DD Bring Home Stuff.

I just dealt with this with a stuffed animal!
My daughter comes home with this big stuffed rabbit.
She said one of her friends gave it to her. I had her take it back, hand it back to the little girl and tell her to talk to her mother first, then if it was okay that was fine.
The next day the girl brought it back and gave it to my daughter saying she got permission. I am still on the fence if it happened and I probably should have called the mom myself. However I told my daughter if there was a time that little girl wanted it back, we would give it back. We have tons of stuffed toys and that it could have sentimental value that little girl didn't realize.

The kids in Elementary started this wanting to give gifts in gesture of friendships, or "trade" things which I told my daughter always parents need to be aware of what is going on and to be asked FIRST! I mean I think they have such a gray area of what is trading vs borrowing.

I have it go on here with the boys I watch, they see something and want to trade it, of course my son is four and has no clue that it is permenant not a loan! He is so eager for something new he will offer up something he treasures without thinking. So I just enforce no trading, no giving without parents permission.

Same with my daughter. I know the school here just set up a very stern rule, no toys at school, period which helps.

Then my daughter had a beautiful cross necklace that I gave her (not expensive), she lost a piece of it on the playground one day and was devestated, a sweet girl in her class brought her a new one in a package like she just bought it. It was a great gesture of her wanting to make my daughter feel better, I called the mom, she said indeed her daughter picked it out for mine when they were shopping and she wanted my child to have it. I had my daughter write a thank you note and that was so sweet in my opinion. That of course led to my daughter wanting to return the favor since the little girl loved monkeys, so we got her this little monkey one day when we were out. THis started happening with everyone over little things in the class not just my child. Then feelings were hurt by others in the class, the teacher sent home a note that nobody is to exchange gifts, toys or anything unless there was something for everyone. Totally get that! :)

I think just telling your daughter that if someone offers to give her stuff, to politely say "no thank you, I want you to keep it" and decline. Teaching them this will help solve situations when you are not around. I think when parents are present it can be tough to monitor and the teacher needs to just say "no toys, jewelry (unless worn) is to be exchanged". Just to help parents. I know most of the stuff that has been given before was little things and I get that kids love having something from a friend, but I think it just needs to stay out of school.

So now if my child wants to give something to someone, I make sure it is on off school hours, it is great they want so badly to share their stuff and I encourage being giving, but when I buy the stuff I want to know where it is going and why and want my kids to understand that they don't get it back or replaced. Make sense?

Hugs, let me know if you find a solution! :)

We had a BIG problem with this with my DD who is now 12. Around age 3-4 it started. People and especially other kids always GAVE her things.
I finally told her that I buy things for HER to have. Other kids' moms buy things for THEM to have. I know I wouldn't feel good if I bought her something and she gave it away. How would that other kid's Mom feel? We looked at the situation from all angles, who would be upset, who would like for their friend to have something but not want to get into trouble for giving it away. When she could understand, she learned how to admire something a friend had but if they said take it, she said "No, thank you". Saved a lot of trouble all around.

Are you sure they love her? Some children are quite manipulative--even with their parents....I would call the other parent involved and ask if it is OK for my child to have such-and-such. You may learn something new that you have never considered or been told by your daughter. The only reason I say this is that children do strange things to be liked. One little boy I know took his mother's wedding ring (she's divorced so she didn't even know) and gave it to his girlfriend. This mom didn't even know until the other mother called and said she just wanted to know if this was OK because it looked suspicious. Fortunately it taught both kids a big lesson to be caught. I'm all for honesty and consequences--even if they are embarrassing--they are better teachers than any lecture. Good Luck.

I think the teacher needs to be more responsible about this. She should have rules stating that the children cannot bring things from home and they cannot give things away. I have seen this done in other schools.

First of all....She's 4. Of course if someone gives something to her she is going to want to keep it. She doesn't understand that she doesn't need to have it. I agree with Joanne R. that if it is suspicious, call the other parent. If it is something that can be dealt with by the teacher, then go that route. But, imagine yourself being a teacher of a class full of 4 year old kids. I don't think you could monitor who gave what to whom constantly. I don't think there should be a consequence for your daughter bringing something home that someone GAVE her, even if she asks for the item. You are just going to have repeat yourself over and over not to ask for things from other kids. If you punish her for that, she is more likely to start hiding things from you. So, keep the lines of communication open and check her backpack and pockets when she gets home. If the other parent doesn't mind that she was given the item, no big deal. If she had stolen something that would be different. Then you could do consequences. I had a similar situation with my 6 yr old boy. At the beginning of the school year (1st grade) he came home and told me that he could use the money in his desk at school to buy popcorn on Friday for one of the school fundraisers. Well, I knew that I hadn't given him any money, and he shouldn't have money at school. When I asked him where he got it, he said that another little boy gave it to him in a plastic bag and told him to keep it in his desk. So, that's what he did. The next morning we went to his classroom and he told his teacher what he had in his desk. She was so glad to find this out because the little boy had taken the money from his sister and was "sharing" it with the kids in his class. So, my son learned a lesson, and there was no need for a consequence. Their little brains aren't developed enough to understand that if a friend gives them something, they should check with a parent or teacher before they accept it. I know it can be difficult to get the complete truth out of a child who is just figuring out how to tell a fib (I think girls figure this out sooner than boys, at least mine did)but it seems like you are doing a great job of keeping on top of it. Keep it up and she will learn that she won't be able to get anything past Mom.