Concerned About My Daughter's Safety

Hey girl, you def have a right to be concerned! I would tell the mother-in-law that her visits are going to be limited to supervised visits if the situation doesnt get under control. Talk with the hubby (its his mom, right?), maybe he can say a few things. My mom is the same way with my sisters kids. They run all over her, its like-who is the adult, who is the child?! I just sat down w/my mom and told her, if I dont feel like I can trust you with my little girl, and if you cant keep her in a safe environment (i.e., no smoking, clean environment) then she wont be staying or going anywhere with granny. My mom didnt like it, even didnt speak to me for awhile, but she finally got the hint, good luck....

Your right to be concerned about your daughter, because if your not who will be. Maybe you should keep her away from them for awhile, if they are abusive to her who will get all the blame when someone else see's the bruises. Sometimes children do mimick other children because they see the other ones getting away with it.

Woah!

It's your job as her mother to protect her from anything and anyone who may cause harm to her. The fact that your mil cannot control, or chooses not to control the children she's has guardianship over, is her choice, and neglect. But you and your daughter do NOT have to be subject to it. I cannot believe that she allows that to happen. I understand that she feels bad, but they still need discipline. If I was you, I wouldn't be taking my child over there for any play time.

yes, trust your instincts!
(I wonder about the set up in your MIL's car? there are 3 car seats?)
anyway, don't let your daughter 'out' with her- have your MIL come over or meet you out- you should try & stay w/ your daughter during visits w/ your MIL & the kids so you can protect your daughter...

Hi Angie,

Im sorry that you are going though this, its always difficult when things like this come up.

You are absolutely right in your feelings! When it comes to your daughters safety, you need to do whats going to keep her safe, no matter whos "feelings" get hurt in the process. There is a difference between child to child normal teasing / pushing, whatever. However, violence that is ending with your daughter truly hurt needs to stop ASAP. How does your husband feel about this situation? If it were me, I would not allow these children around my children until their violence was under control. Maybe this could be an eye opener for your mother-in-law that its out of control, and something needs to change NOW! Even at the young ages these children are, it will only get worse if it continues.

I agree with you Angee, 100% I hope all works out with you!

~ Amanda

Girl what are you waiting for, I would not allow her to watch you daughter until she gets them under control. Something even worst is going to happen, they are going to see that they can get away with these things and it will esclate. You don't want your daughter to be bullied! talk to your husband, he needs to deal with his mother and this issue or you talk to her with him standing right there backing you up. This is your daughters safty quit trying to be nice. I had the same issue, so i understand how hard it is.
My cousin has Cerbal Palsey and she got treated like every other child no special treatment. She has it bad, she wasn't supposed to live past 4 years old and now she is 25 and is married. Those kids do need extra love, but not displining them is not giving them the love they need!
I hope it gets better.

It's your job as a parent to protect your children. If you don't think it is safe for your daughter to be with your MIL, then don't let her go.

I don't agree with the way my MIL takes care of my sons but realize that she too wants to get to know him. She takes care of his 2 cousins every other weekend and they too are too rough for me. So my MIL is allowed to come to my house to visit my sons anytime she wants without his cousins and can stay with them unsupervised.

I do want the cousins to get to know each other as well, so we do get together for birthdays and if they want to get together just to play, the cousins may come for no more than 2 hours and either my husband or I must be around for the whole time.

As long as your intention is to protect your child, I think you MIL will have to follow what you want. I understand that you may not want to upset your husband and/or MIL, but the protection of your child is much more important than their feelings. They'll get over it one day.

A.,
Since something like that happened your defiantly not over exaggerating about it explain to your mother in-law why your not gonna let her over there anymore and tell her once she gets a handle on her kids you'll let your little one over again. my husband was adopted and he was not allowed to act like that she needs to realize that later on shes going to regret letting them get away with such bad behavior just because their adopted. but all in all you do what feels right!!!! Good luck
H.

Don't feel bad or other when it comes to your daughter. Accidents happen, however, if they hit, bite, scream at, ect.. your daughter, get her the hell away from there. She will learn. She will mimick everythings.

If it's just your MIL's parenting style then, that may not be fair to keep her from her, however, as you stated, sounds to me that there is more.

Tell your MIL I was adopted and it didn't give me a reason to run rampant and attack others and get away with everything.

I have very different issues with my in-laws including lack of trust to abide by my rules or to adhere to the saftey issues I have for my children. Mine are very different than yours however, saftey is just that.

You should look at it as your job. If she gets mad at you, then so be it. I have told my husband, even when we were going through a nasty divorce that it is 100% my sole responsibility to protect my children and care for them, even if they are not with me. Because the courts will look at wether or not I knew the environment I allowed my children in. Ect..

Hope that helps. Be confident in your decisions and don't worry anymore about hurting anyones (your MIL or husbands) feelings. I've been there and you know what, my husband finally saw the light and agrees with me.

A little insight: My MIL raised (had custody of) her daughters baby for sometime (she's 12 now). So when my children were around her, she felt like she became the mother and whatever she said went. Yea, that didn't work for me.

J.

p.s. all of our husbands are childish to some degree, so don't feel bad. lol

p.s.s. My husband and I decided not to divorce

i would go with your instinct because that is the one that is normally correct. if she wants to see your little one, then she needs to find a way to do that in a safe way without the other kids if she needs to. she is number 2 compared to your daughter. keep up the great work and remember, there is no replacing a mothers instinct. everytime i dont, i wish i did. good luck again.
B. sahm 10,3,2,2 cocoa

I don't think you are over-analyzing anything. If I was in your situation I don't know that I would have been as patient as you have been. Your child's safety and well-being are the #1 priority and if your MIL is unwilling or unable to keep your daughter safe then she shouldn't be left with her unsupervised, if at all. There are many adopted kids in the world, including both my husband and myself and I thank god our parents showed us right from wrong. In the long run, allowing those kids to do whatever they want is doing NOTHING To help them. I just hope for their sakes she figures that out.

Angie,
Your #1 duty is to protect your daughter and not worry about your mother-in-law's feelings. Having said that, I recommend you have your husband express your mutual concerns with his mother and have him tell her that you both do not want your daughter to be around her cousins unless one of you can be there. If she spends time with them, she will begin to mimic their behavior because she sees that Grandma will not prevent her from trying it. If he refuses to stand with you against his mother on this issue, I suggest counseling.

If your mother-in-law gets offended, so be it. Your daughter's safety is more important and her behavior is something that you have to live with for the rest of your lives.

Good luck!

I would probably avoid being around these children until the guardian gets the children under control. The fact that she is feeling guilty says alot.

Trust your gut! Tell your MIL if she would like to spend time with your little girl she is more than welcome to come over for lunch (or dinner or whatever). It can be said nicely, but to the point. That way, if the behavior gets out of hand or whatnot, you are there to control it and step in. But bottom line, if you don't feel safe sending your child with any person, don't do it. My MIL tried to take my 12 mt old daughter to walmart strapped into the backseat wearing only a lapbelt, and would have if I hadn't pulled into the driveway as she was leaving. I havn't let my daughter ride with her until this month, and my daughter is now 4 1/2. It's your child, you have the right to decide where she goes, no matter whose feelings are hurt.

A.,

Do what is best for your daughter. She is your child and responsibility, while the other children are your MIL's. Your daughter could get hurt worse next time. Over time, she very will could pick up and try many of their bad behaviors.

I do understand your MIL feeling sorry for the children, but she is not doing what is best for them. Children will push you to see what your/their limits are. If there are few or no limits, they actually feel you do not limit them because you don't really care or love them!!! The sooner she gets things under control, the happier she and the children will be, and the more loving their relationship can be in the future. A child who gets everything he/she wants learns to never be satisfied or happy with what he/she has. They also become unhappy, materialistic adults.

Maybe over time you can convince your MIL of this, for all the children's sakes. lol