Coming to Terms with the Decision to Not Have Any More Kids

For what it's worth, even when you have decided you are done as I have (two and 40 and done!).... you still grieve a bit when they grow and know that it's the last time that .... will happen. I think if I had 10, I'd still grieve a little knowing that part of my life is over. So I try to focus on my kids now, and document their early years and focus on the joys ahead......

My opinion is that I don't think you will ever truly accept it , if in your heart you know you are not done and you want another child. My husband was happy to stop at 2 , but I wanted another , my family just did not feel complete , we talked and talked about it for probably 1 yr (because I knew when #2 was still newborn that I was not done) , and in the end he came round to the idea and #3 is now 2 yrs old , I have to make a point that he does not resent her in any way , he loves her to bits and has even said now that yes I was right and we were meant to be a family of 5. I did worry incase I wanted a 4th , and wondered if that yearning for a baby would ever stop , and it does , in my heart and head I know I am done , my family is perfect just the way it is and I don't see another child in the picture.

I am sorry if this is not the words of encouragement you were hoping for , but I am being honest because I had the same feelings you have right now , and I cannot imagine my daughter not being here now.

The Bible says that the empty womb is never satisfied. It also says that children are a gift and a blessing. So, it is right and normal and good that you want more. In our culture, we love drywall more than we love children. Our houses are twice as big, and our families are twice as small. Sad, really. We're missing out on so much, and are stressed and depressed because we're in debt up to our eyeballs. Children are a gift and a blessing. I hope that your husband will change his mind on this. My husband used to want only 2. But, the Lord changed his heart. We have 6 now, and would love more. :)

Without wanting to souund corny - pray, and accept what happens as God's will. I always wanted a big family and at 41 only have 1 wonderful daughter. I try to focus on all the wonderful things she does and when I think about more children, I acknowledge to my self that I want more, but if God only sees fit to bless me with one, then I will enjoy her to the best of my ability.

I do still have all of her old clothes and baby toys, on the off chance it still happens but I have learned to be happy without resentment becuase I have acknolwdged that I am already blessed with one child, and I am thankful for her. Any more would be icing on the cake.

I will say a prayer for you to have peace.

I'm currently dealing with the same internal battles. I think my DH is too. Our biggest problem is that we cannot afford daycare for another one. Believe it or not... I KNOW we don't have the funds. I hate that finances have that deciding factor, but sometimes they just do.

I look at my kids (DD 7, DS just turned 2) and have trouble saying to myself, I will never experience growing a little one in my body again, never experience childbirth again, never see this age again... I hate it.

This question is right inside my wheelhouse these days.

I was an older mom - 38 - when I had our first (Mia). Our second (Corinne) was born right after my 42nd birthday. She is now 3. Every month, when my period shows up, I wonder whether I still another one in my future. Mind you, there was a a lot of fertility work completed to enable us to have our 2nd child.

Common sense tells me we're done. Our girls play with each other, and slowly (ever so slowly) we can feel our home getting just a tad more manageable now. No longer do I have an infant tied to my breast or diaper-dependent toddlers to change (the youngest is well on her way to being potty-trained) and I can actually sit on the computer with them in the other room watching a movie (at least for a few minutes before the onslaught of "Mommeeeeeeeeeee" comes careening into the room). So, why would we want to bring a newborn into the house? That's an easy answer - because they're so cute and cuddly and sweet and precious. And that is sometimes a hard thing to not ever be faced with again. I know it is for me.

This having been said, having a newborn means that my already-stretched thin self is stretched even thinner - at least in terms of availability to each of my girls. What I can do for them now would be severely limited with a new baby. Also, my age is an issue. I know full-well that problems become much more prevalent the older the mom is when she becomes pregnant. I am 45.

Although we are currently not using any sort of birth control, I have not yet managed to become pregnant. While I know this is a distinct possibility each month, when my period comes, I am faced with an odd combination of relief as well as a little bit of melancholy.

I have read other postings on this subject. One that I read that really makes a lot of sense to me is to really embrace who my girls are growing into. While having newborns around was so rewarding, so too are these silly little gals that still own my heart and soul, even as they slowly mature before my very eyes.

E.

Two words for you: college tuition. When they get that age, you will be glad you have only two!

Or if that isn't the bottom line, find a good excuse that you really do see the sense in. A high parent-to-child ratio means more parental attention for them and less feeling spread too thin for you. Two children fit better in long trips (think of airfare!), friends' cars, food budgets, bedrooms, bathrooms, etc, etc.

But for me, I just think of my children as my biggest vanity -- I am so proud of them. To me, it is selfish to keep populating the world with my vanity -- we have enough of a population problem as it is, consuming so many resources. So, my husband and I are replacing the two of us with our two children. It is a little selfish to have children, but in our minds having two children comes out even.

Oh yes ma'am! i feel ya :) I have been blessed with 3 lil' monsters. One will be 6 in October, our DD will be 4 on new years and the lil' one, he'll be 2 at the end of January. But my DH says we're done..lol I've had 2 stillbirths as well. One between my 6 & 4 year old and the last one just this pass June. But even dealing thru that and the loss, I still feel like I could go on to have another one. I just figured it wasn't meant to be and that's ok for me, i have a peace about it. It just wasn't her time (I know sometimes woman are offended by that statement, but for me it's ok). I've always pictured myself with 4 kids and for whatever reason I cannot shake that feeling. I know I'm hormonal to a point..lmao but i just feel incomplete. I didnt have time to baby my baby b/c we were expecting another one. I rely on the faith that God will provide us w/ whatever we need and even if it's eating from sav' a lot..lol i know this answer didnt really help you as a decision but definetly pray about it. I hope everything works out ok for you. But also I think it's a maternal thing as well. That's what we woman do!! we sacrafice our body and our time and our love for these lil' people so I think for what your feeling it's totally normal and natural. Good luck and God Bless!!

there are very few big decisions in life that are completely unambiguous. if you like being a mom and enjoy your kids, there will be a bittersweet heartache about everything the 'last' one does whether it's your first or your 13th. the tragedy is that many women mistake this bittersweetness for true need and have more kids than they really want or can provide for well. don't deny yourself your mourning, but don't get lost in it.
balance is never easy. the seesaw will swing from one side to the other at times. but if you stay calm and pay attention to yourself, you'll learn how to discern true callings from nostalgic longings.
khairete
S.

You are going to experience that "last time" some time, whether it is this child or a future child. For myself, I couldn't wait to get done with the baby years! My youngest is about to turn 2 and I'm thrilled every time she learns to do something new for herself, knowing I will never have to haul a helpless baby around again! Yay! You should celebrate every milestone and achievement, so that if it is the last, you've savored every moment and not just filled it with sadness and worry.

I understand how you feel. My girls are 10 and 8, and while I always wanted a big family (husband too), the experiences of pregnancy and delivery have made me too scared to do it again. Each month I think about "should we try?". Every milestone the girls reach is heart-wrenching for me. I find myself depressed at the end of each school year and birthday. I long for babyhood again, and I honestly don't know how i'm going to deal with either decision: i'll fully regret not having more children (forever), but if I would get pregnant, i'd spend 9 months completely anxious and freaked out. I feel your pain.

My son is almost 2 and I often yearn for another one. My DH has even mentioned that sometimes he wishes we had another (and he's not a particularly "into the kids" kind of guy). But what I have come to realize is, you will always feel that call for a baby. You are maternal and that's who you are. Whether you have 2 babies or 100, giving away that last baby outfit will break your heart. On the other hand, you will never regret another child. Who can once they are here? See - no help at all! But maybe some things to think about. Good luck.

you will find that alot of the pressure to have more kids come from people who are not going to be doing any of the work of raising them. take the time to sort through how you feel rather than what the people around you are telling you how you should feel.is my only child going to be spoiled, i would hope so.
is she going be lonely, oh no. now, if someone wants to have another child for me and drop the kid off every few days so that my little has a playmate, thats
just fine, but i am not going through childbirth again ever.
K. h.