Declaring Incompetence

You are putting the cart before the horse. It isn't that you can't J. get someone declared incompetent but usually people gain durable power of attorney and medical power of attorney first. Then incompetence becomes part of exercising those powers.

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If you already have those documents then wait! Seriously. Call the attorney who drew them up and have him explain but those are powerful documents that will allow you to gain control in an emergency.

You speak as if you are concerned with the time you need to step in and those documents are all you need to be prepared for the time you need to step in.

So at this point call the attorney because elder care laws are not federal (reads universal) so state laws apply. I could tell you what happens here but likely it isn't the same in your state.
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Oh, also make sure you don't jump the gun, if he isn't incompetent that will be proven and I would imagine it will piss him off enough that he revokes that power, which he can legally do at any time until he is declared incompetent.

With my grandmother, we talked to her Dr. first. We took her in for a checkup, and then my mother stayed behind and spoke with the Dr. He gave us some great information. I do not remember all the agencies we contacted, but the Dr. referred us to all. The first step we took, was getting her drivers license taken away. Other then that, it was such a stressful blur. Definitely talk to his Dr. and he/she will help you proceed.

So sorry :(

ETA: Oh! Yes, my parents got power of attorney and medical power FIRST. The Dr. was the first step in gathering resources for what to do next, but the others need to happen first.

There are definitive steps you need to go through first. Thank goodness, in order to protect the seniors rights.

Even though your FIL does not have a regular doctor, find someone who specializes in Geriatrics and make an appointment for him to go and be evaluated. If he refuses to go, then you, or whoever has the Power of Attorney should go.

Then the MD will typically make a referral for a home health evaluation. A decision will be made on what level of independence and custodial care is necessary.

Alternatively, you can call local senior citizen centers, or your states aging center or hotline and start making calls about how to best help him.

And there are elderly insurance companies, like Secure Horizons. These are government assisted medical programs loaded with the information you are searching for.

And there is HomeInstead, a national company designed to help seniors stay at home, instead of going to a nursing home, or assisted living center.

http://www.homeinstead.ca/Pages/home.aspx

GL!

Your state probably has a agency on aging. They can direct you to the attorney that works for the state for the elderly. There has to be a doctor and a psychiatric profile saying he is incompetent. How will he feel about you putting him through that? Get lots of info first. Ask lots of questions.

Your heart is in the right place and I hope you can figure out the right thing.
One of the problems with incompetent people is that they get preyed upon by unscrupulous people. If you could prevent that, that would be great.

But if you declare him incompetent, you have to decide if you want a 90 yr old child. If he had to go to the nursing home and causes problems, you have to find another. If he breaks something of someone else's, you are responsible. Getting him to go to a doc still won't be a picnic. His finances put in your hands will be subject to a court oversight.

We J. went through this in my family. We had to hire an attorney and the court appointed one for my mother. We filed for Power of Attorney and more importantly, Guardianship. The court ordered Psycho-social evaluations (something like that). They tested her as to whether she knew how to take her medications correctly, could write out a check and remember that she did so, understand directions on things, etc. Anyways, after three court dates and much stress by all of us, the court did grant both. We now have my mother in a beautiful assisted living home which she wont admit but she absolutely loves. She daily causes family members stress about things but she is safe and much, much healthier.

I can't help you with helping him come to terms with it but sometimes you J. have to do what you have to do. I try to look at it as if she was a difficult teenager (which is what she acts like much of the time). He will J. have to adjust. Of course, I'm assuming that you truly have his best interest at heart.

Good Luck

I work with seniors now and we have on a couple of occasions had to refer to public guardian, when there is no family to step up to the responsibility. Everyone has the right to self determination, sometimes that does not go in line with what loving family members want for the loved family member. To take away someone's right to self determination, your husband will need a capacity declaration from a qualified professional such as a medical doctor including a psychiatrist. It is a long process and the judge will hold a very high standard before he takes away your FIL's rights. Good luck.

If your husband already has power of attorney he already has ALL the authority he needs to make his father's medical decisions. All he has to do is contact a local home health agency and get his services set up. He can get an aide to come in and do light housekeeping (they are limited to exactly what they can do by insurance coverage), they can do laundry for only the dad and no one else that lives in the home with him, they can assist him in bathing if he needs that, and things like this. The RN can set up his meds and do simple things like blood pressure or blood sugars at a doc's request, take him in her personal vehicle if the company's insurance allows this to doc appointments and other medical appointments. They are to assist a person who is able to live independently. They do not assist people who are no longer able to live without some permanent form of care.

If your husband does want to go that final step and have dad declared incompetent he'll have to have a doc write a statement saying dad is no longer mentally able to make any decisions about his life, ever again.

Trust M. you cannot force a 90 year old to do anything. Don't beso quick to declare him incompetent. Try helping him. Does your husband have power of attorney, and has a Health Care Proxy been signed. Those two are important. I have a problem with declaring a gentlemen I. His mid 90s incompetent.