A friend of mine asked me to post this request here for her because most of her mom's club are members of this site in her city/area and she didn't want to be alienated but wanted some advice. With that said here is her issue which I will forward to her ASAP when responses are made.
My friend moved to anew area, knew no one there. Posted a request on Mamasource and found a moms group. She was so excited at first thinking of all the new moms and kids/playmates that her and her sons would meet.
She went to a few events and a handful of moms (less than 5 out of 50 members) welcomed her and tried to bring her into the fold, explain things to her, keep her updated etc. She said the majority of the moms who were very nice were either foreigners or military moms. Not saying much for the moms who had established the group or lived in the area for a long period.
Anyway, time went on and she researched some very interesting events and craft ideas for the club and kids to do for Halloween. She gathered info and directions on the ideas (5 total) including tie dying shirts for the fall, complete with special rolling techniques to get a great pattern with the dye.
She sent a very specific email with the ideas and events out to the board members stating she wanted to CO-HOST an event from the ideas she presented with another mom because they were renting and couldn't accommodate the entire group at their current home.
She could not attend the General Membership Meeting where the ideas were presented due to her work schedule and later that week no one from the board or other moms got back to her about the ideas for the next month's calendar.
SO--- she emailed the president of the club and asked if anyone was interested in co-hosting with her and was told she gave some great ideas and all her ideas had been "snatched up by other moms" but the president of the club stated my friend had not been specific about presenting the ideas with the explicit idea of CO-Hosting the events.
My friend was crushed and when she emailed the president back and re-stated that her email about co-hosting and the idea presentation was very specific, the president emailed her a very nasty email in return, saying, with much passive aggressive cattiness and hatefulness that my friend should feel "complimented" that the other moms liked her ideas so much and she needed to "communicate her intent better the next time or come to the meeting." No apology, no effort to get her involved. Just thanks for the great ideas, but too bad for you sort of attitude.
Now my friend doesn't know what to do. Two other moms she is close to in the group stated her email was very clear that her ideas were given with the intent to CO-HOST not for someone to take her idea.
How do you handle hateful moms and still socialize your kids and socialize with other moms? My friend is so sweet, but firm and stood up for herself but to no avail.
My friend is a first time mom and is now worried that too many moms out there are like this. I am not in any such group, so I can not relate to her experience. Please help.
Please tell your friend that I feel for her and she was treated very unfairly. I have met other such moms (or people in general) and if this person is the president of the group, things probably will not change. Although it's a shame that the president is ruining the club for your friend she should probably find a different group to join. I have two boys and have found that the large "Mom" organizations are not always the best or friendliest to join. I would suggest that she try to form a playgroup / Moms group of her own with the friends she has already made from the club or elsewhere. Being around good people can make you feel great and being around people such as that president will do nothing but bring you down. Hopefully the leadership of this club will change soon and the new leaders will realize that a Mom's club is meant to support eachother and create a fun enriching environment for the children.
I will be moving to Omaha in the next few months and would love to know the name of this Mom's club so I make sure I don't join it.
Good luck and remember there are still good people out there, you just haven't met them all yet.
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S.B.
answers from
Omaha
on
If the moms in the group are that rude you don't want to be a part of it. Unfortunetly in some areas where people have lived all there lives, they are friends with people and don't go outside there comfort zone. I would suggest going to the library, looking in your neighborhood or trying to get involved in some other activity like mygym, if they are not willing to let you be an active member of there group. You could also go to the main moms club site and try to get some help that way. Or form your own group with some of the ladies that you are friends with. There is no reason to be treated with such disregard. MOMS moms offering moms support, remind them.
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J.M.
answers from
Omaha
on
Why are women so nasty to each other? I read a book called *Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads* by Roslin Wiseman and it addresses stuff like this. Maybe your friend can make a smaller group with some more like-minded women - now that she knows who they are. Her son would still get the socialization and she'd have genuine friends. A smaller group is more fun and manageable, in my opinion, anyway.
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N.H.
answers from
Omaha
on
Please relate to your friend that in the perfect world, all moms would be as rockin' as her! Unfortunately, some women never grow up past junior high and high school. On some demented level it's cool to get together an alienate people. That group has obviously lost the reason why it was probably set up in the first place. Those women need to get there "better than your crafts" out of the butts and learn how to play nicely with the other moms. It's sad that the reason you friend is there, is so her kid can learn valuable social skills but I guess it's just a vicious cycle b/c that mean mom is someone's kid. Gee, I wonder how the mean moms kids of the world will grow up. More mean kids? I'm guessing so. Tell your friend to either stick it out and try to break down the cliques one mom at a time, or if truly offended,Break off. Hey, maybe she could start her own mommy club. One rule. No mean mommies aloud!!
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R.J.
answers from
Omaha
on
I would look for another group to become involved in. Perhaps the few people in the group who made the effort to make your friend feel welcome would be interested in branching off with your friend and starting their own moms group.
