Different Parenting Styles: at the Park

I would have allowed my 5 year old to do a slide train unless he was bothering the other kids with it. I tend to let my kids play pretty actively on the playground, sometimes more than other parents. My 5 year old son has always been a rough and tumble kid and my 2 year old mostly manages to hold her own in spite of being half her brother's size. I do stop things if they look potentially dangerous. But each parent knows their own kids best. My older one understands that each kid has to follow their own family rules (or school rules at school).

You need to respect the other parents / grandparents boundries with their children. The question isn't weather or not they were uncomfortable with playing train on the slide but how their grandchildren were what it sounds like physically impacted. They have the right to say no to something just as much as you.

I have been telling the same thing to my kids for years, and now they just except it. I will step in for one of two reasons:

1. I see the potential for a hospital visit. When asked why they have to stop I tell them, because I think if you keep doing that you are going to break your arm and I don't want to go to the hospital today, it's boring there. I would rather . . . fill in the blank, usually it's a super-under-dog. This gives them their reason and redirects them to something else so I don't end up with a battle of wills.

2. That kids parents/grandparents don't know what an awesome climber (or fill in the blank) you are and you are making them nervous. If there are any questions then . . . They are afraid they are going to see blood and blood makes them puke and puke makes M. puke and then everybody on the playground will be puking and it will be so gross. So let's go see if I can give you the highest super-underdog ever! Tell them the concern, and we have to respect other people's concerns even if we don't agree and redirect. I also like to be goofy about it because it relieves the tension in M., because my gut instinct is to be annoyed that overprotective people are ruining my fun.

I think you handled this perfectly. Yes, I would and have allowed a train on the slide. But if another parent/grandparent was asking their child to stop, I would ask mine to also out of respect for their comfort level with their children.
I also allow my children to climb up the slide (this is really great for their large motor skills and confidence boosting as well!), but when other kids are at the park I tell them they need to use the stairs so that no one gets unintentionally hurt.
I think you are teaching your child to be respectful of others feelings when you gauge your rules to those around you. They are also perfectly capable of learning that a behavior is ok sometimes and not others; most four year olds understand that they can get down from the table and play when they are done eating at home, but need to stay at the booth with M. and dad at a restaurant, right?
I also applaud you for making the distinction clear to your son that the reason he lost the privelidge of being at the park was because he didn't listen to you. Making this clear made it possible for you to be able to change the rules in the future; it isn't a set of rules that need to be followed, it's whatever M. or dad says in a particular moment that needs to be followed.

Yes, I would allow a train on the slide. Whether or not I stopped my child from doing it when one parent didn't want the kids to do it would depend on the number of children involved. For example in this situation if there were 6 kids doing it and the grandparents wanted their 2 to stop I'd probably allow the train to continue, monitoring so that the two singles could also slide alone.

I think you did the right things. I'm especially impressed at how you made going home about not following your instructions.

A couple of times I've had a parent tell M. to stop my daughter from climbing up the outside of a covered slide. The cover has projections so that it's easy to climb. I told them that she was OK. I wondered if I should've stopped her because other kids might want to climb when their parents didn't want them to. In the end I decided I was glad that I let her climb. The parent who didn't want his kid to climb told him no and he didn't climb. A couple more kids also climbed. This is one of those lessons in life. ie. parents get to decide and all your life there will be something that some people can do and others can't

I was a bit surprised when a couple of parents told M. climbing wasn't safe. It seems that kids are not allowed to do so many adventurous things that have been done for years because every once in awhile a kid does get hurt. No tree climbing. No monkey bars. no teeter totters. Now in our city parks, no slide, no merry go round. The park closest to us only has swings. The school playground doesn't have swings but does have monkey bars. I wish that the equipment was there to let the parent decide. I am aware that it's most likely this way because of law suits.

I would allow the train but then again, as long as I'm relatively certain death or dismemberment will not occur I'm pretty much ok with most things! Kids need to take chances even if that means scraps and bumps and my stomach in my throat :-) If another kid or parent/grandparent is uncomfortable then I'll usually redirect. My kiddos hear often how we are not to be stumbling blocks for others or knowingly lead someone down a path that will cause them to disobey. If a kid isn't supposed to do something (and mine know they aren't) then my kiddos should not encourage them to do it or there will be consequences.
Great job on handling it the way you did. It teaches respect for others and stays true to obeying you which I believe is important since rules do change in different environments.

I don't like the whole "slide train" either unless it's my kids doing it with each other and I'm right there, I don't know if other kids can get too grabby or how safe/coordinated they are so I prefer to not let it happen. Those grandparents had their reasons, maybe they could tell their kids felt uncomfortable or could get out of hand. Maybe your son was a little too rough for their taste. They know their kids play habits better than you do.

Just yesterday some kids were making my kids lay on the ground so they could play 'Dr" on them and these strange kids had their hands all over my boys bodies! I stopped that promptly and their M. thought I was weird for it.

I do think it's odd you left the park over that, in the future, try distracting him or going down the slide with him instead. But I do think it was good that you explained to your son he needs to follow directions and respect how others wish to play.

I think trains on slides are fine as long as no one is getting hurt. But it is important to be respectful of others, as you were. I like Melissa H's approach. I think it's important to give a short reason (besides do as you're told) so they understand why you're changing the rule. Also, you can teach them about respecting others. I tell my boys that they can be a good friend by helping the other kid follow the rules of their parents. The only thing I would have done different is instead of going straight to leaving the park as a consequence, I would have put the slide off limits for the rest of the time. Then if he went on the slide again, it would be time to go.

In shared play spaces each participant has to respect the play styles of others. With little ones, it is the parents/guardians that set the boundaries.

You handled this well with your son. The adults involved set boundaries, you explained them to your child, he did not listen. You acted appropriately.

Sometimes we do not agree with the other adults' boundaries in shared spaces, but, as adults, it is our job to teach our children respect for others and sometimes, that means, playing in a different manner.

God Bless

I'm lucky to have a group of friends with very similar parenting styles, so our kids play together and usually everything goes just fine. Yes, I would have let them do trains down the slide. We don't interfere with the play unless something truly dangerous or mean is going on.

But, even though we usually agree as parents, there have been times that I've had to explain to my daughter that the other moms decided to say "no" or to punish their kids for something but I wasn't going to. It has led to good conversations between M. and my daughter.

It depends. I wouldn't allow a train between 3 children of that age because I would be worried that someone would accidentally get too crazy and knock one off the slide. My older daughter does it with the younger ones. Whens he's in charge I know they are safe. I'm the type of person that stands there trying to reach them, keep them on the slide and catch them at the bottom. I'm afraid they will fall of going up, get too close to each other etc. I think it's a job hazard for M.. When accidents happen with family they are considered just accidents. But when they happen with daycare providers...we are neglectful, stupid, lazy, should be turned in and shut down. I live with the world's double standards everyday. So after 25 years of it, I tend to be pretty leery, watchful, and judgmental by what I have grown to feel is lazy parenting. I would have done the same as you and just left. I would also leave if someone else is doing something I don't want my kids to get ideas from.

When ever I felt another M. getting uncomfortable I would try to redirect the play.... sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. It is probably more the responsibility of the other parent to tell her kids to stop doing whatever it is they are doing.... and then just tell your son "so and so's mommy isnt feeling comfortable with that kind of play right now, so figure out something else to do that isnt so rough.." or something like that. Hopefully your child is okay with that and respectfully says "aww, okay Mommy". yeah right, huh? lol

I would have offered to do it with him since it wasn't ok with the grandparents. I would still allow my child to have fun doing something safe and it really wasn't hurting anyone. Thats what I would have done---I think you handled it well. You just have to tell him that even if the rules change sometimes, the one that always stays the same is that he should listen to you and do what you tell him.

M

It is allowed if it is only my kids or their friends.I would of taken my kids to a different play set for a while.Kids will be kids & some go up the slide rather than coming down I have no issue with that as long as it's not being used by others & we are the only ones there for example.It made the gps uncomfortable because if they would of hurt themselves then they would of had to deal with crying kids,& had to leave.We all know our own kids so if you had to leave you had to do what you had to do

I think you handled it correctly. You set boundaries for your son that he did not listen to so there was a punishment. Some kids naturally play in a more rambunctious manner than others and parents have different limits. I would probably allow the train if all the kids were OK with it. My son is like yours, high energy, plays hard and has a lot of fun. It is hard trying to explain to a 4 year old why it is OK at home to do something but not out in public.

I think that in this situation you respected the wishes of the playmates' caregivers and I think that was fine. I would allow if my child was big enough or if the slide was short, but I think the bigger thing here is that they all belonged to the same set of rules and your son was odd man out so you went with their rule, which was fine. I hope that makes sense. It doesn't sound like there were other kids to play train with, so sometimes you have to deal with the limits around you.

My DD wants to do everything big kids do and sometimes she can't. Whether or not another parent modifies their child's behavior to accommodate my kid is up to them, but it's my job to rein in my child if it is too dangerous for her.

I also think that you had told him no so you had to enforce that by taking him home for not listening. That was enforcing YOUR parenting, no matter what he didn't listen to.

I think you handled this situation appropriately. When there is a group of kids playing on the same equipment, you kind of have to take the group into consideration, which you did. As my kids got bigger, I always had them be more careful and respectful of the little ones around. In your case, the kids were the same age, but maybe the grandparents were a little nervous. They may have wanted to avoid getting their heads chewed off if one of the grandkids went home with an owie from the park.
A train down the slide involves more than one kid and if the other kids can't do it, no train.
And, you did the right thing by leaving the park because your son didn't listen to you. I did the same thing with my kids.

Good question! Sounds like you handled it fine - you told him not to do something (doesn't matter what that something was), he disobeyed, so you implemented a consequence. Personally, however, I usually decide whether or not I am OK with that behavior in the first place - in this situation, you could have decided not to tell him not to do the train, and it really would have been up to the other family to institute their own rules and punishments - your son can do the train all he wants - it's up to the other kids to say no if it's not ok for them to do it. I usually explain to my daughter that different families have different rules (that's the explanation which ever side of things we're on).

If the grandparents didn't want their grandkids to do the train, then they could have had them play on other equipment at the park. I understand your point of wanting your son to listen when you tell him something, but when he did it again I would have took him aside and explained to him the situation a little better and acknowledged to him that it is confusing. I truly believe that it is hard for children to listen blindly to things that they don't understand. It sort of sends the message of punishing him because he was confused. You could have told him at the park that while he may not agree or understand, the grandparents are responsilbe for their grandchildren and since they are not used to being with them all the time and do not know what they are capable of, they are being extra cautious and we have to respect that.