Daughter Will Not Sleep in Her Room by Herself

You are worried that you are on the wrong track but I think you are doing exactly the best thing for both of you right now. Have you gotten her a "big girl bed" yet? Making a big deal about her getting her own big girl bed, and decorating her bedroom with her is going to make a huge difference. There's just not a lot that can change right now seeing as how you still have her in a crib...why not just let her sleep in your bed with you until you can get rid of the crib and replace it with a big girl bed? It seems to me that a few nights or a week of the family bed can help her learn how to sleep somewhere other than a crib.

Do you know why she won't sleep in her room by herself? Is she afraid of something? My DD#2 is almost 4 and has been sleeping on the bottom bed of a bunk bed for the last 2 years- so she is able to get out. About 6 months ago she started coming into our room in the middle of the night and she squirms a lot! (Hubby and I got very little sleep!) I finally asked her why she kept coming in and she was afraid of something in the closet (the girls were keeping the closet door open) and it was "too dark" for her. So I put in a 2nd night light and then at night we closed the closet door and put masking tape on the door to "hold in the closet monster." As silly as it was to me, it worked.

I also agree with a PP, you should get the twin bed for the big girl bed and make a day out of choosing bedding and/or room decoration. DD#2 was only in a toddler bed for 4 months before we got the bunk bed... she loves her big girl bed... and my now 2-year old DS went straight from the crib to his big boy bed a year ago... way before I wanted him to be out of the crib- but once he took a nap on the big boy bed, he did NOT want to go back to the crib. Both kids loved picking out special bedding (DD#1 is almost 7 and she still loves looking through bedding too!) If you are concerned about your daughter falling out get a mesh rail (DS has a rail.)

Good luck with the night sleeping.

Well don't beat yourself up over it. You are not the first. And she is not the only child like that.

She seems to have a real radar, even if she is sleeping, that you have left the room.
Do you have white noise on while she sleeps? Maybe that will help.
Does she have a lovey? That might help too.
A flashlight in her bed with her? That might help too.
Have you talked to her about it? She is 4 now... she can understand.
Does she have night-time fears? This is common at certain age junctures and at this age.
Would you be inclined to just compromise... meaning, that she STAY in her "room" versus in her "bed" only? ie: my daughter went through a phase where she did not want to sleep IN her bed, but would sleep on the FLOOR next to her bed. (who knows why). LOL
And she would make a "nest" on the floor with all her comfy blankets and stuffed animals and then would sleep, well, amongst all that. And she'd do that every night. Then she got out of that phase.
But for me, the main thing was that she SLEPT... so I didn't mind if she slept on the floor.

Or, you sit on a chair in her room, instead of lying down on the floor in her room. And tell her. THIS is the routine now. This or I Ieave.
And you give her a head's up... that WHEN she falls asleep, you will leave. But you WILL check in on her periodically. (not that you 'have to' do that... but just to appease her mind), and that might console her.
Tell her she is a big girl. 4 years old. She CAN do it.

I know, its not easy. One day she will not even want you around. Though hard, just enjoy it. She probably just misses you and finds you very comforting.
My daughter tells me that too... that "Mommy you are so cozy..." when she falls asleep.

All the best,
Susan

As moms, we never want to see our children upset but you are going to have to put your foot down and tell her she has to sleep in her room. Talk to her about what a wonderful big-girl she is and that part of being a big girl is sleeping in her room. She is going to have to cry a little bit but she will get over it. It will probably take two weeks to break the habit. Every time she comes out of her room, you have to tell her that she has to go back. I would try to make it a positive thing - do a chart and she gets a star for every night she completes sleeping in her room. When she gets 5 stars you will take her for ice cream (or pick something). By doing it this way you are never forced to say, "fine, no ice cream". Make a huge deal about it when you put a star on her chart. "I am so proud of my big girl!!!"

GOOD LUCK!!!
M. Hubbs
www.morethanonemoment.com

You remind me my self. I got divorce soon after I had my first daughter (now 11). We didn't have much money so we live in one bedroom appartment she had her crib but she slept with me, deep inside I knew it wasn't a good idea but at that point it was what work for us. When she was around your daughter age I got married again, and well, it became a problem.
We were lucky I guess because she was use to sleep with me so when she got her own room she was very exited we also got her a castle bed with slide and canopy so she was just so happy.
However every once in a while she would come over and I would have to start a tradition.
Since then everyday I give her 2 kisses and 2 hugs and in special days a massage.
She is 11 now and I still do this.
Maybe if you can afford, by her a BIG girls toddler bed, o let her pick her sheets and deco of her room, you can make your own by painting in paper and put it on the walls, or buy ballons and put them in the wall (without the air) of her favorite character.
Also start a Momy-daughter special thing, when my was little I use to sing to her a special song.
I will start with maybe tomorrow and I would follow with nice things that I hope would happen, like:
"maybe tomorrow you will wake up and have pancakes" She couldn't wait to wake up to see if I was right on my song.
How knows, I have hear stories that the kids get very exited to get their big kids bed they love to stay there, of cource every once in a while they come over, but that is ok because everyonce in a while I miss them in my bed too, lol.

I've been going through almost the same thing with my 3 1/2 year old daughter. I've tried everything, including decorating her room really pretty, getting a big girl's bed, getting a Dora comforter, doing a "ceremony" to scare away any monsters, playing low music in her room to distract her & ease her, and yet she still kept coming into our room in the middle of the night. Finally, finally, I started doing the activities my sister recommended, which is pretty much exactly what McKenna H. recommended below. She has started staying in her own bed and stopped peeing in her pullups because she knows she's going to get rewarded if she does both for 5 days in a row. I make a big deal each morning that she accomplishes either. Sometimes after 2 or 3 days, she might come into our room, but I don't make a big deal of it. I just remind her in the morning that she has to stay in her room to get her treat. Also, I'll take her to the potty right before she goes to sleep because I think sometimes she comes into our room to tell me she has to go potty. Plus, I was told that since she kicks and tosses and turns a lot that she might have worms. I think sometimes she wakes herself up from tossing and turning so much. So, I've also started giving her black walnut drops in her juice, which is good for her intestines anyway.

When my daughter had issues sleeping in her own bed and getting up in the middle of the night, we gave her a friend to comfort her. She had this big care bear and we gave it to her to sleep with and told her that if she gets scared to give the care bear a big hug and tell the care bear how she is feeling and the care bear will protect her and keep her safe from monsters, boogie man, noises, etc. It has worked ever since. She still sleeps with this care bear and makes sure the care bear is there in her bed every night before she goes to bed. The few times when she has gotten up in the middle of the night, we walk her back to her bedroom and tell her to give the care bear a big hug and the care bear will protect her. It works every time. Try giving your daughter a "friend" to sleep with that can do the same for her as it has done for our daughter.