our frontal lobe of our brain. I am not one to tell anyone to simply put their child on a pill - especially one that is a controlled substance - each child and case is different, but if by sharing a little bit of my journey can help or encourage you, wonderful. I do recommend, however, having him tested at PineRest at their ADD/ADHD institute. They were wonderful! They only diagnose, they do not meidcate. we began with that at a pediatric psychiatrist and have eventually moved back to our pediatician. The testing, which many insurance co's will cover 100%, is what gave us comfort that we were doing the right thing. Just to try a medication withou a conclusive diagnosis makes me uncomfortable. We don't treat cancer patients or diabetics without knowing first that they have these diseases. I feel the same about ADD/ADHD. It is a medical condition, but most people brush that off because it manifests itself in behavior rather than physical symptoms, then want to make you feel guilty, as if you are a bad parent who cannot control or properly discipline your child. I will also say that having this is not a crutch for bad manners or behavior. If medication is necessary, it allows the child's brain to beable to absorb and retain what they are learning - whether it be academics or social graces. There have been scientific studies that show that people with ADD/ADHD are smarter that those who aren't. It is not somethng to be ashamed of. My 10 year old, who i never thoguth would be able to read, is now off of all special services at his school, is the top reader in his class and excells in math!

For what it is worth, i hope my story helps! Good luck and God's blessings on your journey.

M.

My husband was kind of the same way when he was young, so his mom noticed he'd get that way especially after he had sugar. She started to cook everything with honey instead of using plain sugar and it helped tremendously. Good luck!