Conflicting Rules at In-laws House

I can't help you with the bedtime routine, but since you're worried about the juice, what I would do is mix the juice - maybe 1/4 juice to 3/4 water. Then she'll have the same color drink as her cousin but a lot less sugar in one dose.

I would just let her have one cup of juice, maybe two, a day when she is there. At her bedtime, I would try to find a secluded room (maybe ask if you can use BIL's room) where we could go through something similar to her usual bedtime routine. Get in pj's, brush teeth, read a book together, whatever is normal for you two, or maybe even spend a little extra time with her, so if she's not getting to stay up and play, then at least she's getting extra mommy time. Hopefully this would help her fall asleep at BIL's house. Then perhaps you could move her to where you are sleeping or the living room when everyone else goes to bed. If she still wasn't sleepy after the whole bedtime routine, I might yield and let her stay up with cousin -- but at least she would be all ready for bed when she finally did conk out.

You could try some of these ideas:
1. Super dilute her "punch" with water.
2. Bring along some special vanilla milk for both of them
3. Try to get them to sleep in different rooms when it's bedtime (after an appropriate amount of horseplay!)
4. If they live close by, take your daughter home to put to bed -- maybe she'll fall asleep in the car.
5. Put the tv on a timer so it goes off after about 45 mins.

Stick to your guns. I have had similar issues with in-laws and have had to tell grandma and grandpa that I am the mother and I will enforce my rules no matter where they are. And we have cousins that have much looser rules then we do as well.
With the milk (or any food) issue, tell your daughter, in front of whoever is there, that you are not _____'s mommy you are her mommy and she can only have one cup of juice after she drinks her milk. For the bedtime issue, can you move her to another room? Or put her in your room? If anyone asks tell them the truth. Remember, rules have to be followed no matter where you are, unless it's a special occasion.

I just read your response and wanted to say that you need to make sure your nephew follows your rules in your house. It does not matter what his rules at home are, in your home you must make sure he follows your rules. You are setting the example for your daughter and if you keep giving into her and your nephew you are going to pay for it as she gets older.
I always require other children to follow my rules in my house, regardless of what their rules are at home. And once the child knows what that they have to follow my rules, they do with out difficulty.

I would let it go for the most part. At places where other kids get more 'sugary' stuff than I am comfortable I let them have a little but then cut it off. They know ahead of time that is what is expected. I have found if we go over the rules before we get places I get much more cooperation. Your daughter is only 2 so this may take a few times to get her to cooperate. Regarding the sleeping, tell her it is her choice where she sleeps at the grandparents and let her sleep wherever she wants. Grandparents are suppose to be a place to go and have fun - not to have the exact same rules as home - that kind of defeats the purpose of the g-parents :) Since these are your only complaints, I would really let it go...

I would stick to your guns about the bed time thing. At 2, nothing good comes out of staying up too late...you (and everyone else for that matter) is going to have to deal with a super cranky kiddo. Perhaps you can put it in your hubby's hands: 1) you go home before her bed time or 2) he can put her down in another room at your BILs house at her normal bed time.

Could you really water down her fruit punch? This way she thinks she is drinking what he is drinking? I just recently had to do that with my 2 year old (same situation - cousin drinks juice all the time). I put like 2oz of juice in his cup and filled the rest with water.

I'd agree with most of Denise's suggestions too. We go through the same thing with my sister and her family and also our best friends. I've learned that for the juice situation, dilute it by at leat 2/3. As for the sleep...you could try a different room to fall asleep but I've learned just to go with it. At least try it a few times. The first time or two, she may stay up late because she's so excited, and yes, she'll be cranky the next day but maybe she'll take an extra nap and even sleep in. After a bit the novelty may wear off and she might just let herself go to sleep. My kids have learned that when we go over our friends' or their cousins' houses that it's a special treat and that I'll make exceptions to the rules, as long as they behave. Once it hits 9, they can stay up and watch a show with the others but the rules are that ALL lids have to stay laying down in bed (or in the sleeping bags on the floor). If you make that compromise, you may find that your BIL follows along because I'm sure that he'd enjoy some adult only time too. If you've tried the late sleep thing with her a bunch of times and it's clearly not working, then at least you can say that you tried your best. Who knows, she may learn to adjust to this once in a while treat. My kids have and we all end up having a fantastic time. I've also learned that the next day needs to be a low key day - usually just hanging out together just enjoying a little down time. Good luck - I hope that your able to find some middle ground because it doesn't sound like you really get to enjoy yourself at all in the current situation.

Stick to your guns. Every parent does have different parenting styles, do what you think is best for your child. Every child is also different so of course the parenting style will also be different to meet those needs.

Does the BIL live far enough away that you have to sleep over? If so maybe just have hubby go for a longer stay and you a shorter stay (a few hours then leave). You could also get a hotel where you can completely remove your daughter for their house situation and hopefully be able to keep your schedule. If BIL lives close just go for the day and do not do sleep overs if you can not keep the peace with your daughter's schedule.

There are things I budge on, like my daughter is allowed to stay up an hour or two past her bed time if at relatives or on vacation, BUT only for one or two nights the rest it is typical bedtime and if I have to get a hotel room to make sure it is possible I will do that. Thankfully most places I have stayed with family they make it easy for me to keep my daughter on schedule so she stays the happy girl that she is.

I do not budge on drinks, she can have water, milk or V8 splash most of the time BUT maybe once a day while out to eat or on vacation she can have root beer (she really only has one 4 times a year) or a different cup of juice. If she does not want what I offer she does not get anything to drink, that is that.

The rules stay the same mostly while visiting relatives and on vacation, but since it is a special occasions I do let her have a special drink or stay up a little later on rare occasions (I also let her know it is a treat to have something different or stay up late and we don't do it all the time).

Ohhh, I think you may have already gotten a lot of answers, but just in case... Yes - my suggestion was also to dilute the juice - or show up one day with a drink you're happy with that your daughter has helped pick out and offer it to both the kids (you know - tell everyone when you arrive - I've brought pomegranate juice! so it's obvious).

Re: bedtime - if the cousin is allowed to stay up til 10 running around the house then your daughter should just be told "it's bedtime now" at 8 (or whenever you put her to bed). Ask the in-laws if you can have some quiet time in the bedroom to get your daughter to sleep (while the cousin plays elsewhere). Then hopefully, when it's his bed time the tv can be kept very low and your daughter may sleep through it (or if he falls asleep on the couch even better - he'll get moved to his bed and not wake her at all).

She may resist in the beginning, but if you get the quiet time and it's her usual bedtime, I'd say it will be less resistance than the trantrum she throws when over tired? ;-) But remember - she's 2 - so you set the rules for the sleep over.

Good luck!

I feel for you, I have a different parenting style than my best friend and we are together nearly every day. She is VERY lenient and I am pretty strict. Her kids run around Wal-Mart and go off on their own and I make mine stay within sight and talking distance. I make the kids hold hands in the parking lot and she lets hers run around where ever. These are just a few of the differences. These are safety issues and I feel they are super important.

We put the kids to bed by 9pm and she lets hers stay up until 10-10:30pm. Ours get up around 7 and hers get up at 7:30 to get ready for school so it's enough sleep. Her kids go right to bed and right off to sleep.

So, when her kids aren't minding her who do you think she calls...yes, me.

I think it's nice you guys do so much with family and that you understand your husbands desire to spend time with his brother with the kids gone to bed. I need adult time too. I don't drink but I enjoy sitting and drinking a DP late at night when it's quite out and visiting with my friend.

I think you guys need your own room they need to bunk some kids together so you can have some privacy, then you can put a pallet or blow up mattress in the room for your kids and then they can go to bed when you want them too, but it will be an uphill battle. It may be that you'll need to compromise a bit, this is family and they will be part of your life as long as you have your children. I say it's not worth the battle, if your children go to bed okay at home and this is not an every day occurrence then they could stay up a bit later than usual.

Sounds like you need to limit your time there. I doubt their rules are going to change for you guys. I would either a) stick around and make sure that your rules are being enforced by you OR b) spend less time there or c) both.

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I would say stick-to-your-guns too, but just in a gentile and casual way. When it's bed time, tell your family you are going to take your daughter home now and that you'll be back in the morning to get your husband and go. Talk to your husband in a non-confrontational way about this at home so he knows what to expect when you say you are leaving. Tell your daughter it's time to say good-bye and if she cries just hug her and don't loose your cool. Your certainty will show the other family members you are making this a loving choice for your daughter. If your husband is having a "few drinks" he won't see it as big of a concern as you do (and it REALLY is). At this age, so many patterns can be set, good and bad, and I'm sure your nephew has not had a bedtime routine ever, and has been doing this since he was 2. Don't let it become your life too, because soon she will start to assert her independence and may not be so easy at home if she keeps up this non-routine and craziness. You're the momma; if you don't do it.... who will? By keeping your cool, you will speak volumes to the rest of the family without offending anyone with actions that say you think your way is better than theirs (that will go without saying ;~} ).
Juice: Start introducing ice to her water at home and when your daughter gets a glass of juice ask her if she wants ice; take the glass, add some water and a cube and it will dilute even further as it melts. We do this all the time with my son. He loves the ice, can shake it around and the amount of liquid in a full cup of ice is minimal. You can even do the reverse. Make juice cubes and add one or two to a glass of water. That will be fun for the kids to look at and even less juice because you can dilute as you are making the cubes.
I have NEVER felt bad for being Momma-Bear, just sometimes you have to be a little firmer but loving too. As you are consistent you will be setting expectations with your family, it will get much easier very quickly and will become a "given" as bedtime and juice time comes around.

Denise P said pretty much what I was going to, I diluted soda for my kids so they would get the flavor and not all the sugar. Speak quietly and non confrontational with your BIL and let him know your pediatrician recommends the diluted juice it make you not look like the bad guy but reinforces your desires for your child

I would suggest to let the hanging out happen at your home and enforce your rules. Even if you are at your in-laws and they are giving juice/punch constantly continue your daughter w/ milk as usual even if you have to bring your own. Put a little strawberry or other flavor in if necessary.

I like Denise P.'s answer; and you might suggest the diluted fruit punch to your BIL, cause he'll save $$ for himself and have less sugar in his kid by doing that one thing :)