Custody Issues - Bossier City,LA

The best thing my husband and his ex wife ever did was find a parenting coordinator. This is a counselor that works with just the two parents in what is acceptible behavior and what isn't. I think there were 6 sessions or so but they were well worth it. In the end these two who hadn't been able to speak in over a year became friends. They went to Rebecca Campbell. She was soooooo good.

F., I would tell her that no one knows the needs of my child as well as I do and she should concentrate on her own family if you don't think she is trying to be helpful. I know that has to be very frustrating. She may be trying to make you feel inferior. I would avoid her as much as possible.

Dear F.:
All feelings aside, try to separate facts from cockiness. A big factor would be whether she has 'been there, done that', namely if she has or had a boy at that age and knows the stages you may be new to. Is she giving you a heads up on what to expect in the next stage of development? Is she telling you when the next dentist or pediatrician visit is due? Those are things she can tell you on an informational basis, ideally without mocking or hard feelings. Or is she just spewing her unfounded opinions on how to raise a child in general? That you don't have to take.

If you react harshly to her no matter what, you may be missing important information for the well-being of your child. I would only react harshly in cases where it's none of her business what you do to raise him.

As far as 'play the role of being my sons mother', she actually WILL play that role, like it or not (assuming they are serious about being together). At this stage you may say that they are not married, so she is NOT taking on that role. However, if it is apparent that they head that way, be glad she takes on that role. The alternative is that she would ignore your son in her family, and that would hurt him.

You may want to talk to her privately and clarify the boundaries. When I was a step-dad for eight years, my daughter called me 'W.' and not 'dad'. I think that is reasonable, because everyone has one mom and one dad. It does not take away from the bond you can have as a 'step'.

If you let her know in a nice way what bothers you and what is OK with you, everybody wins. You cannot influence which life partner your ex chooses. From what you wrote, it could be a lot worse... You don't have to be friends, but you should find and agree upon common grounds to keep up a level of respect. After all, you want your son to be respectful as he grows up.

My 2 cents,
W.

Joint custody doesnt mean you have to let your child have unsupervised visits. I had joint custody and my son never spent the night with his father and his dads girlfriend mainly b/c of her. I got a very unpleasant feeling about her, and i later hired a attorney and was granted sole custody. Now all his visits have to be supervised by me or a medator. My son is 8yrs old, and I have never had to surrender my child to his father for unsupervised visits. You need to get very educated on child custody laws in your state, im in texas. I am also a criminal justice major so I know a lot about the law. I also have the penal code handbook for my state so it helps me out a lot.
I dont know what type of agreement you have since you were married. I think it works diff when you are married or single.
Good Luck

FYI
I have a younger son 6yr he has a very loving realtionship with his father and his fahter's wife. I really like her and she treats my son very well. She doesnt tell me how to raise my child. You have to try and be open minded with the new love in your exs life, only if she is worth it. Follow your gut, if you have a bad vibe about her dont ignore it.

Hi F.! I am faced with the exact situation. He is in contempt of court if is not sharing information with you about your child which is court ordered in most Joint Custody agreements. I have been divorced for 3 years with four children 17,15,11,and 10. I am faced with the same issue now that my ex has remarried. She calls my youngest "the step momma's boy". My ex communicates nothing unless it is through my children. This is unhealthy for them. We are going back to court in Dec. I plan on addressing this very issue in court so that means of communication are spelled out via legal judgment orders.

I am on both ends. I am a step parent dealing with 2 step children and I am a parent dealing with a step parent. I have been divorced for 8 years and remarried for 3. Even after 8 years, my ex's wife still tries to tell me what to do with my daughter and she doesn't even spend but 1 month out of the year with her. As for the mother of my step children, her and I have never had a conflict and believe it or not, we pretty much agree on just about everything. I also know from dealing with my ex's wife that there is a line and you DON'T cross it. I wish you the best of luck and eventually, you learn to just let things roll off your shoulder and just know that you have the last word when your children are concerned.

Good luck to you!
M.

Well most people are saying they understand how you feel but I understand in a way the other side of the coin... Im a stepmom and have been raising my stepson with my now husband for the last 3 yrs. My husband and his X have joint custody BUT she lives in a different state so she basically gets him on all major holidays and for the summer and thats how our family works BUT as for the butting in and telling you how to raise your child... I have probably overstepped my bounds a time or two with the "X" cause i also have a son the same age as my stepson they are a week apart in age and so I HAVE been there done that and in OUR house we have alot of rules and expect the kids to be well behaved and his mother has NO rules and hes let run wild and act a fool when hes there which makes my life hell when he comes back to us because he doesnt want to come back... I would say that she is probably not meaning to be overbearing and i cant speak for the girlfriend because im not her But sounds like shes trying to help out because maybe the dad isnt really an active part there since he doesnt communicate with you... I know I raise my stepson almost like a single parent because of the hrs my husband works so hes not overly active in the raising and it makes it difficult for ME not to get involved with the X... You see what im saying? Its not that i want to even talk to her (theres been alot of undue drama by her) but I dont always have a choice Not to talk to her because I am the main caregiver... Maybe thats the way the girlfriend is right now...? Just a thought.

I have never had to deal with an ex husband or step parents, but it seems to me like you just need to lay down some ground rules. Tell the new girlfriend while you appreciate her eagerness to help out with your child and her affection for him, he is still your child, and you would appreciate if she kept her "helpful hints" to herself - you obviously know how to raise a happy healthy boy without her.

Does she have any children of her own? Doesn't sound like she does.

I am in the "stepmother" shoes,my advise is just talk and let her know how you feel.Join custudy is the best for the child,feel love is important,your ex husband will re married eventually,as long respect is on their relationship everythig will be OK.You don't want to play the game of having someone always supervising the time that belong to your ex and your son.Open comunication always(most of the time)work a lot better.just think on the future your son will grow u p and he will develop a mind in his own.My stepdaugther now is 16 and she moved for this year with us.Good luck.

I also am the proud mommy of a 2 yr old boy. We share joint custody that stipulates that neither party can have visitors spend the night and absolutely no live-ins. We have agreed that visitors of the opposite sex leave by 9pm and will never be left alone with our son until further notice.

I have had this same problem. My ex married our son's principal! I have been very persistent in letting it known to both her and my ex, that I am the mother and I don't appreciate her stepping on my parental toes. They have been married for a couple of years now, and the incidents of where I believe she over-steps her boundaries have decreased significantly. I just always pointed out immediately each time to both of them when I believed the boundaries were crossed. Life is much better now and everyone knows their place! Communication is the key!

I am a step mom who can not be a step mom that often at all. my husbands daugter lives far away and the courts are missed up, and we can't afford to drive 1000 miles to go see her right now. but I do think that both partents should be equel parents. when we gave birth there was a mom and dad and now we decide for them that they have 4 parents. WOW how scary, I think that your x maybe talking through his wife or girlfriend. or maybe just worn out. try to go to a counceler. but stay out of the courts . they just destoy the familys. and hurt our children. we seem to bit at little things and our little ones our the ones geting hurt.

I am going through a similar situation except it is my ex that is always saying "well she (the step-mom) always does it this way and why can't you", which really makes me angry but what I do realize is that she is good to my daughter when she is at there house. If this girlfriend takes good care of your son then learn to appreciate that. If she's a witch about everything, just step up and remind her who gave birth to the child, besides your son will always know who his mom is. Being divorced is not easy by any means and this is one of those problems that comes up, when the parents can't get along--finding the best way to deal with any situation can only benefit your child--Good Luck!!

Im not divorced but my parents divorced when I was 6 and the best advice I can give you is never ever have a confrontation with your child present, you will spend $1000 on therapy for your child later..and as for the girlfriend my dad was married a month after the divorce and I didnt even know it, There was way to many of those confrontations with the "new wife" and they were never pretty!!! Just dont put your child in the middle, I was always in the middle of the battles and I see the scars it left now as to where I didnt much then...Good luck!!

I am at both ends too like Misty. I am a step-parent and a mother of 4 of my own. It is extremely hard to deal with your x when they have a spouse that butts in and visa versa with your spouses x. Just hang in there. Maybe try to meet each other in a public place when you take your son to him for visitation? It sounds bad but when My mother and father got divorced and also me we made it where we could only meet at a sheriffs office or police and that way they tend not to butt in and try to argue, you know, let your ex know that it is important to you and your son for you two to communicate to each other about your son's needs. It is important to him that his girlfriend is involved since they are together but she can only be there to an extent, you know what I mean? Anyways.. good luck.

www.prepaidlegal.com/info/hardy_m
They really helped me

I am a mother of 3. My 15 month old is my bilogical son, and the 5 and 6 year old are my husband's children. I have learned about being a step mother the hard way. I think you should talk to her like an adult and let her know that you dont appreciate her interfering in the raising of your child. Tell her that you are not being mean you just get affended when another woman who is not even married to the father tries to put her input in on the raising of you child. She should understand that she is crossing the line.

To me, you need to let her know from the get go that yes, she is in your childs life, but she is not his mother, and that you and your ex have the custody agreement and she needs to butt out. Unless they are married or have plans on getting married, she is not his caregiver by law. If he doesn't want to communicate then all you can do is keep asking your ex questions till it bugs him. My best friend Valerie is in the same boat you are and is having to deal with the same exact thing. Her ex's new wife tries to tell her how to raise her child and it P.O.'s Valerie to no end. She finally put her foot down about it, and now Stacy (ex's new wife) is scared to death that Valerie will take them back to court, because they can't afford for him to pay court fees and such. Valerie's always put her foot down when it comes to Stacy. There's not much she can do, but she can put her in her place and it's not breaking any type of custody law. Hope this helps you out hun.....I know how difficult it is dealing with a dead beat ex!

Jenn