My daughter is 13 she just recently had a sleepover for her birthday and I noticed how possessive her so called BFF is with my daughter. When my daughters friends would be talking to her the possessive friend would scream my daughters name for her attention and as soon as she had it she began talking and the other friend would just walk off.
Well my daughter was asked out by a boy at school, she told him no lets be friends im not ready for a bf. Well my daughters possessive BFF hears he asked her out and went told the boy off and now isn't allowed to even be her friend.
So now ok my daughters not allowed to have any one else in her life?
Well at her party this so called BFF was talking about playing Russian Roulette, thank god I heard, bc I went off saying that wasn't anything to joke about or think of. I also heard her tell one of other girls shed go rip something off her dead cold face, which I did say something to her about that as well...Then my son was crying in his room bc this so called friend was hitting him across the head and threw him out of the room.
And the mother is just as bad she defends all her daughter does bc they have family problems....The mother also went as far to tell my daughter how her daughter liked girls and boys and being with a girl is ok.......That really made me furious.
Then the mother harasses me trying to get me to go out with her and I tell her no repeatedly....its not my fault she has a crappy marriage and I don't.
But her friend isn't allowed back at my home and my daughter told her she wasn't and throws a pitty trip with my daughter, and so does the mother. But to me there is no excuse in the world to treat your friends or their siblings the way she did...
So how do I deal with this how do I get my daughter to understand these people aren't right???
Thanks everyone for the responses.....After a nice talk with her I realized everything this girl does my daughter defends bc they've told her they have issues....But after telling her no issues justifies the way she acted and they way she treated your brother. And told her I don't hate your friend I just don't like her ways and until she can realize that has to change shes no longer allowed here and as long as her brother will feel ok with her around him. She was very understanding and admitted to being bossed around by her and she did go to school today and tell her friend on things she needs to work on and shes no longer allowed here until her attitude has changed and when my son feels safe around her. Im very proud to have a daughter that can open up and tell me everything and admit she understands everything and protect her brother. And she does have other friends that are really good to her they have asked her to join their youth group, which were attending this week so she can be around her other friends without the possessive one. And hopefully she'll see good true friendship....again thanks to all
Oh my!
Maybe it is because this has been a LONG day...BUT, my gut reaction is to call 'Jerry springer'...because THIS...to me, seems just TOO much to be believed!
If I am wrong, I am sorry...
BUT REALLY??
Too much...simply too much for me.
best
*********************************************************************************
And welcome to mamapedia!
What Felinestroller w. and Nervy Girl said. And...
If this happened at your house, in your presence, I'm not understanding why you wouldn't say something. I get letting your kids handle things, but part of the benefit of having the kids at YOUR house is to interact with them and see how they interact with each other. The yelling for her attention was the perfect opportunity for you to get HER attention and tell her that "we don't do this here." She would get the message, and your daughter would see first hand what handling that looks like. She would know what you expect of her should something like that happen again.
Try to get her involved in activities with friends or new friends that aren't this girl. When you daughter becomes comfortable with a new set of friends, she will see how the controlling friendship wasn't healthy. It's good to have lots of friends, to not always focus on just one person, one way of thinking.
She's 13 so the more you talk negatively about her, the more she's going to defend and feel sorry for her and push her to stay friends to prove you wrong.
With my daughter in these types of scenarios, I talk to her about what a "good" friend would do, but let her draw the conclusion on her own. Show her how a good friend wants the best for you, not to keep everyone else from you.
I would tell my boys they are not allowed to have anything to do with someone like that and that includes school. And if the kid bothered them at school I would tell them to let me know and I would talk to the teacher. That is not appropriate behavior!!!!
Sounds like you handled it well. It didn't sound incredulous to me because my daughter has a hard time standing up for herself with friends, too. She'd have done the same thing. Hope it continues to work out.
My 12 year old son also has a possessive friend. He comes from a not so great family as well. The parents are nice but have different beliefs and values then us. We don't allow my son to go there for sleepovers based on a bad past experience.
You can try what we're doing- get your daughter in an activity away from her possessive friend. My son is doing Boy Scouts and loving it. His friend is in baseball. So that haven't seen each other as much lately.
Talk to you daughter and let her know that they way the girl behaves is not good. Encourage her to invite other friends over. She may not get rid of this friend just yet, but eventually she'll see there's better friendships for her.
Glad your daughter is learning how to handle herself in sticky situations. She is learning that "Hurt people hurt people." Remind her that her friend might need a hug or an extra kind word each day as she is probably not getting it anywhere else. Can you imagine the pain? :(
I think deep down I side your daughter knows. Never underestimate a 13 yo. They are pretty smart cookies. I, too, would stay far away from them.
I'm not seeing how your daughter could be enjoying being corralled like this by this friend.
Does she not sense that she's being hemmed in and monopolized?
Perhaps when you see incidents like you saw at the party you should talk to your daughter and say "I saw that <what ever her name is> didn't seem to let you talk with <who ever>. How did that make you feel?".
Point out how it seemed to you, don't accuse or blame, and then ask if it bothered her.
Your daughter needs to come to the conclusion on her own that her toes are being stepped on and maybe she should be doing something about it like declaring a personal emancipation.
She's got a mind of her own.
She needs to use it and grow a spine.
Sign her up for taekwondo in the mean time.
YOU don't deal with it. It's up for your daughter to navigate because this is a teen girl relationship. Your daughter needs to learn to handle people like this and SHE needs to decide if she values this friend enough to work through the teen angst. SHE needs to decide if the girl's issues are enough to help her through. She clearly gets something out of the relationship.
A friend being possessive during the teen years is normal. It doesn't sound as if the girl is being obsessive and Single White Female. Unless your daughter seems upset then you shouldn't step in. And remember that you're an onlooker looking in, and you really don't know the ins and outs of their relationship. You don't know their girly secrets and how bonded they are. My best friend and I were exactly like this with each other yet we were able to spend time with other friends too at the same age and we're now 39 and still going strong. We've been BFF's since we were 10. Because our parents let us work things out and let our friendship mature naturally since we didn't bully each other. They waited until we asked for guidance and never once recommended that we break up as friends.
