Custody Laws and Road Trips, and Daughter's Confusion

When my parents divorced at 7 years old, my dad had me during the following times:
Wk 1: T, Th 3:30-8pm
Wk 2: W 3:30-8pm, F 3:30 - Sun 8pm
This schedule worked until I got into high school and started extra-curricular activities.

Your schedule seems way too crazy for a 3 year old. Your daughter could be regressing simply because she doesn't know which end is up right now. I recommend talking to your lawyer about getting the arrangement tweaked.

Hi A.,

My heart goes out to you. I went through a nasty custody battle for a number of years, so I can relate. Here's what I know from my own case: In order to move a child out of state, you need the Court's permission. That being said, it ties into both you and your ex following the parenting time order. Each time one of you does not follow the parenting time order, the other can file a motion to be heard by the Court. You need to tell your attorney what is going on here. Your daughter is being manipulated by your ex and the new girlfriend which is NOT in her best interests. I went through an 8 year battle with my ex and one of the things that I strongly urge you to do is to document all of these things that you have written in this post in a notebook. Note the dates, times and what is being done/said to your child. If your ex calls her, note that also each time. Also, document the changes that you notice in your child after she comes home from a visit with her dad. If you need any further advice, please feel free to email me.

M.

Good luck with all of this! He's a headache. I would suggest that you start counseling sessions with u and your daughter, so that she becomes stronger against "mind games". Also, if the two of you go together, it will bond your communication with her, and I would reccommend sessions after she visits him. Just contact the court and see if he can take her out of state. Each attorney contact can charge a fee.

I went through this exact same thing about 3 years ago with my ex-husband wanting to take our 2 children to Colorado to visit his wife's family. I was 100% against it, but when I called FOC they told me that he can take them anywhere he wants on his time as long as they are back on time. You have no say-so over anywhere he takes them. I feel for you. It sucks no matter how you look at it. Sorry and Good Luck!

technically he does have to get your permission....my ex and i had joint custody and he had to ask me every time he wanted to take our daughter out of state...and i wouldn't let him if he is telling your daughter that his gf is her mama...diffenately see your lawyer about this..she needs more stability with the way things are going

Hi A.,

You have some good advice here. I agree with documenting everything down to how long they talk, when they talk, behavior/mood changes, etc. You said her pediatrician has shown concern over her not gaining weight. Get that documented by your doctor as well as the potty training issues if he will put that in writing, too. Documentation from an outside party, especially a professional, generally carries more weight than just the parents point of view. Get documentation from her preschool about her qualifications to attend there, too. You have a good basis to change the visitation agreement when you have a special needs child, especially since you are the one getting her into the program. He is most definitely NOT allowed to take her out of state without written permission from you AND Friend of the Court. If he insists on taking her to Chicago I would definitely tell him you will call the police and have him arrested for kidnapping, you are the custodial parent, not him and you can do that. Have your papers and a phone in hand when he picks her up and at the very least to get your point across you can call the police and ask for a welfare check on your daughter telling the police of our ex's plans and your objections. My ex wanted to take my boys down to South Carolina to visit family with him the first time he left and I am sooooo glad I didn't let him do it. He never came back and I would have had to fight for custody of my kids and filed kidnapping charges across state lines. Stick to your guns, you know what is best for your daughter and your ex obviously doesn't have her best interest in mind confusing her with the name thing, too. You daughter should most definitely not be left alone with his new girlfriend or her family either. I would even make a point of telling him that until they are married he needs to refrain from naming his girlfriend your daughters "step-mom", too. The mind games have got to stop or your daughter will suffer mentally well into her adult life.

Good luck - S.

A child needs stability - especially a very young child. If you are in a divorce or in a battle - I would think that the father needs permission from you to take her out of state... However, the best way to address this would be to contact your lawyer and supply them with what your doctor recommends - as well as the school. Most courts will rule in favor of the child having a stable, safe environment.

Yes, A., he needs your permission to take her on a trip if you have joint custody with a 50/50 split. I would consult a lawyer ASAP. Good luck!

A., there is a 100 mile custody law in place in Michigan. the parents cannot move more than 100 miles away from each other without both consenting and a judge agreeing, which rarely ever happens. the judge will see it as not in her best interest. Sorry that u have to endure so much with you ex I hope things improve

Hi A., Okay, as far as the laws go, you should have a custody order from the courts and it should stipulate the rules. I know that the standard rules are that the non custodial parent cannot take the child across state lines for any reason without written permission from the custodial parent and neither parent can take the child out of the country (ie, go to windsor for the day) without explicit written permission.

You are in a world of hurt girl. I would not only write things down, but maybe video tape her a lot. Tape her at home and when she gets back from a visit. I am confused about your custody arrangement. That seems sooo far from the standard, how did the days get all mixed around? You need to petition the court to have it changed to full weeks with one parent and week-ends with the other or alternating complete weeks.

Did you say that she is seeing a therapist (is this a psychologist?) if not, then you need to start taking her to one. You can get them to write a recommendation to the court as to custody and visitation. You need to call the Friend of the Court (or let your lawyer handle it) and let them know that he is taking her out of state against your will and that you are afraid of kidnapping. Honestly, judging by your visitation/custody schedule alone, I think that you need a new lawyer. Why they would recommend that you accept this type of visition/custody schedule is beyond me and not in your or your daughters best interest. If they don't say, "no, he can't take her out of state, I will take care of it and make sure that he doesn't", if your lawyer doesn't say that, then you need to get a different lawyer immediately!!! It will be expensive but you need to get this custody order changed, and get her to a psychologist so that you can get the mental changes (potty training, calling you by your name, etc) documented by a professional.

Good luck and prayers to you.

Does not sound good. You'd better check with your lawyer and/or friend of the court real fast. I'd even be so brazen as to look into microchipping your child, if your ex gets nasty about things and you fear he might illegally take her.
If it works for animals, I don't know why not kids in situations like this.

I would say heck no! I don't know what kind of game these people are playing but it is very dangerous and damaging to the child. I would also petition for full custody due to questionable activities by the child's father and his girlfriend. Make sure you get written statements from the doctor in regards to his concerns and document EVERYTHING!!! Build your case, do what is necessary to make sure your daughter is properly being cared for.