Could You Be with Someone Who Is Your Opposite?

I think opposites help keep each other balanced.

Like me and my husband. I am a worry-wart - worry about everything all the time. He appears to never worry - always is of the mind that things will work out and it's all okay.

His calm keeps me from going over the deep end!

My husband and are complete opposites in just about every way. We get along like peas and carrots :-)

My husband and I are polar opposites. I am so glad because the world could not handle two of me!!
He keeps me grounded and hes the only reason I am halfway sane!

It really does depend on how opposite. Like I tell people you really need to talk to people about what money means to you. If you think money is for status and he thinks it is for security you ARE going to fight about what to do with your money. And that can be a relationship killer. If one is a very outgoing party person and the other is an introvert home body one of them is going to become unhappy. My husband is more outdoorsy and more energetic than I. I am more bookish. But we're both able to compromise. We match on values and what is really important. Those should match.

I think opposites can attract and be really happy. I just think that both have to be willing to compromise sometimes and make it work.

Everyone has differences, but that's what makes life interesting!

Yes and we've been married 23 1/2 years!

He jokes that we cancel each other's vote politically.

I grew up in a blue collar, working class, both parents working, family and had to work my way through college.

He grew up with the corporate executive dad, stay at home mom and college paid for.

He grew up in the Catholic faith, I grew up Baptist.

I'm the emotional parent, he's the logical, makes the kids think about what they did parent. Which actually works very well! ;)

But, I love how Adansmama put it, we complete each other and compliment each other. We've been together 25 years this month and married 23. Compromise isn't a bad thing as long as both are willing to compromise equally. We've learned to pick our battles and have figured out what is important to us.

Hubby and I are not complete opposites, but we're pretty close. I'm outgoing and he's more reserved. I'm very political and he doesn't vote. He's chocolate; I'm vanilla. He doesn't like sweets and I bake cupcakes.

The list goes on and on.

However, we both love our kids. We enjoy spending time sitting on the couch watching TV. We're both very competitive. We enjoy playing games.

That list also goes on and on.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that while we're opposites, we still have a lot in common. His the ying to my yang.

Simple answer, yes. I believe this to a degree. But basic core beliefs have to be the same.
My wife and I are quite opposite if you were to look at us 'on paper'. But meeting the two of us and you would say we are a good fit.

Hi, R.:

Some aspects of a healthy relationship are:
Fall in love and commitment to other.
Belonging needs are met.
Boundaries are set.
Predictability and stability
Reciprocity
Sharing of power (empowerment)
Hope this helps.
D.

i think on things that dont matter as much to each person.. yu know like i like chocolate he likes vanilla that really has no affect on a relationship.. i think you run into problems wen it comes to the serious issues like religion if hes an athiest and you are a strict catholic

-my fiance and his entire family are giants fans.. im a diehard green bay packers fan... were enemies wen theyre playing eachother but .. i mean come on now its football its not life or death its certainly not going to affect our relationship iv never met a couple that completely agreed on everything

My hubby and I are as opposite as they come as far as interests, but when it comes to raising our family, we are in complete aggreeance. He LOVES camping, I hate it, I'd rather go to a 5 diamond resort, he is a wall flower and I am the social butterfly. He was in the band at school and knows how to fix computers (although, everyone assumes by his looks he'd be on the football team, lol!) and i'm the one who actually knows what is going down in today's sports. But I like that we are both willing to try what each other likes, we've both learn to enjoy things that in the past, we never would have. For example, my hubby now enjoys fine dining where as before he would have looked at it as a waste of money and Applebees would be fine. As far as myself, I've learned I actually like going to the gun range because of him.

The yin doesn't work with the yang when that is exactly what they fail to do, work with each other.

I think in time the differences between people can become more annoying. Then, you just have to remember that you used to like that you were so different and hold on to that.

But, who am I do say? I divorced my different than me husband! lol

sheesh you never saw Jerry McGuire? "you complete me" right? :)

my husband and i complete each other. where he lacks, i have, where i lack, he has. in many many ways, very opposite. and we are good for each other because of that.

You know Troy is quiet and I am not. Thing is I need someone quiet, that way we meet in the middle and are two somewhat normal people. Beyond the quiet loud dynamic we are sooo much alike.

Okay he is country and I am city but the number of observations that allows me, occupies me better than bubble wrap! :)

I could never date someone like me. It would be explosive, not healthy at all.

They...(you know the infamous "they" right?)...say that opposites attract but you are more likely to be happily married to someone who is (overall) more similar to you than different.

My husband of 15 years is different from me in a lot of ways, but overall--I think we're more alike. On the big stuff. The overall picture.

I see you got a lot of responses. :) I see my husband as my opposite, though we are alike also. I am the wall flower, he is more out going. He can walk up to anyone and start talking and make friends. I, on the other hand, sit back watches what is going on and then go from there. He's the loud and open one, where I am the quiet reserved one. Though somehow when I first met him I opened up right from the start. He has told me that I come off as a snob to other people (people have said this to him), b/c I don't open up to people I don't know. We bump heads alot over some issues, but nothing we don't resolve, or agree to disagree. :)~

I don't think I could do complete opposite any more than the exact same. With that said, I am a feeling on the sleeve kinda girl, pretty big hearted. My hubby on the other hand can be a little insensitive and have more of a "they can handle it themselves" attitude. I try to look at all angles in a situation, my hubby tends to think how it will effect him 1st then how it will effect others.
He was a musician and played out in bars alot. I hated bars but enjoy being social with friends.

We both love the outdoors. Camping, bike riding etc., loads of fun for us. We don't see eye to eye on politics or religion but, it isn't so opposite that we can't agree on anything that involves either subject.

I do think you have to share some common ground.

Take care

Have you ever heard of Myers-Brigg? I read somewhere that the best couples tend to have 2 of the 4 personality traits in common . . . granted, I read this a LONG time ago and can't give a citation.

From my personal experience it seems to be true. I had NOTHING in common with my ex-husband and we had a tough time.

My current husband and I are very different, but we do have certain interests in common (real estate and travel). Also our individual strengths seem to complement one another. We have been married a long time and he is still my favorite person besides my sons of course.

So my answer is yes and no. You need some things in common imho.

No way!!! I could NOT be married to someone who wanted to socialize all the time, and have a very active social life. I'm very much a small circle of friends, homebody type of girl. We would both be unhappy if we were opposites in that way. I also couldn't be with someone who was the opposite of me spiritually. I NEED someone who has the same goals in life, a need a partner who believes in the same things. It was not an option to date someone who wasn't the same in that regard. I am very, VERY happy with my husband being a lot like me. I can't imagine it being better any other way. We do make up for our strengths and weaknesses, but are still very similar.

** I saw someone mention Myers Brigg. My husband and I have the both type, and it's the most rare one. I don't think many men could handle someone as introverted, religious, modest, and independent as me. I think my husband is one of the very personality types that can really share and enjoy with me. I don't think my opposite could do that.

Not complete opposites but VERY close.

I'm social butterfly - he's a almost hermit.
I'm loud he's extremely quiet.
I have no patients he is the most patient person I have ever met.
I'm early for everything, he would not know what on time means.

Doesn't work when I always have to make the decisions. Doesn't work when I'm in one of my "moods" he completely shuts down.

But for the most part it works. We an balance each other out more often than not.

It all depends on mutual respect. I have been with men who were opposite me politically, and who practiced different religions than mine. As long as we were able to treat each other's differing opinions and faiths with respect, instead of "Mine is right, yours is wrong, and you need to change" mentalities, it was all good.
As for the social thing, as long as the more reserved partner doesn't expect the more outgoing one to become a hermit as well, I don't see a problem.

My husband and I are polar opposites in everyway. So much so that the pastor who married us was leary because we scored at completely opposite ends on our personality tests! I say black and he says white everytime! The only thing that is the same about us is our hearts and our faith. Although we express them differently, our core beliefs are the same. I am extremely social and he is extremely introverted. I think rationally and he thinks creatively. Despite our differences, we have happily coexisted for 19 years! It only matters that agree on the absolutes such as faith and loving your children!

me and my husband are complete opposites. He is VERY loud, outgoing, total people person, happy and content anywhere, loves the outdoors. Me, I am very shy, quiet, reserved, it takes me a while to adjust to new things (still not really liking living in VA after moving here a year ago), I like being outside, but I hate bugs so that usually keeps me inside (I can't believe how many bees and wasps there are around here!). I'm happy with just a couple of very close friends and he is happy with 1 best friend and 100 others that he calls friends. But it works for us.

we're opposite in a lot of ways, but not all. we both like the same sorts of vacations, have the same values, that sort of thing. it makes our differences more fun<G>. we don't for example, share religious beliefs, which is fine. but i couldn't be with someone who was scornful or ugly about my beliefs. we don't parent in the same way, but i couldn't co-parent with someone who was diametrically opposed to the things i think are important in parenting.
i think there has to be a bedrock of shared something in order for it to work. chocolate/vanilla, republican/democrat/ introvert/extrovert can all work, but it would be harder for fundamentalist/new ager, spanker/attachment, or hunter/PETA to manage it, ya know?
khairete
S.

My husband and I are opposites on a lot of things.

I'm funny and he tries to be...lol!
I'm a procrastinator, he IMMEDIATELY gets stuff done...
(I'm a thinker, he's a doer...)
I'm a homebody, he likes to get out of the house...
I like different music, books and movies than he does...
I am not organized and he is...
I'm a pack rat and he throws out everything...

But we also have the same religious beliefs (i couldn't be with someone who didn't) and feel the same about how we are raising our family. And we are very compatable sexually. =) I think those are the big things you need to be on the same page about. All the things listed above are compromises. =)

In most ways, my STBXH and I were/are exactly alike.

What I realized over the years:

Laugh or Get Angry

to ME is the most important similarity or difference.

____

I was, to put it bluntly, a slut when I was younger/ military/ etc. (I'm horrifically honorable, I do not cheat, period. That's not what I mean. What I mean is that my dance card was COMPLETELY full.) What I've learned in compaing my (failed) marriage to all of the men I dated previous is that it didn't matter how different we were on the surface... the men I dated that even years later I look back on fondly/ am still friends with them/ their wives/ etc., the ones that I just clicked with on that inimitable level... we laughed together. No matter how hard things got, there was happiness and confidence. Versus my husband and a few other men that I was smart enough to break things off with before marrying (sigh), whose gut impulse is to get angry whenever things go wrong. Shudder.

No. We have a lot in common and he annoys me as is.

I dumped my first love because of how he dealt with problems. It drove me nuts when he would say "Whatever is meant to happen will happen. It is all predestined."

Jeff and I could not be more different. Maybe that's what causes some of our problems, but it's all good!

I'm Republican, he's Democrat.

I am a homebody/family person, he still enjoys his guy time and softball.

I am Lutheran (as are our children), he is Baptist.

I enjoy all things kids, he goes along for the ride (most of the time).

I like it cold, he likes it hot.

I'm from the North, he's from the South.

We like the same kind of music, we enjoy the same kind of movies/TV shoes (even though he'll never admit he enjoys watching Breakfast in Bed on SoapNet on the weekends :)...)

I can't fix most things, he can fix anything.

He's chocolate and I'm vanilla - hehe!!

Our food tastes are very different, but we can normally find something that pleases everyone.

We certainly have our issues. But when we have the big fights, and he actually finally says what is on his mind, then we get closer. I think if I could get him to communicate better, we'd be golden.

The yin does not work in with the yang for me when he places anything before us...doesn't happen often, and hasn't happened in a few years until last weekend :(. But we discussed it and though he still doesn't get a pass for skipping out on us, we are pre-planning the rest of our weekends to avoid that problem again.

I think my husband and I are pretty opposite. Not in all things, but in many.

He's loud. I'm quiet.
He can't control his anger. "$h!T!" I am very easy going and let things roll off.
He loves mushrooms. I hate them.
He can't stand raw tomatoes. I would eat one like an apple.
He likes Ford. I don't care.
He's a country guy. I could live anywhere and find happiness.
He's a pessimist. I'm an optimist.

No way could I live with a liberal Democrat. HA. You got me on that one.

I guess to answer your question: Yes we are opposite in many ways, but a lot of people have said that me being so easy going and optimistic helps calm down my husband when he's going off the edge b/c something doesn't work the way he wants it to. It's like that's why God put us together maybe - to compliment one another. I am very reserved, so having my husband to be the outspoken one to protect me and speak up for me and our family really helps.

Hmm . . . good question. I'm going to say that the opposite thing might be interesting for dating purposes but for marriage, I'm going to say that I like that my husband and I are pretty similar. I actually don't know if I realized this before we got married or not, but we think alike on just about everything that's important - God, family, politics, sex, music (somewhat), food, entertainment, child rearing.

We disagree on very little. We have the same parenting style. We back each other up for the most part. We generally find the same things fun/interesting. We are respectful of the areas where we're not the same (as in he happily tags along while I scour antique stores and I'll do the same for him if he happens upon an interesting wine store). It all works for us and I'm going to say that thinking alike contributes to our happy marriage.

PS - sending you a BIG HUG for everything you're going through.

I think my Husband and I are very very different when it comes to our personality and I do think that is what makes us such a great pair