Desprate Mother Needing Help..2 Yr Old

I did have the same problem with my youngest child. She would laugh at me when I spanked her. I just wanted to cry. I realized that I wasn't following through on my "threats". So I have had to do what I say I'm gonna do. Which made me look at the "threats" I was making... I found that some of my threats were so out there, that I sounded stupid and that is when I decided to threaten her with things like time out, spanking (in extreme cases), grounding from special toys and games, and going to bed early. I am now seeing a better child.

S.,
We had a similar problem with both our sons at that age. They are good kids, but did not listen. Depending on your child's reaction to types of discipline, try these that worked for us.

Our first responded very well to positive reinforcement. I made a chart of expectations (Listen to Mommy, stay in bed, pick up toys, brush teeth) and he got a "jewel" (really a marble) at the end of the day for each good thing he did. He had to trade in his marbles to "pay" for treats such as cartoons, McDonalds and other things he liked to do. He learned very quickly that if he was bad, he didn't get any jewels and could not do his favorite things.

Our second was a bit tougher. Our pediatrican suggested this method and it worked amazing for a stubborn kid. When he did something wrong (tantrum, yelling, whatever) he got one warning. I explained that this was his ONE warning and if it didn't stop by the time I counted to 3 he would get a time out. He tested it, of course. He got ONE warning (no more or this won't work--he'll just keep pushing you) and then I carried him to a quiet area and sat him on my lap facing away from me and hugged him so he couldn't get up or move. I told him (in a calm and loving tone) that as soon as he stopped and apologized and calmed down he could get up. It only took 3 or 4 times of this and he responded to the warning by stopping the behavior before the time out!! I was amazed at this technique. Remember yelling doesn't work! Negative attention is still attention to a child.

you 1st have to show him who is in control ...YOU. and YOU always are.I had the same problem with my son.I found that by if i asked him to pick up something he threw down. i would ask nice 1 time then if he would not I would actually open his hand and make him grab the toy and the entire time say " thank you for picking up Your toys it makes mommmy happy when u listen to me"so I was still encourging him but he also found out I ment Business. Don't wait till he is to big to control when he is 12 or 15 years old it will only get worse... i hope you find the answer you are looking for good luck. just remember you are helping him ...

Unfortunately his behavior is completely normal for a 3 year old. This is the toughest age, even worse than the 2's. When our sone was that age, I began taking toys away. I have a rule, I ask three times, then the toys go to time out, in plain sight and he gets them back in 3 days. Just explain it to your son and follow through. Also, don't tolerate the yelling at you, gently but firmly put him in time out explaining, "we don't talk to mommy like that", then place him in time out for one minute for each year he's is, ex. 3 minutes for 3 years old. When time out is over, ask him why he was in time out, make sure he understands and that when he doesn't talk nicely he will have to sit in time out. Good luck, this is a great time to get him into pre-school or some other activity, so you have a break from him.

There is a man by the name of Charles Fay. He has excellent and easy ways to get children to mind. His ways are stress free on YOU!!! I have read a number of books and I have actually seen him here in OKC. I go to him for classroom management, but his ideas are for getting kids to understand love and logic so they work for both the classroom and the home. HE IS AWESOME!!!

Okay I just noticed that someone had already posted about this...next time i'll read the other responses first!

I highly recommend you read up on the Love and Logic style of parenting and discipline. http://tinyurl.com/yabf5q and www.loveandlogic.com. It really focuses on reacting to your children calmly and with empathy, not anger or frustration. One of its main focuses is on natural consequences and how it will help your child make better decisions. In regards to picking up toys - I would tell him he needs to pick them up before he goes to bed. Tell him once. If he refuses, get him ready for bed and put him down for the night. After he's asleep, pick up all his toys and put them high in a closet. The next morning, when he looks for them, tell them they were put up because he didn't put them away and that he can have them after a day (or 2 or 3, however long you choose). You don't have to harp on him over and over, just tell him once and then let him see the consequence of not doing as you ask. It won't take more than once or twice of this happening, and I bet he'll improve greatly.

The key is to stay calm. When you react to a child with empathy (This is so sad. You can play with your toys again tomorrow.) instead of anger and frustration, they are forced to think about their actions rather than how angry you are and how much a of a reaction they're getting from you. It's really a great approach to parenting, I think. My husband and I love it!

sounds like your son is going through terrible twos. i might suggest when he throws his fits take something he really cherishes away from him. kind of like manipulation. he might get even madder, but you might tell him if you calm down, you can have this back. or if you apologize, etc. also, i've learned that the quieter i speak, the more they listen. i've got a 1,2,3, and 7 yr old. i used to yell at them, but they eventually picked up on it. they started yelling right back. and also, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. if you yell at him to pick up his toys, that probably triggers him to throw a fit. you might try asking him to help you pick them up. when he agrees, applaud him for his effort. i tell my kids "thank you soo much! you're such a big girl helping mommy." kids are starved for attention. they don't care if it's negative attention. i know how this sounds, but if you spend more time with him doing things together, he will begin to understand that it's a lot funner to get good attention rather than being in trouble all the time. i hope i was of some help for you. K.

I agree very much with the suggestions to read up on Love and Logic by Charles and Jim Faye. I use it in my classroom and with my 3 year old and 18 month old. It is a great way to disclipine effectively and stay calm.

My hubby and I just cracked up when we read this. Not because it is funny, but he wanted to know if I actually wrote this entry. We have the exact same problem. Identical. We have tried everything--time out, taking away things, rewarding with things/treats, swatting his little rear end--you name it. My dad says, "You need to get a handle on him!" I say to him, "You are welcome to do it yourself if you think you can do a better job!" He is extremely hard headed (blame that on his Dad, hehe)and we have beat our own heads against a brick wall. Everyone says it will get better around 4 years of age and that this behavior is typical. I hope they are right. Until then, we just try to stay consistent. Best of luck to you and I will read the advice you have been given to see if I can get some help as well!LOL!