My Garndmother passed away when I was 9, I remember my mother telling me it was hard no matter what age you are to lose your mother, you always miss her. My mother passed away when I was 21, my sister was 15. She was right, I don't think it would have made a difference if I was 71, I would still miss my mother... I'm sitting here crying now.
Something that many peole don't understand is how a very joyous time can sent you to a private place just so you can cry cause you want to shair it with your mother. At those moments are with I sit down and write in my journal for my daughter to read someday. That way if I ever leave her at a young age she will still have a way to hear from me whenever she needs her mommy. I write about things my mom told me as a child, about my feelings about being a wife adn mother, about things I see my now 2 year old doing that I find funny. (I also always keep it very happy this could some day be the only memory my children have of me)
I didn't lose both parents so close together, althought I had to sever all ties with my father for several years after my mother death cause I did not approve of what he was doing. so I can't say I feel all the pain you have but I know that emptyness that is there, that picking up the phone and dialing their number to tell her something or wondering how in the world she made her spanish rice so good. it's been 8 years this Saturday and the poor person who has her old number is used to me calling now.
It's hard! no question about that, and I know everyone probably tells you the same thing, "it will get easier with time". well yes and no. after a while you can start to enjoy yourself again, but the amount of pain you have doesn't get lighter or less often, you just find positive ways to use those memories to keep them alive in your heart.
One of the most exciting things to me is when I see my children or niece behave in a way my mother would have. wanna know why, cause these children never knew her but have learned so much from her.... becaues my mother lives on inside of me and my siblings! What great hope in this world, just think of how wonderful it will be in the next.
Lots of hugs for you right now, but I know only a hug from your mommy will make it all better right now.