" Concerned Mom" - Hollywood,FL

Yoka Reeder was in town last weekend- and wow- contact her- she makes it simple- honestly- I am still so happy from hearing her-
best, k

That is a huge question! A lot of the specifics depend on the age of your child. But in general, a good place to start is to always treat your child with respect, to model good behavior, to praise good behavior and talk about how happy it makes you when he's good, teach him to think about other people's feelings. Also, giving him a lot of choices will make him feel like he's in control, and he'll be less likely to act out. Give him good choices: do you want to wear the red or blue sweater? eat pasta or chicken? read or draw? etc. Talk a lot with your child, don't talk down to him. When you want him to behave a certain way, tell him why (e.g. Playing baseball in the house is dangerous, you could break things or get hurt.) Let him express himself and help him find constructive and positive ways to do the things he wants. Avoid TV and junk food!

I would say that you do this by having consistent discipline - rules and consequences that are followed all the time. Depending on age, talk to your child about your values, about manners and courtesy. Don't make exceptions to the rules when you're out in public or at a relative's house. Expect good behavior - and point it out to your son. Let him know when he's doing a great job, when you're proud of his behavior. Most importantly, model respect and courtesy yourself! My kids for example never had to be "taught" to say please and thank you, they picked this up on their own at an age appropriate time before there was any concern about "teaching" this because husband and myself use these manners when speaking at home.
Good luck

There is definitely not enough room on the site to answer that question. I have two recommendations:
1) I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend reading "Parenting with Love and Logic." I cannot praise this book enough. (Now if only I had the self-discipline to fully put their awesome parenting strategies into action!! Still working on that!...)
2) I don't know what your personal beliefs are, but in today's world, it seems many people have lost their belief in a Supreme Being, and also lost their sense of purpose and of what is right and wrong. Committment to a religion--especially one that focuses on teaching children and youth a positive self-concept and responsibility and accountability for their choices--goes a long way. I have not been to a lot of different churches to see how each operates and what they teach, and I don't think this is the correct place for promoting a specific religion, but contact me if you want some suggestions. Church is also a great place for a child to make friends who believe as he/she does, which helps a lot in the future, because there's no greater thing when a child is tempted to do something wrong than a friend that will stand by them in making good choices, even if the rest of the crowd disapproves. Oh, that every child could have a good, good group of friends!!! It makes all the difference in the world when you're not around. Good luck!!

Most of the other moms have given really good advice.

We have 2 toddlers (3.5 years and 23 months). We, my husband and me, have pretty strong expectations on their behavior, and we're very consistent in enforcing it. Our kids don't get something unless they say, "Please" and "Thank you". Our son knows to ask if he "May be excused" from the dinner table.

We also spend a lot of time playing with them - we're on the floor with them each night doing puzzles, legos, tickling, etc. But, if it goes too far, they know we're the parents and need to settle down to be safe.

What I've noticed the most since we've had kids is that most parents want to have kids but really don't want to be parents. They'd rather talk on their cell phone at the park than interact with their child. They'd rather have dinner with friends than keep an eye on their kids being disruptive in a restaurant.

So, by setting a good example and laying down expectations, enforcing punishments consistently (e.g. taking away toys, TV time, time-outs).

Most importantly, and other moms have already said this, spend more time praising them for what they're doing well than disciplining them for poor behavior. We try each day to make a big deal about all the good things and hope they outweigh the bad things.

How old is your child? Respect has to come for you also....you need to respect your child so he/she can respect you. I was taught to respect my parents by my parents being parents. I see now-a-days, lots of parents want to become their child friend and buddy - this is not possible. Of course you are there and talk to your child so they can have confidence to talk to you about whatever they want to, but there is a very fine line between this and friends, I believe.

Wow, this is a question all mom's ask and worry about. I agree with Marcy that everything is pretty much age based. Treat your child like you want him or her to treat others. Treat with respect, give lots of praise for good behavior and use appropriate punishment for bad. One thing though, if your child is very young, too many choices will backfire. As your child grows, give more responsibility and greater levels of praise and respect. Ask for his or her opinion when possible and relevant. All the little things add up to the whole package.

the best way is to be straight forward and to the point, try not to candy coat anything, let him know to get respect you must first give it, and that self control is a must in this world and about making the right choices let him watch some of the jailed shows on tv, and let him see first hand what wrong choices in life can do for you...hopefully this will shine a ray light your way, not saying that you have a misbehaved child

Check out all the information you can on "attachment parenting."
Here are a few places to start: http://www.attachmentparenting.org/
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130500.asp

This cannot be answered without knowing the age of the child. It makes all the difference.

By teaching a child, through loving and openess, about HOW to discern situations... about HOW to evaluate situations and people... about showing the child HOW to come to conclusions or decisions.... not by punishing or scolding for any little infraction the child makes. THIS ....does not 'teach' a child to think on their own. (I'm not saying this is you or you do this).

Also teaching a child about communicating and HOW to speak up... no matter what, if a wrongdoing is occurring... and that they must be themselves... to accept themselves... and not have to be like everyone else... to love and care about themselves too. That no matter what... that the child can go to their parent openly, without 'fear', and know that they can talk about anything under the sun/ask for advice/that their parent is their soft place to fall... and that they themselves, as a child, is respected too, for who they are.

ALL of these things, to me, creates an individual who can navigate themselves, "wisely" and will have learned to 'evaluate' situations and people, and to have a conscience and to make right choices through respect.

Of course, it takes all of a childhood for us parents to "form" our child... but in time, teaching them these things, I believe, forms a strong foundation in a child and respect for their parents and family. It is on ongoing thing, teaching them that.

You also need to practice with the child, role-playing, showing them examples or right/wrong etc. So that they get adept at "recognizing" what is appropriate or not, when you are not around.
Because it is not just about scolding/punishing/time-outs/reward charts and the like. A child will not form a self-ability for nuances and evaluating and discernment.... if only scolded or punished at the end. They have to have conversations about it with their parents...about observations and how to handle situations, too... and the child being given the chance to say what they think too... and with the parent.
Respect begets respect.

Anyway, that is what I personally do with my kids and I have been proud of them. Sure they are just kids... and not perfect... but they really have a good sense of right/wrong and how to speak up and get help if needed and how to even step away from bad situations/kids. My son is only 3 for example... and in the playground, around older kids who are mean or bossy... he will actually say "excuse me... that was not nice..." and he will "correct" them himself. I am proud of him. That kid's Mom saw my son do that... and she almost fainted. Her son, the "troublemaker mean kid" was 6 years old. My Daughter... is the same way, and she has keen ability to manage herself and situations.

So kids are like a rock collecting moss... rolling down a hill. And we are the moss that hopefully becomes a nice layer of support for them and for their own ability to navigate themselves.

All the best,
Susan