Daughter Has "Discovered" Self . . . . .

I don't have a little girl (I have a son)... but oh how I can relate!!!!

My son, who is now 6, came flying out of the bathroom when he was 4. He was dying to show me that he could "make it grow like a plant". It was all I cuold do to keep a straight face (my emotions were all over the place at that point!).

I told him that it's his private part and he can only touch himself in private - his room or the bathroom (but not bathrooms at other peoples homes or in public bathrooms). It took some persistennce (I'd catch him absent-mindedly touching himself while watching a movie, for example), but eventually the reminders worked. I'd send him to his room for "private time" - sort of like timeout - he had to go to his room but could come out whenever he felt like he could be around everyone without touching himself - and he had to wash his hands before re-joining the family. Other than that, I ignored it, and he has pretty much stopped (at least that Im aware of). Like everything else, it's s stage.... and will eventually pass.

Your daughter should know this is all normal. She should be told it's OK that it feels good to her, but that's something to be done in private--in her room. You can take her to the doctor and ask the doctor about any advice regarding the excessiveness to the point of yeast infecion of it and what can be done about that.

Did this just begin suddenly? My daughter's 6 and likes to touch herself once in a while. If she began doing it excessively all of a sudden I would want to sit down and have a serious discussion about whether or not someone else touched her there or made her touch herself there. I do tell my daughter all the time to tell me if someone touches her in any way that feels uncomfortable. I even ask her once in a while anyway. But I would definitely want to know if someone had been messing with her for her to do this suddenly. Especially if a yeast infection resulted. You don't need to panic and question her until she says yes just so you'll stop asking. If she just says it just feels good, then keep reinforcing that that's behavior we engage in behind our bedroom door. And if you catch her doing it outside of her bedroom, remove her hand and continue to tell her that she needs to do that when she has privacy. You'll have to do it a lot, but eventually she'll understand.

Could it be that she is trying to itch it because of the yeast infection and that she is not trying to get "off"? I really do think that this might be more than a cause and effect thing.

Hi!
My daughter is 2 years old and already when the diaper comes off to be changed or in the bathtub she starts touching herself. I ignore it now since it isn't a huge issue but am prepared for when she is potty trained and it may be more frequent. I am relieved to know that other parents are going through the same thing. My son is a newborn and I have no doubt that he will go through some phase like that as well. I think the rest of the advice you have received is great and is good for me too. It is a normal part of development but I will face that to someday telling her that it is to be done in private to. Good luck and let us know what happens.

You've gotten some great advice so far - tell her that private parts are for private places. If she wants to do that, she needs to be in her bedroom. If she's doing this in the living room, ask her "is this a private room or a public room? <wait for answer> "I want you to stop doing that because we are in a public room". Or when she complains about the itching "What did we tell you will stop the itching? <stopping the behavior> "I think if you want the itching to stop, then you need to stop touching yourself." I know you're probably frustrated, but remain as calm and disinterested as possible. Any attention, including negative attention (like yelling at her or saying things like your husband did) is 'attention' and could further exacerbate the problem by pushing her to do it more to get more attention.

You are 100% correct in not wanting her to have negative feelings about herself and her sexuality, so continue the broken record approach. Good luck to you!

Hi there, My DD has done this since she was about 2 1/2 and she's now almost 4. She calls it "rubbing" and she straddles a blanket or pillow and rubs herself against it (while in undies, I don't let her do it naked). She often does it to a point where she gets really minor tears that sting when she urinates. I've taken her to the doctor several times and basically I was told it's a natural behavior that they will outgrow. She hasn't gotten any infections (thank god). We don't give her any negative feedback on it. We just tell her it's a private time thing and if she wants to do it she needs to go to her room in private. My pediatrician agress that's the best response. You don't want to instill a sense of shame or wrongness about it. My husband is wigged out by it too, but he's on board with having her do it in her room. So if she starts in the living room, he just tells her she needs to do her private things in her room in a gentle voice. Your husband should not say what he said. He just needs to come to grips with this and let it play out. But I can see where he would get uncomfortable watching her do it. I would just encourage him to tell her it's private and she should do it privately.

My daughter's not doing it quite so much anymore but has gotten into the habit of going off in private to do it, so it may be more often than I'm aware of (like before bedtime and sometimes when she wakes up in the am). It's actually quite funny, because her little cheeks get flushed, she pants and I swear she's "completed the transaction" so to speak!

When this first started I was freaked out, thinking no other kids did this, but from reading and talking to others, it's actually quite common.

Hope it helps...
T

I had the same problem with my oldest. The key is to stay on it. Make her stop whenever she does it. Even if you have to remind her 100,000 times a day. Tell her that it's a private thing, not something you do in front of others. Make her wash her hands whenever you catch her, then tell her to go to her room. Because it's not something you do in front of others.

If she can't play games or watch TV because she has to wash her hands and go to her room, it should help. But basically, you just have to instill in her the boundary and it's going to take some work, time and patience.

Hi K.- With my girls we told them that private parts are private and feel free to explore in your bedroom or the bathroom. Also if hands were down pant we told them that hands must be washed with soap for cleanliness and potty germs. This is a stage and should pass. Also I would make sure it is not a urinary infection or rash because that is a different problem.
Good Luck
B.

Is it possible that the yeast infections have caused her "awareness"? I mean the rocking back and forth could be explained by her trying to scratch the itch.

I would definately talk with the Doctor to see why she is getting so many infections. Maybe once you get on top of the infections and her body stabilizes she won't bother with herself anymore?

She is young enough that this may just pass once you figure this out. If not, you could always talk to her about how her body is a wonderful thing but that it is for *her* only and that if she wants to be alone with her body, then she needs to be in her room or something like this.

Let us know what you end up doing. Best wishes.
N.

I agree with other posters - let her know that it is not appropriate to touch herself in public - that it's ok to do in her bedroom or in the bathroom. Being very consistent and providing a unified message between you and your husband is the key (as it is with everything involving kids).