Hi Moms,
I need some tricks! My daughter has never liked getting her finger/toenails cut. We'd never cut her or had anything that I would call a painful experience, but she freaks out and says it hurts. For a while we have been cutting them when she sleeps, but she's waking up now and it's a disaster. We've resorted to having to pin her down to do it. By the the time we finish we are all crying-it's awful. Please-any ideas? We've tried showing her on us, having her watch a movie, rewarding her after we (kicking and screaming) finally do get one cut with candy, and eventually yelling at her--nothing works and every time her nails get long i am sick my stonach that we have to go through this all. HELP!
I had this same problem with my son when he was younger!! I use to cut his nails when he was asleep! I'm kind of glad he's over that now!!
I have a strong willed child, so I know where you're coming from. It just isn't as simple as putting your foot down like with a regular child.
The first thing that came to mind is to help her overcome the fear. What about planning a manicure time at a local salon? Make it a special deal and she can pick out her own polish. Perhaps if she's in a new setting, sitting around grown ups also getting their nails done it won't seem as scary? I think once you can get that first positive experience in where it's not a battle, you'll be on your way.
Good luck!
After the next cut, start filing her nails reguarly so they won't get long as quickly. Do you think she'd put up with filing better than cutting?
When you say "having her watch a movie" is she watching it afterward, as a reward, or do you put it in while you're cutting her nails? The latter would work better but I think that may be what you've tried.
Is she mature enough to participate if you talk to her simply -- and at a time when you do not need to cut her nails, and with no clippers anywhere in sight -- about why she is so resistant? Some kids her age could articulate it and others couldn't. If she's pretty good at explaining herself, she might respond if you ask her, "Let's talk about your nails. I'm not going to cut them now or even today, I promise. But I really, really want to understand why you don't like it. We all have things we have to do that we don't like. But I want you to help me find out what it is about nail cutting that you don't like and maybe we can fix it together."
She may be scared. She may fear that she'll get nipped (even if she never has been - that doesn't matter much to small kids, they still have fears even of things adults know have never happened). She may hate the clack-clack sound that clippers make, or be terrified of the pointy sharp end of nail scissors. Or she may have a friend who told her that "Mommy cut me when she cut my nails." See if you can get her to talk to you.
Whether she's able to talk about it or not, try having both you and your husband, at different times, very casually clip your own nails with her in the room. She's on the couch; you sit down with the clippers and with no comment, proceed to clip your nails over a trash can. You get up and put stuff away. Your husband does the same another time. If she goes nuts and screams "You're going to cut my nails," be very calm and say no, I'm only cutting my own nails right now. She might get that it's no big deal. Not sure if this will work but it's worth a try.
Finally - eventually she'll outgrow it or at least grow up enough that she will understand that resistance will mea0n discipline.
my daughter also says ouch when i am cutting her nails she is 20 months old. my son is three and a half and will allow me to cut his nails usually with min struggle. but my daughter hates it. i finally asked her if she wanted me to use the other pair of clippers and she nodded and seemed to like it much better! the other pair was older and i thought would be duller than the new pair but she liked the old ones better. i suppose they were a better brand.
It's time to decide you are the grown up. Your post is all about how she gets extra attention from this. Just stop, get the clippers out, get the needed personnel, burrito her if needed to keep from hurting her skin, then do it quickly, ignore her screaming, don't tell her it's okay, ignore her tantrum, she is hysterical and not listening anyway. Just get it done then walk away. The more you treat it like it's not big deal and give her no attention for it the more she'll decide it isn't going the way she wants and she'll stop.
oh man. What's her deal? I've never heard of such a problem with something as simple as trimming nails. Has it been like this for the past 4 years? We nipped the 'no I don't want my nails cut. It hurts' ordeal in the bud early on, age 18 months or so. We didn't give our son much of a choice. It was "Do you want Mom to cut your nails or Dad to cut your nails?" He had a choice, but ultimately, he got his nails cut. He's now 3.5, so I know what you're saying about being strong willed. Perhaps a time-out until she comes to either Mom or Dad to get it done? "No treats, no toys, no playing, until you get them trimmed. You can pick for Mom to do it or Dad to do it."
The only thing I ever "allowed" a tantrum for, was hair rinsing. If the kids wanted to scream for a few seconds while I dumped water on their heads, fine. For ALL OTHER SITUATIONS, kicking, screaming tantrums were simply not allowed. One warning, and firm consequence if the child made the decision to continue. It happened very few times with any of the three. My third rager is allowed to be fussy for an hour after her nap though. But anyway. I would NOT go through this ordeal for one second. My kids (5, 3 and 2) ALL hate getting their nails cut, but they are simply not allowed to squirm, cry, whatever. So they don't. My son (3) claims it hurts, but we ignore his claims as long as he's not crying and wrestling.
At four, she has absolute self control in accordance with her boundaries. Warn her in advance, she will not throw a fit while you cut her nails and enforce if she tries to for even one second. Warn her again when you proceed, and enforce immediately if she starts up again. It's nice of you to try to distract her and offer ways for her to avoid it, but it's not the best exercise in self control, she's getting too much power and drama out of it. Rewarding her when she isn't sitting nicely and letting you cut her nails isn't teaching her she needs to sit nicely. MAYBE you could reward her if she sits quietly the whole time, but I personally wouldn't reward expected behavior.
If this is the only thing she throws tantrums for, she'll quickly get it that it's not allowed if you enforce similarly to other fits. If she does throw other fits, if you get consistent with all fits, nail cutting will be no different.
If you don't want to discipline her not to act this way, then pin her down forcibly and get it done, ignoring the theatrics. She may give it up on her own if she sees you don't care and it doesn't get her out of it.
Make it a fun experience. Try letting her do her own or maybe you are cutting them to short and that sometimes hurts. Not cutting her but when your nails are too short sometimes the skin can be a little sore. Let her see you do yours and maybe reward her with some fingernail polish. Some polish that is eco friendly and is not harmful to kids. Maybe file them instead of cutting them.
We make it part of a "nail salon" experience, cutting, filing, then painting. Works every time!
