I have a 20-mth old son who, nearly from day one, has absolutely hated diaper changes. Yes, there is the occasional diaper change where he's distracted enough that he doesn't put up a fuss, but 9 out of 10 times, he's kicking, crying, screaming, wriggling, anything to get out of having to do the deed.
It will probably be at least another 6 months or longer before we attempt potty training and I'd like to know if anyone has any suggestions that could make the experience better for both my son & I! I have tried distractions like books, fun things like keys or something from the kitchen for him to play with, singing, talking softly - nothing works on a consistent basis. Thanks for your help!!
ETA: Wow, so many great options so far! To answer some of your questions: He's been in cloth diapers since about 6 mths old & he's never had any kind of rash or reactions to either disposables or cloth. I use either regular baby wipes or a mixture of water & baby soap sprayed onto a cloth wipe at diaper changes - rarely anything else. We've introduced the potty chair for a few months already & all he wants to do is stand in it - he'll sit for about 3 seconds, then pop off, slam the lid & claim all done - so I'm not against potty training per se, I just don't know if he's actually ready & willing to go through the process. I do typically tell him a few minutes beforehand that diapers need to be changed & that's when he usually just takes off & starts running around the house or the whine & screaming begins (fun!). AND he gives me the same reaciton anytime he needs a change of clothes.
My take on it: it's a control thing. He rarely gives other people the same response (even his father), so my guess is he just doesn't like me having a say in what goes on with his personal little self. :) If anyone else has suggestions, sling 'em my way because these are great! I'll let you know what happens in a week or so!
WOW - I am so thankful for all of the wonderful & creative suggestions! And I'm happy to report that, although we still have our tough moments, life has gotten a little easier as I've implemented several suggestions from you wonderful mom's out there! The ABC/Twinkle Little Star diddy REALLY DOES WORK. I mean, he's instantly glued to my face when I start singing that song! Not necessarily every single time, but it's usually at least 80% of the time. He's even started saying "W" when it's time to - so sweet! I've started trying to get him more involved in the whole process as well, but that's slow-going as he really doesn't seem to be all that interested in it. He's much too eager to get out & do other things! I warn him at least 3 minutes ahead of time, ask him to pick out his diaper, etc. - again, thanks & I hope it encourages other mom's with the same issue to try new things!
Give him the choice of a diaper change or going on the potty. He is not too young. My boy was potty trained that early. He wanted to be independant and couldn't be if I changed his diaper.
You just might be in the middle of a power struggle. If so, then giving him choices will release the struggle.
Have you tried bubbles? Only do this if you are changing him on the floor, or have him strapped to the table so he can't lunge off, but bubbles always worked to soothe the savage beast in my children.
Hi. Have you tried changing his diaper with him standing up? My son is 3 1/2 and is barely starting to potty train.. same sort of issue!
If diapers bother your son, why don't you try the potty?
He is 20 months old and it's not too early.
I am French and in France all the kids are potty trained at 18 months. They do just fine !! I did that with my 3 sons now 18,15 and 12..no problems. And let me tell you..what a relief for the parents!
Sing, Sing, Sing to your child. They like the sound of mama's voice singing to them and it's a total distraction. I did that and it worked. Start with Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and move on to others.
Good Luck!
Can you play with him on the changing table without changing him, so he does not associate unpleasantness with the changing table? My son would love to play little games on the table - giggling and cooing when he was little, and even as a toddler. Good luck, this is very frustrating, I am sure.
I am not sure if I can offer any specific advice for the diaper changing itself, but I will ask why are you waiting to start potty training? If it's that big of rocus for him to be changed by you then I would start introducing him to the potty. Buy some potty books and start off with that. Who knows, he may find sitting or standing on his own to go potty a lot more entertaining then having to slow down while he is changed.
As far as the other, maybe start to tell him within two or three minutes in advance that he is going to get changed. That way he has a warning before suddenly having to stop play and be changed.
Good luck!
Hi,
I had a hard time with my son's diapering at, too. I discovered the Pampers Pull-up diapers for standing diaper changes and it made a HUGE difference. It was still tough because he kept moving and I had to be fast and spot-on with the wipes, but it was a happier experience for us.
Good luck,
Liz
My toddler did (and at times still does) the same thing. I tried discipline, I tried to ignore it, I even tried talking to him... but in the end I found that distracting him was the best thing. I think he would freak out because it was taking away from his play time.
So I made it as fun as possible... tickling him on the way to the changing area, singing a diaper song (whatever came to me at the time), I let him look at a clean diaper and play with it while I used another to change him (most of them have pictures on them), let him play with the Desitin tube and had him point out the baby on the package, music box over his head, basically any kind of distraction to give me those 30 seconds to clean him up.
The cool thing as he gets older and he understands more, you can tell him to lift his legs, spread them to get into those crevasses, touch his toes, count his toes, and in less that 15 seconds you'll be done.
Remember babies live in the moment, so you have to try to make those moments fun. Afterward give him lots of praise and high fives, twirl him on the way down, countdown to blast off and hoist him up, tell him that he smells so clean, give him kisses... anything. You'll also find it's not that bad of a chore for you when it's fun... yeah right! :-)
Try to think about it from your son's perspective. He's very busy playing (whether or not it looks like it to us) and all of a sudden he gets dragged away from what he's involved in and made to lay down still. I found that my daughter needed to have more control over the situation so if we waited (when possible) for when she was between an activity or starting to lose interest in something it helped. We also started taking her hand and walking to her room rather than swooping in and picking her up. I was never successful at changing diapers while she was standing so I give her a wipe and a toy or figurine or something else to clean. The more intricate and detailed the better as it takes longer! My daughter is 28 months and she loves singing so another activity is having her "fill in the blanks" to a song such as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. This requires lots of concentration on her part. Handing her a book also helped us. Good luck!
My now 25 month old has been difficult with some diaper changes for months now. It's definitely a control thing for him, and it has only recently occurred to me that I don't have to put up with it. We've given him a few time outs when he screams and kicks, and he has seemed more willing to have a diaper changed afterwards.
I've also tied diaper changes to things he wants to do, which may be sidestepping the issue, but it can work. "You can go outside, but only after you have a clean diaper."
I won't think too much about the time he fought off a diaper change, then seemed to want a clean diaper only to start having a fit midway through changing an especially scary diaper. Arrgh.
I wish that he was showing more interest in toilet training!
V.,
Have you talked to your pediatrician about this? Your son could be in pain for some reason that is not obvious. That would be my first thing to check on.
If you have already done that, then my guess is that potty training is going to be very easy since he hates diaper changing - no diaper - no diaper changing.
Good luck -
+B+
My son (18 months) is the same way. he no longer is interested in the toys i hand him while i am changing him (that worked for a few months). i asked my daycare (he just switched groups last week) if she was having a hard time. She said no for the wet diaper because he is standing for those changes. He just does not like to lay still on the table. he wants to reach far to turn on the light and play, so he get mad when he is "forced" to be on his back. there is nothing wrong with his stomach because he can lay on his back to sleep or play around. also when i am done changing him, he is fine.
Hi V.,
Sounds like you've got a type-A little guy on your hands! (Which is great, they're the best kind! =)
Why not try potty training? You don't have to do the full-court press or anything, but I'm sure you have noticed a pattern to where you could get him to his potty chair before he usually needs to go (or he might make a face or try to hide behind the couch when he needs to go... you know the signs!). He might not "get it" yet but it would mean fewer diaper changes for you. And you never know, he just might get it. I really believe that kids that age have the skills necessary to be potty trained, and generally they are not as obstinate at 20 months as they become at 2.5 years. Just some food for thought there!
If you can get him to poop in the potty, then you could always do his pee-pee diaper changes standing up. If he doesn't have to lay down, he might not mind the diaper change so much.
Good luck!
Hi V.!
I remember those days! I had to get MYSELF ready for diaper changes, just because of the challenge!
Anyway, what finally worked for me was the Alphabet Song and counting to 20...really.
I would say..."Let's see if mommmy can change this diaper BEFORE the ABC Song is over"....or "before counting to 20".....Of course my pace was much slower to sing and count, because I wanted to be certain I would get the diaper changed in time. If it was a messy, poopy diaper, I would have to tell my boys "oh brother, this is going to take 2 or 3 ABC Song's!!"
Anyway, at 20 months old, he's ready to learn these things, and he's probably very excited to so do.
I hope that wokrs for you, like it worked for me!
Good Luck!
:o) N.
My daughter had a very similiar experience until I let her help. I started to ask her to hold the powder or destin, or the diaper and to show me how to lift her little booty up. As soon as she figured out a way to help our battle stopped, so maybe give him a job during, it may take a little longer. I also asked if she would hold something for me while I changed her, like my lip-gloss. I would tell her it would be abig help. Turns out, if she thinks she is helping me, things go much smoother!
Good luck!
Viki
I wonder if he could be sensitive to the diaper and they actually hurt his skin. Just a thought.
Jen
My son was similar to an extent. He never wanted to settle down for the change. It was a chasing game and then screaming fit. Around 20 months I stopped using the changing table and started asking where he wanted to get changed. So it was a choice he had to make, and he felt in control. I would always give two options. (i.e. in the living room or in his bedroom) And he would end up picking obscure places like "in the living room behind the rocking chair". Things like that. I guess the point is, I gave him some control in the situation and it worked out well for us.
My son (18mo) loves any electronic device that makes noises when you push buttons. I had a Yahtzee electronic game that he likes. Diaso (the Japanese dollar store in Mtn View) had a toy that plays different songs and makes animal sounds (for $1.50).
I keep these toys in the changing table and he only gets to play with them while his diaper is changed.
Hope that helps.
-D.
I have the same problem! I plugged in a diaper warmer and use the warm wipes. It actually helps a lot of the time.
Your son sounds a lot like mine-very active :) I have found one of the only things that works (most of the time) is to change him while he is standing up. I know it sounds funny and it takes practice but he did not want to stop long enough to lay down. I hope this helps! Good Luck!
What type of diapers do you use on son and do you use powder or lotion with each change.
Stickers and/or stamps on his hands, tummy, feet, etc....give him the choice. You can put them on his hands and he can look at them while changing?
Masking tape rolled into a ball sticky-side out is always an intrigue. Or you can do what I've had to with DS2 who has severe reflux... cloth diaper him sitting up or standing up. I know with a wrap, the diaper, and in our case also a hemp doubler it can be quite a juggling endeavor but it's worth evading the tantrum. Start by laying your assembled clean diaper on the dining room table and after you've taken the wet one off, do your wiping while he's standing. Then pick him up and sit him on top of the clean diaper, reconnect and worry about the pants when you've got his feet back on the floor. In no time at all he'll be helping you remove his wet diaper and wanting to stay sitting so he can help put his legs back into his pants... they're young but amazingly independent!
OMG V., I am so glad I am not the only one. I have a 18 month old daughter and she hates when I change her diaper. I feel frustrated and annoyed. I have gone as far as trying to change it while she is getting up and screaming. No success, the diaper looks mangled and half of it is falling off. I swear I would love to video myself for American funniest videos.
Just like you, I have times when she is distracted and she will allow me to change her without a problem. My take is that she is very busy and I am interrupting her.
I like the advice about sing ABC or counting I am going to try both.
Let me know how it goes for you good luck.
Have you tried letting him stand for changes. My son was the same way. We ended up putting him in Pampers Easy-Ups (come in smaller sizes than Pull Ups) around 16 months. It made life way easier. He could put them on himself with a little help to get them on straight. He felt in control and we all felt relieved!
The only draw back to this is that you can't use pullups and pretend they are big kid underwear when you potty train. You'll have to use the real thing because he'll already know pullups are just like diapers.
HTH,
T.
