Daughter Won't Go to the Bathroom

Hi F., If you have ruled out any medical issues, I would say it may be an emotional issue. It sounds like muscle tension is preventing a "normal" bowel movement, and this is common when feelings are held in. We actually do this (hold in our feelings) with our muscles. A good metaphor is "holding sh*t in". So, any way that you could provide her opportunities to express her feelings, freely without judgement or pressure, would most likely help. Many people have had this problem as a child, and don't get relief until they find the right therapy as a grown-up. For some, it is the modality I practice now called Rosen Method Bodywork. We do not work on children, but play therapy with a therapist who is "body-centered" would probably help. Hope this helps, J.

Hi F.,
I had this problem as well with my daughter when she was 5 years old. I am happy to report that we are past that stage. She too was so frightened to poop cause it hurt too much from being so hard like rocks. The frightening thing for me was that she tried to push so hard that she ended up with a distended rectum which the emergency room had to push back in. So - whatever you do - dont make her sit there forever pushing trying to get it out. We saw a few Drs. and they all told me the same thing - which was to make sure that her poops come out easily - once she has a bunch of poops that do come out easily - she will see that its a problem resolved. We were also told to do the following...make sure each day she has a some high fiber foods and foods with roughage..(ie..fiber cereals - there are several out there now that are very yummy like fiber one, also I make sure her diet is not filled with all white products - so try to incorporate whole grains/fiber = for her bread etc. also fruit each day, even apple sauce and those snack cups. Add some veggies - even carrot sticks etc. She also needs to make sure she drinks alot of fluids expecially water - which are natural stool softeners. In addition to the food and fluids - we did give her Miralax 2x each day. It doesnt taste very good - but put it in juice and it is tolerable. This will soften her stool and make it easy to come out. After about 2 months we eased her off this and just kept up the other things and made her realize eating like this helped the pooping. She is now 6 and I still keep track of her poops - and she knows that she doesnt want to go back to the time she was in pain from not pooping so she cooperates on eating some stuff - but she tends to be a picky eater - I do let her have her treats and we both celebrate good poops now. Good luck and let me know if you have any questions.
Best
C.

Dear F.,

Find a new doctor!!!! Even if it is a emotional issue he should be referring you to a good therapist. I hate when doctors blow their patients off claiming it is all in her head. If you say she has had these issues even before the passing of her dad then it may be physical. I have a friend who's daughter had such hard bowel movements that it hurt so much she refused to go. There are things you can do with diet, stool softeners, etc. Maybe a new doctor will help her to open up. I am not sure if your doc is a male or female and maybe that doesn't even make a difference but you never know. When my son was a teen he was going through some emotional issues from my divorce I took him to three female therapists and nothing. I finally changed to a male and he opened up from the start. Find someone she is comfortable with and let her talk to them and maybe you can get to the bottom of it all. Good luck!!

Hi F.,

Your poor daughter.....

I went maybe once/week when I was younger. Why? When I got older, I went to a Naturopath because I had hives. Naturopath told me that your whole body is connected. Going #2 once a week is NOT good, having hives is NOT good.....
She tested me for food sensitivities (not allergies) -- sure enough I was sensitive to all dairy foods.

When I eliminated dairy from my diet, I was able to eliminate regularly! and my hives went away........

I have another thing to write here -- please don't listen to a doctor who says it's all in her head! When I was even younger than the hives, I had severe stomach pain on and off for what ended up to to be 10 years! When I was 14 years old my mother took me to a doctor probably about only 2 times for this 10 years worth of pain. Anyway, the doctor kept telling me it's stress/in my head. Well, 10 years later, I diagnose myself and book an appt with a surgeon -- I told the surgeon, "I think I have gallstones". Sure enough, an ultrasound was done and that's what I had.

So....the moral of the story is "don't accept the reasoning of 'it's in her head' " Because she should be going #2 on a regular basis. If she's not, then there's something physically wrong, wheter it be something she's eating, or something blocking her up.

Please, if you can seek alternative medicine, I would highly suggest it!!!!!

Good luck!
J.

Can she swallow pills? Maybe a stool softener would help her? I have had this problem myself, and so has my son when he was little...using the stool softener helped get over the "fear factor" until we were able to go without it. Also, someone told me that Guava juice works a lot like prune juice only it tastes a lot better. (In our grocery store, you can find it with the Goya brands in the Mexican foods.) That, and of course, lots of fiber. Melaleauca sells a fiber supplement that you mix in water and it has much more fiber than Metamucil. I know it's not rocket science - the doctors have probably said all this already but that was what helped us. Good Luck!

This might sound silly but here goes....
Maybe the problem started with the change from formula to milk but got worse with the loss of her Dad....."she's just not ready to let go."

Since you had her checked out medically and she's in good health. Find a good therapist who works with children for her. Since she's older and understands more now, she might have some mourning to do in terms of her Dad. The fact that she is expressing she's not a normal girl is a sign she can use this help....this idea about herself has to be changed around....a good therapist can help with this..

Did they do an Xray? My daughter had a similar problem, but her symptom was very different. Drs. also said it was in her head, but it was really a physical obstruction, and very fixable! When she was in 2nd grade she would throw-up for no apparent reason, no fever, etc. and then she would feel ok w/in a 1/2 hour. We went to specialists for blood, brain, pysch., etc. We found out the problem by accident. It was a GI who wanted to do a rectal examine but my daughter put up such a fight it was impossible, so they did an x-ray. She was so backed up in her intenstines that the waste cud not go thru, it came back up. Imagine the shower drain. Each day a small amount of hair gets down the drain, and if it does not go all the way thru, eventually the drain will back up. At the time Miramx was an RX and the dr. prescribed it 3X/day, as well as being very strict with a hi fiber diet and eliminating white flour and refined sugar (not forever, but until the issue was resolved). I don't remember if they also gave her another RX, this is going back several years.

Also, my friend's daughter held in her #2 for home. The girl had a fear of public restrooms and wouldn't even go in school for the whole day, or at a friend's house for a sleepover. Also around the same age, 2nd grade. Her dr. told her to give her a tablespoon of mineral oil 3X day and an RX for a special hi-fiber apple juice. I don't know how she got over the fear, but eventually she was able to go w/o it hurting or being scared.
Both girls are now in HS and very healthy.

As an adult, I've had these issues myself due to medical problems (I'll spare u the details!) but what has helped the most, in all areas as well, was yoga! There are certain excersies specifically for the intestines, and the yoga instructor explained, by certain stretches, you are massaging the internal organs, helping them to work more efficiently. And believe me, I am not a yogi with both feet on the back of my shoulders! There are yoga classes for kids now, and also yoga therapists, maybe your insurance might know of one? Some insurances are now covering or partial covering alternative therapies.
A happy and HEALTHY New Year to you and your daughter and son!
J.

she won't go, or she can't go. if she won't go, it's usu. psychological and she's trying to hold onto something. if she can't go, try more fibers, fruits and veggies. also, if she won't go, giving her more fibers will make her go.
good luck

Wont? She must or she would have been dead. Perhaps it has something to do with her fathers death. Is she eating? Does she eat enough fiber. Give her fiber geez louise. Tell her the rest of the human race goes poo too. It sure is a great attention getter. Stress causes constipation too. SO make sure she is getting enough fiber and that Dan Active yogurt product on a daily basis and dont make a big deal about it. Nature will take its course.

I have a wonderful pediatrician (an hour from me) who I go to for advice with things that my local pediatrician can't handle. He is wonderful - experienced, smart, a great diagnostician, very comforting and good at explaining. I would start by seeing him. Dr. Schlacter. ###-###-####

I have an almost 11 yr old who has had a history of gastro problems since she was 19 mos old - the pediatrician told me that most of the problems stemmed from me potty training her too young & after countless trips to the e/r because of the pain she was in, we found a pediatric gasto who got things under control. The first thing we had to do was include lots of fruits (prunes, figs, anything she'd tolerate) into her diet along w/lots of fiber & plenty of water daily. The other thing we had to do was to retrain her body to go to the bathroom - she would sit on the toilet for 10-15 minutes each night (as close in time as u can) & strain to go. We were also given a prescription laxative to give her incase none of this worked. We have been thru all of the drinks, chews, enemas, you name it we've tried it, but the best thing was retraining her body. Sami would hold it for days either for control or because she wasn't at home. We still go through a lot for her to even go #1 at school. Since she's been in school she will only have a BM in the nurses office. The toughest thing with this was being consistent. It's not that we don't want her to get better, it's just that she is now almost 11 and will wait until things get pretty bad before saying anything..........and it's usually at 11PM on a school night. Good luck, and if you have any questions or need someone I'm here.
G.

My son was the same and still has problems at 7 we saw a great DR L Newmann he is at Greenwich Hospital on Wednesdays and I know is other places as well.It took time and patience and we still have the occasional problem but my son seemed to connect with the Dr and now has learn't that he has to go so he won't feel so bad. It took sitting on the potty we bought a comfortable seat, chart, fiber juice, stool softner and other stuff the Dr recomended. The Dr also told us this will never go away but he can be taught to deal with it as it is a medical problem. Yes my son has other issues he's very busy and comes with a warning label and I was told by good friends etc to see shrink put him on drugs etc. good luck if u need to contact me please do ____@____.com
u are not alone

Is it that she won't go or can't go?
Have you tried discontinuing milk? She may have a food allergy to milk- an IgG allergy which is not usually tested for. I had a similar problem as a child (my allergy was to wheat- very common) and only went 1-2x/ week, and it was very painful. You said it started after you discontinued formula and started milk, so that is why I am suggesting it may be the millk.. It may be other things as well. Look up a Functional Medicine (google Institute for Fuctional Medicine and then locate a doc in your area- preferrably MD or DO)doctor in your area- they know about finding biological causes to this sort of thing and conventional docs don't always. Call beforehand and describe your situation before spending your $- they don't always take insurance. Godd luck and God Bless- keep us posted.

Hi F.,
My 5 year old nephew had the same problem. My niece took him to numerous doctors and they also gave him a clean bill of health. The problem came back again only this time he bled while trying to poop. She had a colonoscopy done on him and found out he had pollups. He had minor surgery done to remove the pollups and he hasn't had any problems since. Also make sure she gets more fiber in her diet. Sometimes you have to tell the doctors what to do. Hope this helps. Please keep me informed.

Hi F.

So sorry about such a major loss in your family.

Growing up, I had major probs pooing. For me, changing my diet to include more whole grains and veggies really helped. Reducing my processed foods made a difference. Also, understanding how my body reacts to stress really helped.

I would definitely use an integrative approach: medical doctor, childrens art therapist (you can prob get a referral via the art spa: www.artspanyc.com) , check for allergies and alternative treatments. A great book is Naturally Healthy Babies and children. The author has great suggestions for natural ways to treat various ailments and they are practical for the whole family.

One thing you can do is start integrating whole grains and ground flax. I give my daughter oatmeal with ground flax and mashed fruit every morning. I also give her warm unfiltered apple juice and flax at the first sign of stress. Flax can be integrated into many foods such as waffles, pancakes, even cold cereals. I would advise against any chemically enhanced stool softeners and enemas because they are harmful and create dependency.

Good luck and blessings to you and your family in the new year!

F.,

I know you have got a lot of good advice already, but I wanted to share a trick that has worked with our family for years. Try giving her some warm water to drink every night before she sleeps and first thing in the morning (even before brushing) and also give her a teaspoon of castor oil to drink every morning... Castor oil tastes YUCK so try mixing it in some OJ and give it to her. Castor oil is one of the best natural laxatives in the world and shows the effect immediately... I'm pretty sure if this doesn't work, then there is something else physically wrong.

I hope she feels better soon.

Hi F.. I must say, I understand what your daughter is going through. Although I don't remember much about my bowel movements before the age of 8, i can say at 8, I had to be picked up from school by my grandmother and had my first enema that day. I am now 33 years old, and I still have bowel movement issues. So much so, that when the urge came, my anxiety about the impending struggle would make things worse. I'm telling you, even when the stool is soft, it hurts to get it out. Now granted, every bowel movement is not an issue. But there have been more bad times than good. My mother swears stubborn bowels run on her side of the family. Whatever the case, noone seems to struggle with this issue but me. I found that regular walking or running, or drinking a bit more than 8 ozs. of prune juice a day seems to help. Drinking lots of water did not help. Fiber supplements did not help. I hope things get beetr for your daughter. But the reality is she may be like me and have issues for her life span. Stay encouraged.

Hi F., You got a lot of great advice so I won't repeat it. There was one thing I thought of however because my daughter had the same issues until age 4-5. Was your daughter a preemie? Our pediatrician told us that because my daughter was 8 weeks early her muscles might not be fully developed and the longer she held it in the harder it was for them to develop because it was always such an ordeal as she was so compacted. She just had never felt what a normal bowel movement was! The heavy duty fiber medicine (begins with an M - lots of people mentioned it here) worked well. With some patience she learned some control and then the relief a normal bowel movement brings.

Good Luck - It's never easy is it!!!
H.