Conflict Resolution Question for Elementary School Teachers (And Parents!)

All the teachers I know would take the prize and neither would get it.

Then she would offer them to stick their hands in a "grab bag" for different prizes.

It is fair to have one prize.. Children cannot always think that they will be able to share first place. That is in movies and books. .

Life does not always work that way.. Usually there is a final challenge to break the tie or a another chance to find the winner.

For those saying "how could it not be supervised?" - really?? I am sure she means it was supervised, but maybe the teacher simply did not see who got to the prize first!!! Do you think that teachers are able to have their eyes on every single child at every single moment?? Spend some time in a classroom...

No, this is not an uncommon occurrence. There are always instances where kids say something is rightfully theirs and others disagree. Like TF, I agree that it would depend on the situation. If I had another identical prize, I might give them each the same prize. If they really are getting catty with each other, and I really can't tell who (if anyone) is lying, then yeah, I might take the prize out of play. If there are more prizes available, I might tell them to keep hunting and see if they can find something else.

Although, to be honest, I might not have a "grand prize" involved at all. I would have prizes that were equal in size. Or I would not have "material" prizes but perhaps classroom prizes - 10 minutes of extra computer time, a free homework pass, etc.

Ummm..... I don't see the problem. It didn't originally belong to either of them so it does not belong to either of them. Just because you find something does not make it yours. Maybe the owner of the object is looking for it. If the original owner is not found, then oh well. Neither one of those kids gets it.

Why would a teacher create a contest that would have such an outcome? To me this is pure idiocy. I have four kids, all four have gone through 2nd and 3rd grade, never has this conflict come up because someone teaching these grades would know not to have that type of contest unsupervised.

It is a conflict that cannot be resolved without dividing the baby. Not a good example to use if you are trying to teach conflict resolution because children that age need black and white, they are not mature enough to handle gray.

So I am saying if you are writing a story you need a different conflict.
______________________
Sorry it is a very uncommon occurrence. Younger grades you know you don't set up contests where it can potentially be on the honor system.

I think you are too vested in your scenario because you have created a scenario where you can bring in multiple issues in one story. That is a bad idea to begin with. You are trying to bring in learning to be independent, lying, contests, right thing to do, blah blah blah. With that age it doesn't work. Sure it is easier for someone writing a story but it is also useless because the child cannot connect your story with anything they have dealt with.

Think about it this way, through the lens of reality.

How would the child be able to prove they found it first? Witnesses? Are they lying as well? Something about the item, then there wouldn't have been a conflict in the first place.

If it was something that who got to it first was important they teacher would keep her eye on the prize so to speak.

How could you discipline the second child even if you did believe the first because there is really no viable reason you could be 100% sure one child is telling the truth.

I know you are trying to tell a story and you want to teach a specific thing but backing into a scenario as you are trying to do will not work. Kids are not that stupid.

Oh and in case you want to dismiss me because I am an adult and kids wouldn't do that type of analysis, wrong, I have been saying but that couldn't happen since I started to talk. Many a lesson was interrupted with a hand up and the, but why didn't they just do????
______________________
The only correct outcome is in the hands of the children. The one who is lying tells the truth and doesn't get in trouble because you should never be punished for being honest even if it took a second to come around to it.

If I were the teacher, I would refuse to award the prize until the truth was sorted out. Hopefully a witness or some type of proof would be discovered.

As for the child who could prove they found it first, they get to keep it.

I wouldn't discipline the dishonest child. The public humiliation (from the rest of the class) would be punishment enough.

Good luck with your book.

I am in the classroom often teaching and for starters... we do not set up a situation such as your scenerio.

For instance... I did an experiment on solids vs liquids a couple weeks ago and used popsicles as an example. Good grief, the children were "I want a pink popsicle, I want a blue popsicle, etc. I had the pops in a white bag so I did not see the colors as I passed them out and I said.... "you get what you get and you don't pitch a fit". One boy got a pink one and decided he didn't want one at all because it was a girl color so I put in back in the bag and moved on through the classroom.

Another instance is that they fight over petty things like a pencil eraser, etc.. In those cases when both children say they bought it... I take it and it becomes mine until the regular teacher takes over her class again. I leave a detailed note so she can figure out how she wants to handle it.

In the case you described.... IF it were to occur at our school, IF I were in that situation, I would take the prize and no one would get it. I would not discipline either child. I would remove the prize from the scene.

M., I have given this more thought. Here is the constructive criticism that I can offer.

Kids have a stong sense of right and wrong and a very strong sense of 'fair'. For your book to be one kids feel good about, the resolution has to be clear cut. Laurie is right, taking away the object in dispute would likely be the end result.

But for the child reader, it is not a satisfying resolution. The child wants to know *who* is telling the truth, who is the one lying, and how they will make it fair, so the reader feels satisfied with the resolution.

The only scenario which would address all of these issues is for the teacher to be concerned because two kids who are usually friends are in dispute over the toy. She decides to hold onto it and let them come back to her with a plan. (I did this with kids in my care of all ages-- they all felt better about the resolution than if I arbitrarily decide or offer something else.)

Character development: the kid who did tell the truth wonders why their friend lied. Here's the empathy piece: what does the truth-teller know about their friend? Does the friend come from a less-fortunate family and likely won't be able to afford the prize? Has this friend really, really wanted this toy for a while? There's room to do a small bit of background.

Truth teller then decides that the friendship is more important than the prize and tells the teacher "You should just let them (the other kid) have it."
At this point, the other kid is so moved by the friend giving up the prize that they feel bad too, and confess. THEN the kids decide how to share the toy/prize together.

THIS would be a fair resolution to your proposed situation which would feel good for the child reader. The wrongs are made right, they are revealed, kindness and friendship win the day. We want to encourage the kids to solve their problems, not for the teacher to have to do it for them and thus be the 'heavy' in the story. This also gives the reader a solid example of getting beyond their own self-interest (which is very hard at this age, so they do need models) and teaches that winning isn't everything-- it's often how we interact with others in our lives which is more satisfying, meaningful and important.

I hope that helps.

You put the object in the counter and tell the kids they can have it back when they've reached an agreement as to its fair use.

I agree that you need to expand or revise this somehow. It's totally unrealistic. What kind of school sets up a contest and doesn't supervise it? What is the educational value of a treasure hunt with a big prize? Isn't a treasure hunt kind of random? What would the pedagogical basis be and why would this activity be in, or support something that is in, the curriculum? I never put anything like this in my lesson plans.

If you want conflict resolution to be the lesson of the story, then there has to be a conflict of behavior or values or ethnicity or bullying or SOMETHING that can be resolved through compromise or improved understanding. For older grades, there can be peer group review and arbitration, but not for this age group. If you want to create a situation where the children LEARN about conflict or about the problem of lying, or about accusing the other child in order to get the prize, then there has to be something besides just going to the teacher. Even in a courtroom with one judge who didn't see the incident, both sides have to present evidence. But the way you have set this up, there is no evidence and no witnesses other than the 2 kids (plaintiff and defendant). And a courtroom is a place where judgment is dispensed, not where conflict is resolved. So having the teacher decide does nothing to teach any conflict resolution - it puts all of the power in the teacher's hands, with no evidence. I guess I just don't get where you are going with this. You are pitting 2 kids against each other, and giving the judgment decision to the teacher who wasn't smart enough to prevent the situation from developing. So who's the hero here?

Take it away from both and move on. At home, I don't have the time or desire to sort out petty squabbles between my kids. I imagine a teacher has even less time to waste on it.

I'm assuming it is a random object that belongs in the classroom and not a personal possession.

Take the object away & no one gets it since no one saw who actually obtained it first.

Put it in lost & found.

I would take it away for 3 days. If it really is their's they will remember to ask for it. If they do, I'll ask them to describe it. Again, if it is their's they should be able to describe it.