Cry It Out for Naps

I was in a similar situation, and here's what I did. I would put him in his crib, and then sit in his room, not looking at him, not talking to him, until he fell asleep. The first night he cried and reached out for me for about 15 minutes. It was hard I'm not going to lie! Second night he cried for about 2 minutes, the third night only 1 minute. It's been awhile since I did this, and now I can tell him it's time for bed and he'll walk back to his bedroom by himself.
Good luck!

I have been reading the baby whisperer. It is amazing. Tracy, the author, believes in a "in the middle approach". So you don't pick them up at the first peep but you also do not let them cry it out which can cause the child to lose trust in you and make things even worse. I have been trying the technique with my little one and it works great. Good luck

I have the same problem right now. I just submitted a request for help. I have to rock her to sleep for her morning nap, afternoon nap, and bed time. She was sleeping through the night and only waking up 1 times about 60% of the time. She is now walking up 2 -3 times a night and up at 6:00 won't go back to sleep unless I old her. Wondering if it's because she has been rocked to sleep her whole life and it's now walking her up if she knows I 'm not rocking her.
If I let her cry she throws up.

M.,

I completely empathize with you. My son, who is now 5 was not a good sleeper either. I am not a fan of the cry it out method, but I did try it once when he was about a year. It was not helpful for us at all and actually caused more difficulty with sleeping and changed his personality to a insecure needy child for a couple days. His pediatrician told me that if a child's crying starts to subside after 15 minutes then they may be calming down and starting to learn to self soothe, however if the crying escalates after 15 minutes and continues to increase or sustains then they are not learning to self soothe but they may eventually fall asleep from pure exhaustion. Not all kids respond well to crying it out. Use your gut instincts on what is right for your child. One thing that is important is that you get the rest you need, so if you need to hold or be with your baby for him to sleep then make sure you are comfortable and can sleep too! That is not something you should sacrifice, if you are calm and comfy he will be too. By the way, I always cuddled with my son when he had trouble sleeping and after the age of two, he has began sleeping on his own without difficulty. Hang in there! I wish you all the nest and much needed rest!
J.

Hi M.. It sounds like you've created quite a routine that now your child is demanding as it's all he knows. (besides the fact that kids are quite the smart little buggers for getting what they want ;). I have four children and am about to have my 5th in a couple of months and believe me, I've experienced ALL the sleep patterns in the world! My best advice ... CONSISTENCY. Kids love and crave routine and if they know what to expect each day for nap/bedtime, your whole family will benefit. It also sounds like you are in desparate need of breaking a pattern and it sounds like yoyare on the right track with putting him down in his crib for naps/bed. My only suggestion (that has worked wonders for me) is to go in and check on him every few minutes and say the EXACT SAME THING every time ... Something like 'it's naptime now baby. You need to take your nap.'. And you can try and lay him back down if he's standing or gently rub his head/back. And then just walk out of the room, and be prepared to do it again in another 3-5 mins. (and again and again for the first couple of days.). He will then start getting that you are not going to budge and that he needs to go to sleep. And going in every 3-5 mins also let's him know you are right there, not 'abandoning' him. (it can be scary for this little guys sometimes :). It'll feel like it's not working at first, but if you remain patient and consistent, you'll see the pattern breaking in a day or two... I can bet on it! Good luck to you!

sleep training is not a fast process. It can happen relatively quickly with young infants but the older your child the longer it will take.
So I say keep at it. I read a great book for this when I was struggling with my 8 month old's sleep patterns: Sleeping Through the Night.
It talks about doing the sleep training at night first, then tackle naps. Maybe that will help you.
The other thing the book says is that they will cry longer the second time because now they know what to expect.

I totally understand that it's hard to listen to your child cry but from experience the sleep training is great. My four year old whom we didn't sleep train still climbs into our bed in the middle of the night and takes a good 45 min to put down, while our 18month old goes down for the night in 5 min and sleeps all the way through.

It's amazing - I wish I would have done it from the start.

Good luck!

You poor thing! Sleep deprivation is the worst!! Because he is used to falling asleep in your arms it will probably take him some time to learn to self-soothe. Maybe giving him a pacifier or stuffed animal or blanket would help with that? I don't believe in the 'cry it out' method but even if you do choose to go that route, you should still go in every 15-20 min and calm him down (without picking him up) and then leave again. He needs to be able to trust that you will come back when he cries, without expecting that he gets out of his crib every time. At this age crying is their primary way of communication, so make sure he has a clean diaper, isn't hungry or thirsty, hasn't hurt himself somehow, etc. before continuing to let him cry. With my daughter (13 months) I've found that when she starts to act like that its often because she's thirsty or hungry or needs tylenol for her teeth coming in. If she continues fighting naptime, I generally give up after an hour and a half and move up the next bedtime by half an hour or so. The last time I go in I'll act like she had a nap and get her up, change her diaper, etc like I do after her naps. This seems to help keep the routine intact. Good luck! Hope you find a solution that works for you!

Are you asking for an alternative? You could make the change more gradually, so that your routine is something better suited for everyone.
To teach my daughter to go to sleep on her own, I held her until she started to go to sleep and then quietly move her to her own bed. Then I would silently stay in the room with her until she was sound asleep. Gradually I stayed in the room less and less and eventually left her right after putting her down. I also generally don’t go to her as soon as she wakes up. I give her a chance to wake up on her own, and I have found that she is much more agreeable once she is out of bed.
I’ve heard some people who use Cry It Out have problems with their children hating their beds/rooms. I really think that I taught my daughter to like being in her bed, and being scared or just not liking being in her bed has never been an issue. That’s is NOT to say she never protests!
My daughter is two now, I only hold her long enough to read, sing and pray before bed time and then I put her in her bed fully awake. Sometimes she doesn’t go to sleep for a couple hours, but she’ll play and sing and talk to herself the whole time. (I can’t hold her until she is settled down anymore because she anticipates nap and bed time and has started stalling tactics.)
The other thing I believe I accomplished with this method is that ANYONE can put her to bed now. In fact, just when I thought what I was doing wasn’t working anymore, as she would protest being left after weeks of not. I got her dad to do her bedtime routine and she went down without a peep for him.
Hang in there Mama!

Hi M.

I feel for you. You must be exhausted. I don't have much advice. Maybe he only needs one short nap during the day and a god night sleep. My daughter was never a sleeper. But by that I mean she never needed much. By the time she was 1 she only took a nap a couple of times a week and it was not usually in her bed. It was more like in the car or stroller on the way back from the park. I didn't move her because she would wake up and that would be the end of the nap. She would sleep at night though. I don't know your situation to have any idea of why he wakes up at night, but it might just mean that he doesn't need that much sleep.

Good luck! I hope you are sleeping the few hours that he does.
R.

I agree with all the moms who recommended Dr. Weissbluth's book. I started using his info from day one and my daughter is a good sleeper. I'm not saying she doesn't have her moments, but it is easy to get back on track. The things he stresses the most are: teach self soothing, napping at the right times and an early bedtime. If you sync with the body's natural sleep rhythms, sleep is simple. One of the biggest reasons children have a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep is because they are overtired. A good schedule for a 1 yr old is: 6-7 am wake up, 9am and 1pm naps and 6-7pm bedtime. If your child is really overtired (and it sounds like it) and extra early bedtime may be needed. The other most important thing is consistency! If you are going with the CIO method, be consistent and give it time. Children are very good at "working" their parents and can sense any weakness. :) When I have had to resort to the CIO method, I put on my headphones as I have a hard time not going in a soothing her. But I know that teaching her to go to sleep and fall back to sleep on her own is VERY important.
Sincerely,
L.
PS I can't recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child enough. I buy it for all my expectant friends. It has become a staple in all my baby shower gifts.

Haven't read all the posts, so I apologize if this is redundant. My sleep bible is Weisbluth's book: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I have a nearly 1 and nearly 3 year old who are great sleepers - although their sleep training progress was very different from one another. The book was a great resource when I had to re-strategize with baby #2 (and even with the 3 year old as he got older). For naps, have an extended soothing routine if baby is overtired (start this early to hit optimal sleep period), put baby down for nap and leave. Allow baby to cry for up to one hour before giving up on this nap period, or soothing to sleep for the remainder of the usual sleep period. If nap is skipped, you may want to start the next sleep period a bit earlier. At bedtime, allow crying with no time limit. This is HARD. I did find myself caving at times and nursing baby to sleep. My best friend during these times is the clock or a task. e.g. "If baby is still crying by the time I finish cleaning the kitchen, then I'll go in". We're actually re-training bedtime at the moment after a vacation in which we shared a bedroom. Baby is looking for me in the middle of the night now. Ack. Do your best to be consistent. Good luck.

Greetings M.: I have not read any of your responses, I am sure that they are all well voiced. I just wanted to add some of my experiances as a mother of 5 and the foster mother of many children, and a grandmother of many cuties.
Every child needs stability and boundries. Even as young as your little one is they need to know what the rules and the structure is. Even when a child is at day care they have organization and set times for set things.
You said that you have only the set boundry of always sitting and holding your child as needed. That is the rule that you set.
To make changes do it slowly and with kindness. If you have not let your child cry before- don't do it now. try music, T.V.( some of my foster children wouldn't sleep w/o the sound of voices talking), a music box. They have great bears that have a heart beat and that will make the baby think you are there. I used to pat the babies on the back until they went to sleep, or sit in a chair and read to them-- I read Victoria Holt, Louis LaMoire, scriptures and my school books. It really didn't matter just that they heard my voice. Didn't read childs stories in the middle of the night because I would find my6self changeing the inflection in my voice and only making matters worse.
YOU ARE LUCKY THAT THE NAPS ARE STILL THERE!! Not one of my birth children, none of my grandchildren have been regular nappers after 9-12 months. Many of my foster little ones had to be taught that it was safe to nap and that was a trick to teach. SO accept that your little one just may not want an afternoon nap but an earlier bedtime. There is always a compromise to be made.
Parenthood is a great adventure, it will have many twists and turns and better than anything at a theme park. I will promise you, that it will all be worth it in the years to come. My children are all wonderful people that I am proud to know. I am blessed to have several of my foster children, back in our lives so have those grandchildren to enjoy as well. This is the best thing that you will ever do, and has the best rewards-- Good Luck, Nana G

You must be exhausted! My son has never been a good sleeper either (didn't sleep through the night uninterrupted until a couple of months after he turned 2).

We mostly read the Ferber and Weissbuth books. After we saw a sleep consultant when my son was 10 months old, we realized that because of his spirited, high-energy, intense temperament, he wouldn't follow the typical sleep training methods so readily. (Most will start sleeping through after just 4 days of CIO.)

My suggestion is that you only focus on your son's nighttime sleep first. Naps are much harder! From what the sleep consultant said, the goal is to help him learn to fall asleep without your help (holding/rocking, etc.). Even after we got our son falling asleep at night on his own, he still wouldn't do it at naps (could cry 2+ hours and just not nap at all).

If you haven't already, start a bedtime routine that you follow exactly so that it becomes completely predictable, almost scripted for your son. This will help him learn the cues for bedtime so that soon it just naturally becomes part of his routine and what he expects.

We were never successful with getting our son to nap in his crib. We resorted to just having him learn to fall asleep during a car ride or stroller walk. I still keep him in his stroller for his nap.

Please feel free to get in touch if you want to talk more about this. I wish you well and hope things get better soon!

I think you made good progress on the first round-where he cried it out and fell asleep. I think going back into the room on the second nap reset the situation. it is very important to not go back in the room, unless your intention is to stop the training process. It undoes all the progress you made. I know it is hard to hear them cry that long, and in this situation, after 2 or 3 hours it was time to pick him up.
Try again tommorrow, by not going back into the room once he has been put down. I think it will take a while to iron out the wrinkles. give it time. Stick to your guns. remember that you are helping him in the schedule.

Sounds tough! I'm sorry it is so hard, but I agree with ou that you need to bite the bullet and do this sooner rather than later. It will just get harder as he gets older.

Maybe put a time limit on the nap.... let him cry up to an hour and then just pick him up and consider nap time over?

Also, does he have a "lovey"? A blanket or animal that he sleeps with? Try getting him to latch onto an object like that; supposedly they represent the mother and make it easier for the child to separate. They helped us.

Another thought: what is more important to you? Night sleep or daytime sleep? Maybe focus on bedtime and setting up a good routine to get him to sleep at night ... trying to tackle it all at once could be really hard for you. Just an idea ...

One thing that might help as a transitional step is to use a swing to get him to sleep. We used it for a while with one of our daughters. The portable swings might be best because they are low to the ground.

Good luck! Remember, helping him learn to sleep is helping him not hurting him. You can do it.

Hi M.,
I would get the book, healthy sleep habits, happy children by Dr. Weisbluff. It gives you a step by step way of sleep training. It helped me when I wanted to give up, and I would just read the info over and over, and it helped me get through the first few hard days.

Also, your son might respond better to the fading technique. Where you stay in his room till he falls asleep, then move your chair to the corner, then to the door, then to right outside the door with verbal reassurment but no eye contact..... google sleep training techniques and follow a routine.

Good luck!
W.

I advocate CIO but don't let my baby cry for over an hour at nap time. (per Dr. Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits...")
Is the room as dark as it can be? This was key for us. At one, my son started consolidating his 2 naps into one. You may experiment with this as well.
I agree with other poster about consistency. It is crucial!!! With sleep training, you must stick with your method of choice, follow it to a "T" and tough it out for a good chunk of time in order for it to work. (Or to see if it doesn't, in which case, find a new method and give it your all until you find a working solution)
If my (now 18 m.o.) cries for an hour, we either a) skip the nap and move bedtime up a bit or b) get in the car for a drive. He falls asleep instantly. At that point, I elect to either continue driving (I live right on the coast, so it's pleasant driving) or return home and transfer him into the crib without waking him. It's a bit tricky, but it can be done!

Try the sleep training beginning with nighttime. We had more sucess starting there, then doing it with naps. Also, make sure you have a consistant betime routine that you can also use for naps (maybe a shortened version). The Sleepeasy Solution was a great resource for us. I also liked Healthy Sleep, Happy Child (or something like that!) and The No-Cry Sleep Solution. Lots of great ideas in all of those. Good luck!

We went through something similar. I read about 4 sleep books to help, but none of them really applied to us...and I wasn't a huge cry forever fan. The one book that solved everything for us was recommended by our pediatrician:

Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi A. Mindell

It's on Amazon for about $11. It tells you how to do the cry it out thing humanely, and it has a whole separate section for napping. The bottom line of the advice for nighttime was let them cry as long as it takes, but go in and check on them every 5 minutes, taking only a quick 10-15 seconds to quietly, calmly make sure they're OK and reassure them. Don't talk to them a bunch because you'll just get them more upset when you leave again. For naptime, she suggests doing the same thing, but only for about 30 minutes, then go in and say, "Oh, you must not be tired today." Then put them to bed at their normal time or even earlier. And then try again the next day. BUT, if I recall correctly, I think she says to get nighttime under control before you tackle the nap thing. Doing it all at once can be too much change for a little one all at once.

Hope that helps!

The CIO method will work, but you have to remember that he has been in the old routine for his whole life. An entire year. It is not going to change in a day or two. Start with bedtime and any waking through durng the night. Just go in every 10 - 15 mins and lay him back down, rub his back a little and walk back out. There should be no talking, just a little shhh, and the whole thing shouldn't take more than about 20 seconds. Just realize that the longer a bad habit continues, the longer it takes to break it. Just stick with it, be consistent and he will learn to self-soothe. Another thing to remember about this is that is not just about your sleep, but this is an early step to self-confidence/esteem for your son. Everyone will be happier at the end of all this. :o)

I don't believe in CIO, but I used the Ferber method with both boys for bedtime and naps. We started out coming in every minute for 5 minutes, then every 5 for 10 minutes and finally every 15 minutes until they were asleep. It took about 4 nights with my oldest son. He did go through a period where he woke up in the night and I would go in and rock him. Then, I realized he was never going to learn to get back to sleep on his own. So, we used the same method and it worked. For naps, I think it took a little longer. With my younger son, we did the same and it took about a week for bedtime and a little longer for naps. I don't agree that the room needs to be really dark. How will they ever learn to sleep in other places? Neither of my sons had dark rooms when they napped. My older son was in daycare from the time he was 1 and they did make the room dark, but his bedroom wasn't that dark. Also, by 1 both my boys were taking one 2-3 hour nap, from 1 pm - 3 pm. It has worked for both of them. The key is to be consistent and not give in. It will be hard at first, but it will work. Good luck!

I would try to teach him to self soothe at night 1st and get that down. Do you let him CIO at night before bed. I would maybe rock him for a few minutes at night(no bottle right before bed) and then set him down and tell him "night night" and then wait about 5 minutes and go in real quick and reassure him then do 10 minutes, 15 minutes etc... This will probably consist O.-3 really bad nights, but it will work if you are consistent. Some babies may cry for long period of times especially during naps when they are not super tired. I would try having him go to sleep around 7:00 with the CIO method and try doing one nap around Noon or whenever it seems like he is really tired. He should be exhausted by noon and then try having him take his nap. Try to stick to a consistent schedule and in about a week you will have him on a great schedule and he will hopefully know how to fall asleep on his own.

Hi M.,
Dr. Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is a must!!! I read this book and sleep trained my son at 4 months (he is 3 now). He has been a great sleeper ever since. I just put him in bed, give him a kiss and walk out. He goes to sleep on his own and sleeps 11-13 hours straight each night and a 2 hour nap everyday. The book says when sleep training for naps to only let them cry for an hour and if they don't nap then get them out and try with the next nap again. Since you son is one he will probably protest pretty good but just stick with your guns (which is tough!) and before you know it, it will be finished. Good luck!

Dear M.,

I'm so sorry you are so tired and frustrated. You can lovingly train him to sleep so you can finally get the sleep you need to be a happier Mama.

I'm sure many will disagree with me, since you seem to be looking for support in the "Cry it out" department. Put yourself in your baby's shoes (or crib)...he's used to sleeping on his Mommy and it's a shock when he wakes up and finds he's not on your lap but in his bed--alone. You can gently and lovingly teach him that he can fall asleep by himself in his bed. He doesn't understand why you are abandoning him and not responding to his needs. He has no other way to communicate to you, so please be patient with him.

Please read "The no cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It's a fast and easy read and is divided into ages and sleep styles. Both my children (3.5 and 16 months) are wonderful sleepers because of this book and a loving patience and understanding on my part (I admit...not easy when you feel like the walking dead).

Good luck...I know you're tired and you will sleep again!

Wow! Good luck. It gets easier in a few days. He's got to learn and you have to sleep.

We have the not going to sleep at naptime too from time to time. I'm no expert by any means but maybe try sitting in there and slowly moving away little by little each day. They say don't respond or talk to them but they know your there. He will be tired eventually. Maybe try it for one sleep time at a time??

Your doing the right thing,
hang in there!

Mhy daughter is almost 2 and a half now, and she sleeps all night long everynight, and I am so thankful, because it was not always that way! Here is a little history...
Becky was breastfed until she was 13 months old, and the feeding that she took right before bedtime put her right to sleep every night. We would sit in our recliner and she would be all ready for bed, and I would feed her, and she would fall right to sleep. This is what we did for the entire first year of her life! As a result, she needed to be sleep trained AND weaned at 13 months so I took care of the weaning first, then the sleep training. Lets face it, both at once would have just been hell for the both of us! Once I had her on solids and sippy cups all day to eliminate the daytime breastfeedings, once that was successfully accomplished, we took out the night time feedings too, which were just for comfort, not nourishment anyway, by cuddling her a little when she cried at night. Once she realized that milk was not available to her a night, she was doing much better with sleeping through the night, but I still was holding her to put her to sleep in the first place so now...here is the answer to your question...
If I were you, I would not try CIO in the daytime because its just not dark enough...I would be willing to bet thats the reason my daughter had trouble with it, yours is probably the same way. I would try CIO at bedtime though. Hang in there because you know what, it will only take a week tops if you don't give in, the result is a wonderful thing! Do the normal bedtime routine, whatever that is at your house and always try to follow it the best you can. Then at bedtime put him in there as sleepy as possible, yes he will cry, but comfort him a little and leave. If he is still crying in 10 minutes go back in and talk to him to let him know you are nearby, then leave again. Then come back in 15 minutes if he is still crying, assure him and so on. Its sad to hear him cry, I know believe me- but its the ONLY way he will learn to soothe himself. Many parents offer bottles or pacifiers, and they do work, the kids usually cry less but they end up attached to those items and one day when you want them gone, you have to go through this all over again!
Anyway, go in to 10 minutes, 15 minutes after that, 20 minutes after that. He WILL learn because it works. Just hang in there- he needs to learn to fall asleep without you, and within a week, he will have it. Good luck! Once he has it down during the night, put him down for a nap during the day when hes sleepy and you shouldn't have any trouble.

Hi M.,

I feel for you! It is so hard when your little one won't sleep! My daughter was just like your son, only wanted to sleep on me, especially for naps.

We tried the cry-it-out method a year ago when she was one year old and I was at my wit's end. It "worked" for nighttime sleep after a few nights, but was SO traumatic for me (and when she got sick a week later, all that "training" went out the window). Since it "worked" for bedtime, we tried for THREE WEEKS to get her to nap in her crib using the cry-it-out method as well. Everyone said we just had to stick to it, be consistent, be patient, not let her see us cave-in, not even once or she'd be "rewarded" for crying... etc...

Well, after 3 weeks of hearing my baby girl cry I'd had enough of it. I went back to lying down with her for her nap each afternoon (we skipped the morning nap because she started daycare 1/2 day and would either nap there or just wait until she was home with me in the afternoon). It sounds crazy, but I just adjusted my schedule to meet her needs. I STILL am used to taking a two hour nap with her in the afternoon and I make up for it by staying up 2 hours (or more) later at night when everyone is sleeping. If she has problems sleeping at night, my husband is "on duty" so I can have that time to do whatever (I'm actually working from home, so really need those hours with no interruption).

Anyway, I know it seems crazy to have to go to such lengths to get our little ones to sleep, but I truly regret making my sweet girl cry like that for so long. I worry that it really traumatized her and I'm ashamed that I treated her like that. I really hate that I did it and listened to our pediatrician, friends, and those sleep-training books. It might work for you, and that would be GREAT. But if it isn't working, try to adjust your life differently. They are small for such a short time.

That's my two cents. I hope you find a solution!!!

Sweet dreams,

H.

p.s. At night she sleeps in her own bed (in a small twin mattress on the floor), but I lie down with her until she falls asleep. Then she wakes up 3-6 hours later and comes in our bed. It used to be just 1-3 hours in her own bed, now she's sleeping in her bed longer and longer. Yippy!

Also, have you tried letting him fall asleep on you while you're laying down, then rolling him off of you, next to you in your bed? Worked for us, and then I can even sneak away, with pillows propped up around her. She did fall off the bed once, though...