Daughter Not Adjusting Well or Should I Find Someone Else?

I'm going through this right now with my own 3 year old...it's traumatic! I currently don't have a choice with my situation, because I'm in transition to a full-time Montessori school in the fall, and just needed day care two days a week until then. But those two days are hard--crying when I leave, asking when I'll come back, etc. But I asked the day care providers how my son is after I leave, and they say he is fine! When I pick him up, he's totally fine and doesn't want to leave. So I would give it a bit more time if I were you, you don't want to bounce around and end up being sorry you didn't hang in there. At the same time, I would make sure this day care is high quality, no problems that could be causing your daughter to be upset, such as lack of routine, inconsistent naps, sugary snacks, too much TV, etc. Also you could try to institute something from the old day care, like certain books they read or toys they played with. I'm sure the new day care would be willing to help in that regard. Good luck--it's tough, but my experience so far is that it's probably not as bad as it seems, and that we do tend to worry more when we leave them at new places.

We have had a similar struggle a couple of times with our son. He just had a really hard time being dropped off. The more he was there, the clearer it became that what he wanted was not to leave with us, but rather to have us stay and play. It takes him a good 8-10 weeks to fully adjust. He now usually waves by and takes off to play before we are even out the door. That is not to say that all days are like that, but they are becoming more and more like that. If you can tell if your daughter just wants you to stay vs wants to leave with you, she may just need some more time to adjust. Out son is very sensitive and it takes him a little longer to adjust. The past time he had a new sitter, after he adjusted, he would cry because he did not want to leave his friends. One other suggestion is that our son does best with distraction when we drop him off. The daycare rearranged their morning routine a bit and they read. We ask him if he wants to go read and generally that is enough of a distraction that he forgets to get upset that we are leaving. We always make sure and tell him goodbye even if he gets distracted though, just to ensure he does not feel abandoned. Just a few things we have found helpful and maybe you will too.

3 is a tough age. They go through separation anxiety around then, so it could be that she had formed a strong attachment to her first provider, and she's missing her.

I understand how you feel, because my daughter has had her ups and downs with child care during the day as well - and it can be hard - without actually BEING there and seeing what's going on all day long, it can be so hard to judge as to whether it's something to do with the child, or something that's happening with the provider.

Without knowing the particulars of your situation, I would maybe stay for a longer time when dropping her off to give her some reassurance. Maybe she is afraid that she'll be moved again and doesn't want to bond with the new provider... or maybe there is just a personality conflict. What did the new daycare mom have to say about it?

I wish you the best of luck with this - and bottom line is, if she's really upset and the situation can't be resolved, it's probably better to put her elsewhere.

I personally would try to get her in a preschool setting at 3. Childcare centers are sometimes better for children of her age. At least that is what I have found. Five weeks I would think would be a good adjustment time. I hope you can figure out what her reservations are and act accordingly. We all want what is best for our child and maybe another situation is best for you and your daughter. Good Luck