Daughter Is OUT!!!

Great suggestions below....You are not being silly to worry, you are being a Mom and a good one at that.

You will always love your daughter, even if she were straight you would be worried.. This is just the normal worries.

I remember people saying these things about me and my husband when we got married 30 years ago except it was my MIL worried about her friends and some of her relatives about me, since I am Hispanic and they are Anglo..

My husband and I got funny looks when we were in small towns or very conservative places, but we just ignored it.. He had even been teased by some guys for liking "dark meat" so you can imagine.... We just ignored them too..

As long as she is happy, that is what we all want for our children. Join a support group if you feel completely clueless.. they will fill you in..

Look into PFLAG. That might help.

Best to you and your daughter,
Dawn

There are support groups. You can join a group with other parents whose children have also come "out." If you have a house of worship, see if they have such a group. I'd suggest you do a google search for "Parents of gay support group + tucson, az" or something like that to see what you can find.

You are a wonderful Mom. You love and accept your daughter as she is. Worrying comes with the territory of parenthood. Making an attempt to deal with that anxiety is awesome. Go Josie!

First of all, I want to commend your daughter for being brave enough to talk to you about this. A lot of girls hide their true feelings from their family for YEARS, which leads to many hurt feelings and nothing good ever comes from lies. Second, I want to commend YOU! Obviously you have built a close enough relatiuonship with your daughter that she felt loved and safe enough to come to you and be honest with you abou ther sexuality! That speaks VOLUMES about the type of relationship the 2 of you have, as well as the strength that your daughter has.
As worried as you may be about her and her open sexual status with you, she is going to have to deal with whatever comes her way, on her own. You can be there to give support and encouragement, but if there is going to be any discrimination, she will unfortunatly need to learn how to handle this on her own. (which I am sure that she can by now )Your daughter is probably much stronger than you ever thought, especially since she has been dealling with her feelings for a wile now on her "own" prior to coming "out".
As far as society accepting her well, I really don't think it will be as difficult as you would think. These days, teens (or anyone) coming out are more likely to NOT be made to feel bad about their sexual preferences, and in general lesbians/ gays are much more widely accepted now. (thank God, finally we are getting SOMETHING right in the world) I am sure that she will have some friends already who know about how she feels, and others who she will fill in when the time feels "right to her:" There are so many other young women who are in her situation, I really doubt that she will have ANY problems finding a kind, compassionate partner when she is ready for one.
As far as your church goes, even churches are FINALLY coming around to understand that this is NOT a choice that some peoople make, but how they were born. God loves us all, correct? (sinners alike) So in MY opinion if God can love me or anyone else, even love and forgive those of us who have sinned on a daily basis........... then there should be NO problem with him loving a beautiful young lady of his own creation! If anyone at your church had issues with her sexuality, well, I would find another church.eally don't think you will have a problem though! It sounds to me like you are a wonderful Mom who has a great daughter who loves and TRUSTS you (kudos to YOU) and you are just having all the "normal" parenting fears. I really do believe that it will all work out fine, and your daughter will find her perfect someone. Enjoy and keep us posted!! Congrats on being such a wonderful Mama!!

I don't think it's silly to wory about your child, no matter their sexual orientation. I will worry about my daughter if she's straight, lesbian, my son if he's straight or gay. There will always be things to worry about.

She will find love and friendship with a woman, she may have to have several girlfriends to find her but I believe that everyone finds someone who loves them for themselves.

As far as support groups, I would think that you could google and find one somewhere.

Josie,

The best thing you can do is love and support her. Then, contact PFLAG and they can help you connect with other parents etc. that are going through the same process. GL
M

I have a male cousin who came out to his parents about 7 years ago. It was there only son, and they were very hurt, but now they are very happy. He's even happier with his boyfriend of 10 years. We all knew or had an inclination that he was gay since he was 10. Nobody should make any kind of snide remarks. My aunt did this back in the 70's about some distant friend, who came out too. Now look, her son came out, and it hit her hard she didn't know who to turn to. Our relatives are very accepting of it, because life today is full of surprises. He wasn't made fun of, but that is, because he lives in a big city where things are easily accepted. We as cousins love him a lot, because he is actually the kindest, gentelest souls among us. Things today are more open. I don't think you should be worried about your daughter. If she's got a good head on her shoulders than she'll be o.k. If she seems confused then both of you ought to contact PFLAG. She needs your love and support. Best of luck to the both of you.

Josie:

I have no idea how old your daughter is.

You cannot control other people. So you are worrying about things you cannot control. She was strong enough to come out - she will be strong enough to deal with people who oppose her. You can't fight her battles for her on this one. You can love her unconditionally and you can support her.

I don't know of a site where you can go to talk to other mom's. I am sure if you google search for Gay & Lesbian support groups, you will find a ton!

It is just a natural thing for we Mom's to be worried about our children...no matter what their circumstances are. By "coming out" to you...she has already dealt with a lot of these issues in her own mind...processed a lot of things that you are just beginning to process. I think that a majority of people are going to be kind and non-confrontational...no matter what their own personal beliefs. ( I personally was raised, and am very conservative...but I do my very best not to judge others and to love each person just as they are). Of course there are going to be some people who will be unkind or critical but they would probably find something to be unkind about even if they didn't know of your childs' sexual orientation....they are just that kind of person!!!
Let your daughter know that you love her, that you support her and are always there to be a shoulder to lean on or cry on. I know that if one of my daughters "came out" to us...that her Dad especially, would have difficulty accepting it...but I feel sure that in time...love would win out!!
You are not being silly...you are being a Mom!!!!

I feel like people are more tolerant of 'gay' now. How old is she? If she doesn't already know how to deal with less than understanding people, she will learn relatively fast. I don't know why anyone would intentionally target her or try to harm her just because she's gay. My cousin is a lesbian and has never, not once, been assaulted for being gay. No one really cares anymore ;) Just because you're gay doesn't mean you take more or less risks than anybody else! You should be proud of her for coming out; that's really hard for some people. It's not really anyone else's business, and it's not like she's wearing an 'I'M A LESBIAN!' shirt, so who would ever really know unless she felt comfortable telling them? To me, your sexual preference is a non issue. Everything will be okay; nothing has changed, it's still your daughter, the same person you've known since she was born :) The same way us straight people get hurt sometimes by men, she'll end up going through with women (and probably already has)... but she'll find someone wonderful I'm sure! Plenty of fish in the sea :) Hey, if anything, women are more sensitive to other women's needs since we're all built the same, you'll both be just fine :)

Talk to her. Is she worried? Is she an adult? If so, she could probably answer a bunch of those Qs.

Have you heard of PFLAG?
Look for some groups near you!
Good luck!

I would check out some books from the library (or buy them). I'm sure there are many geared toward parents who are supportive of their LGBT children.
Also, seek out a support group, whether online, or in person. For example, PFLAG.
You are an awesome mom for being loving and supportive. I'm sure your mother-daughter relationship with weather this period of adjustment and ultimately grow stronger from it.

I think you're awesome for caring enough to ask. You should be open with her about your worries as well as your acceptance, keep the lines of communication open so if she has issues she can talk to you

I agree I have friends and family that are OUT as you say (all girls), and noone thinks anything of it now. Also like others said its not like its available info for the world to see, so you don;t have to worry about strangers. My friends and family don't tell people whe they walk into a bar. Most guys assume they are straight, and whats it matter, its not like its their duty to tell them, if you're married or unattracted to them you don't announce it when walking in somewhere so its completely only her business and her choice to share with people, and she should be able to talk to the people she does know and let them know if she wants them to tell people. I think the croud is smaller and may be tougher to find a life mate, but honestly J. because the selection is bigger if you're straight doesn't mean you're not going to go through a lot of toads=), that J. means hr being active in the community. Now with social networking and online there are plenty of the same things straight people have marketed for them.

Hi Mom! Your daughter will be okay. Society is so much more accepting now. I have two kids and had the shock of my life when BOTH came out (one boy, one girl) when they were in their late teens (27 and 30 now). Things were different then, but they have found their way. One has a wonderful partner who is like another daughter to me and they are very happy; been together for 11 yrs. My son has not yet found someone but is comfortable with who he is. My family was splintered; my parents would not have anything to do with them for many years (said they "went gay"). Only recently did my parents, in their 80s, realize they had been wrong and asked my kids for forgiveness. I never thought I would see it happen and my kids were so gracious. I was very proud. Yet you can imagine how hard it was for me ... So, yes, you may have some family and friends who just don't understand, but stand with your daughter. She isn't making a choice, this is who she IS! I would suggest you find a local chapter of PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) for support. It will help you - and help you to help your daughter.