Day Care for Son or Part Time Work and BROKE!?

This is a new day and world. You have a full time job with benefits that cost less than those with hubby's job. The field you are in is overstaffed and sometimes the clients don't show and you could go home early. You feel that you are not raising your son 24/7 as a hands on mom. Since the office is overstaffed and you want to go PT they would be happy because that is a cut in their payments and of course if things needed to be reduced you are out the door with no benefits. Daycare is a great way for the little one to explore and learn how to cope with new and different people. It is nice that the inlaws are watching him but how old are they and do they want to do this the rest of their lives? The older he gets the more energy they will have to have to keep up with him. Look at him being at work at your break from him as everyone who looks after kids 24/7 needs a break. As another said you can take of your to do list on the early days and get home and be ready to tackle the evening with him and enjoy it.

I worked full time and both my kids spent time in childcare and loved it. There were times that they were not up to things but that is life and we learn how to adjust to all situations.

Stay at work FT, do daycare full time and get out of the financial hole you are in. Once things settle down in the country you will be able to stay home and putter around. Right now is not the time to rock the boat. Another question is how stable is hubby's job? You have to look at all the angles.

Good luck.

The other S.

My kids have been in daycare since they were 6 months and 4 months and they have thrived. Don't think of it as a "stranger" taking care of your kid. Yes, you don't know them _yet_ but you will know them soon. A good center does all kinds of things with kids that you wouldn't do at home (would you spray shaving cream all over the table to let him muck around in it? Fill a big tub with cornmeal and let him play with it like sand? Paint with him everyday? etc). It's not just glorified babysitting; it's a whole different experience.

As for the other logistical concerns, I hear that. But think - if you get out early but your son is in daycare, you can get the grocery shopping done then so you can play with him on the weekends! You can fold a load of laundry, or get a haircut, or any other number of things that you couldn't do while at work or with your son. Yes, you're "paying" for it, but you're also gaining more playtime with your son.

Don't give up your position in an offerstaffed office. Part-timers are generally the first to be let go. If things would be tight if you were part-time, they would likely be really bad if you were laid off. In my mind, not a risk worth taking.

Good luck.

I would look at the true cost of working and not working. I suggest you and your husband sit down and really write down everything that it costs to have two parents employed and what the expenses would be to have you not employed full time. We did this when my daughter was 2 and figured out that we were paying our babysitter time to come transition between me and her, then while I drove to work (and sat in traffic) while I was at work and then driving home and time together to hear about my daughter's day. I was paying for the gas in the car to get to and from work, the wear and tear on my car. There were expenses to keep up a professional wardrobe like updating outfits and dry-cleaning. I was eating more meals out for lunch and dinner because I was frequently too tired to cook at home so we were ordering in often. Our tax bracket was higher when I was working so we paid more in taxes. We were hiring people to do things to help us that I was capable of doing but didn't have time. There are a lot of hidden costs in being employed. When you factor in the extra costs of both being employed sometimes you are not really making as much as you think you are. That was the case for us. It was actually costing our family money for me to remain employed by others.

A big question on the health insurance is really how much is the difference going to cost a year (for a normal healthy year, which is hard to predict).

For us, my husband had the bigger income and the job that supplied the health insurance, so those were factors in our decision. I like being the family social and event coordinator, and I am pretty good at it, and I found odd ways to save money and make extra pocket money which has helped us a lot.

I agree that a lot will depend on you and what makes you happy. A happy Mommy makes for a happy family, so you've got to check in on how these decisions will effect your feelings and your husband and children's emotions too. If all things were equal would you want to be working outside the home or inside your home. Do you need to have a paycheck emotionally? Some women do need to be adding to the family finances. For me, my current job is CEO of our family, and I take my job very seriously while loving it, but I am blessed that I can hold that job because of the income my husband can supply our family combined with the financial choices we are making.

This is a big assignment, but figure out the reality of full and part time outside of the home work, in the cost of numbers and in emotions. The question is what does it cost you to be employed and what are the benefits and what does it cost you to work for your family and what are the benefits.

Good Luck, this is a life moment for you. Listen to your instinct, often we know the answer even before we can say it out-loud.

Tough dilemma. The way I see it is that yes, of course it is about your son and what's best for him. That's what we sign up for when we become moms. But part of what is best for him is a happy mom, so you have to do what you feel is right.

I was in a similar situation a few years back. We were in a bad financial spot, and my income would help a bunch. My MIL went on and on about how they were poor when she raised my hubby, but she did it for him and so "no one else would raise her son" and on and on. So I caved and stayed home. I did love the time with my kiddo, but I was quite unhappy. The financial burden weighed very heavily on me, it wasn't just my husband's problem, it was mine. I hated having to go without a lot of things, increase debt, and freak when something needed a repair. So I ended up going back to work, and you know what? Things were better. I found out that, magically, it was still me who raised my kid, but she had a great time at day care, too. I ended up appreciating my time with her more (I guess something of a quality over quantity thing). And my relationship with hubby was less stressed.

After a few years, things got better and I actually chose to stay home again, just because I wanted to, not because I felt guilty going to work instead.

I hope my story helps a little. I'm just trying to make sure that you know if you're happy, your son will feel it and be happy, too. That said, if you feel you must stay at home, make sure you make the most of it and don't spend all of your time worried about money.

Updated

Updated

Tough dilemma. The way I see it is that yes, of course it is about your son and what's best for him. That's what we sign up for when we become moms. But part of what is best for him is a happy mom, so you have to do what you feel is right.

I was in a similar situation a few years back. We were in a bad financial spot, and my income would help a bunch. My MIL went on and on about how they were poor when she raised my hubby, but she did it for him and so "no one else would raise her son" and on and on. So I caved and stayed home. I did love the time with my kiddo, but I was quite unhappy. The financial burden weighed very heavily on me, it wasn't just my husband's problem, it was mine. I hated having to go without a lot of things, increase debt, and freak when something needed a repair. So I ended up going back to work, and you know what? Things were better. I found out that, magically, it was still me who raised my kid, but she had a great time at day care, too. I ended up appreciating my time with her more (I guess something of a quality over quantity thing). And my relationship with hubby was less stressed.

After a few years, things got better and I actually chose to stay home again, just because I wanted to, not because I felt guilty going to work instead.

I hope my story helps a little. I'm just trying to make sure that you know if you're happy, your son will feel it and be happy, too. That said, if you feel you must stay at home, make sure you make the most of it and don't spend all of your time worried about money.

Updated

Updated

Tough dilemma. The way I see it is that yes, of course it is about your son and what's best for him. That's what we sign up for when we become moms. But part of what is best for him is a happy mom, so you have to do what you feel is right.

I was in a similar situation a few years back. We were in a bad financial spot, and my income would help a bunch. My MIL went on and on about how they were poor when she raised my hubby, but she did it for him and so "no one else would raise her son" and on and on. So I caved and stayed home. I did love the time with my kiddo, but I was quite unhappy. The financial burden weighed very heavily on me, it wasn't just my husband's problem, it was mine. I hated having to go without a lot of things, increase debt, and freak when something needed a repair. So I ended up going back to work, and you know what? Things were better. I found out that, magically, it was still me who raised my kid, but she had a great time at day care, too. I ended up appreciating my time with her more (I guess something of a quality over quantity thing). And my relationship with hubby was less stressed.

After a few years, things got better and I actually chose to stay home again, just because I wanted to, not because I felt guilty going to work instead.

I hope my story helps a little. I'm just trying to make sure that you know if you're happy, your son will feel it and be happy, too. That said, if you feel you must stay at home, make sure you make the most of it and don't spend all of your time worried about money.

Updated

Tough dilemma. The way I see it is that yes, of course it is about your son and what's best for him. That's what we sign up for when we become moms. But part of what is best for him is a happy mom, so you have to do what you feel is right.

I was in a similar situation a few years back. We were in a bad financial spot, and my income would help a bunch. My MIL went on and on about how they were poor when she raised my hubby, but she did it for him and so "no one else would raise her son" and on and on. So I caved and stayed home. I did love the time with my kiddo, but I was quite unhappy. The financial burden weighed very heavily on me, it wasn't just my husband's problem, it was mine. I hated having to go without a lot of things, increase debt, and freak when something needed a repair. So I ended up going back to work, and you know what? Things were better. I found out that, magically, it was still me who raised my kid, but she had a great time at day care, too. I ended up appreciating my time with her more (I guess something of a quality over quantity thing). And my relationship with hubby was less stressed.

After a few years, things got better and I actually chose to stay home again, just because I wanted to, not because I felt guilty going to work instead.

I hope my story helps a little. I'm just trying to make sure that you know if you're happy, your son will feel it and be happy, too. That said, if you feel you must stay at home, make sure you make the most of it and don't spend all of your time worried about money.

Updated

Updated

Tough dilemma. The way I see it is that yes, of course it is about your son and what's best for him. That's what we sign up for when we become moms. But part of what is best for him is a happy mom, so you have to do what you feel is right.

I was in a similar situation a few years back. We were in a bad financial spot, and my income would help a bunch. My MIL went on and on about how they were poor when she raised my hubby, but she did it for him and so "no one else would raise her son" and on and on. So I caved and stayed home. I did love the time with my kiddo, but I was quite unhappy. The financial burden weighed very heavily on me, it wasn't just my husband's problem, it was mine. I hated having to go without a lot of things, increase debt, and freak when something needed a repair. So I ended up going back to work, and you know what? Things were better. I found out that, magically, it was still me who raised my kid, but she had a great time at day care, too. I ended up appreciating my time with her more (I guess something of a quality over quantity thing). And my relationship with hubby was less stressed.

After a few years, things got better and I actually chose to stay home again, just because I wanted to, not because I felt guilty going to work instead.

I hope my story helps a little. I'm just trying to make sure that you know if you're happy, your son will feel it and be happy, too. That said, if you feel you must stay at home, make sure you make the most of it and don't spend all of your time worried about money.

just my opinion from a full time working mom, it's okay to put him in daycare, rest easy. if finances dictate that you will be more stable with a full time job, then i would do it. of course, we live paycheck to paycheck WITH me working full time, so my situation is a little different. daycare is great for kids, interaction with other little ones, stimulation, etc. seems to me, you can be more stable financially, his routine can be more stable, and have a more stable schedule yourself, (not working nights!!) then to me the no brainer would be to stay ft and find a daycare. i am sure it has been amazing for lil guy to spend time with the grandparents, but to me the less crazy a schedule, the better, for little ones. they thrive on routine! just my two cents, hope you find a solution that works for you.

Given the current economy, I would hold on to a FT job for as long as you can. Daycare a couple of days a week mixed with Grandma care on the other days is, IMO, a perfect balance. It's what we have been able to do with all of our kids. Especially as your son gets older, daycare can and will be a lot more fun than Grandma's house (unless Grandma is like a pre-school teacher and fills the day with fun activities, which my own mother didn't really have the energy for). My kids were always super-excited to hang out with their friends and a day at Grandma's house? Not always met with the same enthusiasm. Don't add to financial stress by going part-time right now. Wait things out a bit and if your MIL doesn't recover and you're not thrilled about daycare and really want that extra time with your son, you can always choose to reduce your hours later but if you do it now and regret the decision, you might not be able to go back to FT.

I would absolutely continue working FT. You made the decision to work FT initially so I don't really see how this changes it. And what if DH loses his job or his company cuts back on insurance benefits. DS was in daycare 3 days a week from 9 weeks of age (I worked 4 long days, and so did DH). We have no family nearby but we would not have asked our parents to watch DS if they were nearby (in our minds they have both already raised a family, now they only have to the the 'easy' grandparent things). Now, if you hate your job, that is different. In that case I would quietly start looking for another one.

When I read your post the sentence that stood out the most was "We will literally be living paycheck to paycheck if I go part time..."
Now I realize these are tough times. We ALL feel the pinch.
You might just be surprised. About 6 months after my son was born I switched to PT (after working nearly 20 years FT) and guess what? We made it. (Less lunches out, less gas $$, etc) Then I got laid off and I got another PT job at HALF what I was making. We managed. I've since been called back to the higher paying job...Point is--with a PLAN you can make it on less than you think.
I'm a huge fan of Dave Ramsay and his basic point is this: EVERY dollar is told where to go before it's earned. No impulse buying, wasting money, etc. I recommend getting O. of his books.
IME, If you want to go PT, you can do it, and your family CAN manage! Good luck!

Personally I would work full time and do 1/2 daycare 1/2 parents watching your son. Living paycheck to paycheck is stressful on you and your marriage and you're going to want to have extra money to take your son on trips and buy him things. I work full time and my son started daycare at 2 months old. I have to say that he loved it and learned a lot from the other kids. He learned how to socialize and follow rules and when he went to preschool and elementary school he did not cry and hold on to me like a lot of the other kids who had only been home with Mom or Grandma. So if you decide to go the daycare route, get some good recommendations from friends, family, your church/synagogue, etc. Day care is not necessarily a bad experience. It's harder on the parents then on the kids.

Hope this helps.

Whatever money you make from part-time working, is going to pay Daycare.
And it will still be paycheck to paycheck.
The one way around that is if maybe you get a night-time job or your Husband does. As you mentioned.
I know some parents that do that.
But yes, you see less of each other.