Curfew for 21 year old daughter? She works full time but is now taking a break from school. Otherwise a good child. I just really don't like my front door being a revolving door!
I'd say in by midnight. And tell her if she's going to be late to please call , tell you whats going on and what time to expect her in so you don't worry about her and so you don't accident call the cops on her thinking she's someone trying to break in the house.
Nothing good ever happens after midnight.
My answer is short and to the point (and I have a 24 year old son and 20 year old daughter at home). MY HOUSE, MY RULES.
Updated
My answer is short and to the point (and I have a 24 year old son and 20 year old daughter at home). MY HOUSE, MY RULES.
Updated
My answer is short and to the point (and I have a 24 year old son and 20 year old daughter at home). MY HOUSE, MY RULES.
My 20yr old daughter just moved back into my house too. I simply told her "You are an adult. Adults treat each other with respect and consideration. The rules are:
1. If you are not going to be home by midnight or not coming home at all (let's be real, they are adults) then you will call before midnight and let me know.
2. No one is spending the night here. (my house & younger siblings too)
3. If you need a ride home, you will call me (no matter what time) and I will come get you! We will not talk about it then, we will discuss it in the morning. (whether it's drinking or just uncomfortable where you end up.)"
I also will not have the revolving door nor am I staying up worrying because she said she'd be home.
Good Luck!
No curfew. Sorry. I would have laughed out loud if my mom tried to give me a curfew at 21! And I wasn't getting into trouble.
I think imposing a curfew on a 21 year old is asking for rebellion. I think setting some ground rules like letting u know when to expect her home is good. However, you should do the same for her (when you stay out late). You want to remain the parent without becoming a warden (in her eyes).
Oh and trying to set a midnight curfew is ridiculous! She's 21 and I know last call is after midnight!
Been through this with two children and have one son living at home this semester as he completes his intership locally and graduates from college.
It is about respect and good communication. If they haven't learn respect and good communication by now, you have more serious problems than a curfew will ever solve.
I am a mom that doesn't fully sleep until everyone is home. (Anyone relate to that!) My children all know this.
Before they left they would tell me or write a note and let me know what time they thought they would be in and where they were...or at least starting at.
If plans or time changed they called. I lost one child who was killed by a DUI driver, so they know if they drink they stay where they are (friends apartment and call to let me know) I have always offered to come and pick up but that offer has yet to be taken up on! Ha.
No curfew. If they can't communicate and respect you then you need to provide a reasonable deadline to find their own place.
But lighten up, 21...come on, Time flies too fast and she sounds like a good young adult. Don't blow it and cause resentment towards you.
I say no curfew. If she is working full time, then it's not like she needs structure imposed upon her. Just as long as she lets you know what time she expects to be home, and maybe sends you a text if she is going to be late so you don't worry, I would think that should be fine.
I understand she's 21 and a curfew sounds funny. BUT if she is living in your house then you can expect her home by a reasonable time. I'd at least want to know from her what time she will be home by. That way you know what to expect. If she says she's going out and be home by 2am, she should know to be respectful enough to be quiet when she comes in. And, she should be respectful enough to let you know if she'll be later or not coming home so you don't worry.
Are you serious? She's 21, other than letting you know if she's going to be super late or touching bases so you don't worry I'm confused as to why you need to control her schedule. If she's responsible and you don't mind her still living at home, count your blessings and leave her schedule alone.
When I came home from college, I hated having a curfew! I would suggest that you just ask her to tell you what time she is going to be home and ask that she comes home at a reasonable time!
No curfew, but I know what you mean. I lived at home through collage (I couldn't afford to live on campus) and it seemed like for a few years the only way we could tell my Mom and I were living in the same house was food would disappear in the fridge (we'd leave each other notes on the fridge - our communication center - no cell phones back then!). I did my own laundry, we shared cooking (anyone could cook what they wanted, but leftovers were always available for anyone to eat), we cleaned up after ourselves, I had my usual chores for bathroom cleaning and mowing the grass. My Moms job had fixed hours, and woe to she who would wake the wage earner un-necessarily when Mom needed to sleep for work. I did my socializing on campus, and I had keys to come and go when I needed to. Even if your sharing with room mates you have to respect people schedules, need for quiet time/sleep, etc. Just keep communication open. If she's saving up her money, she should be able to move out on her own when she wants to and then she can have her own rules in her own place.
I agree with what looks like the majority-no curfew but respect for others living at home, that is something everybody has to learn.
None! Ask her to let you know when she expects to be home...not because you don't trust her, but because you need to know when to start worrying. She has a key, and she is an adult.
Other than your worrying, is she waking you up?
A 21 year old isn't a child. And if you keep treating this adults who return to live at home like children in an extended state of adolescence - you are never going to get rid of them and you aren't helping them to move into adulthood.
If a 20 something year old moves back home because they are "taking a break from school" or job loss or poor money management or divorce or whatever - they need to pull their own weight, like an adult. They aren't kids anymore (even if they are your kids). They need to pay rent or utilities or both. Assist in purchase of food etc. Even if you take the money they contribute and put in an account for them for later.
You have a two fer question here. Is she an adult or a child. If she is 21 she is old enough to be out as late as she wants. But having said that if your rule is the door is locked at "X" time then set her down and explain that she is an adult and this is the rule to live in your home. Is she paying rent? She should be if she is 21 and works full time. But she should not have to account for all of her time if she is working full time and a functioning adult. Is the problem that she was out and moved back in? she quit school and is acting like the house is a hotel? I think if she is a good kid she will understand. But you need to be prepared to listen to her and work out what works for everyone. But remember 21 is legal and adult age. she may do the whole I can move out thing. be prepared to let her.
I think curfew should be established but with another name perhaps. We all need our sleep and for some reason that age group (and I remember it too) likes to go out at night and sleep during the day. I have sons who are older also and are in school, work and one is in a play at night -yikes, so I still try to sleep with the one eye open. I have told them I cannot handle them having friends over at two in the morning singing, and I do try to establish a way that I know they are both home. I didn't use the c word because that cannot be used as a state argument anymore, but I can use my own rules and you can establish yours. One is that we need to be respected and we need our sleep, so let her know you wish her home at a round about time. And that you worry and that if she is going to stay somewhere let you know way ahead of time, etc. So curfew no, rules of respect yes. And ahhh...to sleep again is lovely. Oh and by the way none of this works all the time, especially if they are in love. Then they seem to stay out forever. Sadly we really just have to try to sleep no matter whether they are out or not.
It depends on what you want. Do you want her to continue to live with you? If so, you might want to be flexible with the curfew. If you want her to move out, make her curfew 10:00.
looks like your responses are mixed. I will tell you that at 23 I had to move back home for a short period of time for a variety of reasons. HOUSE RULES APPLIED! She is a legal adult, but it is YOUR house. Now that doesn't mean that you set a 9 pm curfew and expect her to conform but she does or can have other options if she doesn't like yours.
Good Luck
She stays under your roof, she should respect your schedule. I'm 23, and live three hours away from my family, but when I visit and stay at my mom's I'm home at a reasonable time.
I had a curfew all through college when I was home. It was fairly reasonable, and if something was up that would require me to be out later, I'd simply let my mom know. She's a light sleeper, and appreciates it.
Dear Lil,
If your adult, full-time employed, daughter,can't afford her own place...your house your rules.
In a roommate situation people are usually about the same age. People in their 20-30's can party all night and sleep so soundly if their roommate drags in at 2 or 3 AM, they don't even hear.
Parents of adult children, who are living at home, still tend to worry when their kids are out late and don't really sleep well until they "do" hear the car dirve up and the front door open.
Blessings.....
If you are still working and have to get up early, it's reasonable to set some kind of curfew on work nights. Not because your treating her like a child, but because you need your rest.
I would not put a curfew on a 21 year old. I may be coming from a different point of view, but I was married by 19 and had my first child by 21. I was also going to a college away from home and staying in a dorm by 18. There were times I would go grocery shopping at 9 o clock at night,. That being said I think it is only polite and respectful to let people know where you're going and when you think you'll be home. It also isn't unreasonable to ask for a phone call if time home changes either! We in the process of moving to a new state and are living with my MIL and FIL. Out of respect we tell them where we are going and when we think we will be home if it will be night. But they don't try to tell us we have a curfew or we have to be home by a certain time. (Granted we have 3 kids and try to be home close to their bed time most times because they are with us, but there are times...)
Can't see how a curfew can be enforced for a 21 year old. I would just ask her to tell you what time she will be home.
I think a curfew is great. We did it, and still do with a 24 year old that moved back home after college. It's not really about saying you have to be home by 1 or 2 am, but about saying if you're NOT going to be home by then....please let us know. The way we figure it the family is a unit. If any one of us was going to be out late, or not coming home we would let someone in the house know. We also let eachother know because of where we park......so we are not blocking anyone if they have to leave early. It doesn't really matter who in the family it is, we all have to communicate with what's going on.
Our 24 year old is totally fine with it. I think because she understands its a respect and communication issue. We all choose to do it for each other and it's been working well.
Curfew for a 21 year old? Are you kidding. She is now an adult regardless she only lives in your house during summer breaks. As long as she has a summer job, she should be at the stage that she goes home at appropriate times, which can be 12-1am
I would not attempt to impose a curfew on a 21 year old. I was ENGAGED at 20...definitely not a child.
Are you concerned about what activities she might be participating in late at night? If so, talk to her about it. If not, then I think you just have to realize that having a revolving door comes with the territory of adult children living at home. I hope at age 21 she is paying rent, or at least some significant portion of the expenses incurred to have her living at home.
** I don't agree that nothing good ever happens after midnite. As a senior in high school I would often come home on Friday nights at 1-2 am, but I was never participating in anything even slightly questionable...we were just a very close group of friends who liked to play board games, sing karaoke, play video games, cook together, and have in depth conversations...we were all athletes who played different sports, so we didn't get to start hanging out until after all our games/practices were done. Depends on your specific daughter.**
Were you different when you were 21 yrs.old,so why don't you put an extra door of her own for her own use to go in and out without using your door or let her find her own house after all she is 21 and she should be on her own now,right ?
We have a 21 year old son. He is away at college, but when he is home, he is on a different schedule than the rest of us. we did have to lay down the law at spring break because our younger son had to get up for school, so we told him if he had friends over,they had to leave by midnight during the week. even in the summer, we have "guidelines". He has to call if he isn't coming home. he does have to tell us where he is going and he can't just blow the money he earns at a summer job. he has to save 50% of it. When he was working, he was usually in bed by midnight. So things were not a true curfew, but highly suggested "guidelines". hope this helps a little.
If she is responsible and just seems to come and go all the time since she is on break, I would suggest talking to her like an adult. Sit down with her and talk about any concerns you have and ask how she can help find a solution. If she is not a responsible person and just goofing off, then she is yor child, it is your house, etc. Of course, you can always take step one and then lay down the law with step 2 if it doesn't work.
Once our daughter went away to college and then comes back for visits, we just asked her to let us know when she will be home and if she is running super late to call us. We do the same for her.
