Depression

This might sound a little odd, but you could try surrounding yourself with the smell of oranges. Orange oil is a natural antidepressant. If your kids like oranges to eat, that would make it even easier since you won't have to make an excuse to get them in the house. Just make sure to cut them up so the smell permiates...or start using an orange scented dishsoap or other cleaner. You can also find orange scented lotions and things too. Maybe even some orange oil. I struggle with a mild form of chronic depression and I've found that I feel 100% better if I use my orange lotion and other products scented with natural orange oil. It might help to at least relax a little and take some of the edge off. Another thing you might try is writing all your worries on a piece of paper and then burning it, shredding it, or otherwise destroying it (not just tossign it in the trash) to help your worries go away. Good luck.

C.,

My take is that your change from work to home and your turning 35 may have more to do with it than your pregnancy. I could definitely be wrong but, when I turned 35, I had just moved to a new state and given birth to our third child and all of these factors came together in a way that made me feel much of what you describe. The changes you describe - going from the work world to being a stay-at-home mom at a time of pregnancy and a significant 'marker' in years - again, I could be wrong but these are all factors that seem to say to me, "take it easy on yourself - it will get better."

As for the worrying about your chidren and potential of post-partum, maybe it might help to talk with them. Take it or leave it, but, I am one who believes kids are pretty darned smart - and the more connected they are to their feelings, the better. It's okay for kids to see us cry or fail or fall short or lose our tempers once in awhile or be imperfect - in fact, if we shield our children from seeing how we cope in life, we miss great opportunities to teach them valuable lessons! So, the way I see it is, right now, you've got a golden chance to engage your children and feel great as a parent, in doing so.

Even the smallest ones can understand things if you put them in simple terms. And kids LOVE to love you - if you tell them that you don't really know why but you've had a lot of sad feelings lately and then ask them if that ever happens to them, they will LOVE you for that! Ask them what they like when they feel that way - what makes them feel better? Do they have any ideas that might help you? Tell them you're trying to take care of your feelings - that you're human, JUST LIKE THEM and have feelings that need to come out and be taken care of and that you know, one of the best way of fixing our feelings in life...is to talk about them! Could you be a more lucky mom, than to have two such kind listeners - two such helpful kids?! You might be surprised at what your kids want to offer and how much it can help them, as it helps you, too. Certainly, it won't fix it all...but, I strongly believe they will feel empowered and you will take more joy in their having this feeling, instead of the one that goes with their just watching you cry.

And, likely, you DO need some adult conversation and to find opportunities to take care of that part of yourself. Whether it's through a hobby, a walking workout with other moms or finding a sitter so that you can let Calgon take you away - whatever - you need to make sure you get some of those needs met. Because it is true, you can't nurture others if you're not taking care of yourself, first.

I'll tell you, what I do in my own life is to make sure that once a day there is one item (no matter how small) that is mine - a total, immediate gratification 'fix' set aside especially for me. Something that gives me a sense of either relaxation or completion (or both). Take the idea of doing something from start to finish - I mean, the laundry is endless, as are all the chores of being a stay-at-home mom. At work, you always find something to point to and say, "I did THIS." It's all so...quantifiable! THAT is an important feeling to ensure you get as a stay-at-home mom. So make it a priority. Make sure you have little things you can look forward to and say, "I took 20 minutes and read about X" or "I took 1/2 an hour to exercise" or "I stopped and had tea and wrote a poem." Whatever it is you choose isn't important - it's the feeling you get in meeting a very important need you have as an individual (be it for a sense of accomplishment or just pure relaxation...because you just plain deserve it!).

Finally, a great thing to keep in mind is that you're going to be fabulous for a whole year of 35 - I didn't think so for the first several months (and, generally, I'm not one who gives a darn for what age is on my driver's license!) - but, I was wrong. I think it's just one more of those natural things we women go through - so have a good cry, dig up some faith from within and then go rehearse your next karaoke act while vacuuming that living room!

I wish you many hours of joy with your children before #3 is born - and a great delivery - and a joyous year ahead for you and your entire family!

WR,
T.

I'm so glad there are places like this to give others who are struggling some encouragement. It sounds like you are tired and doing a lot and the weight of trying to keep things together has finally taken its toll. I don't care what anyone says but being a SAHM is 10 times harder than working! I worked through each of my pregnancies and with my third decided to take off 3 mos. Yah, it was easier working full-time, being pregnant, taking care of two boys AND sleeping 5 hours if I was lucky (in two sessions--2 hrs here, 3 hrs there) than it was staying home with all three kids. You NEED time for yourself and with other adults so that you can be refreshed.

I love my kids but there are times when I can't help but be tired and short--we're human. Is there someone who can give you some "you" time? It also sounds like you have issues you need to talk out with your significant other (none mentioned but I'm assuming?) or someone who can help you through this time. The beauty of this is you don't have to carry the burden yourself! There's always someone who can help--I pray the Lord will send help your way! Hang in there:)

Good for you for talking about feeling like this. Talk to your doctor as well let them know what is going on. Talk to anyone who is a part of your life and can lend an ear, a shoulder, or just sit there with you. I had two 20 month olds when we found out we were pregnant again. It was not a planned pregnancy. I freaked out big time like 3 weeks before my due date. Three kids 2.5 and under............. AAARGH! I came home from the hospital expecting to go through a crazy nightmare for a while and was suprised that, although crazy at times, I wont lie, it was nothing like I thought.
Being a stay at home mom is VERY hard work and anyone who says different has no clue. They wouldn't last half a week in my house. It gets hectic, loud, tiring, and lonley.I love when someone asks how my weekend was! Seriously, what weekend? My saturday is just like my thursday. Rain or shine we try to get out at least 3 days a week. There is open play at The Zone in Poulsbo that we frequent on those days when I have to get out or go crazy!! It costs but is worth it for a few hours out of my four walls.
Remember to talk, talk, talk...

C.,

You are not going crazy!! I have 3 children, Devin is 5, Connor is going to be 4 next month and Brennen is 8 months. I understand! Not only is it hard being a mom, and being pregnant, but it's twice as hard being a pregnant mom! I find myself getting sucked in to the world of children and home only, and forget that I to need time to myself away from the house and kids. As far as you crying infront of your children, I did the same thing...and still do some times. It's ok! I don't think your children are going to be damaged or harmed in any way. If they ask you what's wrong, then just tell them that it's not them and that your body is going through a lot and when you are pregnant some times you just cry. You have a lot on your plate, and it's a little stressful! But it's normal. I can tell you though, my personal opinion, going from 2 to 3 kids was easier then 1 to 2. I think that as longs as you are keeping your dr. informed on your emotions, you will be alright once your baby comes. And you will be more at ease once you are doing what you are fearing...does that make sense? Hang in there!
S.

Make sure you let your OB know exactly how you're feeling so s/he can keep a close eye on you.

But I think you're probably pretty normal. (You know yourself better than anyone though, so please make sure to mention this to your OB and your husband.) I think it could be the "light at the end of the tunnel" depression. You're SO close, but four weeks is still so far away when you're a hormonal and ungangly, waddling mess!

Find yourself a mom's group, a play group, or something that will get you around other moms. I was a month away from delivering twins when we moved to the other side of the state. I didn't know ANYONE and really had no way to meet people, so I took out an ad in the local paper to schedule play dates with moms with three year olds. I found out about a co-op preschool through one of those moms and really found such a great support system.

Good luck!

Welcome to the club C.! I am a mom of seven with the eighth due in September. I definetely understand what you are going through. I too am a worrier and then on top of it I get frustrated with myself for worrying too much.

Please don't feel embarrassed about telling your Doctor about how you are feeling overwhelmed and depressed. We know from news stories we've heard that it is important to make sure that it doesn't get out of control.

One of the things I picked up from Flylady.com was a well worded phrase. "Even though you feel behind, remember that everything you do is a blessing to your home." Then only focusing on a certain chore 15 minutes at time, helped me to feel not so overwhelmed.

It may seem silly but the 15 or 5 minutes at a time thing really helped.I am total scatterbrain when I am pregnant especially at the end.

Remember, 'This to shall pass". You can do it C.! It is hard work, but it is rewarding! You don't have to be so hard on yourself, because we know that you have a lot on your plate just being pregnant!

Hugs to you!

J.

Dear C., you have every right to feel overwhelmed. I think every mother finds herself on an island of loneliness even while surrounded by kids, noise, & mess. The person that used to run a business and have a rapport with her peers is now engulfed by motherhood. I used to call it the Black Hole of Calcutta. It's like living in a 3rd world country. And yet, you love these children more than you could ever imagine. I would say let it be ok to be you right now. You are not crazy and emotions are a natural part of life. You can enlist your 5 year old to help with your 3 year old for a few minutes while you have some alone time. You can explain that you need some quiet time and that mommy will be right back. Children don't need a perfect mommy. Children need a mommy that loves them. And this mommy is running on empty right now. It's ok to explain to them that you feel a little sad. Tell them you need a big hug to help dry up the leaky tears. Let them help you. Don't push your emotions away and don't push them away. It's amazing how much natural empathy they have. I highly recommend all the Penelope Leach books. Also girlfriends, baths, camomile tea, and asking for help when you need it. Hang in there... it will get better.

I have three children and my youngest was unexpected. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown during that pregnancy. I am sure my sons were thinking I was crazy on certain days. Three was very overwhelming for me. I also had to let go of many of my activities in the community, we moved toward the end of my pregnancy, and my husband (who travelled at times) was less than stellar in the help department.
Combining the change in schedule, change in social status, and the family change, it's understandable that you would feel overwhelmed. I felt crazy on many many days. The work load felt near impossible. And just like you, I had been a volunteer, a mom, a teacher. All, it seemed, with ease.

I think the important thing is not to let your worries go on. You will find your rhythm in the new dynamic. You are an experienced mom who will be more than able to care for this new baby and the tears are natural. If your children are worried it may be because they sense your worry. Let them know that tears are natural when you're tired and things are changing. But of course reassure them that you will be fine and so will they.
Be sure your doctor and spouse know about the deep emotional state so that there can be preparation for ppd. Don't be ashamed and let it go unchecked. Get some information about family dynamics with three kids. It's a new frontier.

I recommend deep slow breathing, letting go of some tears, controlling your worries by self talk and by talking them over with trusted loved ones, and accepting the changes that are coming. You will miss adult time, so be sure to set aside time for yourself as well as to get together with peers. (join a group if you can) I can't stress that enough. One more thing, dates with your mate! Don't stop having time alone with your spouse. All this is from my own personal experience, so I hope it helps.
Remember: This too, shall pass.
It all goes by so fast, and it's so beautiful. Worry is a waste of time really. I'm sure you would rather be soaking in your children.
I know you can do this. I was there. I pulled through, and now I find so much joy in the many gifts my children are to me. I just watch them at times. It's really enjoyable.

I am in my 16th week and I feel as though I spend every waking moment worrying about this baby. I worry if it's OK mostly but I also worry what this is going to do to my marriage and life in general. But the thoughts that keep me up at night are "is my baby OK? is my baby developing normally? and what is that weird pain?!" I'm at that stage where I'm out of early preg symptoms and not yet feeling the baby move - so I just feel overweight, not really pregnant. I worry and worry but all anyone ever says is "it's fine unless you are bleeding" so I'm trying to keep the worry monster at bay but he keeps coming back.
Pregnancy is not easy. Some women make it seem like a snap but I'm not one of them. I burst into tears, I whine A LOT and I'm scared most of the time. I'm worried about post-partum depression as well as a result of my constant worrying now and propensity toward dramatics. So, I'm sorry I'm not saying things that are probably very helpful but what I can say is, you are NOT alone. And if you are feeling an emotion, I say express it. Your kids may not understand but I'm betting they will appreciate that mommy is sometimes scared and cries, too. And it's OK for everybody to cry if they feel they need to.
I really wish you the best and wish I had a special flashlight for that worry monster - I'd use it on him too if I could! :)

The best thing is to realize that the worry is unnecessary. 95% of what we worry about never happens. If you believe in God, this is a great time to start your prayer life. Prayer is SO cathartic. Also, realize that you are in a MAJOR transition period. Allow yourself to cry, to feel. It's OK. Try to find an understanding friend. Try a MOPS group to meet other moms. Seek counseling if it's overwhelming you to the point that you feel you are drowning. It is very hard to go from being in independent working woman to a stay-at-home mom. However, it's SO worth it for your children.

Our society teaches that you are worthless unless you are out there making money. Well gues what! You are doing the MOST IMPORTANT JOB THERE IS! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Realize that you are VERY important, and that it's OK to grieve for what has changed. Crying is VERY stress relieving. Try to time when you cry - like during nap times, or in the evenings when the kids are in bed - try to destress so that when you are with them you can maintain more control.

God bless you. You have made a very good very important decision.

Dear C.

1. Go talk to your doctor about if you need antidepressants.

2. Join a mother's group or find some place to volunteer.

I had a similar situation when I stopped working and became a full time mom. Now I am very actively involved in school, PTA, Girl Scouts and church. You have to find a way to meet your needs for adult company and brain stimulation. It makes you a happier person and a better mom (even if your dishes aren't washed.)

C.,
I think you're doing the right thing by connecting with other women! If you have girl friends, then bring them into your life by sharing your thoughts and concerns. Grab a friend and cry on their shoulder. It is going to be especially important to keep them close over the next few month as your sleep decreases and your emotions continue to roller coaster. If you are a believer, then ask a girlfriend to read from the Bible to you. There is nothing like being reminded of God's truth to bring you back to reality!

hi we all have this at one time or another.i have found a natural product called lumiex.wonderful stuff.helps put you back to you.start taking in more soy,and more fiber. red raspberry tea (1cup) a day use to help me. go to melaleuca.com for the lumiex and tons of info. god bless you and yours

Have you talked to your doctor? I don't know much about meds but I do know they are available if necessary.
Are you getting any you time??? Sounds like maybe you could use a break?
Congratulations on the new baby! Things are going to be just fine, but do take care of you too!
Lovingly,
Jenn
www.mysensaria.com/jenn

Stop and breathe. Your hormones, as you know, are going crazy and that will make you worry and make you cry. If you're concerned, talk with your doctor. I read in your "about me" that you're a recent stay at home mom and that can be stressful too. When was the last time you went out and did something for yourself without your kids and/or husband? That can help wonders. When you have a moment (kids are napping or busy watching a tv show or whatever), try sitting down and closing your eyes - take a few deep breathes and try and clear your mind...or think of things that are positive...such as waterfalls or going to the park, or something you enjoy. It should help calm you down. If you feel comfortable with it, I'd definitely talk to your doctor if you're concerned about post-pardom depression. They can and WILL help you! And let your husband know what's going on if you haven't already. Find a friend you can vent to when you feel like you're going to explode. That'll help. Or get a journal. Somehow, you've gotta get the emotions out. I hope that helps :)

Hi C.,

It sounds like you have a lot to deal with raising two children another one on the way. Children are a blessing, but it is a lot of responsibility and time and money each time you have a child. Hopefully you have a husband that is supportive. Depression in pregnancy is not necessarily the typical thing. Have you talked to your doctor about this? Is the doctor caring and concerened for you when you talk to him or her? If not, there are many doctors out there.
I do understand about the need for adult conversation. It is the toughest job in the world raising children and being a stay-at-home mommy. I have been there. It is worth it but you need to get around other positive people for support. There has to be a mommy time club or something you can get involved in. A good non-denominational church may help you tremendously. They often have support groups and babysitting available. And NO you do not have to be PERFECT to go to church. God knows everything we have ever done and everything we will ever do and still loves us.
Take care and e-mail if you want adult conversation or some guideance. (about me: I am a 42 year old mother of 4. 19,17,10 and 6 years old). Take care of yourself for you and for your kids sake too.

C., Boy can I relate to you. I am 32 (33 soon) and am pregnant with my 3rd. I am still in my first trimester however, so the emotions are raging right now. I don't remember being THIS emotional with either of my boys ever. I was so stinkin embarassed at the dr office the other day. I had to go in because I have a really bad sinus infection and he went to scrape my ear (my ears were plugged too) and I started crying when he scrapped my ear. I was so embarassed. Then the doc felt bad because he made me cry, which in turn made me feel bad too. UGH, what do you do. It is so overwhelming to me sometimes to imagine myself with 3. I have always been a SAHM but I still have my doubts. All of the what ifs come up. I've never had 2 at home at the same time (my boys are 12 and 4 and a half). We've decided my 4 yr old isn't quite ready for Kindergarten, so we are keeping him home an extra year although he will go to preschool 3 days a week. So you aren't the only one out here who feels this way. I made this suggestion to someone else on here and I think this would help you too. Try joining your local MOPS (Mothers Of PreschoolerS) group go to www.mops.org and you can find where your local one meets. I wish you were closer then you could come to mine. It's fantastic. I didn't know anyone there when I joined the group I am in. It's just a big group of women (all moms) who get together twice a month and talk about being a mom. We are of all ages and backgrounds. AND they have FREE daycare while you are there. It's really great to associate with other moms and get feedback from them and to know what you are going through is totally normal. Best wishes to you and your family and here's to a very very quick delivery!
W.

Talk to you midwife or ob about the herb motherwort. it's a natural anti depressant, really good with the post pardom blues. i know it's safe in the later parts of pregnancy and while breastfeeding. i don't know about the first couple of trimesters, there are so many things that are safe in the beginning and not the end and vice versa. good luck. for adult conversation, join a playgroup. the kids can play with other kids and you can get a word or two in with some other moms. good luck.

Hello C.,
I do not think you are crazy. Sounds like you made some major career changes in the midst of your third trimester. Your body is already working so hard and now you are feeling a little overwhelmed with work, kids and baby on the way. I think you should try to rest and take care of yourself. Maybe you can get some time to put your feet up and relax. I know that may sound impossible, but you need it! This is a hard time in pregnancy, especially if you are trying to take care of everyone but yourself. About post partum depression, it may or may not be an issue. The great news is you are thinking about it and aware. Even if it becomes an issue, you will take care of it. For now just focus on taking care of yourself and visualizing your perfect birth experience and baby. Good luck! L.

I had to respond to you because I, also, am experiencing this kind of "weepy depression/anxiety" during my pregnancy (I'm at 36 weeks, too!). This is my second baby and I did not experience this level of emotional swings with my first. I don't know how you feel about herbalism, but plant allies are the first ones I reach out for when in need. In this case, Motherwort has been an absolute savior for me. Motherwort is known as a tonic for women in all stages, from puberty to menopause. During pregnancy, it soothes and strengthens the entire nervous system and leaves you feeling like you have your "mother's arm around you". I have felt comfort and srength without losing sight of my concerns and valid anxieties. A good reference book is "Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Year" by Susun Weed. She lists proper dosages and a few cautions associated with Motherwort that I encourage you to read up on should you choose to go the herbal route. Puget Consumer Coop (many locations) and Dandelion Botanicals in Ballard both carry the high quality HerbPharm brand herbal tinctures. I hope this helps and may you have a safe and joyful end to your pregnancy and birth.

Good for you for reaching out here. Check out moms clubs in your area. Where are you located? email me at ____@____.com and I can tell you of a moms club in your area...so nice to get out and to stuff with other moms with little ones. I know of many groups in the King county area. I can discuss a bunch of options for you.

Also, I hope this doesn't bug you because it seems ridiculously simple, but when I'm feeling like you are, I tell myself "lies" that become true if you say them long enough...like I am strong and capable. I am young and age is just in the mind. I am a wonderful, attentive, energetic mom.

And here's a truth: every pregnant mom gets worried and overwhelmed wondering if she can do it or do it again. Or add to all the mothering she's already doing. But after a few months, you will hit your stride again and be back to yourself and be able to work things out. I don't think that worrying and crying during pregnancy means that you will have post partum depression, but I do think it's wise to set up supports now. Groups like I'm talking about are great supports. They bring your family meals when the baby is born and it's not so much because you're hungry but it makes you realize that there are caring people around you. Perhaps set up some post partum doulas (expensive) or some other post partum babysitting that can give you some sanity time.

Email me and keep up the good work! I totally remember crying my head off in front of my kids during the "homestretch" of my pregnancy. You sound normal to me.

I've never responded before, but this is such an important topic!

First, I want to ask if you have an OB that you trust, and feel you can talk to - and have you brought this up to them? A lot of people will tell you (including doctors) that it is normal to feel overwhelmed in your situation. It is true. You have 2 little ones at home (stressful), and you are in the last stages of pregnancy (stressful) with all the mega- hormonal changes going on - how could you not feel overwhelmed to some degree... But if you feel like this is more than you can manage right now - you need to let someone know.

I just turned 35, and now have 2 little ones - ages 3 and 17 months. When I was pregnant with my first, people talked about post-partum depression or "baby blues" as casually as they talked about stretch marks or vericose veins. It was just another one of those things you hope you weren't inconvenienced with. No one addressed what I think should be called post-partum, or pregnancy-related ANXIETY. This has a totally different feeling. Instead of the "can't get out of bed" feeling, I ended up having racing, repetitive thoughts, and I worried about EVERYTHING. To me, this was more than just worrying about the baby's health, or about being a good mom. The anxiousness and worry was consuming - at times. I ended up toughing it out with my first born, and it eventually subsided (after approx 3 months). After I got pregnant for the 2nd time - it was one of my biggest concerns. How can I go through that kind of anxiety again with 2 babies!?? This time, I fessed up to my OB and told her everything I had experienced the first time - and how I had just white-knuckled it. But now that I had was less sleep deprived and had gotten some perspective, I really think it was something more than the babyblues. She was incredibly helpful, and told me there is a whole other component of depression that is characterized by anxiety and worry, and that if I felt that coming on again - I could get some medication specifically designed to address those symptoms - and I could take them *prior to* delivery. I think this is important because AFTER delivery, it seems everyone is baby-focused rather than mom-focused and you might not have the where-with-all to ask for help for yourself. The good news for me was - I didn't end of needing that medication with my 2nd pregnancy. I don't know if I felt more relaxed because I knew someone had listened to me and I knew that the medication was available if I needed it. Or if it was purely chemical - and my body simply reacted differently this time. Either way, I hope that relaying my experience helps - and I hope you can talk to a medical professional who will listen! It doesn't mean you have to take meds (I never did) but at least you will feel comforted knowing there are options. The meds she talked to me about were specific to anxiety, and could be taken when pregnant and nursing, but of course you should discuss with the doc the specifics of your own situation.

One last thing. After 10+ years spent working - it was tough being home. It takes time to learn to be home, and that is stressful to - just like starting any new job! Hope this helps a bit, and respond to me privately if you need to. Discuss these things with the people around you (hubby, friends) so they can help, too!

You've had lots of great responses, and I would like to add trying a vitamin B complex, which is great for nerves/stress. With all the hormones and emotions at their peak, the B's help regulate things. Emergen-C packets have good amounts of B's and work great. Good luck and we're praying for balance for you. I would also explain to your kids in kid terms (while you're on a good day) what is going on, so they can better understand and help you on the bad days. If they don't know, they may get scared when Mommy isn't being herself.

Do you have any friends/family nearby? If you do, see if someone can come over every other day or so for company AND to help you along these last few weeks! Contact a local moms' group and see if they are having any play dates coming up so you can get out there and meet some people before baby arrives.

I hear you about staying home; when my only daughter was born (dec. 06) I stayed home as long as I possibly could, but once I went back to work I realized how I should have gone back sooner! I was so much happier and our entire family seemed so much more balanced because I was getting what I needed so badly--contact with people! I respect moms who can stay at home and enjoy it. It is so hard, I applaud you for making the career change to do so.

Contact your doctor and see if there's anything you can do (food, supplement, etc.) to alleviate some of your anxiety. You sound more anxious than depressed, but I agree, you don't want it to become post-partum depression. If you know a naturopath, maybe you can contact her/him and see if there are any recommendations. I have one whom I really connected with and trust. She's in Kirkland.

Best wishes to you, the best thing is that you know you are not feeling normal and you are trying to remedy it! Take care.

Hang in there C.... this is all just for a season of your life. I birthed 5 and (so far) have adopted 2. My first one I had at 30 and they stair-stepped every couple of years. So I do understand how hard it is to be pregnant while taking care of little ones. My husband wanted me to be at home and so one day I quit work and came home and told him. He was happy with that decision and i promptly got pregnant that night. So here i was, pregnant, nauseous, and at home for the first time in my life. I had worked since I was 11 and now I was 30 and at home. It was the hardest thing for me to be at home when I was use to being in the workforce.
It sounds to me like your tears are not about being pregnant and/or about hormonal changes, but are brought on my your change of circumstances and the fact that you need more emotional support for this transition. If you aren't getting the support from your spouse, then you need to find a girlfriend who has time for you. Also if you go to church on Sunday morning they have a children's program that will be fun for the kids and give you a break for an hour or two. MOPS is a good group to be a part of (I've been the main mentor mom w/our local group) ... but make sure you just participate and don't take on responsibility as you have enough for now and that's perfectly ok. I got pregnant with our third after moving to Portland... I knew no one. At the same time my husband was working full-time and going to school full-time to get his license.... I was home with toddlers and thought I was a no-one in this world and was emotionally and physically drained... I made friends w/a girl from my husband's work who had a few children and we walked through that time together for quite a few years. So please find a girlfriend and know you are not alone. There are others out there going through the same thing you are. Being aware of your emotions is half the battle. Now you need to do something concrete. Can you stop working completely for a few months? If not can you do a half day and call it good. It is probably your own self-imposed standards that are exhausting you and bringing you to tears. That's normal. But one thing I've learned is that you have to adjust the standards down to fit everything in your day or you will fall apart. And we don't want that now, do we? You will most likely be just fine once the baby is here and you've settled in after a week or two. Do you have help lined out for that time? Please rest when you can, your body is working overtime making a baby. If you want to go back to work right away, that is your choice. A happy mom makes for a happier homelife. And if you want to stay home, perhaps you will have to adjust your expectations of what will be accomplished in a day and also make sure you have some adult support time. You need to conciously look for that support.... Sometimes it takes a while to find it... but keep looking. :) I will keep you in my prayers. You will do wonderfully, I'm sure.

Oh my goodness. I feel for you. Last February I had my fourth child and the last two to three months of my pregnancy were horrible. I was under a tremendous amount of stress at home trying to get things and kids ready for baby, I was working full time at a very emotionally draining job, and my body was betraying me at every turn (sore back, swollen everything, unable to get comfy, couldn't sit, stand, lay down or walk without pain... you know the drill, I'm sure). Everyone at work would look at me as I came through the door every day from about 5 months on like "I can't believe you're still here" and toward the end they would say it as I walked through the halls. (I have 10 pound babies and borderline pregnancy induced hypertension, so I was pretty big and miserable.) Then, I would have to go home exhausted and care for 3 kids who couldn't understand at the ages of 7, almost 10, and 11 that Mommy needed to sit down and relax so that Mommy and baby would stay healthy as long as possible. My husband and family were wonderful, but I would feel guilty for not tending to my own "mommy duties" and I would cry because I needed help... and then I would cry because I was getting help. I irrationally felt that I should be able to "do it all" on my own. I was terrified about having another c-section (had 2 previous) and I was beginning to hate my job of being yelled at by other people for stuff that wasn't my fault. (I hate being on the giving end of customer service.) I was overwhelmed...

I did cry in front of my kids. It was good for them in a way, I think, because they need to know that moms have vulnerabilities too and that it's ok to cry when you are overwhelmed or sad. We tell them to let their feelings out so that they stay healthy... emotionally. How is it that letting out our feelings is a bad thing for our kids to see? I know your kids are a couple of years younger than mine, but I still think that it couldn't hurt them to see that Mommy has all the feelings that they have and that Mommy needs them to be supportive of her too... And by supportive, I mean kind and sensitive, willing to help with picking up their own toys because you need to sit down for a few minutes or drawing you a pretty picture to help cheer you up or setting the silverware on the table for dinner time. I'm not talking about expecting them to burden themselves with your issues. It's ok to tell our kids that we're sad or upset. We can minimize the details and avoid the "W" word (worried) with them, but they can know that we are human and fallible and we can give them tools on how to help someone who is hurting in the process.

As far as being concerned about serious depression, talk to your doctor. Tell him/her that you are wanting them to help you watch closely for depression and post partum depression. They take it very seriously, as should we all. I think that since you are sensitive to your own emotions and needs that you will get through this and so will your children. Please reach out again if you need more support. So many of us are willing to give it and remember being in your shoes.

Good luck and God bless.

Oh,honey!I am so sorry you are feeling this way.When I was in my third trimester with my son,I worried alot,too&cried for no reason.But I didn't have the added stress of worrying about my other children seeing that I didn't have any.

The only advice I can give is maybe try an anti depressant after you have the baby.My Gyno told me that Celexa was safe to take when breastfeeding.And it REALLY seemed to help me out.

Just a thought:)

Hugs~
A.

Hubby needs to help more till its over and you need to eat chocolates and have more hot baths

C., I'm so glad you are making an effort to talk to others about your concerns and fears. Please know you are not alone out there! Having people you trust to talk to is important, especially during the isolating early childhood years.

A nurse practitioner I saw once recommended a book by David D. Burns, M.D., called "The Feeling Good Handbook". Say what you will about the title, but it did offer me some great insights into anxiety and depression. It provides concrete advice for identifying distorted ideas we can sometimes have, and ways to replace them with positive ones. Powells might have it used at a reduced price.

Good luck to you. Please don't despair! Your hormonal roller coaster ride won't last forever.

It's the hormones, dear... you're in the home stretch and are a whole bundle of conflicting emotions - anticipation, worry, yadda yadda yadda.

Lots of good advice in other posts, so I won't repeat it except for one thing. Talk to your OB/midwife/whomever's helping you with the birth and have them walk you through a depression index, as well as keep an eye on you post-birth. I had post-partum depression with both my girls, despite a fabulous support system. It isn't something to be ashamed of, and it's far better if it's caught early and treated appropriately!

Hi!
I am A. Swift and I live on a ranch outside of The Dalles.
I have a friend that also was a busy Mom and dealt with depression. Someone introduced her to a patented nutritional powder. To her great surprise, the nutrition very much helped with her depression. be happy to introduce you to talk on the phone and find out more. I am not much for typing, so if interested just call me or leave a message on our phone.
A. Swift ###-###-####

Hey C.,

What did you do before you came home? What kind of business did you run?

I have three children that will be slmost the same ages as yours - 5/3/almost 1.

Mood - try a sublinqual vitamin B complex vitamin - that will help A LOT! Exercise and relationship building is good too... but doesn't FIX the depression feelings... from experience.

Blessings on your week! God knows the details of your delivery. Do not worry... read, learn... do what you CAN do... that is all.

I think the waterworks is your body letting go. You are trying to stay in control of your feelings...your strength, but in doing so, you are not honoring what your body and the tears are telling you. From what you said in your "A little about me section" it sounds like you are internally conflicted about staying home. You know it's what's best for children, but it truly is at the expense of your inner self.

What kind of business did you have? My instincts tell me that you are motivated and project oriented. You feel good when you accomplish things...being at home, you see the same thing day in and day out...you long for adult conversation...I couldn't do it. I honor and commend mothers who can stay at home, but after a four month long maternity leave, I was ready to go back...but only part time. Find balance, maintain you. In order to be a great mom, you also have to be a great YOU!

Honor your feelings...you are scared...being aware of the p.p.d. is good. Hang in there. Congrats on your new coming arrival...I am sure that you are a fabulous mom. Now is a great time to start planning a fun summer gardening/flower project with the kids.

I was the same way with my last baby (now 16 months). I was 35 at the time and I had so much anxiety about losing the pregnancy. I was constantly headed to the Dr. office to make sure everything was fine with the baby. I just kept talking about it to whoever would listen...most importantly my OB. She was very helpful. She mostly encouraged me to go back to my long time therapist who I hadn't seen in a while. It was very helpful to talk to the therapist about all my anxiety. As usual, it turns out the the pregnancy was just an outlet for my anxiety and the actual anxiety was being caused by other influences in the household as well as hormones(I am married and have a 9 yo, 4 yo and 1 yo). Once I had the baby it took a few months for my hormones to get closer to normal. It has really taken about a year to be back to "normal". I suggest talking to your OB and see what advice they have. Also, I had my husband watch me pretty carefully for depression. Also, if you just give your kids a short, simple explanation it might help them understand. Children are very resiliant so don't worry that you are doing some long term damage to them. They will be fine and you will be too if you take care of yourself.

C.

First I want to say what a wonderful job you are doing for your kids! Staying at home is a challenge that I believe is mostly mental and emotional.
Secondly, I experienced what a lesser version of what you are going through when my second child was about to be born - seemed like there was a lot of information about postpardom depression but not a lot about during pregnancy. I talked to my wonderful midwife about it. She suggested it could be a seasonally related kind of depression, like where did that sunshine go? I'm sure all those pregnancy hormones add to the issue. Just knowing that there was something else going on helped me.
Finally, do you belong to a playgroup? I live for those days when I get to chat with my friends and let the kids socialize too. Also community center play gyms are wonderful places to meet other parents and connect with some adults the same situations. I know it may seem like a huge pain to get the kids and yourself loaded up and out the door, but the rewards are worth it!

Congratulation on the new addition to your family

C.

Hi C., It looks like you already have a ton of responses! I am not sure if anyone mentioned this, but maybe it can help you too. I too was very much like this in the end, much like a roller coaster, up/down, up/down. I had two boys before my third baby and very smooth pregnancies. My hubby and I chose with our third not to find out(I know now why my hormones were so finicky, we had a GIRL!) I also would have terrible fears and wake up sweating and trembling(I know, weird huh!?) The only thing that helped me more than my friends and families love(oh, my poor husband) was the Bible. I would look up and write down scripture that God promises me in the word like; "Do not be anxious(or worry) for anything, but with prayer and supplication, make your request known and the PEACE(key word) of God with surpass your understanding. Philippians 4:6" I had a few that I would recite and pray over again and then meditate on all the good things I did have in my life, i.e; healthy kids, great hubby, good home.... As soon as I had my baby a lot of this went away. Some times it would pop its ugly head, but I would just get out my paper and ready it aloud. I really hope that this helps you and also your children when they might be feeling scared or worried. Remember, you are all that they know and emulate right now. If you are constantly worried and crying, then they might become this way because they don't understand. My thoughts and hopes are with you in this wonderful journey of motherhood. Embrace it because it does go by way to fast! Thank you for hearing me out! =)

I would talk to your OB about these feelings. It's good that you recognize that you could be at risk for post=partem depression. Your OB can prescribe medication if she feels it's necessary. Depression during and after pregnancy is a real, though temporary, medical condition that can and should be treated. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed with everything that's going on in you rlife right now. If you can afford it or have friends/family available, it might be a good idea to get some extra help with the kids and housework. That might just help you fell less overwhelmed.

I am 30 years old and have 3 boys ages almost 7, 4 and 3. After the birth of my first son, I began feeling extremely emotional. I couldn't stop crying. I knew that I should be happy about being a mom. It was very difficult knowing what I should do about my feelings. I tried to tough it out, but it wouldn't go away. Finally, at one of my son's first few checkups, my mom came with me and told the doctor what was going on with me. He suggested that I go see my ob/gyn and tell her what was happening. I did and was so very relieved to hear that I wasn't the only one that has felt this way. She prescribed an antidepressant for me and it was just what I needed to help get me through. With each of my sons, I continued on with the meds. and it was a much more enjoyable experience.
What I guess I am trying to say is that you are not alone. You need to go and talk about this with your OB and see what she/he thinks is best for you.
You are not crazy!! Your kids are very understanding and they are probably nervous about a new baby too. Love and prayers to you!!

Hi!
I had a year of Post Partum with all three of my kids. By the third one, I knew it was coming so that knowledge alone helped me to cope because I knew the end was in sight.

Here's the good news! Did you know that fish oils help with post partum depression? They use it for moms in Europe on a regular basis! Get the good stuff like Nordic Naturals which is molecularly distilled! You can also take it when pregnant! It's very good for baby's brain! For you...it raises seratonin levels naturally and also helps your heart, blood vessels and also with body aches and pains and inflamation!

I wish I had known about it when my babies were born! K.

Hey C.,
I am the proud mother of an 8 mo. old, a 4 yr. old and a 5 yr old. I am 35 now and had some of the same concerns you did when I was reaching the "home stretch". I think you have made it this far and you will make it to the delivery. As long as everything has gone well with your appointments, you should not worry. Talk to the doctor about the depression, see if there is some homeopathic remedy. Talk to the kids about the new baby and if they see you crying, say it is because you are excited about the new baby. Believe me, baby will just blend in with the family after it arrives. It is not harder having three than it is having two. Have your older one pitch in (kids that age love to be little helpers) whether it is fetching a diaper, wipes or rubbing lotion on the baby after the bath. Anything to bond and to help you out. I hope this helps and if you have any questions, just ask. - T.

Hey,

I became a huge worrywort during my pregnancy. I think it's partly hormonal, and partly physiologic, and partly massive life transitions and new responsibilities. The ND I share office space with specializes in post-partum depression. She can help you sort out if anything is going on for you physiologically and give you gentle natural support to help you feel better through and after your transition. She's very kind and intelligent and has been through this herself.

She is: Dr. Adriana Azcarate-Ferbel, and can be reached at ###-###-####.

best,
E. Mendenhall, ND

If you are married/have a significant other I would mention it to them. They could be a good listener at the least for you. I had a baby a few months go. I also had noticed that towards the end of my pregnancy. I have been told there is always a little bit of postpartum depression for all new moms. If you are feeling down all the time mention this to your doctor

Hi C.! It sounds like you do have some rampant hormones taking over your body right now. But don't worry so much, it could be harmful to your baby if you are constantly worried. Just remember how many hormones pregnancy brings. You may be right back to normal after baby is born. But for now, have you talked to your doctor? Do you have friends you can confide in? Is the father aware? My heart goes out to you. It is so tough. I recently heard a statistic that mothers (especially stay at home moms) are ranked as having the 3rd most stressful job in our country, second to doctors and lawyers. Are you getting any breaks from being a mommy? It is so important to get away as much as you can, and just relax. Anyway, if you don't have a current support system and are looking for one, I go to a great church community called Compass (located in downtown Vancouver). Very open and inviting, alot of young couples with children, and you could meet other moms who are in your situation. I will pray for you, and I hope you seek some help! God Bless.

I recently became a stay at home mom while I was pregnant with my second, she is 3 months now. I found it was an incredibly hard transition, even though I had cut back work to only 3 days a week before that. For me I found that a lot of my depression came from feeling like I was losing a big piece of my identity. I have always enjoyed working and I am very social. My son was only 15 months old at the time, so going all day without having anyone to talk to was tough. Then when my husband got home, although I really weanted someone to talk to, I didn't have the brain power to be interested in every detail of his day. When I was working we were both coming down off of the busy work mind and we both had a day to report so we would talk about it at dinner. But as a stay at home mom, although you are super busy all day, you don't often have much (new)to report. So there I was not wanting to talk about his work stuff and not having anything new to dicuss myself, and the fact that I have been alone all day and was at this point super tired made me, alone and misunderstood and made me feel like crying quite often. Things have improved greatly now! I hope this helps.

HI,

My name is K. G.

First and for most you need to start writting your thoughts in a journal. I found that writting my thoughts down before you start crying or becoming depressed really helps. Also you need to take "MOMMY DAYS OFF". Being a full time MOM can be just as stressful as working full time, and then you get a couple of days off during the week or weekend, being a MOM you as well need time off. Even if it is two or three hours with a girl friend or alone time, "TAKE IT OFF" Doing this well rejuvenate your spirts when you are with the kids. I hope this helps.

When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I was crying a lot too, and very depressed. I too, would cry in front of my then 4 year old. I hid it most of the time but cried a few times in front of her...
I was concerned that my post partum would be even worse, but I think because I was afraid of that very thing, it wasn't. Or maybe because I was prepared for the worst, it wasn't nearly as bad? Or maybe it was the vicodin after my c-section! Ha! I don't know. Most importantly is to talk to someone about it. You are going through a lot right now, you need an emotional outlet, talk to us! I am here for you woman!

C., I truly sympathize! I'm already a natural crier, but in those final weeks of pregnancy, I was a complete baby!!! Don't worry - it really is hormones and those hormones will diminish after the baby is born. (Plus you'll be too exhausted to think about it!) If they don't go away, then.... seek help.

In the meantime, feel free to wallow! I turned 35 just two months after my second and last child was born and feel your pain! I happily started working again part-time when my youngest was 18 months - don't feel bad if you feel that way - I thought I'd love being a stay-home mom, but it's not for everyone...I like having one foot in each door now...

C.,

If I could give you a big hug and cry with you I would. I'm also expecting my third, my first two are only 3 and 20 months, and I'm also very overwhelmed. I can't imagine if I was only newly adjusting to being at home, that would be even harder.

There's nothing wrong with crying in front of your kids, and can even help them to undersand your vulnerability and humanity. Mommy doesn't always have it together, and that's ok. On the other hand, you don't want them feeling responsible or like they need to "mother" you, that is too much pressure on a little child, and I'm sure that's why it worries you. You really need an outlet with other women who understand and can cry with you, to "get it out of your system" so to speak.

Do you have a group of moms you can gather with, once a week, in a home or coffee shop? If you were closer I'd invite you to my group. It is a total lifesaver, and let me tell you, we definitely shed a lot of tears with each other. My hubby makes fun of me, but I think it's SO necessary to be able to let that out and receive encouragement and understanding from other moms. We also pray with/for each other, and study the bible together. I think we would all be a little crazy and a lot depressed if we didn't have each other and that weekly outlet. So I would really encourage you to try to find (through a church, craigslist, bulletin boards), or even to form, a group with other SAHMs. It really gives you a peace and a sense of not being alone in this challenging role of full-time mom to little tiny ones. It is SUCH an exhausting and draining job, isolation should not be in the job description!

Blessings to you, I hope and pray you can find the support you need to make it through. You can't and shouldn't have to go it alone.

Your hormones are absolutely raging right now, that is why you are crying so easily. It is not bad for your kids to see that you are human too. Just try to give them a simple explaination why you are upset, and let them practice empathy by helping you the way that you always help them when they cry. It is good for them to have the practice. Fears at this point are totally normal as well because you are so close to the hard work... a person to care for! Every pregnancy is different, and age will make you handle everything differently too.

I would try to relax and get in some "mommy time" everyday. Go out with friends, or take a bath, or watch TV alone... whatever.

If you still feel this way once baby is born, then be sure to talk to your doctor about medication. How you feel (stress hormones, endorphines, etc) can change who your baby is and what their temprament will be.

Are your two other children a different sex than the one you are about to have? There could be some extra hormones going on. Regardless of the sex it mostly sounds like hormones and stress. Don't worry to much about the post partum if you are willing to take anti-depressants you will be able to get it handled really quickly. Matter of fact talk to your doctor now about what you are going through and get it handled as quickly as possible, you will feel way more capable of handling the transition to the third baby. And way, way important is find a way to connect with other moms and find people you can ask for help. I don't know what area you are in but I am in the S. Everett area and am always looking for moms with young children to spend time with. I have a 3 yr old and a 10 mo old. Let me know if I can help you out, I would be more than happy to.

Oh honey, please talk to your doctor. You may not be a candidate for medication this late in your pregnancy, but IMMEDIATELY after delivery you should go on something. You and your children will all be better off for it. If you have depression now, the chances are great that it will increase after you deliver. Please, please talk to your doctor about this.

It sounds to me like you are dealing with a lot of changes all at once! The change alone to being at home full time is a huge one... let alone having number 3 on top of that. Good for you for asking for advice. Have you thought of joining a mom group? One that I have found helpful is MOPS. You can type in MOPS.org and then list your zip code and they will give you a list of groups close to you and times they meet. Local libraries also are a good place to find moms. It was very refreshing for me to learn that this was more common that I realized and that there were other moms out there that were more than willing to help out on lots of levels.
There has been lots of great info posted for more severe forms of depression... this may be a good place to start then go from there....
Good luck and hang in there!

Hi C. -

My heart goes out to you. I just wanted to share some info about a great group here in Portland for moms who have postpartum depression called Baby Blues Connection (www.babybluesconnection.org). I had PPD after my son was born and this group really made all the difference in my life. I also led groups for a year and we have had moms come to the group before their babes are born to share and get support about anxiety and depression. Please, whatever you do, make sure to reach out and talk with others about what's going on. It's great that you posted here and are asking for help. And don't worry about your little ones, they are amazingly resilient and will learn so much when they see you taking care of yourself and dealing with challenges in a positive way.

It was helpful to me to know that PPD does get better and is highly treatable. You will not always feel this way!

Good luck and take care!

S.

Hello C.,
You seem to have the "perfect storm" conditions for depression: major life change (to stay at home mom), pregnancy and social isolation (from adults).
The first thing to do is consult your Dr. because depression is a medical condition.
Beyond that I would recommend the three things that combat depression naturally: exercise, time outdoors and time with loved ones (adult friends or sympathetic family).
If you are in a bad spot there are crisis lines you can call and the person who answers is trained to listen and tho help you find resources.
Love and Light,
C.

Hi C.,
The emotions you are experiencing are real and your body is hormonally "flooding" you, which in turn makes it more challenging to hold it together. You are also nearing the end of a pregnancy while taking care of 2 other little ones at home, which is by no means an easy feat. It is alright to share with you children simple explanations at this time such as, "Mommy is tired now, she needs some help", which lets them know that you are not upset with them or their actions. If there's any way during the day that you can rest,ie. lay down, or catnap during the day (perhaps with your children), you may find yourself a bit more refreshed. There is a wonderful support group, especially after your baby is born, called "Listening Mothers". They are located throughout the Puget Sound and Eastside areas. They have been a tremendous source of comfort and strength to many mothers, and I encourage you to seek them out.
Take care of yourself,
L.