I know my request my sound strange but I'm at my wits end and don't know what else to do. I have a 7 yr old who still insists that his dad sleeps with him, and after my husband gets up later after his fallin alseep my son will go into our bed. My hisband thinks theres nothing wrong with this and that it justs stems from what happneded to me when I was younger? I don't think its normal?? ANd I've treid telling him that but he won't listen to me and its all in my head and that I need to see someone about this problem... Plus my seven year still sometimes takes a shower with dad!!!! Can this problem get any worse??? I really don't know what to do anymore and need some seroius advice. Anyone???
sounds like a habit that the boy has that needs to be gently broken..doesn't sound weird just a habit..I don't know what happened to you in your childhood..but if you are not comfortable with him sleeping wit your son or showering you should discuss the fact that he is getting older and it's probably time to break the habit and get son to fall asleep on his own..I don't think doing it in a weird accusatory way is going to help the problem..
I think both of these are perfectly natural. Your son is so innocent and we grown ups have a tainted picture of everything around us. Your son is bonding with his dad. In this busy world we are so rushed. Your son will eventually want privacy and break this on his own. I wouldn't worry about it as long as you feel he is safe with his dad.
I think any counselor will tell you that it is not a good thing or healthy thing for these older children to be still sleeping with their parents. This is not normal! A seven year old needs to be getting used to sleeping in his own bed. This is not good for the marriage either.
My son who is now 16 slept with my husband until he turned 16. We didn't think anything was wrong with it. It in no way affected my husband and my relationship and so therefore we thought that it was bonding time. My daughter and I still sleep together and she is 14. Now we don't just go to sleep. We talk to our kids at this time and sometimes they are very serious talks. Things they tell us in bed they might of had problems talking with us when the whole family is around. I personally see no problem with it.
As for the shower thing. Eventually your son will want privacy. Also boys share showers in sports at school so it's not that redicilous. But these are my own opinions. We've personally never shared bathroom situations.
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with either sleeping or showering together. Unless you are worried that there is a molestation issue, I'm guessing all is well.
BUT, you really seem very disturbed by it, so I strongly recommend talking to a counselor about this.
Everyone has their own guidelines (personally - I believe 7 year olds should not shower with parents) but get professional input on this. If this ever came out at school, church, etc, CPS could be at your door. Is this child your oldest and setting the pattern for the younger kids? If not, what is the relationship between parents and other kids? What was the protocal? Basically, what are the dynamics within the household?
Counseling sounds like a good idea - but for both of you. One reason is parents need to be a team, not one being the bad guy. Second reason, children have nightmares and may want to sleep with their parents at times, but your husband can use direction in teaching your son it is okay and safe in his own bed - alone. Third, with a full time job, 4 kids and a husband that gives little help - you need a sounding board and learn to release a little stress. Lastly, you may be extra sensitive to some situations, but it sounds like your husband could learn boundaries and teaching those to the kids. If he won't go, go alone.
Good luck, I wish you the best.
